There was a woman in Doflamingo's bed. Now this in and of itself was not uncommon, however he could not say he was expecting this particular woman in his bed.
Luna, the mysterious woman with the even more mysterious power, was curled up in his bed fast asleep. He had considered waking her up and kicking her out, but that was hardly the best way to gain her favor. After all, how could he use her power if he didn't understand it?
So instead, he pulled out his latest reading material and sat down to wait. The bed, after all, was big enough for the both of them, so he settled back and opened his book.
He tried to keep his laughter at the material quiet, mindful of the sleeping woman next to him. These philosophers never knew jack shit about the world. They all had their own view on how the world should be, but knew nothing of how the world was.
Take the philosopher of the week.
"Act in such a way that you treat humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, never merely as a means to an end, but always at the same time as an end."(1)
Doffy almost burst into hysterical laughter after reading that. What use were people beyond a means to an end for one such as him? People were tools, first and foremost, always, and should be glad to be in service to a God like him.
Finally, he couldn't contain his laughter. It burst out in a low, loud tenor, chilling the room immediately. It also seemed to wake up his guest.
She cracked an eye open, glaring fiercely at Doflamingo. He noticed, in the back of his mind, her eyes were a rather pretty shade of blue. "You're too noisy," she complained.
"Excuse me," he replied, his voice dark with irritation, "but whose bed are you sleeping in?"
"I don't know," Luna replied, still sleepy, "I didn't have the luxury of finding out."
"It's mine," Doflamingo could feel a vein beginning to pulse in his forehead, "And I'd like you out of it."
She raised an eyebrow, wholly unimpressed. "I have belli." she said, "I'll pay you after I'm done my nap." And with that, she turned on her side, ready to go back to sleep.
"Oi-" Doflamingo began, but before he could begin to tell her that the money isn't the point, she reached out, her hand glowing with that strange energy again. He had the strange sensation of his mouth turning into a zipper, silencing him.
Doflamingo crossed his arms in immense frustration, definitely not pouting.
Guess he'd have to wait a little longer before getting some answers.
Meanwhile...
Captain Tallion, proud wielder of the Tweet-Tweet Fruit (Eagle Model), and recently appointed head of the local Marine outpost, listened incredulously as three newly signed Ensigns relayed a fantastical story.
"So you're telling me," he replied slowly, trying to puzzle out the whole insane tale, "that a mysterious woman attacked you while on patrol?"
The three Ensigns nodded frantically, little pig ears flapping with the movement.
"Uh-huh," The Captain returned skeptically to the written statement before him. "And she...had a strange Devil Fruit, which she used to… add those extra appendages."
Again, the soldiers nodded.
"Right." Tallion pinched his forehead in frustration. "Well, did she say when it would wear off?"
All three soldiers shrugged helplessly.
Tallion reached for his stash of whiskey. He poured a shot and downed it in one go. He looked at the soldiers again, taking in their appearance. He promptly poured another shot.
"All right," he sighed, "bring her in. And anyone associated with her. With all the pirates these days, you can't be too careful. Dismissed."
The Ensigns saluted and stumbled back out the door, tripping over each other in their haste to leave the office.
Captain Tallion looked at the report again, and at the description of the mysterious woman. It rang a bell…
Sighing, Tallion pulled out his secret moonshine. It was going to be a long week, he could already tell.
(1) Emmanuel Kant
Thanks as always to Fiend and Chesh for being wonderful and letting me gush about this fic