For a companion that didn't travel full time on the TARDIS, Clara's bedroom was like a second home to her. She'd spend days in the blue box while only hours would pass at home, so she needed somewhere to sleep. For a while she'd insisted that she went back to sleep after only one adventure, but the years had changed that.
Years? Had it really been years?
She supposed it had, really. Longer for her than the rest of the world, at any rate. She was sure all those extra days and weeks would have added up. She felt older. She'd been very young and naive when she'd first met the Doctor and Danni. A lot had happened since then. She'd learnt a lot. She'd lost a lot.
Her bedroom had changed since she'd first found it. Originally it had been very plain, with creams and whites and soft tones that indicated that it was just a spare room. It had been a dig at her by the TARDIS, calling her a spare. Something temporary.
Now, though, it reflected her bedroom at home much better. It felt warm and inviting whilst staying away from the clutter that she secretly hid in the wardrobe. She really liked it. When they had been searching for Danni she had turned to it as a respite from the worry and the agony at losing her own Danny. It had helped her to have a place away from everyone's sympathies. She wasn't sure if she'd have survived without it.
Clara looked at the small suitcase that sat at the foot of the bed, full of clothes and little trinkets. What was she going to do without it?
~0~0~0~
The Doctor hadn't wanted to let go of Danni's hand, but he'd had not choice. The moment the door closed behind them she'd slipped out of his grasp. It wasn't all bad, though. They'd escaped the Dalek city in the TARDIS, but she'd not had a chance to appreciate being back home. She slowly walked up to the console, her fingertips dragging on the top of the railings until she could no longer reach it. Her head tilted back slightly as she looked up at the time rotor, following it up to the ceiling. He watched her walk around, a small little smile on her face as she took the TARDIS in. The TARDIS had automatically brightened when she'd stepped in. He hadn't noticed it the first time. He did now.
He and Clara just watched her, barely breathing, frozen in their respective spots. It was if they were both scared to move in case they startled her. Like she was a baby deer in the forest and they were spying on her.
When she reached the end of the circle, she reached out, tracing her fingers over the controls. She was examining everything once again, he realised. She was replacing the memories she had lost. How long had it been for her?
She reached out and flipped a switch, and the time rotor sparked into life. He watched, for a moment, as the soft smile broke out into the happiest of grins, before quickly falling back. She was scared to show she was happy.
They all stood in silence. He wasn't sure what to say, Clara seemed to be exactly the same, and Danni was reacclimatising to being home again. There were so many things he wanted to know that a starting point seemed impossible to find.
Part of him didn't even want to know the details. She'd died without him. Missy had killed her, which blew apart every belief he'd had about what had happened between his wife and the other Time Lady. What had happened? Where had they been? How had she survived? What other things had Missy put her through?
Danni turned her head slightly, looking at him. Her lips pressed together for a moment. Once again she was taking a moment to work out her words. "You said you had a lot of questions," she reminded him gently.
He could have laughed. He could have cried. He'd had no idea how much that statement would have rang true. He'd just thought she was a sassy fighter of a woman. He'd never have thought it would have gone deeper than that.
He took a step towards her, almost expecting her to take a step back. Thankfully she didn't. She just looked at him expectantly, waiting patiently as he tried to work out what, exactly he wanted to ask her first.
"What happened?" he settled on. It was such a broad question that she could choose how much she wanted to answer. She looked like she had almost been expecting it, and nodded to herself.
Her mouth worked around the words before she started. "When we were in 3W, you and Clara walked off to talk to… to talk to Danny Pink," she said. "Missy took me then. I woke up in the bedroom, chained to the bed and that's where she killed me."
The Doctor's hands clenched in pure anger at his sides. She may have sounded like she was just listing off information, but he knew personally the pain behind regeneration. He never wanted for her to go through it on her own. She must have been terrified. His Danni never did well with being truly scared.
Maybe she did now. He didn't know, and that broke his hearts as well.
"I wasn't allowed out of the bedroom for a long time," she continued. "Then I wasn't allowed out of the building. Then she started taking me places. She slaved a vortex manipulator to her own. She took me to Messaline, to the Jenny exhibit when we had our photo taken. Then there was the Space Titanic, when you were Ten. Umm..." Her brows furrowed. "There was a few when you were Eleven. She even took me back to see Clara before she'd met us."
Clara took a step forward, finally joining in the conversation. "When was that?" she asked. "I don't remember seeing you."
"I gave you the TARDIS's phone number," Danni explained with a little shrug. "I wasn't allowed to tell you. The whole building was rigged to blow up if I did."
Clara felt rather unsettled to know that, at some point, she had been in a building that had been rigged to explode at any point. However, it wasn't her main focus. "You were the woman in the shop?" she exclaimed, horrified. "I-I didn't realise." She turned to the Doctor. "I didn't know," she promised. "If I had, I would have said something." She turned back to Danni. "I'm so sorry. If I'd known, I would have said something!"
The Doctor rolled his eyes. "I knew it was her," he told Clara shortly.
