Warning!
I'm going to put in a trigger warning here. There's talk surrounding sexual abuse in this chapter. Nothing graphic, but there's no plot progression in this chapter so if this is something that can be upsetting for you, don't read.
I've put the worst of it between bold scene breaks - ~0~0~0~ - and any section all in italics is unrelated.
~0~0~0~
Devon held her head down, keeping the blanket wrapped around her son as she quickly moved between buildings, looking for somewhere safe to hide. Around her there was screaming, and gunfire and her beautiful baby cried his fear out loud. She shushed him the best she could but she needed her breath to move, to keep moving, to get out of the warzone that she'd found herself in.
The small town she lived in had been taken over just days ago by fighting from both sides. She didn't want to be on a side, she didn't want to fight. She just wanted to go back to her house with her son and watch him learn to talk and walk and play like a little boy should. His life shouldn't be like this. He shouldn't have to cry so hard because he knew he was going to die.
She pressed herself up against a wall draped in shadows, taking gulps of air as quietly as she could. In her arms her baby still cried. She rocked him gently. "Calm down, little one," she soothed as best she could. "Mama's here. Mama's got you."
There was an almighty bang as something exploded, shaking the floor and causing dust from the building she was hiding against the fall on her. She held onto her baby tightly, squeezing her eyes shut and hoping that his ears weren't ringing as much as hers were. "It's okay, I've got you little one," she promised. "I've always got you."
"You!" Her eyes shot open, her chest tightening. There were two armed soldiers in front of her, both with guns aimed at her and her son. She felt herself start to shake but it was hard to tell as the panic set in. "What have you got there?!"
"He's-It's just my son," she sobbed. "Please, let us go. We mean no harm. He's my son."
"What side are you on?" the other soldier demanded. "Do you fight against President Gradiance?" She just sobbed harder. "Do you?"
"I am on no-one's side!" she cried. "Please, I do not want to fight. Let us go."
One soldier turned to the other. "Take the child," he commanded. "She is wearing purple. She is the resistance."
She shook her head frantically as the other soldier stalked towards her. She held her son even closer, curling around him. "No, no, don't take my son!" she begged. "Don't take him! I'm not fighting! Don't take him!"
There were two gunshots and she expected to feel herself fall to the ground. She didn't, though, so she looked up to see that the two soldiers were on the ground instead. Her son still cried but her eyes were wide and staring at the backlit figure just behind them both. The figure lowered their gun and rushed towards them.
The first thing Devon noticed were how kind this mysterious person's eyes were. She looked concerned, looking over Devon quickly. "Are you and your boy okay?" she asked.
"Who-Who are you?" Devon asked timidly.
"I'm here to help," the woman promised. "Your son, is he okay?"
Devon hesitated a little longer, but checked under the blanket she held close. Her son was whimpering but he was not hurt and she nodded. "I-I think so," she replied.
The woman smiled. "That's good," she said gently. "What are you both doing out here?"
"I-I didn't know what was happening," Devon explained. "One minute I- One minute it was okay and then everyone was fighting and I just ran."
The woman nodded along. "Hey, hey, it's okay," she said reassuringly. "You're scared, of course you're scared. Who wouldn't be scared? But look what you fear did for you? You protected yourself, you protected your son. You ran through a warzone trying to get him safe. Your fear did that. Your fear is what is going to keep you safe."
"How-How can fear keep you safe?" Devon asked, confused.
"Fear gives you strength, it keeps you going," the woman replied. "There's an encampment on the outskirts of the town. We need to get you there as soon as possible."
The woman looked up and down the street, gun held ready in her hand as she looked for a way out. Devon didn't know what to do. She couldn't stay where she was, especially if they were going to try and take her son off her. But she didn't know who this woman in front of her was, either.
But, either way, she couldn't stay where she was. "Who are you?" she asked.
"We're going to head west," the woman replied, obviously dodging the question and making Devon feel even less confident in her decision to follow her. "It's the longer way around, but there is currently a skirmish going on in the town centre. If we go around it we should miss most of the soldiers."
At the mention of the soldiers, she glanced down at the two lying on the floor. "Are-Are they…"
The woman shook her head. "Stunned," she explained. "They should be out for about an hour. They'll be fine. Pissed, but fine."
The woman set off, indicating that Devon should follow her. Devon, holding her son tightly, looked at the fallen soldiers one last time before following.
~0~0~0~
The Doctor was watching Danni closely. He always did, it was something she had noticed right from the moment he'd met her. He'd watched her because he didn't know who she was, or what she was doing in his life. Then he'd watched her because he had been suspicious. Then he'd watched her because he had fallen in love with her and just couldn't help it. He'd watched her because he was concerned, or amused, or just because she was there and he thought her worth watching. He watched her when she thought the universe was much more interesting, but part of her rather liked it.
This time he was watching her because he was concerned. Her dump of information had broken them both for a little while. Danni had needed to accept and recuperate from allowing herself to talk and relive the past, and the Doctor had to recuperate from the knowledge of what his wife had been through. Even now as he watched her stand at the door of the TARDIS, trying to work out if she wanted to leave or not, he couldn't help but wonder what her third body would have been doing in the same situation. Would she hesitate? Would she storm out and demand to be seen? Would she have even wanted to come in the first place? Would she have suggested going somewhere more spectacular, or would this be exactly where she wanted to be?
He slowly made his way towards her, doing it in such a way as to not startle her. "Do you want to go somewhere else?" he asked her. "There's this star system I've always wanted to visit. The star light is tinted by the gas clouds around it."
