A/N: Yikes! Sorry it took me so long to update. The next one will come sooner, I promise.
Xxxx
Severus had leaned against the stone wall beside the hidden door to his quarters all this time. He couldn't convince himself to leave, too many possibilities filling his mind. If Lily needed him, if the Dark Lord happened to call, he couldn't be down the hall in his office. Never mind the fact that one of his least favorite students was currently making himself comfortable inside his home. He kept an eye on his watch all the while, unsurprised that this reunion wasn't short, but knowing that soon it would need to end.
With fifteen minutes until the top of the hour, he rapped sharply on the door, the sound of his knuckles smacking wood resonating down the empty, portraitless hallway. Nothing. The absurdity of it all, breakfast would be ending shortly, and classes would begin. There was no time for this. His hand gripped the knob, pulling on it slowly in warning.
Muffled words drifted through the doorway, interspersed with the occasional sniffle. He opened it further. "I'm afraid time is up. You have classes, Potter."
The back of the boy's head, dark hair mussed about, faced him, his arms around his mother. Her hold on him was tight, the thin muscles visible in her arms holding him uncomfortably. Harry pulled back, a hand wiping across his face, no doubt ridding himself of tears. When he turned in Severus' direction, his gaze was locked on that of the floor, unable to meet Severus' eyes. Even with the tilt of his head, the red of his cheeks streaked with the shine of tears were noticeable.
He was thankful for the boy's embarrassment, feeling his own swell within him. Had they locked eyes; Severus wasn't sure how to react. Children were out of expertise, crying children even more so. He remained still on the stone as Harry passed him, as the latch clicked open and the wood thudded shut. Only when he was sure Harry had begun to move down the hall, that he wouldn't be coming back, did he approach Lily.
"Life hasn't been kind to him."
Lily ran her thumb across the waterline of her eye, stretching her lid as she did so before a sniffle, a bubble of snot escaped her. She gave a chuckle despite herself before the tears came again, more suddenly than the subdued kind he had walked in on.
"I don't understand." Her words were broken, voice undulating like waves of a sea, her eyes the watery green of seaweed as she looked back at him.
His lips were held tight together, no words escaping him. Did she mean Harry? Her situation? This entire fucking thing? Because he held the same answer for all three. He was of no help. "Sirius? Remus? They aren't aware, correct?"
Her tears seemed to dry at the words, the stifled sobs caught in her throat. "I haven't even…I didn't even think of them." She seemed ashamed, her head dropping to her hands, her fingers clawing at the skin of her face before hushed words escaped her lips. "They tried to protect us, and I didn't…"
"No matter. Until we are aware what we're dealing with, with what the Dark Lord expects of you, it would be wise to keep this to ourselves. The school is uncommonly full at the moment – a factor I'll fill you on later." A necessary chat he absolutely dreaded. "We don't want this getting messier than it needs to be."
"What do you suggest?"
"Occlumency, as we discussed, perhaps for Harry as well. In the meantime, I'm afraid I have classes to teach."
He thought of her all throughout, his mind and his work subdued as the day passed by him. His mind lingered on her as Turpin knocked over his cauldron of draught of living death, black sludge creeping across the metallic table and burning what lay beneath. He thought of her as detention was assigned, as his face grew red in anger and the boy's grew shy.
He thought of her through the uneventful second period, of which he was spared any accidents and nearly as many questions. He was thankful for the remedial potion of the calming draught, and likely the blue fumes that billowed into the classroom as well. For while the students in front of him brewed, he felt the calmest he had been since Lily's sudden reappearance.
With the class ending, he had rushed from the room nearly as hastily as the students before him, equally as anxious to be free of the place. He had paused only long enough to ensure the room was free of students, and that the door was locked behind him before he found himself taking long steps down the Slytherin corridor. And, as he walked, sliding past the students that filled the hall, he thought of her.
Severus had told her that house elves could provide food and whatever else she may need, for he couldn't be there at all times. As a professor, and specifically, as head of house, he was required to sit at the high table, to watch over and control his snakes. And, he thought of her still as he picked through the food on his plate, his eyes level with his students and the Durmstrang ones staggered among them.
There was no need to say that her appearance baffled him. Part of him still couldn't believe it despite knowing the truth. And, despite everything she had been through, of which he still questioned, she had remained the same. There was changes there, yes, cracks in her being, the fragility of her shattered by circumstance, but she was there, underneath it all. The twinkle in her eyes had been snuffed out, but the embers remained, ready to be ignited once more.
They had been friends in their youth, but nothing more. He loved her, he cared for her, but such feelings had only been platonic. Now, with her back, he felt that feeling beginning to change. Since learning of her death, he had hoped that he may be wrong, that somewhere out there she still existed. Never had he thought that it would become reality, believing it until now to be little more than a foolish desire.
And, Harry. The boy always complicated things. Since his presence began at the school four years ago, he had been nothing but trouble, an ever-present pain in Severus' side. At the thought, his eyes searched the Gryffindor crowd. Durmstrang had sat with the Slytherins while the Beauxbatons had chosen the Ravenclaws, leaving the Hufflepuff and Gryffindor tables untouched by outsiders. It made finding Harry easier, specifically because the boy was staring back at him.
