CHAPTER II: Eye Sockets

This time it was even worse than the day before. Mom actually had to grab Kris by the shoulder and shake him into functioning.

"I swear you're getting sleepier and sleepier every morning," she chuckled as she was walking out the door. "Just like when you were little."

The boy sighed. Thankfully he had abandoned all of his short-sleeved shirts and pajamas weeks ago; he couldn't comprehend the thought of mom accidentally spotting his scars while he was sleeping.

Kris didn't feel any better than the previous day. He actually had no idea how much sleep he had actually gotten, having woken up several times in early morning hours. The only thing that was clear right off the bat was that school was off the board for him that day. He let mom drive him to school as usual -he didn't want to risk telling her that he would stay home. Either she'd tell him to stop being lazy, or he'd have to make up being sick or something, in which case mom would drag him to see a doctor and/or stay home with him making soup and reading stories.

Alternatively, as soon as she walked him into school, said goodbye and disappeared behind the corner, Kris simply turned around and walked in the opposite direction. Luckily nobody was paying attention to him as he swiftly left the building again, feeling no regrets except the one of purely existing. Subconsciously, the boy knew that he will have to somehow get inside the school sometime in the afternoon just to let mom pick him up again -how, he had no idea. Or maybe he could just tell her that he was once again spending time with...

Susie! he realised. Kris had a vague recollection that he agreed to play with her again... or, did he beg her to be his friend? He let out a quiet "hmph" -sometimes it was hard to distinguish between what actually happened and what he made up of it later on in his head.

Either way, he had the mercy to spare her from his shenanigans. He didn't know what he'd been thinking the other day -trying to get Susie to open up and be friendly? To him of all people? What gave him the right to interfere with her life? He was... just a freak. A scared little baby inside a young man's body.

Kris decided that it was a brilliant idea to return back home and try to get some more sleep as a compensation for his miserable night. He took the long way round, through the park. He imagined the park would be nearly empty at this time of day, and he wanted to, if only for a short while, feel like the town didn't exist. In the park, it would be just him, the river, the trees, and possibly a noisy couple exchanging saliva. There was always one in every park at any given time.

The boy was also hoping that the talkative onion monster would still be asleep. They lived in the river and felt lonely most of the time; which they tried to mask by striking up a conversation with anyone who came by. Asriel would sometimes go to the river just to keep the monster company.

Gosh, Asriel. Why did his thoughts always end up with Asriel?

I should stop doing this to myself, he thought. He left me here to rot away. He doesn't deserve that much space in my head.

Kris got consumed by the shade underneath the trees. Some amount of dead leaves was down on the ground already, but most of them were still hanging on to the branches. His favourite time of the year was coming up; there was something strangely satisfying about watching nature slowly fall into a coma, only to be reawaken next year. New beginnings always held the promise that this time, things would turn out better.

And if Kris could simply restart his own life, he gladly would.

It was hard growing up in this town, where he never felt like he belonged anywhere. His parents took care of him earlier than he could possibly remember, and they probably tried their best to give him a loving home. However, Kris didn't have the same sense of security whenever he stepped out of the door; he couldn't quite connect to any monsters outside of his home. And then things started to crumble: first, mom and dad split up, and now his brother was gone as well. Mom was literally the only person in the world who Kris felt somewhat close to, and as he was growing older, he felt like even this connection was beginning to spoil. He needed her attention, but at the same time, when he got it, he was soon overwhelmed and kept pushing her away, and this frightened him.

If only there was anyone who could understand him. The boy thought that nobody else that he knew had such problems with just being alive, navigating themselves through normal, everyday life. From his point of view, others seemed almost hollow, never letting their emotions get the better of them, just maintaining the same directions through good times and bad times alike. For Kris, however, each new impulse meant a complete shift; and those impulses would often come solely from his own mind.

The boy came to the river and stood as close as he could to the water line; the lazy water was nearly kissing his shoes. He could barely see his reflection: a tall, skinny human being, hiding his facial expression behind the protective curtain of his long hair, scarring his arms and covering them in long sleeves... His whole body was a scream for help, but Kris didn't want to scream too loud because then he'd just appear desperate. Besides...

He lifted his left foot just a little bit.

...nobody should have to deal with someone like him.

"i wouldn't do that if i were you, kiddo. this ain't the right weather to take a swim."

Kris breathed out and turned around. Sans the skeleton, the stranger from the day before, was looking at him from a distance, hands in his pockets, sporting an understanding smile, like he ate all of the world's wisdom for breakfast.

"Don't worry, I was just... thinking," he said to him.

The monster smirked. "i could see that. take a walk with me, whydon'tcha?"

Kris frowned. "Why?"

"i could try to pull your leg, but honestly, i promised someone i care about to keep an eye socket on you. and you do look like you need someone to look after you. no offense."

The boy shrugged and approached Sans; he didn't really care at this point. "Whatever."

"wow, ok. that was easier than i thought." The monster turned and stepped forward, along the shore; Kris followed him. "you're way too gullible, going out with strangers like this."

"We're not strangers, we met yesterday."

"did we?" The skeleton's expression became focused for a moment, as though someone was telling him an important piece of information. "huh, that's neat. yup, sorry kid, my memory ain't what it used to be."

Kris took a good look on his companion. He could have sworn, when he saw Sans for the first time the other day, the monster appeared young -as young as a skeleton can possibly appear -strong and joyful. But that was probably another one of his brain's tricks; this Sans walked slowly, had a little trouble breathing, had a slightly curved back like old people do, and something in his face told the boy that he had been through a lot during his life.

"so..." Sans spoke up after a while. "what's going through your mind, kris?"

"Nothing, really."

"you shouldn't lie, you know."

"I'm fine," Kris muttered. "I'm... not really feeling anything, honestly."

