(4502 words)
Eight days.
Eight days Raph had been in this group home, away from the people he was so close to calling family. He had started making friends with the guys from the home. He played Basketball with Z, got any news he needed to know and even things he didn't need to know from Lincoln, and he made an unspoken pack with Britney that they wouldn't tell on each-other and the'd help each-other out every once and a while.
Cameron was nice enough unless they did something wrong. On the third day Raph had accidentally slept in and he got stuck with three extra chores. Raph vowed never to sleep in again. To Raph's dismay Matthew had been allowed to call the house every now and again. Each time asking to talk to Raph. Raph stopped answering the phone completely, only going near the land line when he was specifically ordered to.
Raph sits on his bed, glancing around his room until his eyes land on the picture frame on his dresser. He stands up and takes hold of the frame. It had a couple corners smashed off and the picture inside was mutilated. Leo's face was scratched and colored over with marker, making him unrecognizable.
There were several holes in the picture on his chest. Raph in the picture had a slash across his chest, ripping the paper. Mikey and Donne remained untouched. They never did anything to hurt him. Raph puts the picture back on the dresser and lies down on his bed. He had had a lot of time to think and it was not kind to him. The more he thought, the more he felt the universe was punishing him.
The more the universe punished him the more he felt he should punish himself. And he did. He didn't venture to his left wrist, the four long cuts residing only on the right. He didn't want to admit it but it felt like it helped. He hadn't gotten caught but there had been some close calls. At times like now he'd stare at his wrists as he thought. Life felt so crazy he wishes he wasn't part of it, just for a while until it got to a good part.
"I don't know why I got so attached to that one. I wasn't even there as long as I have been other places. It was like two weeks." Raph mumbles to himself. He really hadn't talked much over the past couple days and when he did his voice was very quiet. That was the Raphael the boys here had come to know.
He trails a finger along each of the cuts, a name coming to mind with each of them. 'Hamato Yoshi... Michelangelo... Donatello... Leonardo.' He grimaces, looking at the last one. It was the angriest of the four.
"Hey Raph?" Raph looks up and sees Britney in the door way. He had been the one to come get him for group things most of the time. It was useful for the times he was punishing himself and reassuring too. Britney had to be one of his favorites of the boys here. "Cameron says we're leaving for the store. No one's left behind." Raph pushes himself up, pulling his sleeve down over his hand. "'Kay." Raph says, following him out the door.
"You okay?" Britney asks quietly before they reached the stairs. "I'm fine." Raph grunts, going down without another word. In the living-room the boys waited for them, bored as ever. "You guys take so long you might as well be girls!" Lincoln says, tapping his foot rapidly. Raph rolls his eyes. "Oh whatever, you're just impatient." Britney says. Cameron waves the boys out the door with him, ignoring their bickering.
Raph stares at the large blue van and his stagnant bad mood increases. It reminded him of their leader in blue, Leonard. "Smug fuck." Raph grumbles. "Language Raphael." Cameron says sternly, having learned when and how Raphael would swear. Raph crosses his arms and glares at a large dent in the side before he climbs into the van along with the other boys, sitting in the very back. This was the first time he was riding in the van though he'd seen it plenty of times.
The dent brought back a scene in his mind, a not so pleasant one at that.
Raph and Z had been playing a game of one on one out front, chalk on the ground spelling out the first couple letters of 'horse'. Raph blows a piece of hair out of his face, most of it already pulled into a low ponytail almost like Donnie would wear but much lower seeing as he had shorter hair. Z was lying on his back, watching the clouds.
"Wanna get back to the game?" Raph asked quietly. Z shakes his head, closing his eyes. Saterdays were their only day where they didn't have to do any chores and they all wanted to just enjoy it. Raph feels a shadow come over him and he looks up, his nearly bare arms behind his head. "Hi." Raph says. There was a little brown haired boy standing over him, a curious look in his eyes.
"Can I play chalk?" He asks innocently. Raph looks at the small box of chalk lying on the pavement. "Um... sure." Raph replies, sitting up. The little boy grabs a chalk crayon and starts scribbling on the ground. Z looks up and smiles, sitting up and scooting over to the boy. "Hey, you like drawing?" Z asks. The little boy nods. "I'm drawing a cat." He says, scribbling in a circle. "Nice" Z says, picking up a piece of chalk.
Raph smiles. Z took any excuse to draw. Raph moves towards them and takes a chalk crayon and starts drawing a turtle. Suddenly there was a shrill scream and then a man yells from across the street. "HEY! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SON!" Raph and Z look over to see a brown haired man running angrily across the street. Z immediately backs off but Raph just stares at him.
"Are you deaf!? Get away from him!" The man yells. Raph stands and looks at the man, completely and totally confused. "What's the big deal? We're just drawing." Raph says but it was much too quiet for the raging man to acknowledge. "Get the fuck away from him!" The little boy sits on the concrete, looking up at his cussing father. Raph takes a step towards the man and he grabs Raph by the shirt, slamming him into the van.
Raph falls to his knees and the man yanks his son up. "Don't ever touch my son again you rejects!" He shouts, dashing back across the street. Raph holds his stomach and coughs a couple times, a couple speckles of blood came out and he wipes his mouth on his wrist bands. Z goes over to him and helps him up. "You okay?" He asks in his deep voice.
