AUTHOR'S NOTE: I came up with chapter 2 and this chapter a couple of months ago, but I hesitated because to do this chapter because I wanted to see what happened in Uncanny X-Men. For a time, I thought it would be impossible; some of the gags and dialogue I had in mind wouldn't work. Then Matt Rosenberg dropped the steaming pile of tragedy porn crap known to the outside world Uncanny X-Men #17 into humanity's metaphorical lap. Strong words, I know, but I had a strong reaction to it. And I found this chapter not only worked but works as a response to that issue. A little tweaking to change the cast around, and the saga of Illyana, Rahne, and the Leprechauns continues. #never the end #rahne lives

8

8

Chained to the wall of her cell, Alystraea raises her head as the door opens and two hooded figures enter.

'So what now?' Alystraea challenges. 'You're taking me to your dark lord? My answer is the same as before.'

One of the figures throw back her hood, revealing the long dark hair and brown skin of her closest friend. 'I should hope so,' says Bright Moon, the Valkyrie. 'He's not your type.'

'Bright Moon!?'

The other figure pulls back her hood, and of course, it's Evelle. The demoness smiles. 'Ready to leave?' she asks. 'Or would you rather keep hanging around in this dump?'

'Ha, ha,' Alystraea says. 'Now that you've had your obligatory bad joke, why don't you untie me and get me out of here?'

Sean's voice intrudes: 'Ah, Rahne, Love, having a pleasant dream, are ye?'…

…Rahne woke up and found herself lying on her back in a cage barely wide enough for her to lie prone in and barely big enough for her to stand up in. She felt a metal collar around her neck. The cage was on some kind of cart that creaked along what felt like a rocky or cobble-stone road. She could see other cages around her and smell the beasts who were pulling the cart. Armored creatures walked alongside it, and she saw goblins of some sort riding dragons as they flew overhead. A very large armored troll, maybe slightly larger than Juggernaut, brought up the rear.

As the fog cleared from Rahne's brain, memory returned: Rahne had gone to take a shower before a meeting Scott had called in Harry's Hideaway. She'd had soap in her eyes and had turned at a noise and everything had gone black. Until her dream and waking up in the cage. She was dry, wearing a white tunic, and her hair had been braided, so she imagined some time had passed and that she had been unconscious for much of it.

She recognized the two-foot-tall bearded humanoid standing outside the cage, a corncob pipe hanging from his mouth.

"Sean," Rahne said. "May the Lord forgive me for not missing you at all." She started to change but felt an electric shock from the collar and winced in pain as she reverted to human.

"Oh," Sean said with a little sadistic glee, "I should have warned you: the collar is enchanted and will keep you in human form. We can't have you running around and maybe hurting yourself before we reach market."

"Market?"

"Aye. I kept you asleep until just now; I wanted to see the look on your face when I told you. You and that two-bit witch have caused me so much trouble in the past, I owe ya. See, the dimension we're in is easily reached through portals from many other dimensions, so it's a kind of a crossroads. Naturally, markets sprang up here, where you can buy and sell all sorts of things…and people."

"People? You mean slaves?"

"Exactly."

"What…wait, you mean to sell me into slavery?"

"That's exactly what I mean to do, darlin'!"

Rahne considered the situation. Obviously, Sean wanted to get a rise out of her. So, her best bet was to stay calm, and hope he got too cocky and made a mistake.

She said smoothly, "That's not like you, Sean. As I recall, you and your gang of leprechaun thieves stole technology, not people."

"Tech market's a bit soft, Rahney, but there's always a market for cheap labor. And in your case, there are brothels that'll pay a lovely amount of gold for a comely werewolf. And before you get all defiant on me, they know how to make their girls obedient. And they won't have to compel you eventually."

"I see. And are these brothels also in the market for a, what did you say, a 'two-bit witch'? I don't see Illyana anywhere."

"Too dangerous to snag her, and she's emotionally unstable besides. But you were perfect! I couldn't resist."

"Aw, Sean. And I thought I would have wait for you to do something stupid. You're already dead meat, you know that?"

"Am I, now?"

"Of course. How long do you think it will take Illyana to track me down? What do you think she'll do once she catches you?"

