Disclaimer: I own nothing that has to do with Star Wars or the Loud House.

Chapter 4: The Ultimate Weapon

(The next morning, Lynn Sr. paces around the courtyard in the homestead.)

Lynn Sr: Lincoln? Lincoln? Lincoln!?

(He goes in the kitchen where Rita is preparing breakfast.)

Lynn Sr: Have you seen Lincoln this morning?

Rita: He said he had some things to do before he started today, so he left early.

Lynn Sr: Did he take those two droids with him?

Rita: I think so.

Lynn Sr: Well, he'd better have those units in the south range repaired be midday or there'll be hell to pay!

(Out in the desert, Lincoln rides in his pinkish-red landspeeder with Leni in the passenger seat. They enter a canyon.)

Lincoln: Lulu Kenobi lives out in this direction somewhere, but I don't see how Lisa could've come this far. Maybe we missed her. Uncle Lynn isn't gonna take this very well.

Leni: Would it help if I told him it was my fault?

Lincoln: (brightening) Sure, he needs you. He'd probably only deactivate you for a day or so.

Leni: (worried) Deactivate! Well, on the other hand, if you hadn't removed her restraining bolt…

Lincoln: Wait, there's something dead ahead on the scanner. Looks like our droid. Let's go.

(Up on a cliff in the canyon, a tan-skinned humanoid alien in a sandy ragged cloak, known as a Tusken Raider or Sandperson, sees the landspeeder below and aims a laser rifle at it. Another Raider grabs the gun and says something in a barbaric language. The other Raider says something back and the two scurry over the rocky terrain. They approach large, bear-like creatures with big looped horns, known as Banthas, and climb on top. They sit in the saddles on the animals and start riding them down the canyon.)

(On the canyon floor, the landspeeder approaches Lisa, moving as fast as she can, and stops. Lincoln and Leni get out and run right in front of her.)

Lincoln: Whoa, just where do you think you're going?

Lisa: (desperate) I must deliver this message to the individual who must see it!

Leni: Lincoln is our rightful owner now. You should've let him take you to see this Luna Kenobi. You're lucky he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who blasts droids into a million pieces when they disobey him.

Lincoln: Come on, we gotta get back before Uncle Lynn really blows up.

Lisa: (alarmed) Hold it! It's too risky to just go back! I'm detecting several hostile life forms approaching from the southeast.

Lincoln: (groans) Ugh! Sandpeople! The worst! (takes a laser rifle from the back of the landspeeder.) Come on, let's have a look.

(They make their way to the top of a rock ridge and Lincoln observes the canyon with his binoculars. He spots two Banthas but nothing else.)

Lincoln: We got some Banthas down there but I don't see any… (a Raider comes out behind the Banthas) wait, they're Sandpeople all right. I see one of them now.

(Suddenly, his view is blocked by something standing right in front of him. He looks up and sees a large Raider looming over him. It lets out a battle cry and holds up a long, spear-like staff. Leni and Lisa yell out and run off in fear. Lincoln is startled but holds up his rifle to block the Raider's staff. The rifle breaks and forces Lincoln down the crevice. He stops at the bottom and is knocked unconscious. The Raider lets out a shrieking laugh.)

(Leni and Lisa hide in the shadows of a small alcove in the side of the rocks. They thought Lincoln had ran off like them until they see three Tusken Raiders carrying Lincoln over to the landspeeder. They drop him in front of it and proceed to ransack the vehicle, picking up objects and tossing them aside.)

Leni: Oh, my gosh! They killed him!

Lisa: No, they didn't! He's merely unconscious. We should just wait until they leave and then we'll…

(She was cut off by a strange noise. A big ghostly whistle pierced the air. Both the droids and the Raiders stopped dead in there tracks and nervously turned to the direction it came from. Coming down the canyon was a shady figure in a dark brown cloak holding its arms up and waving them. The Raiders then dropped the stuff they took from the speeder and ran off screaming in terror.)

Leni: (terrified) Uhhh… w-what's th-that?

Lisa: Shhhh!

(The figure approached the knocked-out Lincoln and knelt down next to him. A hand came out of the sleeve of the cloak and felt Lincoln's forehead. The figure then turned to the droids in the shadows who were now more scared than ever. Then the figure reached for the hood over its face and pulled it down revealing the face of friendly-looking woman with short brown hair and freckles on her cheeks.)

Woman: (to the droids) Hello, there!

(Leni and Lisa still looked frightened.)

Woman: (smiling) Come here, dudes. Don't be afraid. (indicates Lincoln) He'll be alright.

Lincoln: (coming around) Uhhh… Wha-what happened?

Woman: Easy, little dude. You've had a busy day. You're a fortunate son for still being in one piece.

Lincoln: (sees her) Lulu Kenobi? Boy, am I glad to see you.

(Leni and Lisa finally come out of hiding now that they know who the stranger is.)

Lulu: The Jundland Wastes are not to be traveled lightly. Tell me, young Lincoln, what brings you out this far?

Lincoln: (points to Lisa) Oh, it's this little droid! She's searching for someone important. I've never seen such devotion in a droid before. In fact, she's looking for someone named Luna Kenobi. Are you related to her? You know what she's talking about?

(Lulu gets quiet for a moment with a mesmerized look on her face.)

Lulu: Luna Kenobi… (smirks) Now that's a name I haven't heard in a long time… a long time.

