Chapter 16

"Responsibility"

The water swirled around Steve's ankles as he gazed out at the ocean. His first thought was to dive through the waves and swim; swim until he was too exhausted to think. But his responsibilities anchored him in place.

Kono was in the house keeping Natalie occupied so he could have some time to himself. He had not asked her to do that, she had just known he needed to be alone and he was grateful for her insightfulness. He wasn't ready to see Natalie. He didn't want her to see how angry and apprehensive he was.

Keller's escape had him on edge, but what was going on with Nate twisted him on the inside. He was not sure he could trust his own brother. There was definitely something between him and Nicole, but why lie about it? Why did his brother have so many secrets? He was concerned something would happen between him and Nate that he wouldn't be able to fix. Had they even fixed anything at all?

Steve looked to his left and his attention was drawn to the outline of a heart Natalie had made with stones the previous day. Inside the heart she had etched in the sand the words:

Daddy

Mommy

Uncle Nate

Me

Except now, the only one that remained was Daddy. The rest had been wiped away by the greedy fingers of the ocean.

He picked up two of the stones, tumbling them in his hand as he searched the horizon. One of the stones was rough and it scratched against his palm. He threw that one out over the water, watching as it skipped once across the surface then disappeared below.

The second stone was smooth and he tossed it in the air as he considered throwing it, but the thought was interrupted as he heard Natalie call him. "Daddy." Steve turned around to see Natalie and Kono standing just outside the backdoor. He waved his arm in reply and the little girl scampered toward him. She nearly knocked him over as she collided into him with a hug, which felt more like the squeeze of a boa constrictor. Finally, she loosened her hold and looked up at him. "What happened to your face? Are you okay?"

Steve knelt on one knee in front of her and pulled the hair away from her face. Looking into her light blue eyes, he could see they were troubled. He pressed his lips together in concentration, "I'm fine. I ran into something. But there's something I need to tell you."

Natalie patted his shoulder in an effort to comfort him. "Okay."

"This morning your father was being transported to the airport and he…he escaped." Steve noticed the brief scowl on her face at the mention of her father, but it was quickly replaced by an expression he couldn't decipher. "Natty, are you okay?"

Her eyes focused beyond his left shoulder. "Uh-huh. Can we still get stuff for my room?"

Steve frowned at the way she redirected the conversation. He gently took hold of her chin and turned her head to his right. "Natalie, did you hear me? Your father-"

"I heard you," she assured him. "Can we go now?"

Steve wasn't convinced she was okay and he didn't think going out was a good idea, but perhaps it would help get her mind off things. "We can go, but Uncle Nate had something to do, so he won't be going with us."

"Can Kono come with us? She seems sad."

"Yeah, if you want her to." He stood and brushed the sand from his knee. "Why don't we ask her." He watched as she skipped toward the house. Her apparent lack of distress made him uneasy. He figured he would find out how upset she really was tonight when it was time for bed.

* * * * * * H50 * * * * * *

Nate couldn't keep from glancing at his watch throughout his lunch with Nicole. She was talking about something he normally would have found interesting, but his mind was on his brother. Nate wondered if he would arrive home to find his belongings scattered outside the front door with a note that said, Don't come back.

"Nate, are you listening?" Nicole asked.

"What?" He glanced at his watch again.

She gently slapped his hand. "It doesn't matter how many times you look at your watch the day won't go by any faster. You promised you would spend the day with me, so can we just enjoy it." Nate grimaced. "At least let me enjoy it," Nicole added.

"Fine."

Neither one spoke for some time. Nicole popped a French fry into her mouth and twirled her lemonade with her straw while she studied Nate. Finally, she couldn't take the silence any longer. She sighed. "She likes you."

"What?" Nate said.

"It begins with a K. You know, the girl who works with your brother."

He looked away for a moment. "You know her name, Nicole."

"Fine. Kono. Okay? She likes you."

"Why are we talking about this?"

"Because she makes me jealous and I need to talk about it." She sat back in her chair and admired her fingernails. "I guess I can't blame her. What's not to like." She smiled.

"Like I said, why are we talking about this?"