"Sounds beautiful," she agreed with a nod. "But I made a promise. I mean she made a promise."
"You made a promise," the Doctor corrected. He now understood her frustration at him talking about his previous regenerations like they were different people. "They'll be as happy to see you as I always am." He pulled her up to his side. "There's probably a table full of cake and ice cream just waiting to be delved into."
"Jelly too?" she asked. "Like the party you planned for me in Leadworth?"
"Well, I'm sure mine was a lot better," he replied. "But it's a good comparison."
Danni let out a little chuckle. "Always have to be the best," she chided lightly. "What if they don't like me?"
"Then they're morons," he declared. "Come on, I probably shouldn't keep them waiting any longer either."
She frowned. "What do you mean?" she asked. He quickly ushered her out, which said a lot more than probably he wanted it to.
Danni looked up at the house, trying to see if she remembered anything about it at all. She had only been there a couple of times in the past and it had been so long ago she felt like she hadn't ever been to it. Inside the house was a happy boy waiting for his niece to turn up on his birthday and she felt terrible disappointing him.
They hadn't made halfway up the path when the front door was thrown open. Rory attempted to step out first, but Amy pushed her way past him with a face of fury. Both Time Lords froze in their step.
"Oh no," they breathed in unison, as if they were both expecting to be on the receiving end of the rant that Amy was about to unleash. They then both looked at each other, confused as to why the other was scared.
"Where have you been?" Amy hissed, storming right up to the Doctor, much to Danni's surprise. "You were supposed to pick us up this morning. How dare you just drop us off and disappear without a word? We've been worried sick!"
Rory appeared at Amy's side, looking at Danni with a studying look. She shot him a nervous smile in reply and his eyes widened in comprehension. "Amy, just a minute…"
She turned to her husband, outraged that he was even interrupting her, let alone about to tell her to calm down. "He went gallivanting around the universe looking for our daughter!" she shrieked before dropping her voice, glancing over her shoulder to make sure no one had heard her. "I'm not letting him leave us behind with Danni as well," she finished, quieter this time.
Rory nodded. "I understand that," he replied. "But she's here."
Amy frowned, brows furrowing, before she turned to look at the Doctor and Danni. This time she didn't focus on the Doctor, who'd held all of her ire, but instead on the woman next to her. "Danni?" she asked, a little confused. Danni nodded.
"Hey, Grandma," she greeted. Amy blinked for a moment, as if taking in the fact that she was safe, but she had regenerated, but she wasn't missing anymore.
She turned on the Doctor. "You found her without us?" she snapped. "Again? You can't just keep leaving us behind when it's important! We're her family!" She reached out, smacking him on the arm. He held it, alarmed at the attack, but Amy turned to Danni and pulled her in for a hug.
"Don't call me Grandma again," she warned Danni while holding her tightly. Danni looked to the Doctor with her eyes wide in panic at the sudden hug. He gave a small, encouraging look and she gingerly hugged Amy back.
"Sorry," she offered. Amy pulled back, holding her on each arm.
"You regenerated," she commented. Danni nodded.
"Yep," she replied with a pop. Amy nodded herself, her face thoughtful as she processed what she was seeing.
"Tony is going to love that," Amy declared. "He's always asking Melody about how 'alien' she is. This is going to blow his mind." She began pushing Danni towards the house. "His party had already started. It's just him and about fifteen of his friends."
"Fifteen?" Danni repeated, nervous. She really wasn't very good with kids anymore. She'd hoped that they'd been late enough to miss it completely.
Rory and the Doctor watched their wives walk away. The Doctor cleared his throat. "I-er… I think I need to apologise," he said awkwardly.
"She's our granddaughter," Rory replied, voice firm. The Doctor still found Rory's anger more worrisome than Amy's because if he was displeased, you knew that you were in the wrong. "You don't just get to run away and leave us to wait again."
The Doctor nodded slowly. "Duly noted."
~0~0~0~
Devon wasn't sure if she was relieved that her son had stopped crying. She was so happy that he wasn't screaming in fear, but she was also incredibly concerned that he'd numbed himself to the experience. She did what she could to whisper reassurances to him, but he was so young she wasn't sure if he even understood the words coming from her mouth. Instead she focused on keeping him close, warm and hidden from as much of the destruction as she possibly could.
Her whole town had been destroyed. Where there had been parks and roads and places of work now stood piles of rubble, broken glass and destroyed possessions. The air didn't ring with the noise of everyday like, instead it was the sounds of gunshots and orders. The woman she was following had told her they were moving away from the fighting but the wind and the unnatural quiet of where they were made the sound travel to them as if it was just a few feet away.
"What did you do before the fighting?" the woman asked in an obvious attempt to take her mind a little off their surroundings. Devon was very happy to fall into that illusion for a moment.
"I used to be a vet," she explained. "Then I fell pregnant and I became a stay at home mother."
"A vet, eh?" the woman said, sounding rather impressed. "That must have been hard to give up."
"It was a tough decision," Devon admitted. "But my husband didn't want children and well…" She looked down at top of her son's covered head. "I couldn't afford child care while in work, so…"
"So your son came first, obviously," the woman finished for her. "Well, there are quite a few pets at the encampment, so I'm sure they'd welcome any help they could get if you feel up to lending a hand."
Devon nodded. "Of course," she replied. "We all must help where we can in times of true trouble. Everyday life has gone out of the window." The woman nodded but didn't reply, taking a moment to check their surroundings to make sure it was safe to continue. "What about you?" Devon asked her curiously. "Do you have any kids?"
