Gosh, it feels like it's been awhile since I wrote a chapter that was just one big, long scene. But here we are, chapter twenty three, hot off the presses! I experimented with doing the Reveal this chapter, but it never came out quite right- though there are plenty of hints! And now we have a plan of action to save Shiro (and Te-Osh)! Will it go well? Who knows?

I mean, I know. But I'm not telling you.

cosmic dust

chapter twenty three

strike a deal with the devil

Sitting crosslegged in the red paladin's chair, Keith watched as people flitted about the bridge, keenly reminded of the saying busy as bees. There was nothing he could really contribute, but it was better than being alone with his own thoughts right now. Even if it did mean dealing with Lance's hooded glare and Allura's more subtle, but still noticeable, stares.

He knew what he had done to earn both. Blurting out that he had been experimented on could pretty much only be taken one way. Toying with the edge of one of his boots, he debated just biting the bullet, getting it over with and just telling them the truth.

Maybe if it was just Pidge and Matt, he'd actually consider it. But it was Pidge and Matt- and Allura and Coran. Lance and Hunk, who he had basically just met.

So no. He couldn't bring himself to say it.

That the red lion had chosen a monster. That the reason his bayard didn't work wasn't because it was broken, but because he was broken. That the reason he didn't like changing around people was because he didn't want them to see the scars, etched like rune lines around his heart.

That his quintessence was his and not his.

So instead, he sat. Listened. It was a small mercy that the change to his ears had been slow, agonizingly so. It had helped him adapt to his new range of hearing, but even then, learning how to deal with being able to hear so much at once had been a cumbersome task. He'd been forced to perfect it quickly, for the sake of his sanity, if nothing else.

At least they weren't like Sendak's, he thought. He'd rather avoid being on the receiving end of cat puns. He purred, and that was already bad enough.

(Except he had always sort of done that. It just sounded more like a purr now.)

His ears twitched, picking up on Pidge's voice. She had just about finished the trace program. Coran had been helping her translate it from Galran, which it had been coded in, to Altean, which was the only language the castle-ship's operating systems were compatible with. The lions would accept anything, but the Castle was pickier.

Not that he understood the first thing about that. He'd always been better with his hands, like his dad had been. Coding was... well, not his strong suit, not by a long shot.

He tried not to think about Shiro.

He knew it wasn't his fault that he had been captured. He had just been in the wrong place, at the wrong time. He knew that. He also knew that it wasn't his fault that he had been left behind. He hadn't known that Shiro was there, no matter how much he beat himself up over it. He'd been offered the chance to escape, and he'd taken it. That was all.

But he couldn't say it wasn't his fault Shiro had been picked.

Out of all the possible prisoners, Haggar had picked Shiro. He knew full well she had been rooting around in his mind, scanning his memories for who knows what. She knew his past, in excruciating detail.

She would have seen Shiro.

Realistically, he knew it still wasn't his fault. But convincing himself of that? That's a trick he doesn't know if he can pull off.

Drawing his knife, Keith turned it over in his hands. He still needed to tell them about the Galra that helped him escape. It would be useful information, but he didn't know where to begin. They had made a point to give him back his mother's knife, so it had to have meant something.

He just wished they had said something. Anything.

He didn't know why he was so hung up over it. Maybe it was just a childish need to believe that his father had really been the hero he'd thought he was. That he hadn't been tricked, or even worse, had knowingly fallen in love with a monster.

That being a monster wasn't his destiny.

"Keith?"

Flinching at the sound of Allura's voice, Keith winced. Having great hearing didn't mean a damn thing if he wasn't paying attention, and he hadn't been paying attention. Grimacing, he realized that he'd cut himself- not bad, but enough to bleed, drops of red tinting his blade.

He was still human enough to bleed red. It was a small comfort.

He tried to hide it, but Allura quickly noticed. "I did not mean to- are you alright?"

"Yeah," Keith said, sucking on the cut finger, tasting iron, "-I'll be fine."

She didn't look convinced. "I can have Coran take a look, if you want."

"No," Keith insisted, withdrawing his finger and averting his gaze, not daring to look her in the eye, just in case, "-I'll be fine, I promise. It's not a bad cut."

"If you say so." Allura said. "That is... luxite, is it not? I heard Rolo mention something about it."