"And you didn't say anything?" Clara asked, surprised. "We could have gone back!"
"You don't think I tried that?" he snapped back. "Let her finish."
Clara grimaced sheepishly. Of course he would have tried. And there she went again, taking over a situation that wasn't about her. It was so ingrained in her to be in charge she let it overrule her sometimes. "Sorry," she said softly, smiling at Danni. "Go on."
"It's okay," Danni replied. "Well, um…" She shuffled slightly on the spot, like she wanted to turn away. "Well, after a few attempts to escape, I finally managed it. I spent a long while just running, trying to make sure she couldn't find me, then I set about looking for you. I acquired a manipulator but the time circuits were fried. I tried to fix them, but it didn't really work. When I heard Davros was looking for you, I came here and… well," she shrugged. "That's it, really."
She couldn't look at them, her head had dipped and she refused to look up from the floor. There was a lot more to that story than her brief overview, and while the Doctor wanted to know every little piece so that he could attempt to try to make up for his failure, pushing her when she'd just walked through the door was a cruelty even he knew to avoid.
He closed the gap between them even more and she jumped, eyes wide as she looked up at the sudden attack. She saw it was him, and relaxed. "I-I never thought that I..." She pressed her lips together again, forcing herself to trail off before she said anything.
He reached out for her. He didn't take her hand, he didn't force her close. "Danni, it's okay," he reassured her gently. "We're here. You're here. We're home."
Clara hated the way that Danni hesitated. She hated the way that she looked suspiciously, then warily, at the Doctor's hand, like it was going to bite her. She hated to think that Missy had managed to take Danni's trust of her husband – something that had only really wavered once – and twist it to the point that she wasn't sure she could trust him anymore. Danni would always take a hug off her friends, or her husband, or anyone she cared about. She'd hug people she'd only just met. Whatever Missy had done to her must have been much worse than she'd thought.
Her brows furrowed as her mind conjured up images, then settled on one thought. "You said Missy had put someone in a robot before," she said. "Was that you?"
Danni had been reaching out for her husband, but just as her fingertips brushed his skin, she froze, and Clara immediately regretted the question. She pulled her hand back, her fingers fluttering before it fell by her side.
The Doctor saw the change as well and his eyes narrowed. "She's just found her way back," he said lowly in warning. "How about we save the third degree until later?"
"I'm sorry, it just slipped out," she replied. "I didn't mean..."
"She's not even had a chance to sit down," he continued, his voice raising just slightly. He turned back to his wife. "You don't have to answer that," he promised.
"I-I-" she stuttered out, looking between the two. She hadn't realised they'd still be fighting. And that was all her fault. Again. "I think I need a shower," she suddenly declared. "I haven't had one in days, and that desert was rather warm and dusty."
She didn't move, looking at him with a sense of apprehension. The Doctor shot her a kind smile in return. "If that's what you want," he told her. He didn't want her to go. He didn't want her out of his sight, but it was becoming increasingly obvious she was rather overwhelmed.
She nodded. "Thank you," she said. The Doctor watched her walk off, but noted the wince on her face directly after her words. Like she was annoyed that she'd even said them. Like it was an instinct that she really didn't like having at all.
"Do you think Missy made her say 'thank you' for allowing her to do things like clean herself?" Clara asked, horrified, once Danni was out of earshot.
The Doctor didn't reply straight away, even though he could pretty much guarantee it. "I don't know why you're even here," he snapped. "All you have done is upset my wife."
"If I wasn't here then you wouldn't even have her back," Clara retorted. "We all wanted to find her. I was just helping."
"Finding Danielle has nothing to do with your presence here," the Doctor told her. "If you had just stayed home where I'd left you..."
"Then you would never have gone to Davros," Clara finished for him. "Don't pretend like you weren't on the Time Lord equivalent to a bender when me and Missy turned up!"
"And don't pretend like you have her best interests at heart," he snapped back. "Now we've found her, now she is safe from Missy, I'm going to keep her safe from you."
"What does that mean?" Clara demanded.
"It means that you will not ask her questions she is not ready to answer," he listed off. "It means that you will not force her to face anything that has happened unless she wants to, and it means that if I think, for a moment, you're going to hurt her again I will drop you off home."
"And she won't let you," Clara told him. "And I'm not going without a fight. She'd my best friend and if she wants me here then I'm staying!"
The Doctor looked down at the woman that used to be his friend, at their companion, and felt every thread of his anger wrap together and point straight at her. Every ill feeling, all of his fury and heartbreak and pain gathered together and decided that she was going to bear the brunt of everything that was threatening to break out of him.
He took a step towards her, a face like thunder, and Clara instinctively took a step back. When other people were scared of him, she stood up to him because he'd never scared her. When she'd killed Danni she had actually felt that fear for the first time. The look on his face brought that fear back in full force.
"You're the reason she died," he told her lowly. "No matter how much you try and twist it in your head, you're the reason neither of us noticed she was gone. You are the reason that Missy got her hands on her. You are the reason that she was chained to a bed and abused. You are the reason she has run away to the shower. All we ever wanted was your friendship, and you chucked it back in back in our faces."
