CHAPTER I: Something New

"Susie..."

"What?"

"You... don't wanna go back to class, do you?"

"Nah."

"Well, I just... thought we could... stay here... and... play something?"

Kris didn't really feel like himself that day. Even less than usual, that is.

It started off with a strange dream. He floated in a void, shapeless, waiting to have his entire look and personality assigned to him -by whom, he did not know. At the end of it, he seemed to obtain the ability to influence the dream, and decided to immediately discard his newly formed self. He didn't like it when people told him who he should be and how he should behave. He was who he was, and nobody had the right to tell him to be anyone else.

With that, Kris woke up -just in time to see mom enter the bedroom and inform him that he overslept. But as though he was still halfway inside that dream, getting up and dressed took him an awful lot of time that morning. His gaze circled around the room, and the boy realised that it was full of... things. Well, Asriel's half, anyway. Kris began to notice the small details: his brother's trophies, game collection, even the angle at which the sun rays crawled onto his empty bed through the window. These things had been there all the time, but he never actually saw them.

If this happened on a weekend day, he thought to himself, I'd stay home all day and dig through all of Asriel's stuff. It hit him out of nowhere: his brother was gone. He'd only been at college for a couple of months now, but so far, Kris had successfully been avoiding this realisation just so he wouldn't have to deal with the fact that he missed Asriel so much. He was his best friend and role model.

Or he used to be. For the life of him, Kris suddenly couldn't remember what it felt like to have an older brother in his life. Asriel didn't call that often, and when he did, Kris just told mom to say hi for him. One part of him wanted to hear the fluffy boy's voice again, yes; but the other part was... perhaps mad at him for leaving?

This absent-mindedness stayed with him throughout the entire car ride to school, and he barely even made it to class in complete conscience. As luck would have it, Ms Alphys had just announced they'd do group projects, and because of his morning episode, there wasn't anybody left to team up with Kris.

Except for Susie, but she wasn't an ideal project partner. The fact that she came to class even later than himself without an apology kind of spoke for itself -though it might have been a good sign that she showed up at all. Probably got yelled at by her mother again; Susie's behavior always improved slightly for two or three days after that, even if just to appease her parent. That, however, didn't prevent her from taking out her frustration on others. Kris was her favourite target.

"I'm not playing by your stupid rules, alright? You go on your little adventure if you want, but I'm only here because I don't wanna go out there."

"Fine! ...Well, Kris, it looks like it's just the two of us, then."

"And quit talking to yourself, weirdo."

"That's not me, that's Ralsei!"

"It's...! You know, whatever."

Unlike others, with a possible exception of Noelle, Kris knew that there was more to Susie than met the eye. He remembered her way back in the day, before her dad died. She wasn't really a social butterfly, and the two of them didn't talk that often. But she was definitely nicer than her present day self. It was only recently that she became the troublemaker.

And Kris knew how much feeling vulnerable can affect someone's personality.

That was part of why, when the opportunity presented itself to him, he convinced Susie to spend some time with him in the unused classroom. Carefully, little by little, he encouraged her to open up more and more, trying to find a way to help her out -if in no other way, then by showing her that he was supportive. Everyone deserved at least a small bit of happiness, that's what he believed.

"Really? This is the best design you could think of?"

"Come on, it's a cute duck!"

"Kris... It. Is. A. DUCK. That's not really a murder weapon."

"You still gotta build it!"

In Kris' opinion, Susie just needed someone who'd treat her well, despite the fact she was actively pushing others to stay the heck away from her. She had to see that letting others close to her didn't necessarily have to hurt in the end. He saw Susie for who she could be, and he wanted to help her get there.

Some very quiet, subconscious, 0.5-percent part of his mind was also telling him that he could maybe use this kind of approach on himself rather than other people, but Kris didn't give that thought more voice than it needed to barely exist.

"Hey... Get away from my friend!"

"Heh heh he-"

"Kris, NO! I'm the voice of this guy!"

"Okay, sorry! Jeez!"

