The boat rocked and swayed. Azula could hear water sloshing against the sides of the hull. Her hands and ankles were still cuffed, and the skin was already beginning to feel bruised and scraped raw. She gritted her teeth. Despite the fact she had been cooperative, Shen still did not trust her to have full use of her limbs. That would have to change.
"Are you awake?"
She stilled. Metal rattled and clinked, intermingled with soft groans. It was dark in the cargo hold, but she knew that Ty Lee had just shifted into a sitting position.
"Azula? Hey, are you—"
"Why did you come with me, Ty Lee?"
A pause.
"You betrayed me in Ba Sing Se," Azula said coolly. "Did you think I would forget that you chi blocked me? That you forced me to surrender to the Earth King?"
"I didn't betray you. I saved your life."
"Is that so?"
"They had you completely surrounded," Ty Lee reminded her. "You would have never got out. You would have died. You almost did die."
"We could have escaped had you not chi blocked me."
"So you could do what?" There was a hoarseness to Ty Lee's voice that had never been there before. "Go back to the army and start a new plan of attack? Pursue your brother and Uncle again? What were we even fighting for, Azula? What was the point of it all?"
"It is our duty to spread the Fire Nation's greatness to the world and stop all who would oppose the Fire Lord."
"Greatness? What greatness? Was it greatness when you burned Mai's face? Was it—"
"Don't speak that traitor's name!" Azula hissed.
"She was our friend. She was our friend and you tortured her!"
Azula's lips curled into an ugly smile, though it was hidden by the shadows. "I knew it. I knew it was only a matter of time before you showed your true feelings. You did well pretending to be loyal, but underneath all those smiles I bet you were just waiting for your chance to turn on me."
"That's not true! I am your friend, but what you did to Mai was—"
"That traitor cost me everything. I would have had the Avatar had she not betrayed me. I would have never been defeated at the wall. I would have conquered Ba Sing Se."
"Is that really all you care about?"
Azula's fingers dug into the metal cuffs enclosing her hands. Yes. No. It was what Father cared about.
"If you actually believed you were justified in burning her face like that, why did you keep the truth from me? Why did you—"
"Enough."
"And your brother. You said he drowned, but the truth is you tried to kill him. He spared your life in Ba Sing Se and—"
"Shut up! Don't think because I'm being restrained that you can say what you like to me. I'll get out of these cuffs eventually."
"And then what? You'll burn me as well?"
There was a heavy silence.
"You want to know why I chose to stay by your side?" Ty Lee said. "It's because I still believe in you. Even after everything you've done, even after all the horrible things I've witnessed, I still believe in you. I believe my friend is still in there."
Azula's mouth twisted. "Believe in me? Is that what you call this? Believing in me?"
"All the violence and cruelty—this isn't who you are. This isn't who you have to be."
"You could have been more than this. You still can."
Azula laughed without humour. "How like my mother you sound. She used to say the same things to me, you know. When I hurt the stupid turtleducks, when I burned Zuko in our games or, as my dear mother liked to say, went too far." Bitterness filled her mouth, sticking to her tongue like poison. "She was always scolding me. Telling me I could be better. Telling me to be more like my brother."
"Azula …"
"But the truth is my mother was a liar. She said she loved me, but she was scared of me. She said I could be better, but all she wanted was to make me weak. To make me controllable."
"That's not—"
"You're just like her." The bitter thing was turning hard. Choking. "You don't believe in me. You're just scared. You don't like what I am, so you lie and pretend and—"
"That's not true. I do believe in you. I—"
"Do you take me for a fool? You wouldn't have even left the circus to join me had I not threatened you."
A beat.
"I'm here now, aren't I?"
There was another long silence. Azula exhaled a small puff of flames. Ty Lee's face lit up in flickers of eerie blue, pale but also earnest. They stared into each other's eyes until darkness swallowed the cargo hold again.
"You shouldn't have come," Azula said flatly, leaning back against the wall. "You should have stayed in that cell."
"I couldn't leave you to face them alone."
"I don't need you."
Another beat. "Maybe not, but that still doesn't mean you have to do this alone."