"We use to talk about a lot of things."

Nate shook his head. "Stop."

"No, we need to talk about this," Nicole insisted. "You're too hard on yourself and on me, but we're not talking about me right now. You won't let anybody near you and you know how hard I've tried." She snorted. "You keep doing that and you're going to be a frustrated old man."

"I'd rather not discuss things like that with you."

"Much to my chagrin." She stretched in her chair. "Nate, tell me one thing you like about yourself." He was silent. "Hmm," she leaned forward and watched him. "What if I give you a couple examples? To begin with, you make my eyes ache because you're so gorgeous."

Nate shifted in his chair and looked at his watch.

"That makes you uncomfortable doesn't it? Well, I'm not done yet. You're intelligent, brave, a good listener, playful, but only when around children, and you care deeply about those you love. I wouldn't mind being added to that short list." She tapped the table. "Your turn."

"Do you want to know one thing I don't like about myself?"

She crossed her arms. "That's not what we're doing here."

"I'm too patient with you."

"You can't even say one good thing about yourself, can you? At least I can say something good about myself, several things in fact, but the best one is…I love you."

Nate leaned back in his chair. He chose to ignore Nicole's comments. He didn't want to encourage her by responding in any way. But he did wonder how she could see so much in him. And why couldn't he say one good thing about himself? He also wondered why Nicole kept insisting that Kono cared for him. Why would Kono waste her time on him? She was smarter than that.

Nate glanced at his watch yet again. He had only been with Nicole for a little over an hour, which, in his opinion, was an hour too long. He groaned quietly, remembering why he was doing this. He would just need to deal with the fact that he was Nicole's captive for the rest of the day.

* * * * * * H50 * * * * * *

Danny sat in his vehicle tapping the steering wheel as he studied the McGarrett house. He wondered if it would be safe to just walk up to the front door and knock or if he would risk being ambushed by the resident ninja. He had tried calling and sending a text message a few minutes ago, but Steve didn't answer either of them.

Danny tilted his head. "Hmm…maybe if I call Alex, she can call Steve, he'll probably pick up for her. Then she can tell him that I'm in the driveway, so he shouldn't shoot me when I come to the door… That's ridiculous." He opened the car door. "I'm taking the direct approach."

He cautiously made his way to the door and was about to reach for the handle when he realized that was a bad move. He knocked instead. After waiting an appropriate amount of time, he raised his hand to knock again, but the door opened. Five whole inches.

The intense eyes peering at him through the cracked door made Danny shake his head. "Trick or treat, Steven. Is the door stuck or something?" He pushed on the door and walked into the house. "What'd you do, throw your phone in the ocean?"

Steve's brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't give me that face," Danny ordered. "I've spent the better part of the last two hours being shredded to pieces by the Governor because I couldn't explain why you weren't answering your phone. Do you care to explain yourself?"

"Hi, Uncle Danny!" Natalie called from the balcony.

Danny grinned at Steve. "She called me Uncle Danny." Then he looked up at the little girl, his eyes crinkling with delight. "Hey, Natty. How's it going?"

"Great! But I can't come down right now, I'm making my bed with the new sheets and stuff daddy bought me!"

Danny smirked and nodded his head. "Your daddy's a nice guy, isn't he?"

"Yup, and Kono came, too, but she went home. She was sad. I have to go now." She scurried off to her room.

Steve locked the door before making his way to the kitchen.

Danny followed him. "She's in a good mood. You didn't tell her about Keller, did you?"

"I did."

"Hmm, interesting," Danny commented as they walked into the kitchen.

Steve grabbed a knife from the counter and proceeded to chop a red pepper.

Danny surveyed the kitchen. "So, you're cooking?"

"Did you stop by for a reason?"

"Didn't you hear me when I walked in the door?"

"Yeah, I did. I wasn't in the mood for phone calls. Have you eaten yet?" His question sounded a bit harsh.

Danny looked at the knife. "Am I going to be the main course?" The rhythmic chopping of the knife was the only reply he received. He decided to leave Steve to his food preparation for a few moments while he took a look in the pan on the stove. A wave of garlic and herbs greeted his nose as he lifted the cover. "I do like chicken." Again Danny received no response.