The truth was, if Kris were to stop making an idiot of himself for Susie's sake and think really hard for a while, he'd realise that this was pretty out-of-character for him. He wasn't likely to even start a conversation with anyone at any given moment unless there was a real reason to. Believing he'd just be a time waster to others, he prefered staying in the background, looking, listening, looking for information -all so he could learn about people without actually having to interact with them. Sometimes Kris would hear the word "creepy" being associated with him. If only they knew he was just too shy to just... talk, and find friends without a reason. And being the only human within a five mile radius didn't make the matters any easier.

That's what Asriel used to be here for; he was the popular one, he was the big brother who helped him get through such struggles, encouraged him to be more open, and always placed him before any of his own friends. But Asriel wasn't here for him anymore, and Kris didn't usually do a great job coping without him.

But why open up to Susie, of all people? And why today? Did he just think he knew how she felt, and wanted to be the help for her that he wished to find for himself in someone? Or did something inside him urge him to be nice to people? Maybe it had something to do with his morning episode.

Whatever it was, at least Kris didn't have to focus on it as long as he interacted with his new friend.

"Crap, how long have we been in here?" Susie looked at the clock above the door. It was approximately quarter to twelve -just as it had been two hours ago, and just as it probably had been inside this abandoned classroom ever since the batteries ran out.

"I don't know, but now that you mention it, I am kinda hungry." Kris stood up with mild difficulty; his legs were a little numb because he'd been sitting on the floor for quite a while.

"I guess we should get going, huh? Your mom is probably looking for you."

"You think yours isn't?"

"I... I don't know. I'm not even sure I care, too."

"Oh."

The two of them left the classroom in awkward silence.

"Looks like everybody's gone," said Susie. "It really must be late. I completely forgot we were just playing there for a moment."

"Sorry."

"Ńah. I... had a good time, Kris. Thanks."

"Me too."

"Well... See you tomorrow, I guess."

She turned around to walk away, but changed her mind halfway through. Kris felt her hand on his right shoulder.

"Kris... let's go back there tomorrow, alright?"

"Um, sure! If you want to."

Susie smiled faintly, almost in a sad way, and left.

The dark yellow autumn sun shined through the corridors, and Kris felt like something was pushing him to go out there and start over. He didn't know what he was supposed to start over, but it just seemed like a good time in general for second chances.

Then again, new encounters would frequently overwrite any and every history between Kris and others. With every swing of mood, every word spoken, it was as though he shifted between a couple of different worlds. And he didn't necessarily like most of them, but at least he could never remember them until he came back inside.

Case in point: Kris was initially really energetic and excited about life thanks to his playing session with Susie. He even had the guts to walk around the town and get back in touch with some of his old acquaintances, see how things were in their lives ever since he last spoke to them. But people still seemed to be associating him with Asriel more than with himself. There was no wonder: his brother was everything that Kris wished to be -talkative, entertaining, smart and big-hearted. Listening to everyone ask about Asriel soon convinced him that this was probably a bad idea after all.

But then, a strange thing happened on the way home. Kris spotted someone new: a monster in the shape of a human skeleton, which from the distance almost made him believe that it was actually a short human. He was just hanging out outside of what appeared to be a closed convenience store, standing in the place of... What even used to be inside this building? Kris had a vague recollection that there might have been a pub here, but obviously he'd never been inside so he wasn't entirely sure.

And upon inspecting the stranger for a second, he felt a weird pinch close to his heart, and he realised he just knew who this guy was.

"well, look who's walkin' around," the stranger said as Kris approached him. "how are ya, kid?"

"I'm fine," he replied. "It's great to see you again."

"yeah, it's real nice, isn't it? especially considering i've never met you before," the monster said with a wink.

Kris was embarassed. Why did I have to say 'again?' he asked himself. For a second, his mind was actually playing a trick on him, and he thought that the stranger was perhaps an old friend, someone way from the past.

Is he not? another voice inside him spoke up with confusion.

"the name's sans," the monster continued, unaware of the human's sudden unease. "sans the skeleton. i'm new in town."

"u-huh," he said, urging himself to snap out of it. "I'm Kris. Just Kris."

"welp, hello, kris. what's up?"

"Um... Nothing, really. Just wanted to greet you in here," Kris said, preparing to make a leave. The last bit of his social energy for the day just depleted, and he wished nothing more than to be safe at home.