Azula closed her eyes. Her throat felt odd and tight again. She didn't say another word.
oOo
It was a stranger who came to the two girls later. The lantern he held in one hand illuminated his features and cast a warm glow over the hold. He was young, maybe in his mid-teens, and wore his long black hair in a high ponytail. His clothes looked Earth Kingdom—plain browns and greens with little adornment.
"Who are you?" Azula demanded.
The boy didn't even look at her and placed the lantern on the floor. In his other hand, he held a tray of food and two cups.
"I'm talking to you."
He knelt in front of her with one of the cups, then mimed for her to drink.
She made a point of rattling her chains. "Take these cuffs off first."
His brow creased. He mimed for her to drink again.
"Are you deaf? I just told you to take the cuffs off. I can't drink with my hands chained behind my back."
"Um." Ty Lee shifted onto her knees. "Azula, I think he might actually be deaf."
Her brow furrowed.
The boy stared at Azula with soft eyes. Pale gold eyes. He placed the cup down and rested his fist, thumb upturned, on the palm of his other hand before moving his hands away from his chest. He mimed drinking once more, then with his right hand bunched his fingers and thumb together and tapped his mouth twice.
"I think he's saying he'll help us eat and drink," Ty Lee said.
"I gathered that." Azula pursed her lips at him. "Can't you just remove the chains? We've done everything that Shen and Hina have asked. You can trust us."
He followed the movement of her lips closely, then shook his head. He made some complicated gestures with his hands, but neither Azula nor Ty Lee understood what he was trying to say. Azula regretted not learning sign language when she was younger.
"Drink. Eat. Help you." He signed and even made an effort to say the words despite struggling to enunciate.
Azula frowned. It was degrading to have to be fed like a baby, but the protesting growls of her stomach and the fact she knew she needed to keep her strength up sealed her surrender. Pride would have to be put aside for now.
"Fine," she muttered.
Carefully, he placed the cup to her lips and helped her to drink. He fed her the food next, quiet and patient. It was hardly a gourmet meal—just some boiled vegetables and rice with dried meat—but it was better than nothing. He shuffled to Ty Lee and repeated the process.
"Thanks, cutie," Ty Lee said when he was finished.
His brow creased. He'd obviously caught her lips moving but had not understood.
She flashed him a smile. "Thank you."
He quickly smiled and brought his hands up with his palms facing him, then bent his knuckles twice in what looked like a motion to tell her to come closer. Ty Lee leaned towards him, but he just laughed and shook his head. He repeated the motion with his hands and this time mouthed, "You're welcome."
"Oh." Her grin widened. "Got it."
The boy nodded and then picked up the tray and lantern. He left as quietly as he had come, shutting the door behind him. Now the hold was dark again.
"He was nice," Ty Lee observed.
"He's also helping to keep us locked up in here."
"He was still nice."
Azula rolled her eyes.
There was silence for a moment.
"Hey, Azula?"
"What?"
"We're going to get out of here, right? I mean, you do have a plan … right?"
"Having regrets already?"
"Not about coming with you." Ty Lee paused, and there was a clinking of metal as she shifted. "I just … I don't like small, dark places all that much."
"I know," Azula said more softly.
She knew all of her friends' weaknesses. She'd made it a point to know. Still, after everything that had happened—all the betrayals, all the ways that useless lump in her chest had been made to hurt—she was not sure if she should even offer reassurance. Ty Lee could not be trusted. It was just a fact. There was no point trying to cultivate the friendship again no matter what Ty Lee said.
"I couldn't leave you to face them alone."
Azula gritted her teeth.
Mother would tell her to give Ty Lee another chance if she were here. Father would say she was a fool for letting herself get distracted by emotions and betrayed in the first place.
"Can you not control your own tools, Azula?"
Was Ty Lee just a tool?
"Azula?"
"I'm tired."
Ty Lee took the hint and said nothing more. Azula went back to closing her eyes and listened to the sounds of their breathing.
oOo
Mai found Zuko sitting on a crate with his head in his hands. "You look terrible," she observed.