He knew something else was eating at Steve besides Keller's disappearance. However, figuring out what that something was would be the problem. "What's going on, Steve? Did you have a disagreement with Alex? Is it Natalie? Is it me?" Then a thought drifted into his mind. "Where's Nate?"

The knife skipped a beat and Danny could see Steve's neck muscles tense. He had found the source of his partner's present irritation.

"I take it something went wrong with you two," Danny said.

Steve put the knife down and exhaled, almost as if he had been holding his breath since Nate left. "My brother's lying to me."

"Okay. What makes you say that?"

Steve folded his arms across his chest. "He told me last night there was nothing between him and that woman, Nicole Millay."

"You think he lied about that?"

"I know he did." Steve went on to tell Danny about Nicole's appearance and how Nate had apparently made plans with her when he already had plans with him and Natalie. "And Nicole made it perfectly clear there was something between her and Nate."

"Well, little brothers don't always tell their big brothers everything. I mean look at my brother."

Steve held up his hand. "You don't get it, Danny. Nate lied to me."

"Let me get this straight." Danny took a strip of pepper and munched on it. "You're going to take the word of a complete stranger over your own brother?"

Steve's frown deepened. "He didn't deny anything she said."

"Maybe he didn't want to embarrass her in front of you or…" Danny scratched his temple.

"Or what?"

"Or…there's something going on between them."

Steve shook his head. Then he grabbed the knife and began chopping onions.

Danny snuck another piece of pepper. "Other than the fact that Nate allegedly lied to you, is it so bad that he's with Nicole?"

Steve shook the knife in Danny's direction. "Something about that woman bothers me."

Danny took a step backward. "Does she bother you or is it the fact that your little brother isn't so little anymore?"

Steve hesitated. "No…it's her. You saw her she's…"

"Gorgeous? Is that what's bothering you?"

"No." Steve continued chopping the onions. "There's just something not right about her. She spent a hundred thousand dollars on her dog and then ran it over three days later."

"What? How the hell do you even know that?"

Steve exhaled. "Kono was doing some research on Nicole and I've made a few calls."

"Whoa, wait a minute; you're doing a background check on your brother's girlfriend."

"She's not his girlfriend."

Danny threw his hands in the air. "You said she was his girlfriend and now you're saying she's not his girlfriend? Which is it?"

Steve put a hand over his eyes. "I don't know." He was quiet for a moment. "Danny, I don't even know my own brother and that's really bothering me." He sniffed. "I'm checking on him, too."

"Well, this keeps getting better and better. What do you think you're gonna find, huh?"

"Answers."

Danny crossed his arms. "That's excellent."

Steve wiped his eyes with his shirt sleeve and sniffed again.

"Oh, Steve, I'm sorry. I didn't realize how broken up you were about Nate." The blond haired man stepped toward his partner and laid a hand on his shoulder. "It'll be okay. I'm sure things will work out."

"Danny," Steve sniffed, "it's the onions."

Realization came slowly to Danny. "Oh, because I thought you were…"

"I was what?"

Danny cleared his throat. "Umm…crying over this mess with your brother." He blinked several times. "Yeah, you're right, those onions are strong." Danny blinked again. "Look, Steve, take some advice from a guy who may never see his brother again. You only have one brother, do whatever it takes so you don't lose him."

* * * * * * H50 * * * * * *

Nate and Nicole spent the afternoon at a movie theater and meandering through various shops. Nate noticed she seemed content with these simple activities, but he was concerned she was enjoying herself a little too much.

They had never been on a "date", even though she had hinted at it many times. On several occasions, when her patience eluded her she had actually asked him out, but he had always refused.

Nate had never been interested in Nicole or anyone else for that matter. He had always been so focused on his job and trying to put his life back together that having a girlfriend never occurred to him. If it ever did, Nicole would be a problem. He didn't want what happened in Paris to be repeated.

Nicole finally interrupted his musings. "How does ice cream sound to you?"

"Cold."

