VII.
It was heavy on her belt. She felt it burning at her side as she sat in the copilot's seat. Hiding it felt wrong. Yet Rey didn't want Shwaz to know she had it. After accepting the lightsaber from Maz, Rey had hurried after the pilot. She had found him in the cockpit entering the coordinates to D'Qar. He had remained silent about his talk with Maz, only speaking about their mission.
"How long will it take to get to the base?" Rey pulled her eyes away from the hyperspace lane.
Shwaz looked at her. "Less than a day, at most."
Behind them BB-8 let out a series of beeps. Shwaz turned his gaze to the droid. "I'm afraid so."
The droid's head drooped and he rolled out of the cockpit. Rey stood from her seat and stretched. Her body ached and she resisted the urge to yawn. She wasn't sure how long they had been up for, but her internal clock was telling her it was time for rest.
"Tired?" Shwaz stood.
"Exhausted." Rey looked up and met his eyes. She hesitated before asking, "Are you alright? You seemed upset back on Takodana."
The change was immediate. His eyes hardened and his mouth turned down into a frown. That suffocating feeling she'd sensed before returned with a vengeance and Rey held her breath.
"I don't want to talk about that." Shwaz stepped away from her. Rey noted his hands had curled into fists at his side. "I'm going to rest. Excuse me," he brushed past her as he left the cockpit, and with him the air seemed the clear.
She felt a wave of frustration and tried to push it away. He was still upset, and that was a natural response to fear, she reminded herself. It was none of her business. They weren't friends, so there was no reason for him to confide in her what had gone on. She understood.
But something deep down told her to persist. Whatever he wasn't saying was important, and it had something to do with the lightsaber on her belt.
An hour later found Rey in one of the bedrooms in the ship. She felt refreshed after succeeding in finding the sonic shower. Her eyes were closed and her legs were crossed as she sat on the bed. Despite all that was going on, all Rey could think about at the moment were Maz Kanata and the Force.
The elderly woman had said Rey was Force-sensitive. She could feel it in Rey. Maz had asked her if she could feel it. In retrospect, Rey realized she had been able to feel the Force guiding her all these years. It was that gut-feeling she got. She thought back to the day before when she met Shwaz back on Jakku. Rey had gotten the feeling that if she didn't help him, something bad would happen. That had been the Force, hadn't it?
But what was the Force, really? Before Shwaz and BB-8 entered her life, Rey had only heard of it mentioned a few times in passing. She never paid much mind to the scavengers who discussed it. To her, it had been simple superstition - a myth. Like Luke Skywalker. The idea that there were people who could move things with their mind had sounded silly to her, like stories meant for young children.
To think that Maz believed Rey was Force-sensitive was almost laughable.
On her belt the lightsaber burned against her clothes. Rey opened her eyes and blinked as they adjusted to the light. Her hand inched toward the cylinder. If she was truly Force-sensitive, would she be able to use the Jedi weapon?
Her fingers wrapped around it and she pulled it off her belt. For a moment she simply stared at it. Looking closely she could see scratches in the metal and scuff marks on the black handle. It looked a little dull, like it hadn't been cleaned and shined properly in years. Her eyes were drawn to the red button on the side.
She held it upright. Her thumb hovered over the button, ready to ignite it.
A cry of distress broke the silence.
Rey dropped the lightsaber on her bed and was on her feet in seconds. She sprinted to the room where she knew he was sleeping and burst in.
He was lying supine on the bed. Fingers gripped at the bedsheets and his exposed muscles were tense. His whole body trembled, and his head turned back and forth, unintelligible words and groans leaving his mouth. Rey could feel his anguish. It almost felt as if the emotion was her own, it was so strong. Her chest tightened and when she took a step closer to him, her legs threatened to give out.
"Shwaz!" Her throat felt raw, as if she had been screaming for hours. "Wake up!" She took another tentative step.
"...you..." His head tilted back. Rey could see the tendons in his neck. "...not..."
The room grew unbearably hot. She stepped closer and her leg gave out. Rey dropped to her knee by his bedside. Her hands wouldn't stop shaking. It felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest. "Please," her voice cracked.