"It's this technique. I can't get the hang of it."
"I'm sure you'll get it eventually. You always do."
He raised his head to look at her, his eyes widening a fraction.
"Don't look so shocked." She leaned against the wall and folded her arms across her chest. "I watched you train when we were kids."
He tilted his head slightly. "You used to watch me?"
"Sometimes."
"Why? I wasn't any good."
Her mouth twitched into a self-deprecating smile. There was no way she was going to admit she'd had a crush on him. "I was curious," she said flatly. "Anyway, the thing I noticed was that no matter how much you struggled with a technique, you just kept at it. You practiced until you got better. And look at you now: good enough to keep up with Azula in a bending duel."
"It took me years just to master the basics, and I had a lot of help. I don't think I have that luxury now."
"Because of the Silencers?"
He nodded.
Mai was quiet for a moment. "What about Azula? I heard what happened last night. The bond …"
He shrugged and leaned back on his palms. "I still don't know what she was trying to do."
"She hasn't tried again?"
"No. I only felt her take over the connection for that brief moment."
"You don't seem too worried."
He shook his head. "It's not that."
"Then what?"
"I just … I keep thinking about the last time I saw her. I told her I was going to find Mother. She practically begged to come with us. Said she'd be on her best behaviour." He shifted so that he was leaning forward and frowning at his hands. "She was serious, Mai. I knew it when I looked into her eyes."
"Azula tried to kill you. Twice."
"Believe me, I'm well aware of what my sister has done. That's why she's still locked up in that cell."
Mai looked him up and down. "Yet here you are worrying about her."
"She's still my sister."
Mai let out an exasperated sigh. "Zuko, it's this kind of thinking that keeps getting you hurt. Azula doesn't care that you're her brother. She doesn't care about anyone. You would do better to forget all about her."
"I can't."
"She's dangerous."
"I know!" He stood up abruptly. "I know she's dangerous! I know she'd probably try to kill me again if given the chance, but I can't stop caring! I can't erase all the memories we've shared together!" He ran his hands through his hair, tugging at the strands. "And now I can feel her all the time because of the bond."
"Whose fault is that?"
His jaw tightened.
"Look, I'm just saying that if you hadn't rushed to heal her, you wouldn't be having these problems now. I warned you nothing good could come from helping her. You should have just let her—"
"Die?"
His tone was harsh but his eyes were vulnerable. This was hard for him. Mai had always known it as well. Zuko was stubborn and passionate, but he was gentle at heart. It was what had caught her attention when they were younger: his niceness, his sincerity, his desire to protect instead of hurt. But this was the real world. This was war.
Mai held his gaze steadily. "Yes," she said at her flattest. "You should have let her die."
He turned the other way. "You wouldn't understand."
"You're right. I don't understand why you keep worrying about a person who has done everything they can to hurt you. You're as bad as Ty Lee."
"Is it really so bad that I didn't want to watch my sister die in front of me? I know she hurt you, Mai, but—"
"There is no but." Mai's voice hardened. "Azula is a calculating, manipulative monster. She can't be saved. She can't be helped. Get that in your head before you do something stupid again."
He lowered his gaze as if in resigned acceptance, but she noted the way his hands balled into fists. This idiot really couldn't hide anything. It was no wonder Azula had found it so easy to hurt and take advantage of him when they were children.
"You know what she's done, Zuko," Mai said more softly. "Just because you're her brother doesn't mean you have to keep giving her chances. Azula doesn't deserve it. You know I'm right."
He said nothing. Barely even acknowledged her.
Mai gave a small sigh and left him alone. There was no point arguing about this anymore. These bleeding heart types were always so caught up in their emotions.
She went up onto the deck and made her way towards the bow. It was another clear day. People lounged around in groups playing tile games or chatting. Travelling at sea was a tedious affair even when secret organisations could be on their tail. There wasn't much to do outside of maintaining the ship. Mai was already getting a little stir crazy.
"Hey."
She glanced over her shoulder and saw Sokka approaching. They hadn't been talking much of late. There had been a … moment between them on the beach. That had been bad enough, but then his girlfriend had turned up. Now everything was awkward. Mai didn't like awkward.