Giving her a curt nod of his head, Keith quickly sheathed his blade. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Allura frown, but he didn't know if it was because she had sensed something, or if it was just because she thought he was being unsociable. Either way, he just wanted her to go away.

It wasn't a bad cut. But it was enough.

"Right well," Allura hesitated, a second too long for Keith's comfort, "-we may need your expertise on raiding Galra ships."

He managed a weak smile at that, again nodding his head. "I- yeah. You can count on me."

He tried not to think how strange those words sounded, coming from him. Count on him. When was the last time, if ever, he'd said something like that? He wasn't exactly the kind of person that people could rely on- at least, he didn't think he was.

But it was at least enough to get Allura off of his back. Letting out a grateful sigh, he checked on the status of his finger, narrowing his eyes when he couldn't find a trace of the cut. Leaning back in his chair, he shut his eyes, wondering if Allura really hadn't felt anything. Or if she had, and she just hadn't said anything.

He would prefer it if she did. Maybe if he were confronted about it, he could finally just spit it out. It was like a heavy weight on his chest- one that he simultaneously wanted to keep hidden and get rid of. A paradox.

Maybe he should. Before Haggar got the chance to do it for him. Maybe- maybe they wouldn't look at him like a monster if he admitted it himself.

"Wait," opening his eyes, Keith rose to his feet, looking back towards Allura, "-Allura, I- there's something-"

He didn't get a chance to finish.

"Princess," Coran said, "-we're being hailed."

Turning towards Coran, Allura's face set itself in stone. "Put it through."

Closing his eyes, Keith grit his teeth. He knew that it was just coincidence, but he wouldn't put it past Haggar to have some way of knowing just the right timing. One hand straying over his heart, he sucked in a long, shaky breath, bracing himself to face her.

Haggar.

(He remembers her hands, corpse cold, against his skin. It makes him shiver.)

He wasn't afraid of her, not at first. He tried to convince himself that he still isn't, but he knows that's not true. He is. He's terrified of her. Of what he knows she's capable of. Of what she did to him.

But he was also angry. Furious, that she had done what she had. That she had robbed him of four years of life- four years that he would never get back. That because of her, he couldn't walk openly on his own home planet any longer, couldn't pass as human.

He doesn't want to face her. He wants to kill her. A paradox.

But knowing that she has Shiro... that's enough to make him not want to run away. He doesn't really know if he can kill her, though. The desire is there, as is the ability- he's already cut down countless Galra soldiers, so it's not like he's concerned about the sanctity of life at this point.

Besides, he's not even sure if she's really alive. She left something of herself inside of him, and it's made him feel like he's rotting on the inside ever since. Lance might have been joking, but calling her a zombie witch might actually be apt.

But he'll do what he has to, whatever that is. For Shiro.

All this time, Shiro had never given up on him. Everyone had thought he was dead, but not Shiro. He'd refused- refused to believe it, refused to give up. And if Shiro had kept his promise, then the least he could do was to return the favor.

Thankfully, Haggar was alone. He felt himself letting out a breath at Shiro's absence, and regretted it, quickly. It was subtle, to the point where he might have even been imagining it, but he could feel her gaze flicker towards him in that instant. It didn't linger long, if at all, before the witch turned her full attention towards Allura.

"Princess Allura," her voice made his skin crawl, even after all this time, "-so it's true. You are alive after all."

Out of the corner of his eye he watched Allura stiffen, tense. "Haggar."

The witch didn't even blink. "Then you've heard of me."

"I have heard that you are Zarkon's witch." Allura said, her voice resolute.

Haggar remained impassive. "I wish to propose a trade."

Lifting her head, Allura stood tall. "And what makes you think we would ever make a trade with the Galra?"

"You will." Haggar stated. "Unless you wish for us to make an example out of your rebel companion."

Stepping forward, Matt narrowed his eyes. "Where's Te-Osh?"

"She is safe," Haggar said simply, "-for now. You have until sundown tomorrow to decide if she is to remain that way."

A day, just barely. Licking his lips, Keith found his voice gone. He wanted to demand where Shiro was, but couldn't bring himself to say anything, nor even draw attention to himself. He could only remained rooted to the spot, his efforts focused on not looking away.

Pidge stepped forward instead. "Where's Shiro?"

"The Champion," a correction, Keith realized, that's what it was, "-is being well taken care of."