The woman snorted, like it was a stupid question. "No, not me," she replied a little bitterly. "Me and my husband, we're not… compatible." Devon felt a little horrid about asking as it was obviously a sore subject for her. The woman stopped and turned to her. "Not that it matters," she continued. "I would not be a good mother."
"What-what makes you say that?" Devon asked.
The woman paused, taking the time to deliberate over her answer. "Well, look at me," she eventually offered. "I'm running around in the middle of a warzone with no real care, stumbling upon people and offering to take them to safety instead of heading back myself. That wouldn't change if I had a kid with me or not. No child deserves a parent who would rather leave them behind than look after them."
Devon felt a little sorry for her. She'd obviously tried to justify that to herself long ago. "That's-That's not what you're doing, though. You saved me and my son without a thought. You're being a hero."
The woman shook her head. "See, that's why it would never work," she replied. "I'm not here to be a hero. I'm here for the adventure. I like the danger and you can't be like that and look after someone else." She motioned for Devon to follow her. "I'm much better on my own."
~0~0~0~
Danni stepped into the house slowly. Amy was telling her about that the party wasn't a real party, rather just a gathering of preteen boys who were running around playing and shouting. There wasn't much entertainment, and there was a table laid out with food that she could help herself to. Basically, she was being the perfect host. Danni appreciated it, but also looked towards the source of all the loud noises and yelling with trepidation. She had made the promise to come to the party but that had been back when she knew how to handle one. Now she felt like she could take on Davros again and come out better than stepping out into the back garden.
"Is River coming?" she asked, stalling for time.
"She was until we told her about the actual party," Amy replied as she led the rather terrified Time Lord into the kitchen. Danni looked through the window and out to the children but made no move to go outside. Amy stood by her. "They get along, really," she explained. "But Mels never did have time for other people and River's just the same. If you're not in her small circle she just doesn't have time for you."
Danni nodded slowly. "Some things do trickle through regeneration to regeneration," she offered. "Not a lot, but some things do stay the same. The things that matter never change. River loves her family more than anything in the universe."
"That's why I know it's nothing against Tony that she's not here," Amy said in agreement. "It's everyone else she has the problem with." She nudged Danni. "You head outside. I'm going to go fetch the boys then we can finally get onto the cake."
That did perk Danni up slightly. "Cake?" she repeated.
"It's in the shape of a stack of pancakes," Amy explained. "Honestly, since you were here last it's all he wants to eat. He's absolutely obsessed with you."
"Well, I am amazing, it's no surprise really," Danni offered modestly. "If I wasn't me I'd probably be obsessed to."
Amy rolled her eyes, seeing her words as the arrogance of all the Time Lords she knew. The Doctor, who had followed Rory in before Amy even had the chance to go find them, heard it as a defensive mechanism for just how much she didn't like herself.
And Tony, who had rushed in at the sight of a new person in the window, thought of them as completely true once he learnt that Danni was, in fact, Danni.
~0~0~0~
Rory had noticed that Danni hadn't come down in a while. While the Doctor had been discussing with Amy the best way to organise the seating arrangements – which, by all accounts, was the worst idea the Doctor had ever had – Danni had nipped upstairs and had never come back down again. So, being the dutiful husband, father and grandfather, he had headed up to see if she'd gotten lost on the way back from the bathroom.
He found her in hallway, looking at their wall of photographs. Some from their life in New York, some from their life before on the TARDIS. Danni had brought them a few and they had been very grateful. River had also brought a few and he thought it best to not ask how she'd managed to get hold of them.
Danni was stood in front of one from her wedding to the current Doctor downstairs, head tilted slightly, like she was examining it.
"Amy was really annoyed that she wasn't invited to that," Rory told her. She seemed to start slightly but didn't turn around. He stood next to her. "You might want to invite her if you do it again."
"It had been a very spur of the moment thing," she explained. "But I'll remember that for next time."
They didn't speak for a few moments, moments that seemed to hang long and heavy in the air. "What's wrong?" he asked Danni. "I mean, apart from being fawned over by a bunch of preteens and having to eat Amy's cooking. Which has gotten better, I have to admit."
She let out a small, hollow laugh. "I'm not sure that those pigs in blankets were actually cooked," she replied. "I think you could have put them together and made a fully functioning pig."
"Still not as bad as her fish," he pointed out. "You can tell me. If you want to, anyway. You probably want to talk to the Doctor more, really."
She shook her head. "No, I don't-I don't think this is a thing for him to know," she said softly. "And I can't really tell you, either, cause you're my grandad."
He suddenly thought about how that used to mean that she was talking about her sex life, which he never liked to hear about, even back before they knew they were related. Still, though, he couldn't look at that conflicted look on her face and not want to make it better.
"What? Nah, I can be-You can talk to me about anything," he said, trying to be cool and failing miserably. Danni looked him up and down, slightly amused before she turned back to the picture.
"Alright," she said, calling his bluff. "I've regenerated twice since I last saw you." She looked at him. "Not by choice. Well, no one ever chooses to die and regenerate, I mean not seeing you. That's Missy's fault." She looked back at the picture. "Well, I was just looking at her on there. With her happy smile and her blonde hair. She looks like her life is amazing."
Rory looked at the woman in the picture. He smiled fondly to himself. She wasn't wrong. The Danni getting married looked extremely happy. "Yeah, she does," he agreed. "Was it?"
Danni nodded. "Incredible," she confirmed. "But I don't see that. All I can see is that I've regenerated three times, and she's the only body I've ever had who only ever had sex because she wanted to."