"You stink like fish," she said flatly.
He rubbed the base of his neck. "Uh, yeah, I was helping to catch some before."
"Then you should wash."
"Is it really that bad?"
Mai just stared at him.
"Sheesh, alright. I'm sorry I dared to offend your noble nose with my fish-smelling presence. Next time I'll just leave you here to stand all alone and—"
A big sigh. "Sokka."
"What?"
"Shut up."
The corners of his mouth curved upwards. She turned away to hide her own tiny smile. Though she'd never admit it aloud, she appreciated that he always understood she wasn't trying to be antagonistic with her blunt dryness.
"So, Mai—"
"There you are!"
They looked over to see Suki coming towards them. Suki explained that she had been talking with Toph and they had decided to set up a little fighting tournament. It would help pass the time but also serve as combat training. Bending was allowed, though Toph had agreed to keep hers toned down so she didn't destroy the whole ship.
"You want in?" Suki asked, smiling at them both. "We're doing sign ups now."
"Sounds interesting," Mai said. "Count me in."
Sokka grinned. "You know I'm in."
"I hope you've got better then," Suki teased him. "I won't go easy on you this time."
Of course he fell for the bait. He claimed with all his usual dramatic flair that he was way, way better than he'd been back on Kyoshi—that she wouldn't stand a chance against him, in fact. Suki just laughed and told him to keep dreaming.
"I've got moves you don't even know about," Sokka informed her.
"Oh?" A flirty spark lit up Suki's eyes. "Do tell."
"And that's my cue," Mai muttered.
She slipped away while the two continued to tease and flirt with each other, something foreign and unwanted wriggling around in her stomach. She didn't like these feelings. She didn't like feelings period. Too bad it wasn't as easy these days to pretend she was made of stone.
Mai glanced over her shoulder and saw Sokka and Suki share a kiss. It didn't make her heart ache—not really—but she felt odd all the same.
Repressing a frustrated sound, she headed back below deck. She'd rather throw knives at a board for a couple of hours than deal with all these unwanted feelings. Azula had said a lot of messed up stuff over the years, but she was right about one thing: emotions were dangerous if left unchecked. They almost always got you hurt.
oOo
"You're not very good at this, are you?" Shen observed.
Azula gritted her teeth. He'd asked her to track Zuko again, but she had been shut out almost as soon as she had made contact with her brother. "Maybe it would help if you unchained me."
"I don't trust you. You forget I've seen into your soul—every ugly bit of it."
She swallowed back the frustration that wanted to spill from her lips. Ty Lee watched them from the other side of the hold with wide eyes.
"You can trust me about this," Azula said. "I won't try to escape or attack you again."
Shen raised his eyebrows. "You haven't even told me who healed you. Trust goes both ways, Princess."
"I'm leading you to him, aren't I?"
"Poorly. Sometimes I wonder if you're even trying. Perhaps you're holding back to give him a chance to get away."
"Believe me when I say I want to find him just as much as you do."
"Perhaps." His bland smile flickered into play. "But if you were really going to cooperate with me, you'd tell me his name."
Her eyes narrowed.
Shen crouched in front of her. "Well? I think it's time, don't you? Think of it as a show of good faith."
She resisted the urge to moisten her lips. Even she couldn't explain why she had not given up Zuko's name. There was no reason to protect her brother. No reason at all. She was just using him to get to Mother. Still, the thought of speaking his name aloud made a tiny part of her recoil. There was something about Shen that made the fine hairs on the back of her neck prickle.
"He's no one," she muttered. "Just a boy who got in my way and decided to heal me when I got injured."
"Now I know that's a lie." He tilted her chin more towards him. "Child, your heart would not fester obsessively for a nobody. He is important to you."
"I told you he's no one." She forced her heart to remain steady. "I don't even know his name."
Shen stood up. "I wish I could believe you."
Flames streamed from his hand in a rush of heat. A scream, the smell of burning flesh. Azula's eyes widened a fraction as she stared at the smoking wound on Ty Lee's stomach.