Sean laughed. "She thinks you're dead, Rahne! All the X-Men do. We replaced you with a golem, a perfect duplicate down to the cellular level with your memories imprinted on her. And she worked better than we could have imagined! She was supposed to leave the X-Men and she did. No one tried to stop her. Then she went to a park and before she could self-destruct, she got beaten to death by a bunch of lads."

"Seriously? I don't believe you. And the X-Men wouldn't believe that I'd just been clobbered by a bunch of unarmed, unpowered lads, not with all the experience I have in using me powers."

"See for yourself." Sean took a small mirror out of his pocket. She watched as the copy of herself was accosted by some teenage boys who fell on her, their fists rising and falling. Sean narrated as the images changed: "'Twas a lovely funeral you had, Love. You should have been there. The witch and the Valkyrie both said wonderful things about you. And a bit of drama when your Mr. Logan went and got revenge on 'your' killers." The images faded and Sean put the mirror back in his pocket. "They're not comin', Darlin'. As far as they're concerned, you're pushing up daisies."

Strangely enough, Rahne felt no panic and remained calm. "Wow, Sean. You certainly have it all thought out. And I have to credit you for the resources you've brought to bear. This caravan is certainly impressive."

"Oh, aye. Expensive, yes, but worth it when you consider what you will fetch me."

"And where did you get that golem you mentioned?"

"From Mojoworld! It was really a partly magical android. They had 'em cheap, but it was surprisingly effective."

"I see. Then I guess you've covered all your bases, Sean. I mean, it's not as if Mojo himself pulled the same stunt years ago…" She cut herself at the sound of something like a jet engine. Then she added, "Oh, wait. He did."

Jamie/Warlock flew overhead, wings and engine pods sprouted from his back has he fired at the dragon-riding goblins with a blaster at the end one arm. She heard the crackle of Cyclops' eyeblasts and Havoc's plasma pulses from somewhere behind her.

Rahne added sweetly, "Shall I tell you how that worked out for Mojo?"

The cart rocked as Juggernaut landed on it, Illyana by his side with the soulsword blazing in her hand. Cain ripped the top off the cage and bent the bars. Rahne clambered out.

Illyana brought the sword to Rahne's collar. "Hold still."

"Long as you don't cut too deep."

The sword touched the collar, and the collar crumbled into dust. Rahne brushed the remains away from her and transitioned to half wolf.

Illyana asked, "Are you all right?"

"Yeah. A bit woozy, but fine, I think."

"Good." The soulsword vanished and Illyana convulsively pulled Rahne into an embrace. "Don't do that again," she said into Rahne's ear as she held the werewolf cheek to cheek. "Don't leave me alone again."

Rahne felt surprise at Illyana's admission of vulnerability but knew better than to brush it off. She slowly returned the witch's embrace. "It's all right, Love, it's all right. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I didn't plan on this excursion, and I've no plans to go away again."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Good. Because next time I might just hunt you down and kill you."

Rahne chuckled. "You'll try-"

"INCOMING!" Juggernaut shouted. He pushed the two girls aside an instant before Wolverine sailed through the place they had been standing and landed roughly on the front of the cart. Cain looked in the direction Wolverine had come from and saw the large armored troll heading towards the cart.

Wolverine got on his feet and yelled, "Karma!?"

Karma came to the side of the cart. "I have the other soldiers under control," she said, "but I can't reach that one's mind."

Cain made a fist and punched his other palm. "Well," he said with a grin, "I guess we'll have to do this the old-fashioned way."

He jumped off the cart and ran at the troll and slammed several punches into it that would have staggered the Hulk. The troll just smirked and hit Juggernaut with a dismissive backhand. Juggernaut was sent sprawling.

Rahne said, "Do we have anything bigger than a Juggernaut?"

"One thing," Illyana said.

A stepping disk appeared above the ground in front of the troll.

Illyana jammed two fingers into her mouth and whistled.

S'Ym dropped out of the disk, landed in front of the troll, and decked it with a punch whose impact Rahne felt in her chest. "Stay down!" S'Ym ordered. "Leave my boss and her friends alone." He turned to Judggernaut. "You're welcome."

Juggernaut got to his feet. "I ain't thanking you for nothing, demon! I had him on the ropes. I was just wearing him down. I would have had him in another minute if you hadn't butted in."

"Suuuuuurrrrrrre you would have, suuuuuuuuurrrrrreee you would have."

Juggernaut took a step forward. "Watch your mouth, man! I'm the avatar of Cyttorak."