"You can't possibly think that I meant for all this to happen!" Clara shouted back. "You..." She glanced behind her, checking to see if Danni was stood there. While she was sure that Danni wasn't coming back any time soon, she still decided to play it safe and she stepped closer to him. "You know how I feel about her," she hissed. "You've played that card often enough."
"It doesn't matter," he replied. "This is all your fault!"
Clara straightened, shaking her head and a twisted little smirk appeared on her face. "You're right; it doesn't matter," she agreed. "And it doesn't matter if you believe that I'm at fault, or if you realise that it was Missy all along, or even if you blame yourself, or even if I blame myself. Danni will always forgive me. She already has, and you know that as much as I do. I've been inside your head," she jabbed at her own head, "I know how you think. You think like me, we're the same! As long as she forgives me there is nothing you're going to do about me. I'm here to stay."
The Doctor fell back slightly, the anger dissipating slightly as victory came to him. Clara was staring at him, as if daring him to try and contradict her. "Miss Oswald, once again hitting the nail right on the head," he retorted. "She will always forgive you, but none of that matters. This… this argument, you and me," he motioned between them, "none of it matters. You've been inside my head, you claim to know me so well. Tell me; did I ever forgive myself?"
Clara frowned. "Forgive what?"
"When I killed her?" he asked. "Oh, I didn't actually pull the trigger. I didn't blow apart her stomach. She didn't die in my arms because I was the one who shot her. But I held her out, I watched her- I watched her float away." He waved his hands to illustrate, but both of them knew what he was referring to. "You know me so well? Did I forgive myself?"
She shook her head. "No," she mumbled. She remembered feeling the guilt fully once he'd saved her from his time line. It was almost overwhelming, and sometimes she would remember it and she
"And did she forgive me?" he continued. "We both know she did. We both know, just like with you, that she forgave me almost instantly. And it doesn't matter." He held his hands out, like he was conceding the point he was making. "You'll never forgive yourself," he told her. "Just like I never did. You may not have chained her to the bed, and you may not have taken the shot that caused her to regenerate, but it doesn't matter. One moment of grief meant that she was taken, and she was killed. It was all your fault and the reason you're arguing so passionately is because you know it's true. She may forgive you, but you never will."
With his hands in his pockets, he started to walk out of the console room, past the stunned Clara. "Don't pretend you know me better than I know you," he drawled as he headed away. "Like you said; we're the same."
Clara could feel her horror rising, that clawing pain in her chest tearing at her. He was right. She hated that he was, but she hadn't forgiven herself. She'd thought about it more than once. It was the reason she had fought so hard to find Danni, even when she should have taken a break sooner. She wanted Danni to forgive her because there was no way she was going to forgive herself.
She wanted Danny to forgive her because she hadn't been able to save him.
She wanted the Doctor to forgive her because she was never going to forgive herself for causing them both to lose focus, and miss when Danni was taken from her. She needed him to forgive her for that.
But he wouldn't. Because she wouldn't. There was no forgiveness. They were too much the same.
~0~0~0~
The walls felt rough underneath her fingers. Danni really couldn't stop touching everything. Each door frame, each handle, each light. She opened each door to peer in, then closed it before heading on. She had been so sure that she'd remember where her bedroom was. It took her a moment to realise that the TARDIS probably would just give her the right door when she was ready to.
The fact that the bedroom door suddenly happened to be the next door she found made her rather suspicious. She dipped her head in first, a frown on her face, checking out each corner of the room.
She walked over to the wardrobe and opened the door. There was clothes hanging up, ones she remembered wearing. She pulled them all out, running her fingers over each seam of the wardrobe before hastily shoving the clothes back in.
She next checked into the bed, dropping onto her stomach and peering under. She couldn't see anything there, either, so she quickly jumped back to her feet.
"Are you here?" she called out but there was no answer. There wasn't usually an answer, but sometimes it worked and she would be taken out of the illusion she had woken up in.
She waited a moment longer before heading to the bathroom. She performed the same ritual in there as well, checking each wall, checking the cupboard where all her excess shower gels were kept. She had accumulated quite the collection over the years. There was no hidden door in there. She'd sort out the mess she'd made later, should she still not wake up.
The shower was lovely. This body, she had noticed one day, liked to just stand under the water and let it run off her for ages. Once she'd stayed in the shower for almost an hour. Her skin had wrinkled terribly and she'd been told off for it, but she'd actually rather enjoyed it.
She wasn't afforded such a luxury at the moment, though. She quickly washed the dirt off, washing her hair, before getting out in just under ten minutes. It was a skill she'd picked up when she'd first jumped around the Doctor's timeline. Plus, it didn't allow her time to think on his question.
'What happened?'
It was such a loaded question, how was she even supposed to know where to begin with it? So much had happened over the time she'd been in Missy's possession, and so much afterwards as well, that it would take an age just to tell him part of it. And the look on his face if she ever told him…
She rigorously dried her hair the best she could with her towel before checking the cupboard again. Still nothing, so she got dressed and headed into the bedroom. Another sweep showing nothing at all and she was in the hallway.