Rory's head snapped to the side and he stared, surprised and a little horrified. Danni didn't stop looking at her old self. "She only had sex when she wanted to and with who she wanted to have it with. No one was ever there to trick her, or to force her. It was just her and her husband and he wasn't a lie, or a mind trick, or a woman in a purple dress." She reached out, stroking the picture with her fingertip. "She was loved by who she loved and that was it. One out of four." She looked at Rory. "It's just not good odds, is it, Gramps?" she asked and her voice broke.
Rory didn't know what to say. He had never wanted to think about Danni in that sort of way at all. He'd always been a bit shy when it came to any other woman but Amy in that regard, and even then she'd not seen how much he'd loved her for a long time. He knew the Master had treated Danni poorly but because no one had been able to talk about it, he'd just settled on it being physical abuse and nothing else. A million different awful thoughts went through his mind and he didn't want an answer to any of them. He couldn't comfort her because he could never understand anything that had been done to her. He could barely remember any of his time guarding Amy anymore but he knew that he'd never been captured and tortured. How could he offer words of comfort when he couldn't even think about what had happened?
The easy thing about Time Lords was that, unless they were in front of you, it was easy to not think about their lives. It was easy to act like they didn't exist in those moments in between visits. But they did, and she existed, and she was his granddaughter and she was hurting.
"Come here," he whispered, wrapping her up. She hugged him tightly and he held her back just as much. "You are so much more than that, Danni. Don't let her make you forget how amazing you are."
"You have to say that," Danni whimpered into his shoulder.
"I would have said it when I wasn't your grandad," he promised. Rory's heart broke for his friend and granddaughter, who he could only hold onto tightly. "You're safe," he promised, even if he wasn't sure himself. "You're here and you're safe."
He held her as she cried, shaking in his arms. He went through his own set of emotions, from anger, to defeat, to desperation over the fact that there was nothing he could do at all. He hated himself for it, but more than anything he hated Missy.
~0~0~0~
The sun was starting to set. They can't have been moving for too long, however with the pauses they had to make and the danger they had to hide from, Devon was becoming increasingly concerned about making it out of the city by nightfall.
"Don't worry, we'll make it," the woman – who still wouldn't tell Devon her name – reassured. Or, at least, tried to reassure her. Devon didn't find anything particularly reassuring anymore. Her son still hadn't made much noise against her but she still held him close and she could feel his tiny hands holding onto her tightly. It was the drive to get him to safety that kept her going.
"Are you sure we're going to right way?" Devon asked yet again. It wasn't that she wasn't sure if the woman knew where she was going, she just found the constant reminders helped.
"Honestly, it's not far now," the woman repeated yet again. "How's your son doing?"
Devon glanced down at his little head. She'd lowered the blanket to give him some air. "He'll be happier when I can give him a proper feed," she replied.
"I think we'll all feel better with some food in us," the woman agreed.
Devon almost walked into her as she came to a sudden stop. She raised her gun, looking ahead of her. "Who's there?" she called firmly. "We're not here to fight! This doesn't need to come down to violence."
Devon had to squash down a squeak of terror as a deep chuckle came from seemingly nowhere. "Isn't that what you're always here for?" the voice that accompanied it replied. From behind one of the houses they'd been walking past came figure. They were wearing bright purple, one that did match the wrap that Devon was wearing and she suddenly understood why the soldiers had come for her. But unlike Devon they were holding a rather large, rather threatening weapon that made her shrink behind her chaperone.
"I am helping this woman get to the encampment on the edge of town," the woman continued, speaking calmly but authoritatively. "She has a child. We are not here to fight. Let us past."
"Does she know who you are?" the man asked. "Does she know who she is entrusting her child's safety with?"
The woman lined her gun up. "Let us past," she commanded. "I don't want to shoot but I will."
The man chuckled again. "You don't want to shoot?" he repeated mockingly. He looked past her to Devon. "Do you know who she is?" he asked. "She's not here to help you. She's not here to help anyone."
"Alright, I've had enough," the woman snapped. "On the count to three I'm going to shoot you. Either your going to be stunned, or you're going to die and I don't really care which because you are getting on my nerves. Leave us alone."
"She's not on our side," the man continued as the woman slowly began to count. "She's not on anyone's side. She started this whole thing." He waved his hand around to illustrate the surrounding area. "She started the war!" He jabbed at her. "She's the Time Child!"
"Three!"
The woman shot him, one shot to the chest and he dropped to the floor without another word. Devon's eyes widened in horror, not at the sight she'd just witnessed but at the information she'd just learnt. She turned to the woman, who was taking a steady breath before meeting her gaze. "Look, I can explain…"
Devon took a step backwards. "No," she said, her voice wavering in fright. "Stay away from us. You're-You're the Time Child!"
~0~0~0~
They moved to the floor, both leaning against the wall, facing away from the photos of her wedding and at the other side of the hallway, where there were still a lot of photos for Danni to lose herself in.
Danni wiped her eyes. "I don't really have anyone to talk to about this," she stated. "Clara will just say whatever will make me feel better. Amy will shout at everyone. River will tell me that the Doctor's opinion doesn't matter and Jack will just get angry at the Doctor. You're all I've got left, and so I'm just going to have to ask you."
Rory shrugged next to her. "I'm very good at being talked at," he replied. "I'll try to answer if I can." She giggled slightly.
"Yeah, I always thought Amy was better at one-sided conversations," she said. "It was easier to let her talk and she was happier for it." She took a deep breath. "I'm going to stand up and do something that may seem strange."
Rory watched her get up. "You're my granddaughter. You look my age. Your mother is my daughter, who I grew up with, who I named after herself. I was born twenty-odd years in the future and everyone I know has, at some point, travelled in time. Nothing you can do is odd at this point."