"Cyttorak," S'Ym mocked. "Ooooh, I'm sooooo scared." S'Ym guffawed. "I know more about that loser than Belasco ever imagined. I bet you didn't know that Cyttorak's a-"

They turned at a roar and saw the troll had got to his feet. But then a golden energy bolt flashed between Juggernaut and S'Ym and hit the troll square in the chest. It fell over backwards. This time there was no sign it was going to get up again.

Man and demon turned to look in the direction bolt had come from and saw Dani Moonstar, grinning, holding an enormous high-tech rifle.

Cain stammered, "Dani? Where the hell did you get that thing?"

"Oh, Kid Cable loaned this to me for this job in case I needed more firepower." She patted the side of the gun. "Momma like!" She turned and headed back to the caravan.

Juggernaut and S'Ym turned back to the troll, who still wasn't moving. Then Juggernaut said, "You know, we had him on the ropes."

"Yeah," S'Ym affirmed, "we'd worn him out."

"If Dani hadn't come along when she did—not that I'm saying she shouldn't have—we would have taken him out anyway."

"Absolutely!"

Witnessing the ersatz bonding spectacle from the cart, Rahne said, "Frail ego, thy name is-"

"Excuse me," Cyclops said from over their shoulders, "but did I hear that right? Did my son give Dani a rifle?"

Rahne said, "Well…" Then noticed the air rippling behind cyclops. "Uh-oh."

Cyclops looked over his shoulder. Black smoke billowed and widened into a portal several meters wide. Dozens of soldiers in black armor with nasty looking spears surged out and began to surround the caravan.

"Everybody!" Cyclops called. "We have incoming."

S'Ym and the X-Men lined up to either side of Cyclops just as the last two soldiers came through. Then a red beast about the size of a horse came through. It had three heads that looked like dog heads, on long, snake-like necks, and it was ridden by a woman wearing a red dress and a golden crown. Jewels hung from her ears, around her neck, and glittered on her fingers. An attendant demon jogged alongside the beast, holding a goblet and a bottle of wine.

After the beast, its rider, and the demon had come through, the portal collapsed. The beast stopped facing the X-Men and the woman dismounted. The demon poured whatever-it-was into the goblet and handed it to the woman. She took a sip.

Cyclops advised, "Easy people. We're still outnumbered. No sudden moves."

Rahne murmured, "Three heads? But it should be seven."

The woman seemed to have heard. She crossed to Rahne. "What do you think you know, girl?" she demanded. "Out with it!"

Rahne licked her lips and quoted nervously, "'And upon her forehead a name written, mystery, Babylon the great, the mother of harlots and abominations of the earth.'"

The woman grinned. "I knew you were a King James girl!" she said. "Right from the moment Illyana told me about you, I said, 'I'd wager she's a King James girl,' didn't I, Illyana?"

Illyana smiled. "Yes, Babs, you did."

Babs turned back to Rahne. "Of course, Illyana said, 'Uh, I dunno, the Bibles' the Bible.' No appreciation for fine literature. But yes, Rahne—it is Rahne, isn't it?—I am the one you know as the Whore of Babylon. But you and your compatriots may call me Babs."

"M'Lady," Rahne said reflexively. "Well, to your point, I supposed the King James is my personal favorite. But I was a deacon of a church and they prefer-"

"Oh, I know! No appreciation for the King James' majestic language, just dumb it down for the throngs. The demonic translations are even worse. If I translated them into your tongue, you would die of thirst just from crying."

"What, demons have the Bible?"

"Why not? There are dangers, to be sure, but don't humans have dangerous indulgences? And there is something to be said for allowing some freedom of expression."

"I…suppose that's one way of looking at it. But getting back to the bits about…you…the Bible says the Beast has seven heads, and that one has only three. Do you have more than one?"

"No, just the one. That was…well, among other things, it was an in-joke between me and John. Beastie would get into something he shouldn't have, and John would say something like, 'Are you sure there are only three heads? Because I was watching all of them! He must have another one or two.'"

"You knew John of Patmos?"

"Yes…Biblically, if you take my meaning. But it didn't last, and I must confess that some of the bad press I get is well deserved. But I am still very proud of John! It's been what, 2000 years, and you people are still arguing about his book! What author could ask for more?"

"And, um, how do you know Illyana, M'Lady?"