"...don't..." His bare chest was covered with sweat. "...my..."
"Shwaz, wake up!" Rey's vision blurred. Her head pounded.
"...me..." There was a loud rumble building. "...will..." The floor beneath her vibrated. A sudden crack made Rey flinch. Her eyes widened as the bed Shwaz laid on split in two. For a moment there was silence. Her labored breathing was unbearably loud.
Then he screamed.
His back arched and his jaw clenched and Rey felt like her nerves were on fire. She gulped and gasped for air. Her ears rang as Shwaz's tortured screams filled her consciousness. Somehow she managed to lift herself from sitting position - when had she fallen on her backside? - and onto her knees. Her trembling hands inched toward him in the darkness.
She touched his arm.
"NOOO."
Rey flew across the room. Her back hit the wall and she cried out in pain before falling face first onto the cold floor. Confused, Rey lifted her head. Her vision swam and her ears wouldn't stop ringing. Something hot dripped down her chin.
"Shwaz?" Rey searched the darkness. Something touched her arm and she pulled it close to her chest with a gasp.
"Rey." Any quieter and she wouldn't have heard. She turned her head and winced as pain jolted up her neck.
He knelt before her, wide awake. Guilt was etched on his face. His chest heaved and he was panting, gasping for air like she was. Ocean eyes implored her to, to - she wasn't sure. All Rey could think about was the sheer amount of pain she had just felt. Pain that wasn't even hers.
"You're bleeding." He sounded devastated, as if it were the worst possible thing in existence. Rey touched her chin and looked down at her shaking hand. The pads of her fingertips were painted dark red. She made a sound of surprise. So that's what it had been...
"Rey, I'm so sorry." His voice cracked with emotion. When she looked up his head was bowed down. She could feel his remorse. It was so intense she could feel it eating at her own heart. "I would never -" He inhaled sharply. "I-I'm not a monster. I'm not." He said in a small voice. At his own words he seemed to curl into himself more.
"It was an accident." Rey tried to soothe him. She reached out but hesitated to touch him. "I know you didn't mean it."
His head was still bowed. Rey saw his shoulders shaking.
"If anything, it was my fault. I tried to wake you from your nightmare." Rey slowly sat up. "Do... do you want to talk about it?"
She knew the answer as soon as she asked.
"No!" Shwaz snapped. The anger in his voice instantly died out. He took a few steady breaths. "I don't want to relive that."
When their eyes met, all Rey could see was pain and sorrow. Whatever he had dreamt of had scared him. She hoped he didn't have more - or worse! - nightmares. Her eyes travelled to the bed that was split in half. If this is what happened with a mild nightmare... she didn't want to know what an intense one would do.
Rey looked back at Shwaz. "I understand." And she did. There were nights where she was afraid to drift off to sleep. Where she feared to relive her abandonment. Those nights she would wake gasping for breath with tears streaking her cheeks.
He nodded. Slowly he lifted himself up to his feet. Shwaz held his hand to her in offering. Rey looked at it for a second and took it. She wobbled on her feet but quickly gained her balance. "Thank you," she said.
"I'm going to check the navicomputer." He said. Before she could respond, he exited the room.
She stood alone in silence. The room grew cold. Rey's heart finally slowed to a normal pace as she looked about the empty bedroom. Her head ached along with her spine.
For a long moment Rey wondered if she was being foolish in trusting Shwaz. What she had suspected upon first meeting him had proven to be true: he was dangerous. She closed her eyes and furrowed her brows. Despite the obvious danger, her gut insisted that he was trustworthy.
And yet...
Was it possible for the Force to lie? Rey's temples throbbed and she massaged them with her fingertips. She didn't think it could. But she knew that a human being's senses could. Their eyes could be deceived easily with optical illusions.
Rey thought back to that moment before she went flying. Shwaz's eyelids had snapped open and his arm had extended out toward her. Perhaps, in her fear, she had imagined the sickly yellow that seemed to glow in the darkness. After all, it wasn't possible for human irises to simply change colors like that.