"And a walk on the beach while the sun sets?"

"Cliché."

"Sounds like a romantic evening to me," she corrected.

Nicole found a place to get ice cream and then they made their way to the beach. After she had eaten her cold confection, she placed her arm around Nate's. He tried to ignore her fingers as they wandered up and down his arm.

"Hold my hand, Nate…please."

He responded by burrowing his hands deeper into his pockets.

She arched an eyebrow. "I don't mind going in after it." She smiled at how fast his hand flew out of his pocket. Then she reached over and laced her fingers with his. "This is all I've ever wanted, Nate. Just to be with you. Is that so bad?"

Nate looked down at Nicole. Her green eyes shone with adoration. He didn't think wanting to be with someone was a bad thing, providing both people wanted to be together. He knew Nicole loved him, but it was an obsessive, unhealthy love, which was something he could never be a part of.

Out of habit, he scanned the area around them. What he expected to see he wasn't sure, but he was always on the lookout for it. Nicole tugged on his arm, "Nate, let's just stand here and watch the sun sink into the ocean."

Nate shook his head and tried to free his hand from her grasp. Relief flooded through him when she released him. That relief was soon replaced by a nauseating feeling as she slid her arms around him and rested her head against his chest.

"Nicole, this is-"

"Wonderful," she finished.

"That's not what I was going to say."

"My time with you is almost over, Nathan McGarrett, don't ruin it." Her tone was sweet and sleepy. "It would be perfect if you would put your arms around me. No one knows us here anyway. You don't have to worry about anyone getting the wrong idea."

"I don't want you getting the wrong idea."

Nicole looked up at him, her eyes alight with desire. "Kiss me," she breathed.

Nate stiffened at the request. "I'm not doing that. I've played your game long enough. I'm done with this."

She encircled his neck with her arms; her body pressing up against his. "After you kiss me."

"No."

Nicole always dreamed of Nate taking her in his arms and kissing her with wild abandonment while the sun floated down to the horizon. Unfortunately, she knew she would have to threaten him to get anywhere near his lips. She sighed. Regrettably, it was true; threatening him would be the only way. "Oh, I'd hate to tell your brother about your little escapade this morning."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're cute when you try to lie, but we both know what you were up to this morning."

"I was taking care of some car business."

She laughed. "And I was at confession repenting from my sinful ways. Perhaps you should have come too." A knowing smile spread across her lips. "I heard you shot someone, Jamie." She ran her hand through his hair and down the side of his face. "Now where were we? Ah, yes, you were about to kiss me."

Nate swallowed hard. The thought of kissing Nicole and furthering her fantasy was pushing him close to the edge. But then he thought of Steve. He couldn't allow his brother to know the truth about his involvement with Keller's escape. If only he hadn't changed his mind and gone through with it. He knew why he had done it, but he couldn't expect his brother to understand his reasons.

"It was a clever plan you contrived." Nicole traced her fingers over his chest. "It would have been a blood bath if you had let the boss handle it. And I found it rather humorous that you shot Jason." She scowled. "He deserved it, especially after he refused to sleep with me." She said those last words with such conviction that it caused Nate to recoil. Seeing his reaction she tried to mend the situation. "He doesn't mean anything to me. I was just bored. Besides, if you were mine I wouldn't need anyone else."

Nate closed his eyes. He had seen and experienced many horrible things in his life, but at that moment he had to focus on keeping what little he had eaten that afternoon in his stomach. Nicole was saying something about Steve, but he hardly heard her. He felt her fingers run through his hair and down the back of his neck trying to draw his attention back to her. This was like a game of Russian roulette. He didn't know which chamber the bullet was in. Nicole's or Steve's.

"Who could be hurt by a simple kiss?" Nicole purred.

Nate swallowed everything, so he would feel nothing. He put his arms around her and tilted his head forward until his lips met hers. She moaned with pleasure as she forced their kiss to deepen.

Nicole was playing to an audience of one. The pair of brown eyes that watched their kiss widened with horror, and then blinked away the tears of disappointment that followed.