"'Babs' is fine, Rahne; we don't have to stand on ceremony. I feel like I know you. Anyway, Illyana came through some time ago after she…I guess you could say 'came back'…and she was hunting for her bloodstones. To make a long story short, we found ourselves targeted for assassination by the same parties and decided two swords were better than one. The rest is history. And yes, that was when she told me all about you and the other New Mutants and all the adventures she'd had with you."

"Just one thing…Babs," Rahne said. "'The Whore of Babylon' can't possibly be your name."

"No, Rahne, it's not."

"Would you mind me asking what it is?"

Babs sneezed.

"God Bles—er—"

"It's all right, Rahne," Babs said, "but that wasn't a sneeze. That's my name. And in your tongue, it means 'burned flowers.' What kind of name is that for a girl? Even a demoness? I ask you."

"I can see why you prefer 'Babs-'"

"Yes, all well and good!" Sean shouted as he led his band of leprechauns to stand before Babs. "That's fine and dandy. We're friends now. Just lovely. But by your own law, Babs, which you famously apply impartially, these X-Idiots have interfered with lawful commerce in your realm. I want them all clapped in irons and I demand compensation! Having them all added to my inventory would suffice."

Babs sipped her wine. "Hmm. You're right, Sean, they have broken my law…or they would have if you hadn't already broken it first."

"W-what?" Sean stammered. "What are you talking about?"

"My edict against disturbing the peace of my realm with a conflict you brought in from outside, and you most certainly did." Babs gestured at Rahne. "I mean honestly, selling this delightful creature into slavery so you could get revenge for her interfering with some of your other hairbrained schemes? That's a new low, even for you. And coming from me, that says something." Another sip. "There's nothing for it. I shall have to confiscate all your wares, and anyone you had kidnapped from another world is free to go."

"What…" Sean managed. "You can't do that!"

Babs loomed over the leprechaun and a dangerous edge crept into her voice: "Can't I?"

"Oh," Sean said, aware of how much danger he was actually in, "of course, it's your realm, you can do whatever you want. Your Highness."

"Hmm." Babs drank some more as she looked off into the distance.

"But the thing is," Sean went on, "I need some consideration. I'm on the hook for some warm bodies and owe money to some tough customers who'll be a bit cross with me if I don't deliver. I could use some help here. M'Lady."

Babs seemed not to have heard. Then she said, "No."

"No?" Sean said.

"No."

"What 'no,' Babs? You mean no, you won't help me?"

"No, Sean, I mean no, you are not on the hook to anyone for anything. I wouldn't have allowed Illyana to mount this rescue if she had not addressed the concerns of all parties involved. She managed to find someone who cleared your debts. You have nothing to be worried about."

"Oh, she did?" He turned to Illyana. "That's right decent of you, considering the circumstances. Thank you!" Back to Babs. "So, Babs, that means me and me lads are free to go, yes?"

"No, Sean you're not. Well, you are leaving my realm, but not the way you think."

8

8

"Hello, Sean," Odin said with a broad smile. He stood on a dock, but where there should have been water, the void of space beckoned. An Asgardian astral ship was berthed at the dock.

"Lord Odin!" Sean said. He stood at the head of the leprechauns. The others were lined up behind him, chains connecting the collars around their necks. Babs waited behind them with S'Ym and the X-Men. "It's, uh, it's been a long time, sir."

"Yes, Sean, it's been quite some time since you tried to sell the rainbow bridge. But I understand you have kept busy."

"Well, one does what one has to do in this economy, sir."

Odin's smile broadened. "I normally don't condone slavery, but when Babs and Lady Illyana told me it would be you, I thought helping rebuild Asgard would be a good way for you to work off your debt to my people."

"Absolutely, sir! Got to get the golden realm up and running again. And you won't find better than leprechaun workmanship."

"I was hoping you would see it that way," Odin said. "So, shall we go?"

"Of course," Sean said. "Right lads! Onward!" They started marching: "Hup, hoop, hreep, horp, hup, hoop, hreep, horp…" And he led the leprechauns onto the ship. Odin bowed to Babs and followed them aboard.

Babs turned to the mutants. "Well! You must all be tired and hungry, and after this eventful day, I won't hear of you leaving without sampling my hospitality. You must be feted."

Cyclops smiled. "Thank you, ma'am, but we really have a lot of problems back home and we should be on our way."