Danni paused, stood rather close to the other wall. "Yeah, alright," she agreed. She then began pressing on the wall with her fingertips, feeling it solid in front of her. She reached around, fingers spread, testing the strength. "When I was with Missy, she would lock me in this virtual world she had created," she explained. "It was a large data slice that she'd converted into an afterlife of sorts for humanity—"
Rory blinked slightly then nodded. "Of course," he interjected, because nothing surprised him anymore.
"-Whenever I came to the realisation that I was locked away, I knew there was a door nearby. There was always a way out." She did a large sweep over the wall before stepping back. "I don't check really, anymore. But, sometimes…"
"Sometimes you're still afraid you're locked away," Rory finished for her and she nodded. She moved back, satisfied that she was safe and in the real world. She didn't speak for a few moments and Rory didn't push her.
"Remember when the Silence took Amy and did whatever they did to stop her reproducing?" she asked suddenly. Even now, even after all these years, it still hurt Rory to think of the pain his wife had gone through.
"Yes," he replied, a little shortly.
"Did you feel it?" she asked. "When you and Amy… You know, had sex… Was it something you could feel?"
He paused, brows furrowing as he thought on her question. Then, he shook his head. "I wouldn't say so," he replied. "I mean, there were moments day to day when I would remember, but nothing changed…" He looked rather uncomfortable. He wasn't a prude, but the 1950's hadn't done anything for his shyness in that regard. "She was just Amy."
Danni nodded slowly. "I think the Doctor can tell," she admitted. "We've not stopped. I mean, you know that we were always rather active in that regard."
"I do, unfortunately," Rory muttered.
"I mean, we've always had great sex," she continued like it wasn't her grandfather she was talking to, and like he wasn't sitting there trying desperately not to cover his ears so he didn't have to listen to it anymore. "But I think, sometimes, he can feel it, you know? Like all that abuse, all that…" This time her heavy breath was incredibly shaky. "Like every time Missy touched me, it left a little bit in me and when he touches me, he can feel it too. He never stops and he never like, you know, seems to have second thoughts or anything. But I think he does, somewhere inside himself. He knows I'm marked by what they did."
Rory shifted, turning to his side. She was staring blankly at the wall ahead, her eyes shining. "You know that's not true, don't you?" he asked her as gently as he could. "You're not defined by their actions."
She nodded. "I mean, of course I do," she replied. "I know that if anyone came to me with those feelings my first thought would be 'no, you're not'. If you sat me down with someone I would do everything in my power to reassure them that, no matter what, there is nothing there. That whoever had done that to them were the ones that were marked, who were wrong. There's no way that you can physically feel them. Missy didn't rearrange my insides or-or brand me or anything. It's ridiculous."
"Doesn't stop it, though, does it?" Rory asked softly. Danni shook her head. "Do you feel like, when he looks at you, he sees it too?"
She shrugged. "Sometimes," she admitted. "I think-I know I see it more than he does, though. I know that it's all in my head, not his. But there are times when he looks over at me, maybe when I'm not being myself, you know? And he looks and he thinks that it's because of that." She looked down at her hands. "I don't know. I don't think he means to." She shook her head. "No, I know he doesn't mean to do it. If he knew that I thought this way he'd do everything he can to try and change my mind."
"Doesn't that just prove that you've nothing to fear?" Rory asked, not accusing her but hoping that he could spur on her own realisation.
"You would think so," Danni replied. "You would think that, knowing that the Doctor doesn't feel that way, I wouldn't worry. But I do. I worry that he doesn't feel me anymore. I worry that he just feels Missy."
Rory didn't have any answers. How could he possibly answer that? He knew what he believed but, as she had already argued, it didn't matter. Irrational thoughts were just that; irrational. He could never take away what had happened to her but he wanted to. He wanted to be the grandfather he always thought he was going to be with his grandkids. He wanted to be seen as this unbreakable figure like he'd seen his own grandfather before he'd died. He wanted to have all the answers, but Danni knew so much more than he did. She was the one who'd been through it all, not him.
He leant back against the wall. "If you asked him what would he say?" he asked.
"That I'm wrong," she replied almost instantly. "That he couldn't- No, he does care about what happened to me. But not in the sense that it puts him off, just in the sense that he wishes he could have stopped it. He'd tell me that all he feels and all he sees is me."
"Would you believe him?"
"I believe that's what he thinks," she offered. "I don't know if I can believe it's true. I don't know if it will ever be true. I just…" She sniffed again. "I just don't want it to be a bad thing," she whispered. "I don't want what we have to be tainted by Missy, but it's always going to be. I'm always going to be the woman who was-who was kidnapped and sexually assaulted by Missy."
"No, you're not," he promised. She let out a laugh of derision. "Hey, you're not. You may find it difficult to believe but you're so much more than that. What happened to you was…" Rory paused for a moment. "I mean, I can't describe it, let alone understand it. I've been trained on how to deal with assault victims, but to be honest I'm drawing a blank because it's you. I'm not proud, but I can't offer you that help. I just know that when I look at you, it's not the first thing I see."
Instead of the anger or hurt he expected, she smiled softly at him. "I know," she replied softly. "I appreciate you sitting with me and listening to me. I appreciate that you're not telling me I'm wrong to think like this. I appreciate…" She trailed off and the crying started up again. "I don't know what to do. What do I do?"
Rory pulled her in for a hug, holding her tight as just letting her cry on him. He wanted to cry as well. Instead he held strong. "You know," he started, clearing his throat to get rid of the roughness that came with holding his emotions back. "The thing I think about first, before anything else, is you riding on the back of a dinosaur. It wasn't even the strangest thing I ever saw you do, but I always remember that first."
