Clementine thinks about that night in the music room a lot.
The soft song lulling through the dark hallways, Louis' comforting smile at her uneasy silence and the tenderness she showed when speaking to her, trying to pry the smile out of her. Every so often, his foot would brush hers, their knees would press together, and despite a faint chill brought upon that music room, his touch was warm. Everything about him emanated warmth; his voice, his smile, his eyes, this touch.
She remembers taking the knife from him, their fingers brushing sparingly. Knife in hand, eyeing the L he carved into the old wood before adding her own, the thought to carve a heart around their initials quickened the pulse in her neck. It would've been so easy to lean forward and do it.
Of course, her embarrassment was only inflated when he reached over to carefully take the knife out of her hand, calling her, "Charming, but also sometimes scary."
Now, every time he brings her to the music room to play for her, her eyes wander to those initials and she can't help but wish she had taken the chance. Perhaps if she had, she would've had the courage to tell him how she truly felt.
The opportunity was there. He'd opened up to her, stared at her with those dark, hopeful eyes with a steadily falling smile, and the words were there on the tip of her tongue.
"I like you, Louis. A lot. As more than a friend."
But, on that night, even with the knowledge that the raiders could come knock on their doors any moment and all hell could potentially break loose, Clementine choked.
Instead, all she could manage was, "Friends are all we've got, and I'm glad we have each other."
She believed those words to be true; Louis is her friend. Aside from AJ, he's the one person she'd deem her best friend within the walls of this school. However, to say her feelings halted there behind the line of friendship would be a lie.
Hell, saying those words, hearing them dissipate in the air… they didn't even scratch the surface of what she felt for him.
And she could see it- the disappointment furrowing his brow, fluttering his eyes shut as if he'd been hoping for something else. Something more. Something she wanted to give him.
That sullen look was brief, soon covered with a smile and a joke. And a fist bump.
A fist bump.
"Clem?"
Broken of her thoughts, Clementine glances over at Louis.
She'd asked him to help her sit on one of the tables outside, allowing her to rest her good leg down on the bench seat while her injured leg hung over carelessly. From the high spot, she can feel the cooling evening air press against her skin much better.
Louis sits beside her on the bench with one leg under the table and his cheek resting in his palm. She notices the bandage around his thumb; apparently, he sliced it open doing something, but he was rather dismissive about telling her what that something was. His gaze darts down to her leg before meeting her eye.
"Are you hurting?"
"Hm?" she blinks down at him. "Oh, no, I'm okay."
Louis frowns, cocking his head slightly, the concern prominent in his brow. "Your face says otherwise."
"It's not my leg, I'm-" she sighs, shifting to stretch her good leg out, "-just thinking about things."
He nods, offering her a comforting grin. From the deck of cards beside him, he pulls the top one off and offers it to her. "Joker for your thoughts?"
She smiles at that, taking the card and studying it. The corner's bent and the Joker's face is smeared on one side, likely from water damage. Running her thumb over the damaged corner, she says, "I was thinking about the piano. You promised you'd teach me to play."
"Ah," he grins. "I did say that, didn't I?"
"You did."
Something strange dances over his face, a thoughtful expression of hesitation and something else she couldn't pinpoint before it's gone, replaced with another smile and a soft, "I'd love to teach you."
That tingle in her gut is back. Her fingers twitch, wanting to reach out and lock their hands together as a thank you. Her skin feels warm despite the setting sun, likely due to a combination of the hot, setting sun and the effect of the boy beside her.
"Just give me a time," he says. "Morning, noon, night... Perhaps all three? A full day of nothing but piano and very sore fingers."
"In the morning," she says. "After breakfast."
With a smile, Louis twists his body around to peer about the yard. Most everyone's gone inside with the exception of Omar and Violet.
It's Omar's turn for the first night watch, and while Violet's sight is anything but the 20/20 vision it used to be, he still brings her up with him, insisting she's good company and a terrific listener.
Even AJ isn't out here, instead inside with Ruby for his weekly medical lessons. Learning how to fully and properly treat any sort of wound became a clear interest for him after he cut her leg off and watched Ruby work over her. He wanted to be more prepared for anything thrown at them in the future.