"I beg your pardon?" Babs said, the edge creeping back into her voice. "Master Cyclops, am I to understand you are refusing my hospitality?"

Illyana tensed. At Cyclops' elbow, Wolverine hissed, "Cyyyyyyyyykeee…."

Cyclops cleared his throat. "Well, now that you mention it, it has been a long day and we are all tired. And we could use a break. A party sounds like a great idea. So on behalf of all of us, I accept. But…ah…can we go home and change real quick?"

Babs smiled. "Of course! You must be dressed comfortably and appropriately as your culture dictates. But don't be too long. I do so hate it when my guests are late. Don't I, Illyana?"

"Don't worry, Babs," Illyana said. "I'll have 'em back before you knew we were gone."

8

8

Dressed in a red dress, otherwise human except for her horns peeking out from under her bangs, Illyana made her way through the mixed crowd of humans, demons, non-humans, and none-of-the-above in the great hall of Babs' palace. The Biblical personage presided over the hall from her throne while a group of musicians played to one side. Her friends wearing suits and dresses from modern day Earth while everyone else was wearing the robes and cloaks of medieval times gave the place the feel of the set of a bizarre sci-fi/fantasy movie. 'The story of my life,' Illyana thought. As she moved through the crowd, she noticed Dani and Scott to one side, in a conversation that had been going on for some time.

Illyana made her way to a table where Rahne was sitting alone, nursing a goblet.

Illyana sat down next to Rahne and said, "I think we're going to be visiting Dani's parents soon."

"'Danielle Moonstar Dayspring Askani Summers,'" Rahne slurred. "Oh my God. Isn't that family messed up enough?" She paused. "Did that come out wrong?"

Illyana chuckled. "I think you're a little drunk."

"I think I'm a lot drunk."

"I think Babs really likes you. She doesn't get the good stuff out for just anybody."

"Oh, aye, me hammered on the blood of saints in the Whore of Babylon's palace. Will I ever be able to show my face in church again?"

"Actually, 'Blood of Saints' is just a brand name."

"Really?"

"Mmm-hmmm. Seems demons invented marketing. Comes with being able to tempt people."

"Huh. Something to remember for the online Bible chats. Can get kind off-the-wall sometimes." Rahne drank the last of her goblet's contents, then turned to Illyana with a serious look on her face. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Coming after me."

"Rahne, remember how drunk you are?"

"All the more reason to say this now, 'Yana, before I'm sober enough to change my mind.

"I know I haven't always been the best friend to you. We've never been close. There are people you share your deepest secrets with, people you know better than you know yourself. That's never been us. Try as hard as I can, I can't completely get past you being a witch and a demon and not entirely human. And don't get me started on the headaches I get when I try to figure out if you're the Illyana I grew up with or a copy of her.

"But maybe none of that matters. You've always been there for me, even when I didn't want you to be. And just today, in that cage, I wasn't worried because I knew you would come for me. I knew it, sure as I know my own name. And I know in my soul that if you were in danger, nothing could stop me from going after you, and I would save you or die trying.

"And maybe that's all that matters, and the rest, the problems I have with you, I have to learn to let them go. It won't be easy and it won't happen overnight, but you are…you are my blood sister if nothing else, so I have to try. You deserve it. And I will start now, by saying something I should have said years ago: Welcome home, Illyana. It's good to have you back."

Illyana smiled and pulled Rahne into a hug. "It's good to be back, Rahne. I missed you."

Dani's voice intruded: "Group hug!" The Cheyenne -Mutant-Valkyrie threw her arms around both her old friends and they settled into the odd huddle. "So," Dani asked, "what are we hugging for? Other than proving we're blitzed out of our minds."

Rahne smiled. "Friendship, Dani. The best reason of all."

8

8

Alystraea sits on her white horse, looking along the road that extends to and around the sun-drenched hills, as Bright Moon and Evelle ride their horses up to stop on either side of her.

Evelle says to Alystraea, 'Well, sister, we've sorted out the Kingdom of Rosenberg. Where do we go from here?'

'Wherever the road takes us,' Alystraea answers. 'You with me, you silly demon?'

'Of course.'

Alystraea turns to Bright Moon.

Bright Moon smiles. 'Do you have to ask?'

'Right,' Alystraea says. 'Let's be off, then.'

And the three princesses ride off into the hills and on to new adventures.

Never The End