Lincoln: I think my uncle knew her. He said she was dead.

Lulu: (chuckles) Oh, she's not dead. Not yet.

Lincoln: So you know her!

Lulu: Well, of course I her. She's me!

(Everyone seems surprised.)

Leni: Say what?

Lisa: (happy) Then I have a very important message for you!

Luna: (to Lisa) Well… okay, then. (to Lincoln) I haven't gone by the name Luna since you were born.

Lincoln: Do you know these droids, then?

Luna: Can't say I do. The unusual prequels suggest otherwise but for now, no.

(They hear the yells of Tusken Raiders over the cliffs.)

Luna: We better get indoors. Them Tusken Raiders are easily scared off but will come back in greater numbers for a rematch. Let's head back to my place.

(The group hops in Lincoln's landspeeder and rides off.)

(Meanwhile, way out in space, the Imperial Star Destroyer that had captured Princess Lori's ship arrives at its destination: the Death Star, a massive, moon-sized metallic sphere with a wide gap along its equator and huge super laser eye just right above it.)

(In a big room on the upper levels of the station, several minor Loud House characters that served as antagonists sit around a wide, round conference table. Each wears a gray Imperial officer uniform and holds the rank of general, admiral or commander.)

Lord Tetherby: Until this battle station is fully operational, we are vulnerable. The Rebel Alliance is too well equipped. They're more dangerous than we think they are.

Chandler: (smirking) Maybe dangerous to your starfleet, Admiral, but certainly not this battle station!

Supermarket Manager: The Rebellion will continue to gain support from the Imperial Senate as long as…

(He was interrupted as Flip, also in a gray uniform, walked in followed by Darth Lola. Flip sat down in an empty chair while Lola climbed on the side of the table so everyone could see her.)

Flip: The Imperial Senate will no longer be of any concern to us. I've just received word that the Empress has dissolved the council permanently. The last remnants of the old Republic have been swept away.

Stan Stanko: That's impossible! How will the Empress maintain control without the bureaucracy?

Flip: The regional governors now have direct control over their territories. Fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of this battle station.

Sue the Nurse: And what of the Rebellion? If they have obtained a complete technical readout of this station, it is possible, however unlikely, that they might find a weakness and exploit it.

Lola: The plan you refer to will soon be back in our hands.

Flip: Don't forget that we've captured Princess Lori, a key ally to the Rebels. We can make her give up the location to their secret base. We will soon have the upper hand.

Chandler: Any attack made by those Rebel losers against this station would a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it!

Lola: You seem very confident, Captain Chandler. If I recall, it was your job to inspect this station for any weaknesses. You're positive there are no weaknesses at all?

Chandler: Uh… nope. Nuh uh…

Lola: You, uh, you hesitated there. Is there something I should know?

Chandler: No, it's virtually indestructible. Like 99.99%.

Lola: Okay… as good as that sounds, I wouldn't really be doing my job if I didn't ask what the other 0.01% is.

Chandler: Well, okay, I did find one particular detail that looks kinda sketchy. You see, there's this… little hole. My guess is it was kind of an aesthetic choice by the architect. It's at the end of a long trench on the surface and it serves as an exhaust port but it kind of goes all the way down to the main reactor at the core of the station that holds everything together. So, long story short, if you shoot something through this hole, the entire station blows up.

Lola: Whoa, whoa, whoa! For real!? Geez, that seems like a really big design flaw, don't you think?

Chandler: Now, hold on! It's really not that big of a deal. You have to fly a starfighter all the way down the trench to shoot something in it and the hole itself is only about two meters across.

Hank: Well, that's no bigger than a womprat.

Hawk: Yeah, what dweeb is gonna shoot something that accurate?

Lola: Still, don't you think we should board it up or something?

Chandler: No way! We're already over budget on construction. We can't afford anymore renovations. No one's gonna shoot anything in that hole! This station is still too powerful for anything else!

Lola: (hmph) Don't be too proud of this technological terror we've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is still insignificant next to the power of the Force.

Chandler: (pssh) Don't try to intimidate us with your lame sorceress ways, boss. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped us in the slightest. It hasn't retrieved the stolen data tapes, found the Rebel's hidden fortress, or helped maintain our Death Star budget. Nor has it…

(He was suddenly cut off as Lola simply raised up her hand. Chandler clutched his throat and started to choke violently.)

Lola (sternly) I find your lack of faith disturbing. For the record, the Force is not essentially used for what you just mentioned, but for much greater purposes. You got that!

(Chandler, while struggling, nervously nods his head.)

Flip: (impatiently) Enough of this! Lola, release him!

Lola: As you wish.

(Feeling that she's made her point, Lola lowers her hand and Chandler lets go of his throat and gasps for air.)

Flip: This bickering is pointless. Bottom line, Lady Lola will provide us with the location of the Rebel fortress from the Princess by the time this station is operational. We will then crush the Rebellion with one swift stroke.

(Everyone triumphantly agrees.)

Lola: But we must still take extra precautions. C'mon, people! Can we get something to cover up the dang hole!?

Sue the Nurse: Yeah. We can get it done tomorrow if price is no object.

Lola: Ummm…

Sue the Nurse: We'll get estimates.

Lola: Get estimates, alright. (sighs and mutters) I don't think I'm paying these clowns enough.