Each door seemed to lead to another room rather than the console room, and while she didn't have time to search them all correctly, they all seemed to be how she remembered. But would she remember them properly, anyway? She hadn't been on the TARDIS for so long that maybe it was her memory that was failing and all of the rooms were wrong, she just didn't know it.
She turned a corner and immediately jumped. She'd not been expecting to see anyone, but Theta also seemed to pause in surprise at seeing her.
He immediately looked apologetic. "I didn't mean to sneak up on you, my Pet," he told her. She expected to flinch at the nickname. Instead she felt relieved at hearing it, and not for the first time from his lips either.
"That's alright," she replied quietly in reply. "I just wasn't expecting anyone else." They stood in silence for one, seemingly long, moment, just staring at each other.
"Did you have a nice shower?" the Doctor asked and she nodded.
"Warm water is seriously underrated," she told him. "I need to clear out that cupboard, though. I didn't realise I had such a problem with shower gels."
"It can wait," he replied. Again, there was this awkward pause. "I thought I'd find you in the bedroom."
Again, she nodded, like she could understand his confusion. "I was just… you know, having a look around," she said. "Seeing if everything was like I remembered."
"And?"
She smiled softly, glancing back down the hallway over her shoulder. "So far so good." She turned back to him. "Where's Clara?"
His face hardened, annoyance flickering across it. "Her room, I should suspect," was his short reply. Danni had really hoped that, while she'd been away, that their fighting would have ended. It turned out it hadn't.
"Oh."
Once again a silence fell over them. She seemed unsure of how to speak to him, and the Doctor just didn't know where to begin. There seemed to be nothing to talk about than what had happened, but neither of them wanted to talk about it yet now that they'd just been reunited. Everything he wanted to do seemed to cross some new line that had been drawn between them and he hated it so much it made him want to cry. He didn't want to hurt her by asking questions, and he didn't want to hurt her by ignoring it completely. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable by taking hold of her like he wanted and never letting go, and he didn't want to reject her by keeping his distance.
So, he stuck with being bluntly honest. "I don't know what to do."
A small smile flickered on her face. That was her Theta. What some people might take as an annoyed statement, she saw desperation behind it. He wasn't just telling her, he was beseeching her to help him.
She gave a little shrug. "I don't either," she admitted. "I never- I never thought I'd get this far. I never thought I'd-"
She pressed her lips together again, cutting herself off before she said too much. Instead, she took a deep breath to calm herself down before smiling at him once again. "What do you want to do?"
The question was ridiculous, and yet so like his Danielle that he actually let out a little chuckle of relief at it. He knew nothing of this new incarnation. He'd not seen her grow and become her own separate person like she had with his. It was so nice to see parts he recognised so he could correlate them with the ones that were new.
Again, he stuck with honesty. "I want to hold you and never let go," he told her. "But I know it's too much for you right now and I refuse to push it. But, I am unsure of how to proceed with that." She started worrying her hands in front of her. He was right; she wasn't ready for it, either. Not while she was still so unsure. "I know a lot happened and you can't even begin to tell me. I know that you want to, because I can see the way you have to cut yourself off already, and we've only been back together half an hour. I can't imagine what that… that thing put you through, and all because I let you down..."
You didn't let me down.
She wanted to say that but she couldn't. She just pressed her lips together all the more, stopping herself talking just like he said she did.
"Basically," his shoulders dropped, "I'm terrified of scaring you."
Her smile felt shakier than normal. "So am I," she whispered in return. "I- I don't want it to happen, but it's going to and it hurts. I've never been scared of you, but I..."
He nodded, allowing her to trail off, allowing her a moment of silence to gather herself. "I'm not going to ask," he promised. "And I'm not going to touch you until you touch me. But, the moment you do, I'm going to gather you up and make up for… well, everything. And I promise you." He took a step closer. "I promise, Danni, on everything I am that she will not get to you again."
He watched her straighten, her eyes darting around, as if the mere mention of Missy made her terrified that she was around. "Danielle," she looked back to him, "I'll keep you safe."
"I can look after myself, you know?" she replied, slightly cheekily. "I'm not the one who needed saving from Davros, was I?"
He took the change in topic. "I had it all under control," he boasted.
"With your sonic sunglasses, right?" she countered. "Like some ancient rock star?"
He smirked. "Well, I didn't want to say..."
They walked off, next to each other, bantering back and forth like she had never been away. The temptation to play over every little detail again and again was huge for anyone who had been torn apart, but they weren't exactly short on time. The Doctor was just so happy to have her back that he could wait for her to offer the information freely. All he wanted was to help her heal, help her move on, and live his life by her side.
Clara dipped her head out of her doorway, tears in her eyes. So much wasn't said between the two, but she had heard every word. There was so much hurt and pain there that it was going to take a lot more time than either of them probably realised.