The bridge was already thick with tension, but Haggar's words only succeeded in making it even more palpable. Claws digging into his chair, Keith dredged up a bit of fight, leveling a glower towards the witch. Using him for her experiments was fine- but Shiro? Shiro didn't deserve that, not any of it.

He must have been growling, for Allura's gaze briefly flicked back towards him. Quieting himself, Keith sucked in a long breath, using it to steady himself.

Haggar didn't even blink.

"What are your demands?" Allura asked.

"In exchange for the hostage, you have three choices." Haggar stated. "You can give up the lions-"

"Never." Allura snarled.

Haggar did not even look the slightest bit fazed by the interruption, and continued on, as if she never had been. "You can turn yourself over to the Galra Empire," and this time, Allura did not interrupt, "-or you can choose to hand over the red paladin."

He was all too keenly aware that all eyes were on him, and it was all he could do to force himself to look straight ahead, not letting his gaze falter. He couldn't afford to look weak. Not now. Not in front of Haggar.

To her credit, Allura barely even flinched. "We will never-"

"Fine."

Truth be told, he hadn't even realized he'd been speaking until the words left his mouth. If everyone hadn't been looking at him before, they were now. Standing up straight, Keith ignored them, instead choosing to continue to look Haggar square in the eye. "Fine. If it's me you want, you can have me."

Turning on her heel, Allura stared at him, open mouthed. "Keith, you cannot-"

Holding up a hand, Keith barely even looked at her. Couldn't, really. "Just give me the rendezvous point, and I'll be there."

"A wise decision." Haggar said. "I will send the coordinates to your ship. Come alone."

Leaving no room for argument, the transmission cut out there. Closing his eyes, he drew in a long breath, using it to brace himself. He had a feeling this wasn't exactly going to earn him a good reaction.

But this was something he had to do.

Pidge broke the silence first. "What are you, nuts!?"

"Yeah, Keith," Matt agreed, "-I know you're worried about Shiro, but you can't just hand yourself over to the Galra Empire."

"Look," Keith began, "-I know this isn't the ideal decision-"

"Not ideal does not even begin to describe it." Allura cut him off, "-you are a paladin of Voltron. You cannot simply trade yourself away."

"I'm not-" Keith began, before faltering. Trading himself away wasn't his goal here, but he couldn't exactly deny that was what he was doing. "I can't just leave Shiro there. I have to get him back. This is the only option."

"Okay, hold on," Lance interjected, and for once, Keith was almost grateful, "-I'm definitely missing something here. Why do you care so much about Shiro?"

Swallowing, Keith felt himself tense. There wasn't any backing out of this now. "Because he's my brother."

"He's your..." Lance trailed off, like he was still trying to process what he'd said. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Hunk do much the same, the furrow of his brow deepening, like he was trying to connect the dots. "He's your brother? But he's- but you're-"

"You're him." Hunk said quietly, sounding almost unsure of himself. "You're Keith Kogane."

Exhaling, all Keith could do was nod.

Staring at him like he had grown a second head, Lance's mouth hung open. "Wait, you're- no, no way. That can't be right. You were a cadet! At the Galaxy Garrison! You can't be- I'm pretty sure someone would have noticed the purple alien."

Unable to help himself, Keith frowned. "I'm not that purple."

"I mean, you're more purple than me." Hunk chimed in. "No offense, but Lance does kind of have a point. You don't- you don't exactly blend in."

"The experiments," Allura began, her expression considering, yet at the same time, difficult for him to pin down, "-the ones that you spoke of. Do they have something to do with this?"

"That's part of it, yeah." Keith told her, shifting on his feet. "I haven't been entirely honest with you, princess. With all of you."

Allura merely studied him for a long moment. "This Shiro- is he also half-Galra?"

"No." Keith said. "We're not related."

"But he is like a brother to you." Allura stated, something in her expression softening. Understanding. It made sense. She knew what it was like to lose loved ones to the Galra, even if he still stood a chance at getting Shiro back. "I am sorry."

"It's not your fault, princess." Keith told her. "It's mine. I was the one who left him there."

"Keith, you couldn't have known." Matt said.

"I know." Keith admitted, because he did. It just didn't change anything. "But I need to do this, princess. Don't try to stop me."

"Keith, no." Pidge began. "Allura's right, there's got to be a better way."