Danni giggled. "Ah, Tricey. I remember that," she said fondly. She sat up straight. "I might get the Doctor to take me back to see him. I hope they thrived."
Ending a conversation about something so deeply painful was strange. It was almost if they hadn't been talking about it at all yet it hung in the air like smoke. Rory stood up. "I'm going to get the Doctor," he told her. "You can tell him or not, that is up to you. But I have a son downstairs who will be much too high off sugar and I'm going to have to do some controlling."
Danni nodded and watched him go. She was so grateful that she could go back and see her family. Rory and Amy weren't locked away forever in another universe. She couldn't help, though, but wonder what her mum and dad would think of what had become of her. It wasn't just physically, she had changed so much in the time since she'd left them behind. The problem was, as came with the thought every time she had it, was that she couldn't remember them enough to even imagine their reactions.
The Doctor appeared and paused for a moment. She watched him look over her, then the hallway, then back at her again as he worked out what was going on. She knew he saw her tears but also that she wasn't crying anymore. She knew he spotted the old pictures of both of them over the walls.
She wasn't surprised when sat down on the floor next to her, taking Rory's spot. "I have just spent the last half an hour telling a bunch of young lads about your adventures," he told her. "Not once did they want to hear anything about me. And they kept complaining about my accent. I don't even have an accent."
"You're Scottish," she told him. "I don't know how many times I can keep telling you that."
"I used to be the Time Lord everyone wanted to meet," he continued. "Remember little Amelia Pond? Now it's all about you." He sighed heavily. "I don't know why it took the universe so long to catch on," he said, like he was really annoyed that no one else had been able to see it but him.
"I've had enough of the universe's attention, thank you," she retorted. "You want it, you can have it."
He looked almost disgusted. "I don't want it," he replied firmly. "You know how much trouble it gets me into?"
"Yes, I do," she said, amused. "I'm normally there with you."
"Exactly!" He nodded, resting his arms on his knees. "You're always in trouble. Well, what I mean is—"
"I know what you mean," she promised. "We're both as bad as each other, in our own ways." He nodded. They fell into silence, both just staring at the wall in front of them. "You know, I really don't get kids anymore," she told him. "I used to be great with kids. They used to love me. Now they just ask me questions and I freeze. How am I supposed to know what's appropriate? I've not been a kid in over a thousand years!"
"I find it better to just not talk down to them," the Doctor started before he frowned. "Parents seem to get a little annoyed, though, when—"
"She'll never let me go," Danni interrupted, the thought bursting out of her like she just couldn't hold it in anymore. "She's always coming for me, and I can't stop her!"
~0~0~0~
Danni didn't know what to do. She'd seen the look that was being shot her way a hundred times before but, like every other time, she still didn't know how to handle it. The look of fear, and of anger, was something she had never had to experience until she'd escaped from Missy and it was starting to come thick and fast now whenever someone found out who she was.
She quickly put her gun away, holding her hands up so the woman could see that she wasn't going to hurt her. "My name is Danni Fielding," she said softly. "I—"
"I know who you are," the woman replied sharply, holding her son closer, turning slightly so she could protect him. "You're the reason the war even started."
Danni quickly shook her head. "No, no, that's not what happened," she insisted desperately. "I just blew up a few buildings. I never thought that anyone would get hurt!"
"No one just 'blows up a few buildings'," Devon retorted. "All this destruction, all this death, it's all you!"
"No, please, you have to understand," Danni begged, taking a step closer to her. "I was just trying to find my husband. I didn't mean for any of this! I just…" She held her hand out. "If you come with me, I can get you safe."
Devon moved away from her. "I'm not going anywhere with you," she bit out. "You're a monster."
Danni's hearts broke, her chest tightened and her panic began to choke her. "I'm-I'm not," she pleaded. "Please, you have to understand. If-If you stay out here they won't spare you. I-I can get you and your son to safety." She stepped closer again. "Please…"
Devon tightened her grip on her son. "Stay away from my son," she snarled. "I'd rather take my chances out here then go anywhere with you. You've destroyed this planet! You've destroyed my home!" She looked around, trying to ignore the man on the floor. "We are safer without you."
"Please," Danni begged as Devon started to walk away. "I wasn't trying to start a war! I was just trying to get home."
Devon paused and turned around. Danni was stood there, tears in her eyes and shaking from being found out. But Devon didn't care. She found her pain almost disgusting. She didn't care what had happened to the planet or the people on it. She just cared about how she had been found out.
"I hope you never do," Devon stated. "I hope you never find your husband and that you never find peace, because all you have done is cause wars. I hope you are never free from the pain you caused, Time Child."
Danni cried as Devon disappeared down a side street but she made no move to follow her. She was right. Danni might not have meant for anyone to get hurt, but she'd caused all of this for her own selfish gain. She'd caused death and destruction no matter where she went. She was as dangerous as everyone said she was. And she knew that Devon was almost as good as dead if she didn't follow and protect her, but she still didn't go after her.
~0~0~0~
The Doctor didn't reply straight away. He felt his eyes blinking rapidly as he was suddenly hit in the face with the blurt of words that came from his wife's mouth. He hadn't been expecting it. He'd expected, perhaps, a calm if not sad summary of what she'd been talking to Rory about. Or a complete denial anything had been talked about at all and a suggestion they head back downstairs to the festivities. He hadn't expected her to want to keep the conversation going because she found it so draining when she opened herself up, even for a moment.