Her poor Danni-Girl…
~0~0~0~
Rarely sleeping did have its advantages. While people slept on, the Doctor could spend time doing almost anything he wanted. It also helped that he lived in a time machine, which opened a lot more doors in that regard.
Sometimes, though, it really had its disadvantages. Danielle had headed to bed after what was probably a rather long, and definitely emotional, day. He'd wanted to go to bed with her but hadn't wanted to push her too soon. He had meant what he said; everything he did was going to be based on her cues. She'd just said a soft goodnight and headed to their bedroom. He'd let her, pretending to be contacting people to let them know she was okay.
He just needed a little time to process everything. He'd headed to Davros with the belief he was going to die. He'd taken over his stupid chair and threatened the entire Dalek race because he was going to die and he was taking as many of them with him as possible. Because he'd lost her forever. Because he'd failed.
And now she was here. Sleeping in their bedroom, in their TARDIS, finally back home after being gone for so long. It felt too good to be true, so he wanted to take the time to make sure that he could actually enjoy it and not worry about the million and one things that could possibly go wrong.
As if that was going to happen.
He'd not been able to call anyone up. They'd want to speak to her, or visit her, and he was still annoyed that Clara was in the TARDIS. He didn't want anyone else coming and crowding her when it was obvious that she just wanted to be left alone. And he wanted to be alone with her.
Instead, he'd made sure they were floating in the vortex before sitting down in his favourite chair, staring out into the console room. Everything he wanted to think about, to contemplate, rushed through his head so quickly that he found himself unable to think at all. He just stared, mind blank, hearts pounding.
She was home.
She was here. In their bed. Sleeping like she always did. He had expected them to meet back up, hug, kiss, cry and then… he knew he'd have to help her through whatever Missy would have put her through. He'd thought Missy was going to let her go, to not hurt her too much, but the fact that she had been killed just said he knew absolutely nothing. And now he didn't know how to proceed. Did he even want to know what happened? What was he supposed to do?
At the end of each of their adventures, everything always seemed to settle back into the norm. This time that just wasn't going to happen. Missy hadn't just hurt her, and killed her, and kidnapped her. She'd taken their normal, she'd taken his wife and she'd changed them both so fundamentally that it was going to be a struggle to even find their way again.
And would Danni even want that back?
He blinked, surprised at the sudden wave of self-doubt. In all of his despair he'd never once thought that she wouldn't want to be with him when they were reunited. But she'd not even asked him to go to bed with him. She'd not kissed him goodnight and she'd not said she loved him. They'd not been back together long, but those had hurt more than he wanted her to know. And they hurt because he didn't know if it was because she was still uncomfortable, or scared, or if she just didn't want to say it anymore.
Was this how she felt when he'd regenerated? He suddenly could understand that instant uncertainty she'd felt all those years ago. Three hundred years apart and a new and different demeanour had put her completely on the wrong footing, and his behaviour had just confirmed that to her. Was that what was in store for them? Was he going to feel rejected too?
No.
Not a chance. He straightened slightly in his chair. He knew better than that. She was the one who was always telling him that deep feelings, those parts of yourself that were truly part of you never left when you regenerated. Tastes and personalities could alter, but not the feelings deep inside. Not his love for her, and not her love for him. He wasn't going to let her drift away. He'd learn every single new part of her, and he'd find each old and familiar part, and they'd be stronger than ever. Missy may have killed her, but he was going to be there as she lived.
He jumped off the chair and scurried down the stairs to the console. He quickly ran to the monitor with his renewed sense of determination. He could wallow, or he could move on. He chose to move on.
He brought up their bedroom just in time to see Danielle push herself behind one of the cupboards and push it to the ground. His eyes widened in surprise. Clothes were scattered everywhere. The covers were off the bed, also discarded to the side. The bathroom door was thrown wide open.
He almost skidded as he ran off without watching any more, heading to the bedroom with all the panic of running away from something trying to kill him. He chucked the door open and Danni spun around. She was obviously panicking, but her face held a furious look, as if him interrupting her was somehow infuriating.
"Where is she?" she demanded. "I know she's here somewhere!"
The way she spat out the pronoun immediately told him who she was talking about. He took a step closer, hands out in front of him in the hopes of placating her. "Danni, she's not here," he promised. "She can't get into the TARDIS."
Danni shook her head. "No, no, I know a dream when I see it," she told him. "There's no way she would just run off and leave me with you. I wasn't born yesterday. There's a door here somewhere and I'm going to find it."
It was absolutely terrifying to see her so worked up. He wasn't sure what else to do, so he reached out and grabbed her by the wrists before she could do any more damage to the room. "Danni," he said forcefully. "Missy isn't here. I don't know where she is, but I promise you that she's not here."
Danni did stop when he grabbed her, looking down when he was holding onto her like she didn't quite believe he was touching her. When her gaze rose to meet his, they were wide and startled. She looked around at the mess she'd made, then back at him.
"She's not here," he promised her again. "You're safe. I promise."
Her mouth moved up and down, working around the words she wanted to say. "I don't feel it," she admitted, ashamed of saying it out loud.