"thanks, kid. i-"

"I'm going home now, bye!" he suddenly said and turned around. He didn't even register if Sans the skeleton said anything in response, and he didn't care at that point. All he wanted was to go, run far away, away from everyone to be alone, left without an opportunity to screw up ever again.

Some may have had called that an overreaction. Kris thought it was a natural, reasonable thing to do.

When he came home, he barely mustered enough strength to listen to mom's lecture about not returning phone calls with a straight face. He then disappeared upstairs in his room, collapsed onto his bed fully dressed and laid motionless. Susie, mom, Sans the skeleton -nobody existed anymore. There was just Kris and his own personal dark world, one that offered him, in a twisted sense, some kind of solace. It was a world which he was the most familiar with, and it was inviting him to come inside again, succumb to the solitude, let go of the ledge and just keep falling and falling...

It was way too late at night when Kris woke up. He didn't feel any more refreshed than before he passed out; if anything, he felt even more miserable. Empty, hopeless, unmotivated to maintain a life of his own.

This sudden change didn't catch him completely by surprise. It would happen occasionally. Sometimes with no apparent reason, sometimes being triggered by the tiniest bit of an inconvenience. But no matter how used he may or may not have been to it, it still sucked. The only change that Kris had noticed lately that his mood swings became more violent after Asriel abandoned him.

He didn't abandon you, you know? A voice in his head told him. Just because he has a life of his own doesn't mean that you're not a part of it.

"What do you know about that, me?" Kris replied -in his thoughts, obviously.

Who said anything about a 'me?' the voice almost giggled.

Now this, this was definitely new. The boy stopped, suddenly concerned about what was going on inside of him. Sometimes he would have arguments with himself -or, rather, different parts of him would fight for control; but it was always in a figurative sense, it was just him alone trying to reason with reality and find some sense in the world. But having an actual dialogue with another part of him? That was weird enough even for him.

Recalling the events of the last day, Kris even realised that this strange voice was with him the whole time. He woke up with it, he listened to its suggestion to spend the day with Susie, he reluctantly agreed to accompany it when it wanted to explore the town -and it was this voice that recognised Sans, a complete stranger.

"What is happening to me?" he thought to himself and buried his face in his hands. "Am I going crazy?"

Of course not! said the voice. I just thought we might have some fun together.

"Shut up," Kris heard himself whisper. "Go away. I don't want you in my head."

Why not? I'm only trying to help you!

"You're not a part of me. I won't let you tell me what to do with my life."

Did you not enjoy the time you spent with Susie? Was it not fun to talk to all those people? Your whole life could be like that!

"Get... OUT!" The boy stood up in frustration, turned around and slammed the empty bird cage next to his bed with his fist. It hurt, but at least the pain helped him stay anchored in reality.

Kris was alone, and he was losing control. His entire body was living the pain and darkness surrounding his mind, and he felt like he could float away at any moment.

Why was this happening to him? Not just with the weird voice, but all these mood swings as well. He could change anytime, he didn't even know when, and it stressed the crap out of him. That was part of why he had been even more anti-social recently; without Asriel to protect him and remind him that he actually meant something, Kris was just anxious most of the time, scared that if others found out how completely insane he really was, they'd turn their backs on him. It just seemed easier to keep it all to himself and not bother anyone and the enjoyable lives that they had.

The problem was, there was no way he could hide the truth from himself. And each time he was overwhelmed by it, he needed to... maybe remind himself of the fact that he was actually real? Attach his mind back to this world just so he wouldn't feel so lost somewhere in deep space, so deep that no stars have even discovered it yet? Whether it was this, or something else, Kris never cared enough to really seek out. All he wanted at the moment was to throw all of those anxious thoughts out of his brain, regardless of where they came from.

A couple of weeks ago, mom searched for one of her kitchen knives and did not find it. Little did she know that it was himself took it one evening when he was looking for a way out of his problems. He discovered that the physical pain helped him ease his thoughts, as though all the bad stuff left his body through a newly opened orifice. The knife has since then found a new home underneath the boy's bed.

Kris, teary-eyed, watched as his little collection of scars on his left forearm grew bigger by another one of the shallow red dripping lines.

He felt relieved.

And the voice was silent.