"You don't seem the type to cave to torture," Shen said calmly, "but in my experience people do not like to watch their friends get hurt. I wonder if you'll be any different."
Ty Lee made pained little sounds, tears spilling down her cheeks. Her wound was still smoking.
"Well?" he prompted.
Azula's nails dug so hard into the metal cuffs encasing her hands that one of her nails broke. "You really think I care if you hurt her?"
"Do you?"
She swallowed. Maybe. Maybe not. The concern she felt for others was like an unused muscle, sluggish and quick to protest when put to use. Logic had always ruled her heart. It was what Father had taught. Right now, she knew if she told Shen her brother's name, he would assume that Ty Lee could be used against her in the future. If she was silent, Ty Lee would likely be hurt more.
"It's just a name," Shen pointed out.
Her eyes met Ty Lee's, who looked like she was desperately trying not to sob.
Idiot, Azula wanted to say. I told you that you shouldn't have come. Now you've put me in this situation.
The voices in her head were back as well. Mother reminding her that Ty Lee had chosen to come because she had not wanted Azula to face these people alone—because she still considered them friends. Father asking if Azula was so weak as to let herself be manipulated and controlled …
"I did not raise my daughter to be someone else's tool."
Her gaze flickered back to Shen. "Hurt her all you want. It won't change what I know."
Shen smiled that bland, unnerving smile. He grabbed Azula's arm and let fire pulse in a hot burst. Pain ripped into every inch of her nerves. She bit her lip to stifle the scream clawing at her throat. Her flesh was burning. It hurt. It hurt so much, and it was only getting worse.
"Now you know what it feels like," Jet taunted in her mind.
Azula clenched her teeth harder, but the groans were beginning to escape now, getting louder and more uncontrolled. Shen only smiled. There was no emotion in his eyes, no emotion even in his expression. He wore the smile as if it was a hat—something you put on now and then.
"Stop!" That was Ty Lee, huddled and still crying. "Please stop."
"I'm afraid I can't do that, Little Rainbow."
"But her arm!"
"Oh, I know." Shen stared calmly into Azula's eyes. "She might have to lose the arm entirely at this rate."
Azula bared her teeth in a pain-twisted grin. "You think that scares me?"
"I think it scares your friend."
Her eyes snapped to Ty Lee in a warning glare. Don't you dare say anything! she tried to project telepathically. He needs me alive. He needs me functioning.
And it was Zuko who Shen wanted. Getting injured was a small price to pay for being able to keep some cards up her sleeve.
Ty Lee cried even harder, tears and snot streaming down her face. "Please, Shen!" she said, curled on her side and groaning in pain. "We don't know his name! Azula is telling the truth!"
Shen glanced between the two girls, all the while maintaining the flames that burned their way through Azula's arm. The smell of burning flesh—her own flesh—was pungent under her nose. It was a reminder of the charred body she had left behind to claim a throne, of the traitor whose face she had marked as a punishment.
It was a reminder of the day her brother had been banished.
"You're wasting your time with this," she hissed. Black dots blurred her vision and a scream swallowed her next words, but she pulled herself together enough to look him in the eye. "Burn me all you want, but I can't tell you what I don't know."
He held her gaze for a moment before allowing the flames to die out. "A pity."
Without another word, he left the hold. Azula collapsed against the wall, not even daring to look at her arm. Her mind was a scream of pain, pain, pain. It throbbed and numbed.
"Why did you let him do that?" Ty Lee asked.
"Shut up."
The hiss was a stinging whip. There was no saying if Shen was listening from behind the door.
Ty Lee fell silent. That was a relief. Azula's vision was turning into a swarm of crawling, black spiders and flashes. She closed her eyes and let the world go blank.
oOo
"Was that really necessary?"
"Not happy with my methods, Hina?"
Azula stirred, listening to the voices floating around her. Shen and Hina.
"Her arm is badly damaged."
"So? She doesn't need her arm. All that matters is she shares a bond with the one I sensed. She can lead us to him."
A long pause.