"You don't have to yet," he reassured her. "I'll make sure you are until you can feel it yourself."
She nodded slowly. "That's what you always say," she told him. "And I always believe you. I don't know if I can again. What if it just goes the same way again? I can't- I can't go through that again."
"I can't convince you to believe me," he replied. "You have to find that yourself. But you're safe. I will always make sure of that."
She looked him up and down, brows furrowed. He knew that he had a lot to make up for, and lot to prove. She did smile slightly, though, as she pulled her hands from his grasp. "One last time," she replied. "But I can't promise..."
"You don't have to promise anything," he replied, turning her around gently and nudging her towards the bed. "Go to sleep, get some rest, and we'll work on it tomorrow."
"What about the room?" she asked. "Do you want me to clean it up before I do?"
He shrugged. "The TARDIS will sort it out," he dismissed. "She always does."
Danni looked over her shoulder at him, coming to a stop. A calculating look flashed over her face and her mouth opened to, he guessed, ask him a question. Whatever it was, though, seemed to die and she rolled her eyes instead.
"You shouldn't put it all on the TARDIS," she scolded. "She's our home, not our maid."
"Yes, yes, I know," he replied. "And when you want to do your dishes, you're more than welcome to."
"I do my dishes!" she protested. "You know I have excellent cleaning skills."
"Didn't deny that, my Pet," he told her. "Never would." He tried not to image what thoughts were rushing through her head, and he tried not to work out why she had been looking for a door. Instead he walked over to the bed and helped her put it back together again.
~0~0~0~
Clara surprised herself with how quickly she accepted Danni back in the TARDIS. She opened the door to the kitchen the next morning and saw the brunette by the kettle and she barely jumped at all.
If anything, it was her new body that was strange rather than her presence on the TARDIS after being gone for so long. It wasn't that it wasn't a nice body – Clara actually caught herself looking her up and down before realising exactly what she was doing – she just looked so different. And, instead of being used to it from when the Doctor regenerated, she couldn't help but stare. She was even wearing a pair of dark blue pyjama pants and a black vest, while the Danni who had come before her liked lighter colours in her sleepwear.
She had a line of mugs in front of her as she poured four cups of tea. When she put the kettle back, Danni looked over at Clara with a soft little smirk of a smile on her face. "Don't stare too much," she teased. "I can't help looking this fantastic."
"I was just wondering why you were up," Clara retorted. "I thought you and the Doctor would still be in bed."
Danni shrugged to herself. "I don't really like to sleep much anymore," she explained. "And the Doctor doesn't sleep at all if he can help it. I thought I'd get onto making us some drinks."
"Well, I'll never say no to a morning cup of tea," Clara said, wandering over. "Why did you make four?"
"Well, one for me, one for you," she pushed Clara's mug towards her, "one for the Doctor and one..."
Her hand hovered over the top of the mug, the steam quickly burning her palm. The fourth was for Missy. She'd done it without thinking, and she hated herself for it. She'd done it automatically because, for so long, whatever she made it was always for Missy. She'd spent so long trying to remember how Clara and the Doctor took their drinks – both with a ridiculous amount of sugar and just the right amount of milk – that the third and fourth mug had come naturally to her.
She quickly grabbed it by the handle, heading to the sink. "Practice," she finished sharply. "That one was practice."
She poured away and almost threw the cup in afterwards, but remembered that it would have just smashed, so she put it on the drainer ready to be cleaned. "Everyone needs a practice cup," she continued. "Making tea isn't something to scoff at."
Clara watched her walk away from the sink, pause, then move back to rinse both the sink and the cup out. She obviously had just wanted to leave it alone but, something inside her told her that she couldn't.
"Was that for Missy?" She asked it kindly, hoping that the tone of her voice was more reassuring than prying.
Danni shook her head. She didn't want to talk about it. She'd barely been back on the TARDIS a day, couldn't she just enjoy being there for a little while before she started to analyse every single little thing she did?
"Of course it was," she snapped out. "Don't bring attention to it."
She picked up the mug she had designated Clara's and practically shoved it at her. "We can do that," Clara agreed. "She's gone now, anyway."
"Yeah," Danni muttered. She didn't believe that, not for a second. Sooner or later Missy was going to turn up and try and take her again. She wasn't going to stop just because Danni was seemingly safe. In fact, Danni was so convinced that it was only a matter of time before she was back in that bedroom that she had to wonder if this wasn't a dream and was, in fact, some extended horrid trick by Missy to try and break her spirit once again.
"You can, though, you know?" Clara did continue. She didn't want Danni to be afraid of her. She wanted Danni to be her friend. "Talk, if you want. If you don't want the Doctor to know, you can always tell me. If you want to, of course. We don't have to talk about anything."
"Thanks," Danni said in reply. "But I'm good. I better take him his tea," she continued, picking up the third mug. "I'll be back in a minute."