"i see. and that is why you're not in school right now." The monster's face spelled tranquility. "don't worry, buddy, i won't tell. i was never much for studying, either."

The words just flew right out of his mouth.

"I just couldn't handle it today, you know? You go to school, you meet people, and everybody is expecting you to feel something, to be happy and sad, and laugh and cry, and people judge you by how you react all the time. Well, maybe I'm not in the mood to react to anything, you know? I don't even remember how one would do that."

Sans listened patiently. Kris was surprised by this; usually when he was talking to someone, he never had the feeling like they would actually care if he tried talking about the personal stuff. Or, rather, that they wouldn't understand. But this particular monster seemed eager to learn more about him, and he was immediately grateful for it.

"Who sent you?" he asked as he took in the oddity of the situation. "Was it my mom?I don't think anyone else would give a damn."

"wasn't your mother," Sans replied. "i don't think you know this person... although from what I'm hearing, you did meet yesterday."

"We did?"

"yup. you sorta freaked her out when she tried to approach you..." He paused. "sorry. we know you didn't mean it."

Kris blinked. "Who on Earth are you talking about?"

"meh, forgettaboutit. you'll meet her soon enough. but she told me that you... weren't feeling great yesterday."

"It wasn't Susie, was it? I can't think of anyone else who-"

"sorry, pal, i don't know any susie." Sans did his weird deeply-listening face. "oh, except she is your friend? uh, probably."

"I'm not so sure. We were supposed to meet today, but I... I guess I bailed on her. I'm not sure if I want to get attached to anyone again."

"well, that's... stupid." The skeleton chuckled without joy. "listen, it's not my place to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. but i think you're overcomplicating things way too much. i've... we have been around for longer than you would think, and lemme tell you, the world is much simpler than people think."

"Can you just tell me who this second person is?" Kris said, starting to feel lowkey frustrated that he understood less and less about the whole thing.

"you wouldn't believe me if i told you. you'll get to know her in time."

"Okay, let me get this straight." The boy stopped walking and looked at Sans with crossed arms. "Two random people show up and suddenly start caring about what's going on in my little insignificant life, one of which I don't even remember meeting. Why?"

The skeleton sighed and smiled. "you're... a special kid, kris. we just think you deserve to be happy. that's what we've been doing for centuries, going around the world together and spreading happiness wherever we could. what's the point of being around that long if you don't use it to make the world a better place?"

"That's fair, I guess. But why me? There's thousands of people who have it way harder than I do."

"but they're not here, are they? you are."

Kris felt his apathy and resignation were passing. Perhaps it helped that someone forced themselves into his life when he felt like he should leave everybody alone. Or perhaps the mystery behind Sans and his unknown companion was enough distraction that the boy needed to stop drowning in his self-conscience for the time being.

The two of them approached the cascades -a short series of little waterfalls up the river -and stopped to look at them. The sun just went to hide behind the clouds, and the wind started to tear more leaves from the oak and birch trees that were growing in this area and glide them to the ground.

"so, about your friend susie..." Sans continued and made sure to emphasise the word 'friend'. "you said you didn't want to get attached, or something?"

Kris breathed in through his nose. "I don't know. I felt sorry for her and I thought she could use a friend. But what if we try and she realises that I'm not worth it?"

The skeleton looked at him. "who says you're not worth it?"

"The world, that's who!" The boy hopelessly flung his arms in the air.

Sans moved his hand as though he wanted to place his arm around Kris' shoulders, but changed his mind immediately -he probably thought he didn't need to violate his comfort zone much more. "you're gonna have to be more specific than that, kiddo," he said instead.

"Well, not counting the fact that my actual parents didn't want to raise me, mom and dad split years ago. I barely even get to talk to dad nowadays. And this year, my brother, Asriel-"

At first, Kris thought they were being shot at or something; Sans cried in pain and bent over. A brief flash of red color shot from his eyes.

The boy flinched. "What's going-"

"geez, calm down, kid!" the skeleton said in forced comforting voice and cackled. "i know this is big, but we knew it was coming."

"I don't understand-"

"not now, kris. kiddo," the monster continued, and Kris realised he was talking to himself. "i know. we did it. but let's not freak out, alright?"

The human watched helplessly as Sans slowly regained his posture, and the glow from his eye was gone. He then took a deep breath and looked at freaked out Kris.

"i'm really sorry about this," he said. "i know you're confused, kris. but believe me, you're not ready to know all of our secrets."

"Don't patronise me!" Kris has had just enough. "Either you at least try to make sense, or I'm going home. You think you can just show up and talk to me like you know what I'm feeling-"

Sans closed his eyes, shivered, and narrowed his back a little bit.

Leave it be, Kris, the boy suddenly heard in his head. We're sorry about all this, but please, just give us a chance.

He shut his mouth and looked at the monster.

"What the f%§k is going on here?" he asked quietly. "Are you doing this, too?"

"umm..." Sans scratched the back of his head. "not really, but..."

Kris groaned, turned around, and took a couple of brief steps, ready to just go into his bed and pretend like nothing of this ever happened.

"do you know the concept of timelines?"

He stopped, but kept facing the opposite direction.

"Sort of," he answered. "Alternative universes and all that stuff? Like, each time something happens, a new universe is created where it happens differently? That's a weird theory."

"not theory." Sans walked to his side again, looking just the same way as before. "you were mistaken, buddy. we didn't really meet yesterday. you just saw the right version of me."

Kris looked at him and blinked, silently demanding an explanation.

"we're from a different timeline," said the skeleton and allowed himself to put on a proud expression. "we found our way into this world long ago, when your dad was just a toddler. five hundred years or so."

Five hundred and twenty eight, the voice in his head added. Sans was never one to care about details.