"Pidge is correct." Allura agreed. "You are a paladin of Voltron. Your life is not one that we can so easily trade away."

Folding his arms in front of him, Keith lifted his head. Right. Maybe he hadn't been clear enough. "Who said anything about a trade?"

Blinking, Allura frowned. "I thought you-"

"Oh," something sparked in Matt's eyes, realization dawning in them, "-oh, it's a trap!"

Smirking, Keith nodded his head. "I can get both Te-Osh and Shiro, and bring them back here. The red lion will come if I call her, that's why it has to be me."

That... wasn't entirely the whole reason, but it was good enough.

"Well yeah," Pidge frowned, "-but we don't know for sure if Haggar will even bring Shiro with her for the trade off."

"Or if she'll even keep her word." Matt added.

"Probably not." Keith admitted. "That's why while I'm distracting her, a separate party can raid the ship. I'm willing to bet that her cruiser has some pretty solid information on it. Maybe we can even find out just what she did to Shiro."

Granted, there was a chance that they could find information about him on that cruiser as well, but that was just a chance he'd have to take. If it meant getting Shiro back, then his secret coming out in the open was worth it.

"It's risky," Allura frowned, "-but it may be our best chance."

"I'm still not sure if I like it." Coran frowned. "Who would this raid party even consist of?"

"Matt and I can do it." Pidge said. "We both have experience breaking into Galra ships. And I think I might be able to work up some kind of cloaking device for one of the pods."

"Okay, wait," Lance cut in, finally finding his voice again, "-so we're just ignoring the fact that Keith used to be human?"

Letting out a snort, Keith rolled his eyes. "I was never human. I just looked like it."

Narrowing his eyes, Lance frowned. "So basically, you cheated."

Staring at the blue paladin blankly, Keith blinked. "I... what?"

"Cheated." Lance repeated. "On the simulator."

"I didn't," Keith began, brow furrowing, "-I didn't cheat."

"Pretty sure being part-alien counts as cheating, but okay." Lance said. "Anyways, if we're doing this to save Shiro, you can count me in."

"And me." Hunk agreed. "I want to help rescue Te-Osh."

"Right," Allura nodded, "-in that case, Hunk and Lance, I want the two of you on standby in your lions. Coran, did we receive those coordinates yet?"

"Yes, princess." Coran told her. "They aren't far from here. We should be able to reach them even without a wormhole."

"Good." Allura said. "Keith, you are certain the red lion will come if you call for it?"

"He's certain." Pidge replied for him. "Trust me. It'll come."

Frowning, Allura looked doubtful. "It is only just... I have never heard of a lion responding to its paladin from such a great distance before. It never happened back in the time of my father."

Blinking, Keith stared at Allura. He'd just assumed that was something any paladin could do. "Are you sure? Because Pidge is right- Red'll come if I call her."

"I'm certain." Allura stated. "But there are still many things we do not understand about the lions yet. My father might have been the one to build them, but I do not think even he fully understood how they work."

Tilting his head, Keith took that information into consideration. Knowing that Red did something for him that she had never done with Allura's father... he didn't quite know what to make of that. Part of him didn't feel like he was worth it. He wished he could say the other part of him thought he was, but no- that part just thought it was because he was abnormal.

An abnormal paladin, having an abnormal effect on their lion.

In the back of his mind, he could hear Red's purr, steady in her agreement that she would come if called for. And even steadier in her disagreement with his own personal assessment of herself. He just fought the urge to snort. The red lion probably understood Haggar's experiments better than he did, but coming from a giant mechanical lion, vouching for his personal character didn't feel like it counted for much.

Not that he didn't appreciate it- it was just... vastly different standards were at work.

But that Red would come if he called her- that he trusted. Implicitly.

A lot of this plan was trust. Enough to make him nervous. But that was why it would work- at least, he hoped it would. Tried to convince himself it would.

Haggar had been inside his head. She knew how he worked, maybe even better than he did. Trust didn't come easy to him. It never had, and it still didn't. Even now, he was hesitant- maybe they would just take this chance to abandon him.

But he had to believe that they wouldn't.

He'd left Shiro once. He wasn't going to do it again. He didn't know what the witch had done to him, but there had to be some way to undo it. He owed that to him.

Right. Speaking of escapes.

"There's one more thing I need to tell you, princess." Keith said, ignoring the fact that there were actually a ton of things he needed to tell her, chief among them the reason why Haggar wanted him in the first place. But not now. Later. "It's about how I escaped from Central Command."