"There's no need for you to give me that face." Shen's tone was calm. "The child is hardly worth anything. Her soul is as ugly as the deeds she's no doubt committed. I assure you, there's no …
Shen and Hina's voices got more distant as if they were moving away from her, or maybe unconsciousness had just stolen hold again. Azula felt like she was bobbing in and out of water—a snatch of awareness and sound, but seconds later she would be back to muffled darkness.
The next time she opened her eyes, the boy who'd given her food was sitting next to her. They were in a cabin and she was lying on a bed. Warmth hummed through her, soothing rather than the burning flames from before.
"What are you doing?" she croaked.
"He's healing you."
Azula craned her neck to see Hina standing near the door, arms folded and an expression like stone.
"You're lucky your arm didn't need to be amputated," Hina continued. "Or should I say you're lucky he's a good healer." She nodded at the boy.
Azula glanced back at him. His eyes were glowing faintly like Zuko's had done, but their energy felt different. With Zuko, it had always felt like she was being wrapped in a big, warm hug by the sun. With this boy, it was more like the warmth of a lazy summer day, easy and relaxing.
He pulled his hands away and signed something in graceful movements.
"He says that's all he can do tonight," Hina translated. "He'll come back tomorrow to work on it more."
"And Ty Lee?" Azula couldn't help but ask while the boy wrapped a bandage around her arm. "Did she get healed as well?"
"Shen saw to her personally."
Azula's jaw tightened.
Hina signed something to the boy, who nodded. She came over and helped him to stand, slinging her arm around him in a steadying manner. "You want my advice, Princess? Learn to master that tracking skill. The sooner we find the person who healed you, the sooner this will all be over."
The two left and shut the door behind them. A decided click told Azula the door had been locked.
She exhaled heavily and closed her eyes. Her arm was like a numbed bit of nothing attached to her shoulder. She tried to move her fingers, but they barely twitched. Panic clawed at her chest in the scrabbling claws of a wildcat, but she quickly clamped down on the feeling. This was fine. This was okay. That boy was going to heal her. They'd said her arm hadn't needed to be amputated. Surely that meant she would be able to move it again.
Right?
Her breathing quickened and grew shallow. Doubt intruded into her mind, foreign and unwanted. It asked her if her defiance had been worth it—protecting Zuko's name, proving that she wasn't a tool to be controlled. She had almost lost her left arm. She could barely move it now.
Had she made the right call?
"Father?" she whispered. "Did I do it right?"
But he didn't answer her. He never did except to berate her.
Azula squeezed her eyes shut even tighter. She didn't want to call on Mother. There was no saying if she might turn up. Azula hadn't seen her since she'd left the cell in Ba Sing Se. That had been the only positive thing about being taken prisoner. Right now, she had no desire to see that mixture of pity and false concern on her mother's face.
"I am in control," she told herself. "I can still turn this situation to my advantage."
Somewhere, somehow.
"You want my advice, Princess? Learn to master that tracking skill."
Azula let out a deep breath. Without even really thinking about it, she found herself reaching for the bond—reaching for her brother.
No response.
A lump formed in her throat. "Don't hide from me, Brother."
That was the one thing he had never done. She'd hurt him over and over when they had still lived together in the palace, but he'd never shut her out. He'd never turned his back on her. Not really. If she were to be completely honest, he was the only one she'd actually trusted to be there for her, even if she'd stopped going to him for comfort a long, long time ago.
"It's okay to be scared, Azula."
She swallowed as the memories washed over her: sitting curled up against him on his bed, his arm warm and secure around her. The thunder she so detested booming and growling in the sky, but even so it wasn't so bad because they were together. He'd let her stay with him the whole night. He'd been nice then, and she had grown to hate him for it.
Like sunlight spilling through a gap in clouds, a golden thread dangled before her mind's eye. The bond.
She seized hold of it and in an instant it was as if she was being cradled in her brother's energy. The world melted around her and there was only warmth and light. "Zuko?"
There was a pause, almost hesitant.
"Azula?"
An emotion she couldn't quite describe swept through her. She had found him. She had finally found him.