"I'll make toast," Clara offered and Danni did actually smile at her. Clara, as always, was incredibly considerate and also not awfully pushy. She really appreciated it. If anyone would make her talk, it would be Clara. But she didn't want anyone to know what had happened to her, especially when she couldn't guarantee it would get back to Missy in some form.
"Thanks, sweetie," Danni said sincerely. "I won't be long."
Clara watched her head out, her own smile falling away. Danni would always open up to her. It was the reason she'd come to her when she'd left her husband. Their friendship was solid, it was something Clara had always been able to rely on. Danni didn't want to talk to her not because she didn't want to talk, but because she didn't think she could. She knew her Danni-Girl well.
Danni hadn't asked about Danny. She had yet to even bring up the man with her name and that just added to the evidence that was screaming that she wasn't okay. Danni would want to check if she was okay. She'd want to know if they'd found Danny after she was taken. She'd want to know how long it had been, and had she missed the funeral, and if there was anything she could do. Danni not asking about her boyfriend just meant that there was so much going on in her head that she couldn't even remember anything around her. She couldn't handle someone else's pain because she was in such pain herself.
There was so much more going on that Danni was letting on. This wasn't something she was going to get past easily. Clara had clung to saving Danni as the start of moving on with her own life. Perhaps she was putting too much on the shoulders of a woman who made four cups of tea for three people.
~0~0~0~
Clara sighed to herself, standing in front of her mirror as she straightened her clothes. Her case was taunting her from the end of her bed, pointing out that she was just stalling. She'd checked herself in the mirror almost half a dozen times and she looked fine. Not that she really needed to look her best. But, then again, she always liked to look her best when she could.
Eventually, though, she had to pull herself together. She was going to have to grab that case, walk it out into the hallway, and into the console room.
She let out a shaky breath. This was actually happening. How could this be happening?
She nodded once to herself before reaching for the case. It felt heavy as she pulled it behind her, and yet it was like she could barely feel it. The lump in her throat was threatening to choke her. She had to fight against anything not to turn back around.
Danni and the Doctor were in the console room when she reached it, stood a few feet apart but talking freely. Danni glanced over at her, trailing off as she frowned.
"Where are you going?" she asked playfully, but Clara could hear the confusion in her voice.
"Home," she replied, walking over with her suitcase. She had to be strong, she couldn't back down now. "I think it's time for me to leave."
"Oh," Danni replied simply. "Fair enough. I guess you have been here a while now." She smiled warmly at Clara. "We can get back to picking you up on Wednesdays," she continued. "We can start getting back to normal again."
Clara glanced at the Doctor, who didn't seem too pleased by this news judging from the scowl on his face. It really hurt to think that this was how they were going to end things. She had really hoped that they might have made amends, but she also knew that no matter how hard she tried, the Doctor was never going to trust her again. And, really, she couldn't blame him.
"No, I mean, I think it's time for me to leave. For good," she clarified.
"Oh," Danni repeated, obviously completely taken aback by Clara's sudden desire to leave. "Um, sure, we can..." She looked to the Doctor for help. "We can do that. Um..."
Her brain stuttered to a stop. At no point over the years had this scenario played out. She'd never made it back only for Clara to leave. Nothing could have prepared her for it, and she really just wanted to grab Clara and beg for her to stay. But, the last thing she would ever do was hold someone against their will.
She didn't even know how to handle it. She'd never had a companion just leave on them before. Well… Martha did, but not only had Martha done it when she wasn't there, but she had already known it was coming. She had never seen Clara just walking away. She'd not even liked to think about Clara leaving at all.
"I'll fly us back," the Doctor told them both, stepping up to the console. Danni gave a little, desperate shake of her head, as if telling him to not let this happen. "I never thought it would be this easy to get you to leave."
"Doctor!" Danni scolded before turning back to Clara. "Is… Is that why you're leaving?" she asked. "Because you two are fighting?"
Clara quickly shook her head. "No, definitely not," she promised. "It's… Well, it's because of you, really." Danni backed away like she had been hit, her eyes widening in horror. "No, no, that came out wrong," Clara quickly clarified. "Look..." She reached out for Danni's hand before catching herself. "You've been through something terrible," she started. "And you're not okay. You're as far from okay as you could possibly be, and that is something that's going to take time and help to come back from. And that help can't come from anyone but him." She nodded to the Doctor. "I'm not going to be able to help you. I'm just not."
"I've never wanted you to feel like you need to help me," Danni replied. "I never meant to put anything like that on your shoulders."
"And you didn't. I'm happy to do it," Clara promised.
"Is it because I didn't ask about Danny?" Danni threw back, surprising Clara. "I didn't want to because I wasn't sure if you could talk about him yet. I did- I did think about it, though."
"No, it's not that," Clara replied. "Danni, you need time alone. You need to heal, and you need help and I just can't do that. I can't, because all I do is look at you and see guilt, and that is never going to work."
Danni shook her head. "You don't have anything to feel guilty about," she insisted. "You've not done anything wrong."
"I did," Clara corrected. "I killed you."