* * * * * * H50 * * * * * *

Nate drove around the island for several hours trying to rid himself of the reality of what had transpired between him and Nicole. He considered himself fortunate that she had only asked for a kiss. If her request had included a slumber party, Nate knew he would have told Steve the truth about Keller's escape himself. He suspected Nicole understood that and only pushed him as far as she knew he would go.

Light was absent from the windows of the McGarrett house when Nate finally pulled into the driveway. The hour was now late, making him suspect that Steve and Natalie were already asleep. He felt a surge of relief that he wouldn't have to face his brother tonight. Perhaps things would be better in the morning.

He climbed out of his car and made his way to the front door. A blast of light startled him, causing him to drop his keys. The motion sensors had picked up his movement and turned on the front spot lights. He thought the two security lights beating down on him felt more like interrogation lights. He exhaled in frustration as he searched the bushes for his keys.

Finally, he located them, but before he could select his house key the lights shut off. "Sure, go off now when I need you," he mumbled.

As he inserted his key in the door he had a strange feeling he would enter the house and find his father waiting for him. He shook his head and a sad smile touched his lips because he knew he would never see his father again.

Nate stepped inside and disabled the alarm. He secured the door and reset the alarm then turned to go upstairs.

A light switched on. "I never did ask how you knew the alarm code," Steve said as he watched his brother fall back against the door.

Nate thought his heart was going to explode. For a split second, he thought it was his father who switched on the light and spoke to him. He took a couple deep breaths before answering. "The year the Marquis was manufactured and the last two digits of the year mom and dad were married."

"How the hell did you know that?"

"I guessed."

"You guessed?"

Nate shrugged. "You're predictable."

Steve frowned. Keller had said the same thing to him during their encounter at the warehouse. Steve didn't consider himself predictable and he didn't like being called that either.

Nate waited for his brother to make the next move. He imagined a lecture was forthcoming, but Steve said nothing. Instead, he sat on the edge of the couch and rested his arms on his knees. Nate wasn't sure what he was supposed to do, so he stayed where he was. Finally, Steve motioned to the seat next to him. "You can sit down, Nate."

Nate looked at the open space on the couch, but opted to sit in the arm chair.

Steve laced his fingers together, searching for the right words to say. "I feel like you've been lying to me and I can't figure out why." He let his words hang between them for a few moments before continuing, "What's going on, Nate? And who is this Nicole Millay?" He stood up and began pacing. He knew his tone sounded demanding and the questions he was asking were all wrong. This wasn't going the way he had planned, but now that he had started he couldn't stop. "I mean you were allergic to girls growing up and she isn't a girl she's a…"

Nate raised an eyebrow. "A woman?"

"Yeah."

"Steve, you know I'm not seven anymore, right?"

Steve studied his brother as he focused on that statement. He knew Nate wasn't seven. He knew that. Didn't he? "Yeah, I know that."

"And I don't want you to take this wrong, but I'd rather you'd stick to being my brother, not my father."

Steve was shocked by that statement. He wondered how he could be acting like a father when he wasn't even sure how to be one. "You think I'm acting like dad?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah, I wanna know."

"Sometimes you do."

The more Steve thought about it he could imagine that from Nate's perspective he may have been acting more like a father than an older brother. There seemed to be a fine line between the two, but with both his father and mother gone, he felt responsible for Nate. He knew he couldn't be any other way. "I'm sorry, Nate, I'm not trying to be dad. It's just…I need to know you're safe. And I need to do what I think is right in order to make that happen. Can you understand that?"

Nate stood up and faced his brother. "Yeah, I can. I guess it isn't easy being the older brother."

Steve smirked. "I've been at it for thirty something years and I still can't get it right."

"No one's perfect, but you're not that bad."

Steve snorted. "Thanks."

Nate stifled a yawn. "Well, I guess I'll see you in the morning." He walked toward the stairs. "Oh, and Steve," he turned back, "thanks for waiting up for me."

A/N: I'm back. :D I'm not sure where the summer has gone. I hope you all enjoyed yours. Thanks for reading and reviewing. And thanks to Shakespeare's Lemonade for all her help.