Seeing that it's only the two of them out here, Louis takes a deep inhale of the summer air, floral from the blooming flowers surrounding the school grounds.
"Speaking of pianos…"
He swings his leg back over and stands to climb up beside her. He's close enough that their forearms press together and their knees knock softly, and Clementine has to bite her lip to repress a smile at the closeness.
Clearing his throat and shooting her his flashiest smile, that cocky, happy-go-lucky persona surfaces again.
"I made you something."
Her brows shot up, eyes widening as she watches him reach into his coat to pull out a small, gray pouch with a cinched drawstring keeping it closed.
"Think of it as a 'sorry you lost your leg, but that leg was going to kill you so I'm glad it's gone and you're still alive' gift," he says before his grin falters. "Uhm, I mean, not that I'm glad you lost your leg, per se. If it were up to me, you'd be alive with both legs but, uh… It's just that if I have to choose between you alive with one leg and you dead with two, I'd pick one leg every time, so..."
His shoulders slump defeated as his voice trails off. His flustered expression makes her smile, a giggle shaking her shoulders.
"You didn't have to do that," she says, then elbows him. "And for the record, it wasn't my favorite leg, anyway."
A smile of his own resurfaces at her somewhat dark joke. They stare at each other, and in those seconds Clementine takes in those features of his that she's grown to love, gaze darting from his kind eyes to the freckles scattered along his nose and down his chest.
Louis, realizing the intimacy of such a shared stare, glances away.
"I wanted to wait until you were up and outta bed, and mostly outta pain."
She runs her fingers over the velvety material, briefly wondering where he found such a pretty bag. Slipping her fingers inside, she hooks a thin piece of leather cord and pulls it out. At the end to form a necklace is a small block of wood painted white. It only takes a moment for her to recognize it as a piano key.
Her eyes snap up to his, lips parted in a silent, questioning gasp, but she can't find any words. Seems to be an unfortunate habit she has whenever he's around.
"It's the C key. Y'know," Louis grins sheepishly, shrugging a shoulder, "for Clementine."
While small, it's carved smooth, the hole drilled through the perfect size for the black leather cord to slip through, and the paint has very few visible brushstrokes.
"You made this?"
"With my own two hands."
No one's ever given her a piece of jewelry before, especially not something beautifully handmade like this. Her cheeks, surely rosier in color by now, strain from her smile as she says, "I- thank you, Louis."
"You're welcome," he grins. "I just… wanted to make you something to prove that I'll always be here for you. I'll have your back no matter what. You-" a nervous chuckle catches in his throat as he looks away again, "-You've done a lot for me, even when I didn't deserve it. I see a lot of things differently now, y'know? About the world, about our home, about myself, and you made me see it."
"You made me see things differently, too."
"Me?"
Her eyes dart down to his lips.
"Life's about more than just survival," she says, holding up the necklace to him. "Help me put it on?"
She turns away from him as Louis brings the necklace over her head and begins to fasten it behind her neck, struggling with his shaky fingers. She touches the wooden piano key against her chest.
She can't be the only one feeling this. It's thick in the air between them. How could they keep ignoring it?
While Clementine isn't exactly an expert when it comes to boys or dating or romantic feelings in general, she knows that by those endless stolen glances, those nervous fingers, those tender words… he has to feel this, too.
After they escaped the cave after defeating the delta, he'd come looking for them. The way he looked at her, so elated to see she and the boys survived, brought back that desire to kiss him.
"...but you came looking for us?"
"Never would've forgiven myself if I didn't."
Hug him, kiss him… something.
So many opportunities were wasted, and thinking about what could've happened to him on the bridge…?
What if it had been too late? What if AJ hadn't reacted the way he did, as fast as he did? Losing Tenn had been heartbreaking, but losing Louis as well would've been devastating.
And if he had died on that bridge, she never would've forgiven herself for not being honest with him.
Hell… she hasn't forgiven herself, anyway.
Clementine turns to glance behind, taking a risk in leaning back against him. His fingers pause, then finish securing it before resting his hands on her shoulders.
"There," Louis says.
She holds the key in her fingers, twisting it around to admire it.
"I love it," she beams.
"It suits you," he grins.
"I wish I had something to give you."