"Yeah, how did you pull that off?" Matt asked.

Glancing towards Matt, he gave him a weak smile. "I had help."

"Help?" Allura blinked. "From who?"

Shaking his head, Keith frowned. "I don't know. All I know is that they were Galra," he began, drawing his knife, holding it aloft, "-and that they gave this back to me."

"Your knife?" Pidge asked. "Come to think of it, you had that when you crashed in my yard."

"It was my mother's." Keith told her. "I think... I think it might mean something."

Taking a step forward, Allura held out her hands. "Might I see it?"

Hesitating for a moment, Keith eventually obliged. He doubted she'd try to take it away from him at this point, however she felt about the Galra. She bore a deep grudge, one that was completely justified, but she wasn't cruel.

He didn't know if that would hold up if she knew more about him, though. But then, she had reason to suspect more than most- he didn't know what his own quintessence came across as- he'd lost the ability to sense it when Haggar had changed the nature of it. He just knew that it couldn't be natural.

Taking the knife in her hands, she frowned, tracing the sigil on its hilt, before turning it over to inspect the blade itself. "Luxite was rare, even in my day. There are some who would part with a small fortune for a blade of this craftsmanship."

Arching a brow, Keith tilted his head. "Sounds like you know your stuff."

"It behooves a princess to study many things." Allura merely remarked, handing his knife back. "But I am afraid that I do not recognize it. It's certainly Galran, though."

Taking his knife back, he sheathed it again. "Yeah, kind of figured."

Allura merely gave him a look, taking a step back. "But you are certain your rescuer was Galra?"

"Yes." Keith told her. "I don't know what happened to them after that. I think they were a Lieutenant, though- at least, according to their armor, they were."

"There are some Galra who work with the rebels." Matt said. "Or half-Galra, at least. But I haven't heard anything about any of them infiltrating Central Command."

"Well one did." Keith told him, frowning. It kind of sounded like he doubted him, but that was probably just his own paranoia. "I think that if we find out more about him, we might be able to find some more rebels that can help us."

"I can try asking around." Matt told him. "Who knows? Maybe someone's heard of the guy. Think I could get a description?"

"Just don't ask Keith to draw a picture for you." Pidge quipped.

"What, are you saying mullet here can't draw?" Lance asked, like he'd been waiting for the chance to rib at him. Unable to stop himself, he spun on his heel, shooting a glower towards him.

"Uh, hate to say it Lance, but neither can you." Hunk noted.

"I can draw just fine." Keith grumbled, fighting the urge to growl. "But yeah, I can get you a description."

"We can discuss this later." Allura cut in. "Right now, we should focus on our main objective. Pidge, were you able to get a trace on the call?"

"Oh, uh," blinking, like she had completely forgotten about the tracker, Pidge scrambled to her console, "-yeah, actually. I'll put the coordinates up onscreen."

"I can ask Captain Olia to send a rebel ship to that location." Matt remarked. "Just to check things out."

"Get on it." Allura instructed. "It is possible that Haggar might transfer to another vessel in order to make the trade, so we must be ready. Keith, are you sure about this? I must admit, I am not fond of this plan."

"Yeah, I mean, it kind of sounds like Haggar wants you back." Pidge added. "I don't know if she'll let you go that easy."

He wasn't, not really. But he had to do this.

"I'm sure." Keith lied. "I'll get a pod ready."

Before anyone could stop him, he turned on his heel, marching off of the bridge. The moment he left it, he felt his breathing get easier. He hadn't fully realized just how tense he had been, but he should have guessed as much.

He wasn't... that was a lot more open than he was used to being, especially recently. But if it meant that he could get Shiro back, then it would be worth it.

And if it didn't... gritting his teeth, he tried not to dwell on that what if for too long. It wasn't hard to guess what Haggar wanted with him.

Haggar might have made a monster out of him, but he refused to let her make him into a weapon. At least when he was in control of his own thoughts, he could choose.

Resting his hand over his heart, he tried not to think about the soft thrum he could feel under his skin. Just because he had this power, it didn't mean he had to use it. There were times he couldn't control it, but given the choice, he would never willingly opt to wield it.

Then he really would be a monster.

And he refused to become that.

He refused to let Shiro become that.