But the words stuck in his head. Not because of the implication, but because of the order. The tone of her voice. The exact order with that exact infliction to her voice. It all felt very familiar.
It turned out that Danni didn't need him to reply. "It doesn't matter if we never see her again. It doesn't matter if she's alive or dead," she rambled, her voice raising as she seemed to start panicking. "She's in everything I do. Everywhere I go she might be there, everyone I talk to might just be her in disguise. She might regenerate again and I wouldn't know because I don't know her faces after the one who took me. Everyone looks at me and she's there. Every breathe I take is just one closer to that possible time she could come around the corner and I can't keep trying to go on as if she's not. I can't, I can't…"
The Doctor pushed the conundrum of her words to the side for a moment to catch her in his arms. She shook violently, grabbing at her hair like she was moments away from ripping her brain right out of her head. He didn't know if it was the right thing to do in the moment or whether she'd feel suffocated, but she didn't try and break from his grasp so he kept her close.
"Danielle," he said with a heavy sigh. He looked up the ceiling, desperately looking for an answer that he knew he wouldn't find. He placed a kiss on her head. "You can't expect to be alright," he told her. "You were with her for decades. For more than decades. You survived more than most people could ever. You're so strong, my Danni-Girl, but you're still just a person. You've only been home for a fraction of that time."
"I don't want her in my head," she almost shrieked. "But she's never going to leave."
"She will," he promised. "It's not going to happen straight away. It just takes times, but look how much better you're doing." He shifted her slightly. "You are exactly where you need to be right now, Danielle. It's just not where you want to be. I think we're both just going to need to come to terms with that."
Danni sniffed, pulling back and away to look up at him. "Both of us?" she asked.
"I'm not innocent in this," he explained. "I've been trying to get you back to how we used to live and, maybe, neither of us are ready for that yet. I—" He looked down the hallway. "I don't know if you've noticed," he told her lowly, as if he was afraid of anyone hearing him admit anything out loud. "I've not been very good with you not in my direct line of sight."
Danni tried not to smile slightly at the thought. "I did have an inkling," she replied. "I'm surprised you left me up here with Rory for so long."
"You can blame Pond for that," he said a little grumpily. "She wouldn't let me leave. She said the Roman was handling it." He looked at his wife, who was obviously not okay. "I'm not sure of the validity of her claim."
"Rory did well," she protested. "You leave my Gramps alone."
The Doctor paused for a moment. "Do you think people will stop calling me your grandfather if we show them Rory?" he asked. "I'm getting quite tired of it."
Danni gave him a quick look over. "Not unless you regenerate younger or I regenerate older," she replied bluntly. "Or, you know, one of us changes along the traditional gender binary. I could always be your grandson next time around."
"You're not allowed to regenerate," he told her firmly, as if she had any say in it at all. "You're already too many ahead. You have to let me catch up first."
"You sound like a child," she told him. She could already feel herself calm down. Even though there was a little voice in her head telling her that Missy hadn't won this part of her life – the teasing, the talk, even the banter – she did actually feel better. The Doctor did have this remarkable ability to return the calm to everything he touched. It was why everyone was always affected so profoundly by having him in their lives. She was no different. In fact, in some ways, she was sure she felt it more than the rest of the universe.
"I'm not okay, am I?" she asked him softly. "I'm not going to be okay."
"You are going to be okay," he corrected. "It's not going to happen overnight, or over a few months, or maybe even a few years. You'll not notice it happening. You'll just be just going about your business, refilling the magnatite on one of the klister values on the TARDIS yet again because it's leaking but she won't let you replace it, and you'll realise that not only have you not thought about it that day, but you've not thought about it in a few and the guilt at not spending that time being upset isn't there. You'll just be…" He shrugged. "You'll just be okay."
She looked up at him. "That's oddly specific," she said suspiciously.
"That's how it happened for me," he explained. "I'd just taken you and Amy to see the Shining Oval of Descent. You had decided that you needed to waste more time sleeping so I had to find something to do. I was just thinking about how you could have jumped away any second and I was just stood there arguing with the TARDIS and I realised that I wasn't feeling weighed down. I wasn't thinking about how I needed, there and then, to make up for my actions. The Time War will always be part of me, it's my past, but it had stopped defining me so much. My friends, my family," he looked down at her, "the people who saw past it were the ones who made me who I had become. One day you will realise that Missy does not define you too."
"I really hope so," Danni replied.
"I know so," he promised.
"I just- I don't know if I can believe that," she said. "I mean, this isn't anything that's ever happened to me before. I mean…" She looked up at the walls, at the many pictures that Amy had covered the hallway wall in. She spotted one of her first body. She wasn't even sure where Amy had gotten that from. "Look at her," she told him. "Nothing ever happened to her. She breezed through life with the arrogance of someone who'd only live to eighty, ninety tops. And-And her," she motioned to one of her second body. "She was happy all of the time. She just spent her time with her husband and her friends, seeing the universe, saving people. She didn't have a care in the world because everything was just so… nice. How am I supposed to get back to that again?"
The Doctor rested back against the wall, looking at all of the pictures of his wife over her lives. Each one was stunning. "You know what I see?" he asked her. "I see a woman who was torn from her universe and forced to jump along someone else's timeline. I see a woman who was driven insane by an alien species she didn't think should even exist. A woman who was used and abused by an evil man and still saw the good in him 'til the end. And her?" He motioned to her blonde self. "She was happy, and kind, and she loved her family and pretty much anyone she met. But she fought in a war where everyone eventually died. Her husband, the love her life, the person she trusted more than anything died after breaking that trust and stealing centuries from her. The man he became rejected her, pushed her away, and she refused to let him. She wasn't kidnapped, or tortured, but her hearts were broken and she refused to let anyone but herself win that. They were both fighters." He turned to look at her. "And the one who followed? The one I never met? She fought as well. And you can do it again because if there is one thing I know about you, Danielle, it is that you won't let anyone win when it comes to your happiness. You won't let Missy beat you. You're much too stubborn for that."