"Nah," he waves his hand dismissively at that. "I don't need anything. You're enough." Then, as if realizing he said that out loud, his eyes widen as he faces fully forward, stuttering, "Uh, shit, I mean-" he sighs, contemplation knawing at his lip.
When he doesn't continue, she quietly asks, "What do you mean?"
"I mean… your friendship is enough."
Somehow, that sinks her heart just a bit.
While being his friend is something she'd never reject, she still wants more than that. Is the possibility of them being close friends and together romantically so far fetched? Certainly, it couldn't be…
That is, unless he really doesn't-
"You're important to me, Clementine."
His voice is barely above a whisper, narrowly drowned out by the noise of the nature surrounding their walls, and the urge to kiss him is strong.
It's stronger than the moment they shared before infiltrating the delta when he asked her to slap him. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the impact. Holding him in that moment, telling him he'd be okay…
All she'd have to do it lean forward and press her mouth to his, maybe even sneak a hand behind his head to deepen the kiss. Would he be okay with that? Would he kiss her back, or would the shock of it leave him dumbfounded, frozen until she pulled away?
Louis' warmth is gone. He's on his feet, reaching down for her crutches and saying, "We should go inside. It's late and we have morning watch. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not sleep in and have to deal with Ruby's wake up call."
She didn't realize how dark it's gotten. While not totally nighttime, the sun's fallen completely and the air is skin-tingling cool.
Clementine peers around. It's still just them, again with the exception of Violet and Omar on watch.
Louis nudges her, offering the crutches.
As she stares at them, something's bubbling in her throat.
This isn't working.
Ignoring her feelings- both of them ignoring it… She has enough to deal with; the loss of a leg, worries about AJ being more independent and going off on his own most of the time, keeping everyone fed, the lack of Violet's sight, working up a trade with the traveling caravan…
And she could argue that pursuing this with Louis would bring up more worries, more potential to be heartbroken, but the idea of never giving it a chance only hurts more.
It's like what Louis himself told her once.
"There's only one guarantee: this moment."
"Clem, c'mon-"
"-Might as well enjoy it."
"Lou?" she interrupts. "Can… can we stay out here a little longer?"
Louis quirks a brow. "You don't have your jacket. Won't you get cold?"
"-this moment."
"Not if you're here with me."
Her words have a small effect on him, she can see it in the way his hands grip the crutches tighter and how his brows furrow. She can see the debate playing in his eye of if he should argue.
"Only for a little while," she says. "Please?"
His shoulders slump.
"Can't say no to a face like that," he murmurs to himself. "Okay, but if you get sick I'm putting you on bedrest for an entire week."
"A whole week, huh?"
"Yep!" He sets the crutches aside again, moving back to his spot beside her on the table. This time, though, he's more aware of how close they were and scoots away to give her more room. "And don't think you'll be able to escape. There'll be top security watching your every move."
"And where exactly will you find this top security?"
Louis smirks. "His name is AJ and he takes his job very seriously."
That gets a laugh out of her.
They laugh together as they sit on that table, peering out at the trees hanging over the walls. They remain out there until goosebumps rise along her arm and she has to control her body from shivering.
Louis seems to sense her tensity regardless of her efforts.
"Are you cold?"
"Maybe."
"Do you wanna go in?"
With her heart thumping so damn loud against her ribcage, Clementine shakes her head and scoots closer to him until their arms and thighs are pressed together. He watches her closely, exhaling shakily through his nose. He doesn't move away, and he doesn't say anything. She takes this as a good sign.
"We don't have to stay out here if you're cold."
"It's a nice night," she says. "Peaceful, like the dead aren't out there walking around. I just want to enjoy it a little longer."
"Well," he hesitates, scratching the back of his neck. "Do you want my jacket?"
"Won't you be cold, then?"
"Nah, I don't get cold easily. Here-" Louis leans away to shrug off his jacket and helps wrap it around her shoulders. The warmth soaks into her chilled skin, making her smile as she pulls the material closer.
"Thank you."
"Of course."
Louis nods up at the sky. "Stars are starting to come out," he says.
She follows his gaze up to the one lonely star occupying the darkening sky. The more she gazes, the more stars seem to appear until they're all scattered across an inky sky. She finds herself peering up at the moon, or rather the half moon, and thinks of how dark the world would become if it weren't there, how cold it would be.