"It was just a dream!" Danni exclaimed, trying not to show how upset she was. She didn't like to cry in front of anyone because it was just something else that could be used against her. Most of the time she didn't have the luxury of getting emotional. She just wanted Clara to understand that she didn't, for one moment, think Clara had hurt her.
"I know," Clara replied. "But my actions led to you being taken. Missy killed you because I was selfish." Danni opened her mouth to protest, but one look off Clara and she closed it again. "I can't let that go, Danni, even if you have. When I look at you, I see that failing. I see..." Her breath caught. "I was selfish because I lost the man I love," she continued softly. "And I've been using looking for you as an excuse to get over it, but I'm not. I don't know if I'm ever going to get over Danny Pink, but it's not going to happen here. And if I'm still grieving, and blaming myself, and trying to make everything right, I'm never going to get over him and I'm not going to be able to help you get over your demons."
Danni pressed her lips together. She could hear the pain in Clara's voice, but could see how the brunette was trying to keep herself together. She always liked to give a strong front, which just highlighted all the more how much she was hurting if she was willing to admit it. She wasn't just leaving because she felt guilty over what had happened – and that was no one else's fault but Missy's – but because she was grieving and being with her was just too painful for her to stand. She was leaving because it became too much and their friendship was destroyed forever.
Danni had to let her go.
She reached forward, pulling Clara in for a hug even though every part of her screamed at allowing such close contact with someone she still couldn't verify as being who they said they were. There was no way she was going to let her go without one.
"You're my best friend," Danni told her before pulling back. Both of them were crying now. "I just want you to be happy. If this is how it happens, then this is what has to happen."
"You're my best friend," Clara replied. "I never want to hurt you again, and this is how that happens." Danni nodded and Clara reached out, cupping her face. "But don't think, for one moment, that I'm going to let you go forever. I'm not like your other friends. I expect visits. I expect sleepovers when you're ready to see me again. You don't get to just run away like with everyone else."
Danni laughed lightly. "You always have to be the boss, don't you?"
Clara let go of her face, straightening slightly. "I am the boss," she corrected. They both stood, staring at each other, and Clara realised that she wasn't going to see either of them for a very long time. Her heart ached. Her tears stung her eyes. "I never thought this was how it would go," she told Danni honestly.
"No, me neither," Danni agreed. "Clara Oswald. Our Impossible Girl." She tried to smile. "I'm really going to miss you."
"I'm going to miss you too, my Danni-Girl," Clara replied. She turned, grabbing the handle of her suitcase, and dragged it over to the Doctor. He'd flown them back to her flat while they had been talking, and was now stood with those stupid sunglasses on top of his head, watching the scene with a look of disinterest that fooled neither woman.
"I know you don't trust me," Clara said. "And I know you'll never forgive me. But you are my best friend as well, and I will miss you. And I'm so sorry."
"I know," he replied. "Thank you for doing this for her." And he meant it. Danielle needed time, she needed space. In the same way that she had helped him, he needed to help her come to terms with what had happened. They needed time to come to terms together. He needed to be able to focus solely on his wife, and not on the woman that he did feel held some of the blame for what happened. He could never forgive her, but he appreciated her attempts all the same.
Clara looked between the Time Lords one more time, before she headed towards the door, suitcase behind her, head held high. Danni followed behind, but didn't set out into the hallway like Clara did. She parked the suitcase next to her, turned and closed the door behind her, then looked back out into her flat.
The TARDIS slowly disappeared behind her, and she felt absolutely devastated. She felt like she was leaving a life behind she never wanted to say goodbye to, and nothing felt more true. But her flat was her new start, a new life, one that she never saw without Danny Pink or the Doctor or Danni Fielding by her side. She'd lost the man she loved, and the woman she loved, and her best friend. She felt like she couldn't get any lower.
She nodded once to herself then pulled her suitcase to her bedroom. No time like the present to start again.
~0~0~0~
Should I keep apologising for the late chapters, or should we all just assume that there's an apology because I can't post on time anymore XD
Hope you liked the chapter :D
I'm going to be doing a new thing on Tumblr, called 'Ask Me Anything Monday'. I trialled it when I was away last month and it seemed to go down well, so I'd like to make it a monthly thing.
The first one will be next Monday, so the 13th November. They'll be once a month from then on, and I'll add reminders to the Authors Notes and post about it on Tumblr.
You don't have to have an account to submit questions. All you have to do is go to my Tumblr page and send me in messages with 'Ask me anything Monday' at the start of the ask so I know it's for then :D
Reviews -
silverhawke88 - Danni's on her fourth now. Her third regeneration and her fourth body :) No talk about it yet, but they've only just started being back together again.
serenitysaiyan - She's going to take a while to settle. And he will at some point, but right now he's just going to help her heal enough that she can handle being around more people, who will all have so many questions.
bored411 - She is, isn't she?! We'll get more of that when they get back to adventures once again. Hope you liked this chapter as well :)
House-of-marcella - Why thank you :D
Authora97 - Hehe I'm glad love, and well done! :D
AGBreads - Thanks sweetie!