Danni laughed. She laughed, then she cried. He pulled her close. "And if you're not ready to face your family then we'll come back another day," he finished. "And if you want to go downstairs to spend time with them, then we'll do that too."
"What about you?" she asked. "You're trying to get me out the other side. I want that for both of us."
"Oh, I'm getting there," he told her. "I found out a long time ago that helping others is where I find my peace. You helped me find who I was after I regenerated. Now I get to do that for you."
~0~0~0~
Amy was worried about Danni, but she was doing her best not to show it. When Rory had reappeared but Danni hadn't followed she'd ambushed her husband, demanding to know what was going on. Rory understood her concern but did his best to reassure her, explaining quietly so the kids didn't hear that Danni was having a hard time being around people who had known her before she had regenerated and to give her time.
Amy had started to insist that maybe having the party was a bad idea. If they'd explained to Tony what was wrong then he'd understand and they could throw the party a different day, when Danni felt up to it. Rory had quickly dismissed that idea, saying that if they needed to the Time Lords could sneak off and they'd explain it to Tony after the fact.
Still, Amy felt a small sense of relief when the Doctor and Danni came down and into the kitchen. Danni looked a little exhausted but didn't protest when Amy rushed over to her. In fact, to Danni, she'd never seemed so grandmotherly before.
"Do you want a drink?" she asked. "Or, if you want to leave, you can. I didn't even think that this might be a bit overwhelming."
"I'm fine," Danni replied. "I'll go back outside—" she glanced out of the window, "-in a minute. I just need to catch my breath."
Amy shot her a kind smile. "I'll make you a cup of tea," she declared, making sure that Danni knew she didn't have a choice. "No sugar, right?"
"Actually, it's one now," she corrected with a little apology in her voice. Amy nodded to herself.
"One sugar. Right. I'll remember that," she muttered to herself. The conflicting feeling of being cared for and not quite feeling like she deserved it was making Danni's stomach a little queasy.
She did her best to try not to look out of the window at all of the children playing. She also tried her best to not look back at the exits. She tried not to look around and look for Missy, and she tried not to let her husband know how overwhelmed she was becoming. She did want to be overwhelmed and she knew that, part of feeling better, was making herself stay when she wanted to run. She knew that, in hindsight, she would be glad she did.
Didn't make it easier in the moment, though.
"Danielle…" the Doctor started, obviously sensing the discomfort she was trying to hide. He didn't get much further, though, when the door was flung open and startled them all.
Tony frowned as he looked between the adults. He could, immediately, tell something was wrong. "Is everything okay?" he asked slowly.
Rory clapped his hand on his shoulder. "Everything's fine," he replied a little too quickly. "Come on, we'll get the goals set up." He tried to move his son, but he seemed more concerned with what was happening in the kitchen. He wasn't stupid. He'd noticed Danni disappearing, then his dad, and then the Doctor. Something had happened and he scanned them all closely, looking for the answer.
His gaze fell on Danni, where he got that answer. He felt a little guilty as he stepped forward. "You can leave, if you want," he told her, much to everyone's surprise. "I know you're feeling a bit sad. You can come back another time and dad can make us pancakes."
Danni looked to her husband, looking a little startled before turning back to the young lad. "What-What makes you say I'm sad?" she asked, trying to act anything but.
"Well, you regenerated," he said like it that simple. Her brows furrowed slightly. "To regenerate you have to die," he elaborated. "That can't have been much fun."
The Doctor, Amy and Rory quickly looked to Danni, wondering how she was going to answer him. The Doctor imagined that it was going to be a rather blunt about it, and Amy and Rory hoped she wasn't too blunt with it.
Danni, on the other hand, was running through all of the answers she could give about it. She could sugar-coat it and tell him not to worry, or she could go into the details of how she had died in the first place. There was a spectrum of answers she could give and how was she supposed to know the correct one for a child?
He seemed smart, though, so she didn't want to talk down to him. How old was he again? Eleven? Twelve?
She smiled softly. "It fucking sucked," she admitted bluntly. Both Amy and Rory winced. "I wouldn't recommend it."
Tony didn't seem fazed by her swearing, which made Amy wonder what exactly he'd been learning at school, and nodded his agreement. "I wouldn't want to die," he said. "We're going to play soccer. You can join us if you want. Do you know how to play?"
Danni blinked a couple of times, wondering when the last time she had played any sport was. "I genuinely have no idea," she offered. Tony nodded towards the back yard.
"It's easy enough," he replied. "You've just got to score the most goals. I can show you, if you like?"
Danni nodded, following him out. "Is it in zero-grav?" she asked. "I think I played it in zero-grav, once. I didn't care for it. There was too much floating about."
Amy and Rory were both stunned to watch her disappear out into the back yard with their son. The Doctor wasn't, though, and looked a little baffled at their confusion. "She's always curious," he offered. "Doesn't mean she'll actually be any good, though." He quickly followed her out, letting the door shut behind them.
"Rory?" Amy asked. "Will she be alright?"
Rory could only offer her an arm wrapped around the waist and a quick hug. "I have to believe she will be," he replied. "Until then we'll just have to wait and see."