Clementine anxiously picks at her cuticles, glancing over at him and speaking before she loses her nerve.
"Lou?"
"Hm?"
"Can I hold your hand?"
He cocks his head to look at her, blinking in confusion, clearly wondering if he heard her right.
Clementine reaches over to run her fingertips over the top of his hand before flipping it over and lacing their fingers together. His hand is much bigger than hers, rougher. Not that she has silky smooth hands, but they're different. Slimmer, more delicate, and not nearly as warm.
"Is this okay?"
"Oh, uh, heh-" Louis shakes his head, nervously chuckling. "Yeah, no, I don't mind. We can- we can hold hands."
He doesn't say it out loud, but she knows he's thinking it: Friends can hold hands! It's no big deal!
But, rather than genuinely thinking that to be true, it's an excuse.
Clementine moves even closer, taking his hand in both of hers and resting her cheek against his shoulder. This gets another anxious chuckle out of him, so she runs her thumb in calming circles along his wrist and hums lightly to herself. She lets her eyes fall, savoring the closeness as she racks her buzzing mind for something to say.
She hadn't been completely honest with him back in the music room those many weeks ago and has had nothing but regret ever since.
It's time to take the risk and change that.
She won't miss another opportunity.
Clementine turns so that her chin rests upon his shoulder, her nose nearly grazing his cheek. If he were to look at her now, they'd barely be an inch apart. He doesn't, fully aware of her every movement, fully knowing that if he did, everything would change.
Within the quiet of the night, she whispers, "You know you're important to me, too, right?"
He doesn't say anything, but his hand tightens around hers.
"You're one of my favorite people."
That makes him smile.
"I'm honored."
He doesn't look away from the sky, forcing a fascination with the stars.
Clementine pulls back to see his face, catching his glance towards her movement.
"Louis?"
Another glance.
"I like you."
Silence.
"A lot."
Then, he says slowly, forcibly light, "I like you, too."
Her heart drums in her ears, heat vibrating in her cheeks.
"You-" Louis' eyes fall shut, and with a sigh, he says, "You're an amazing friend."
"...So are you."
His eyes fall shut as he slips his hand free of hers.
Before Louis can move off the table, she asks, "Is that all you want?"
"What?"
"An amazing friend?"
"I- ... we should go inside. It's late."
This time, Clementine rests her hand on his knee, stopping him from getting off the table. He finally looks at her, and she can see it again. That disappointment mixed in a cocktail of melancholy and frustration, trying to hide beneath a cheery exterior. However, it seems that said exterior is starting to crack as he glances down at the hand touching him.
"What do you want, Clementine?"
"You."
Louis searches her face, trying to find something to doubt, looking for a double meaning behind that single word.
All he manages out is, "...We're friends."
"We are, but…" Quietly murmuring, just loud enough for him to hear, "That's not all we have to be."
"What, uh-" he clears his throat, scoffing and attempting to joke only for it to come out somewhat bitter, "like we could be super awesome best friends?"
"We can be that, too-" she removes her hand from his knee, trailing it up his neck to press against his cheek, "-and also be something else."
His hand moves on top of hers, conflicted on what to do here.
"Like what?"
That thought blares in her mind again as her gaze darts down to his slightly parted lips. He notices, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, waiting.
"Louis?"
A glance.
"Can I kiss you?"
A shaky sigh.
"Please."
An experimental press, there and back again, quickly turns into the kiss that continued to linger in her mind after that night in the music room. Warm, slow and unsure, but comforting yet thrilling. With every kiss, Clementine grows bold, keeping on hand on his cheek while the other pulls him closer by the nape of his neck. A pleased sigh escapes her, and she feels his lips curl into a pleased, giddy smile as he kisses her.
When they break apart, Louis' giggling to himself and staring at her with those dark, loving eyes.
"Didn't know best friends did this," he jokes.
"They don't," she smirks. "But boyfriend and girlfriend's do."
"Well, too bad we're super awesome best friends then, huh?"
"Louis."
He laughs, so happy and warm.
She can't help but kiss him again.
And as she kisses him, she makes a mental note to fix those initials during their piano lesson tomorrow.