Severus averted his eyes. He knew her son had questions, but despite how simple the answers were, he felt strange giving them. It was all too personal. This boy he couldn't stand had suddenly entered a very private area of his life, his home. All of it made Severus uncomfortable, and the look he was receiving even more so. He was grateful that Potter wasn't in any of his classes that day. He wasn't sure he could handle looking at him, interacting with him. That problem would come soon enough, and he preferred to push it off as long as he could.
Harry would likely need occlumency too. If the Dark Lord found someway into his mind, defending Lily's and his own, would be pointless. There would be no need for Severus himself to practice it, as he'd likely be dead. It was yet another task added to his plate.
These were the thoughts that filled his mind during that lunch hour, and the distraction, the thought that Harry was watching him, or perhaps that Karkaroff was as well, didn't help. When the bell finally chimed in the clock tower and everyone stood, he was stopped by Dumbledore.
The old man dragged him to the side, his voice low so only Severus could hear as the other Professors meandered by. "There will be a meeting tonight. I think it's time we restarted the Order. Lily is proof that Voldemort's return is imminent, and we need to be prepared."
"You will not discuss her return." It wasn't a question. Severus eyes burned with the potential of anger. He wouldn't let Dumbledore destroy her cover, her return.
"Not in detail, no. Her identity won't be shared."
It wasn't the response he had hoped for, but it would have to do.
"Seven o'clock, Grimmauled place." Dumbledore turned to go, attempting to end the conversation when Severus reached out, grabbing him by the arm and causing him to stop.
"Sirius can't know. His potential to fall into the Dark Lord's trap is too great."
"Severus." Dumbledore sighed as if he should have known better. "Harry's likely already told him." His grip dropped in defeat, his arm falling to his side and Dumbledore escaped once more. Severus watched him go in frustration, knowing that what he said was likely true. Despite what he had told Harry, he had already disobeyed, sharing the secret to an unsafe party. Maybe it was a mistake sharing it with Harry at all.
"Severus" His name came again, urgent and twitchy, and he turned with his own sigh of exasperation. He began his stride to the doors, ignoring Karkaroff's voice as it called after him. "Its changing, you know it!" Yes, yes, he did.
Xxxx
Lily flinched at the heavy thump of the closing door, her limbs tightening around herself in her curled position. Her jump, her fear must have been visible as Severus mumbled a half-hearted apology. He didn't look at her, instead banging around at his potion's desk, his hands flitting to known places, drawing out ingredients and pieces of equipment. "Severus." She whispered quietly, not knowing it was the fourth time in just a few hours that he was being called. He froze, the muscles in his shoulders visibly tensing. "I may have been gone a long time, but I still know how to tell when something's wrong."
"Oh?"
The two letters were all she got before his work resumed, the shhk-thud of the knife tearing through roots. Despite the screaming in her body that told her not to, that told her he was holding a knife, she stood, pushing the unreasonable thoughts away and approaching him. Her hand grazed his shoulder, letting him know that she was there. He jumped. The knife making a different kind of thud as he dropped it. She blushed, holding back a chuckle of laughter.
"Dumbledore's starting the Order again. Because of you, we know the Dark Lord is returning."
"Is that why you're so jumpy?"
"No, that reasoning lies in the fact that another Death Eater – Karkaroff – and an auror currently reside in the castle. Both of which felt the need for a chat today."
"An auror?" A flicker of fear entered her voice. What if they found her? Would they believe her allegiance to the light? Her story of kidnapping? Or would she become a prisoner at Azkaban next?
"Mad Eye. He's the Dark Arts professor this year, although something about him feels…off." His head was lifted, eyes staring into space in thought before he finally turned to look at her. "Lily, what the bloody hell happened? I found you, I cradled your body, who did I really hold?"
Her eyes fluttered shut, memories of that night coming back to her. The shouts, the explosions of destruction cascading around her, the thud of James's body as he hit the floor for a final, unmoving time. Her own screams. "He wasn't alone. He came prepared."
Severus' brows came in, his stare growing impossibly more intense as he watched her, trying to figure out just who it could be.
"I… I don't know who it was. I don't know who's a death eater and who isn't. But, James fought valiantly. He was able to get a fatal hit in and a death eater fell." Her eyes dropped to the floor; her vision having flooded with tears. It didn't matter how much time had passed, every second of that night was still painful. "There was a second one who took me, leaving Harry and Voldemort behind, alone. I don't know what happened after that." No, all she knew was the tight hold around her abdomen, the hand clamped over her mouth to muffle her screams. She remembered the forced apparition; the vomit of stress that had come after. She remembered the anger, the retaliation that had come as a result of coating her kidnapper in it, of being forced to walk down a hall and into a room, of a clamp going around her ankle. She remembered far too much.
Her gaze drifted upwards again, meeting Severus' eyes. They were softer, the expanse of black having grown more shallow, resembling that of a dark puddle rather than the night sky, and she realized then, as she looked at him, that despite everything she had been through, she felt safe here.