A/N - Tonks and Remus, one of my faves. This takes place the summer after OOTP. Also written for the Potions and Greenhouses comps on HPFC.
Mistake
July 1996
Tonks lay on her side, her head propped on her arm, and watched him get dressed. His back was to her and he hadn't spoken since he arose from the bed. She wasn't even sure if he knew she was awake and watching him.
"Remus," she said softly as he pulled on his shirt. His movements stilled and she saw the muscles in his shoulders tighten. "What are you doing?" He didn't move for a moment and then he began to button his shirt.
"I've got to go," he said as he bent down and picked his shoes up from the floor.
"Why?" she asked again.
"Because, I just," he sighed and then ran a hand through his hair. Pulling in a breath, he turned to face her. "This was a mistake." Tonks sat up, pulling the sheet with her.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.
"We were both upset about Sirius and I let things go too far," he said. "I shouldn't have," but she leapt to her feet interrupting him, pulling the sheet more tightly around her.
"Don't start this again," she said, angry now.
"Tonks," he said shaking his head. She took a few steps forward until she was right in front of him.
"Please," she said and he closed his eyes. She saw his jaw clench and she took in a deep breath and held it while she put her hands on his arms. He flinched but she didn't move. "Remus, you have to stop this. I know all your reasons, all your excuses and I don't care about any of it. You know that." He finally opened his eyes and stared at her for a few moments. She watched as his eyes swirled with emotion, guilt, sadness, longing and finally determination. He stepped back from her, letting her arms slide down until her one hand was in his free one.
"Tonks, you're young, beautiful, you've got your whole life ahead of you," he said. "I'm too old and I have nothing to offer you. I can't take care of you the way that I should be able to."
"And how many times have I told you that it doesn't matter," she snapped. "I'm an Auror Remus; I make plenty of money for both of us." He let go of her hand and his jaw clenched again.
"And I've made it clear to you that I won't be taken care of like some charity case," he retorted.
"Do you know how chauvinistic you sound?" she demanded. "You want to take care of me, but I can't take care of you?" He glared at her. She'd put her hands on her hips and the sheet had started to slip. He swallowed thickly at the sight, then looked somewhere over her shoulder.
"None of this matters anyway," he said. "I'm a werewolf. I won't saddle you with a burden like that." Tonks made an exasperated noise and threw her hands up in the air, the sheet falling away all together. She turned and her feet tangled in it where it dragged on the ground. She flailed her arms and Remus lunged forward to grab her but missed. She fell backward, landing hard on her backside with a grunt. Remus was instantly at her side, shoes fallen forgotten to the floor.
"Are you all right?" he asked looking at her in concern.
"Fine," she said shortly, making to stand. She grimaced a bit and Remus' hands seemed to flutter around her, trying to decide if she needed help or not. Once she was standing, she turned to the bed and grabbed the long t-shirt that was lying there, pulling it quickly over her head. Remus seemed to visibly relax once she had covered herself. She rounded on him, her hair bright red which Remus knew meant she was furious.
"You are the most ridiculous, most exasperating man I have ever met," she fumed. Remus said nothing, which irritated her further. "I don't understand you. Why won't you let yourself be happy?"
"It's not about that," he said. "I've got my own burdens to bear and I won't put them on anyone else." He sat down in the chair and slipped on his shoes.
"It's not a burden," Tonks protested.
"You haven't had to live with it," he retorted, standing again.
"I meant, it wouldn't be a burden to me," she explained. "You feel something for me, I know you do." Remus opened his mouth to argue but she continued to talk over him. "And I care about you, very much. In fact I," but Remus interrupted before she could finish.
"Don't say that you love me," he said.
"Why?" she demanded. "Because if someone admitted to loving you that might make you have to let go of this wall you've built up around yourself and feel something too?"
"Just…don't," he said, looking at the ground. She sighed and stepped forward again, wrapping her arms around him. Remus stood stiffly in her embrace for a few moments and then Tonks felt his arms move. She thought that maybe he was going to hug her back, but he simply patted her back a few times and then stepped away. He raised his head to meet her eyes and she knew then that he was leaving.
"Remus," she began, but he held up a hand.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry for letting things go this far, for using you like this."
"I'm not," she said flatly. "I'm not the least bit sorry tonight happened." He sighed again and turned and grabbed his cloak where it lay over the chair. He turned back to her before he walked through the door.
"Good-bye Tonks," he said. "I'm sorry." She watched him go, arms crossed in front of her, her hair still flaming red. As he walked down the hall, she sank down onto her bed and with each step he took, the red seemed to run from her hair. By the time the door to her flat opened and closed again, the red was completely gone, her usual mousy brown taking its place. Tonks stared unseeingly at the doorway and as she heard the soft pop of apparition, her shoulders slumped and she put her face in her hands in a gesture of defeat.