Raph shrugs, trying to get his breathing back to normal. They were a known group home. People just assumed that they were bad people. They didn't want their kids around them and they didn't want them in their neighborhoods but they were so they were treated like criminals.
Raph blinks and realizes they were sitting in the parking lot of a store. "I said let's go Raphael." Cameron says, presumably for the second time. "Yeah, yeah." Raph grumbles, stepping out of the van. He slams the door shut and follows the small group inside the store. "Boys, you are to keep track of each-other, keep each-other in line and maybe I'll let you go to the community center tomorrow."
All the boys give each-other a look, knowing they were going to act like they were literal angels sent from heaven. Within the short time that Raph had been with the boys he had found out three things that could bring them together. Food, weekends, and the community center. If any of those things were on the line they'd do anything. Raph was sure they'd kill to keep them.
"Here's a short list of things for you four to get and meet me at the registers in forty-five minutes." Cameron says, walking away quickly with his longer list. Raph smiles, thinking it would be easy to act good until he was reminded of one of the few days he had gotten along with every brother in the Hamato household. It was the day they were sent to the store and he paired up with Leo.
Raph scrunches up his nose and they set off into the store. "How about we split up to get the stuff faster. Then we can all have time to check out stuff we actually want to." Lincoln says, grabbing the list and ripping it in half. He shoves one half into Raph's hands and keeps the other half for himself. "See ya on the flip side." He says, grabbing Britney's arm and dragging him away.
Raph looks up at Z. "Guess we're gonna go get some-" He looks down at the first thing on their list. "Toilet paper." He shrugs and they start walking through the store. "Those two maniacs better be behaving themselves." Z says suddenly as Raph looks over the list again. Raph had picked up toilet paper, plastic cups, and a bottle of orange juice at this point, all of the things placed in a basket they had picked up.
"Yeah, I haven't been but you guys have convinced me the community center is literal heaven." Raph says quietly. Each time he speaks he gets slightly more annoyed with himself. Why was he so quiet? He was trying to talk like a normal person but it came out like a whisper. "Trust me, it is." Z says as they go down the isle full of sodas and chips. "Just grab a thing of bottled water here." Z says, pointing to all the bottled drinks. "Yeah, okay." Raph says, taking down a twelve pack of water.
They turn to leave the isle, only one last thing on their list when Raph stops at the end. Coming down the main walk way was the devil himself, Leonardo Hamato. Raph growls and Leo turns to look at Raph, wide eyed. "You." Raph growls out. "YOU." He says again, this time much louder. All thoughts of the Community center left his mind.
Leo takes a step back. "I hate you!" Raph yells. "I HATE YOU!" Suddenly his voice worked just fine, his yells filling the store. "You fucking asshole! You piece of shit! I hate you!" Leo starts backing up. "I-I-I-" Raph tries to charge at Leo but two strong hands grab him, holding him back. "I hate you so much! You ruined my only chance of being happy! I fucking hate you! I wish you'd just go to hell!" He spouts out everything he'd ever thought about him, all his bottled feelings flow out.
He tries to lift his arm to take a swing at the stunned boy but it didn't get much further than his own nose, being yanked up. "Raphael! Calm down!" Z says, holding him tightly. "NO!" Raph yells. He struggles against Z and the sleeve of his hoodie gets yanked down from the arm that was restrained above his head. "R-Raph, I-I didn't mean-" Leo starts, his eyes locking on Raph's wrist.
"Fuck you!" Raph shouts. Z felt completely taken aback, having known Raph as the quiet angry soul, not this explosive cussing mess. Z pulls Raph back, nodding to his right for Leo to get going. Leo takes the hint and starts running away. "Fuck you you motherfucking coward!" Raph yells. "I hate you!" He lets out, finishing his outburst.
Z wrestles Raph down to the floor, holding him down in a ball while people who were in the isle scatter, most of them probably going to tell someone of the boy screaming in the store. "Stop." Z says, holding him tighter. Raph tries to settle his breathing but it just wouldn't slow, adrenaline pumping through his veins. "I hate him..." Raph says, much quieter. "Do you hate him as much as the guys are gonna hate us if we can't go to the center tomorrow?"
Raph growls but stops struggling, coming to the realization. Z lets him go and they both stand up, Raph feeling weak and grabbing onto Z's massive shirt. "Oh gosh, they're gonna kill me." Raph says, his voice quiet and raspy again. "You're gonna kill me." Raph mumbles. "No. I don't do that. But Lincoln might." Z shrugs one shoulder, Raph still hanging onto the other. "Cameron might." Raph nods. "I'm dead." He groans.
"Not if we get out of here." Z says, grabbing Raph's upper arm. "We get out fast, no one has to know it was us." Raph wants to smile. He was so glad the boys liked to watch out for themselves because then they normally watch out for each-other. "Yeah. Yeah, let's go." Raph lets go of Z's shirt, still feeling a little drained. Both the boys cringe as the over head speakers blurt out some of the worst news they could hear.
"Would a Mr. Raphael and a Mr. Alexander please come to the service desk, again, Mr. Raphael and Mr. Alexander to the service desk." Raph and Z look at each-other. "shiiiiiiit." Raph drones out before looking Z dead in the eyes. "Your name is Alexander?" Z pushes him away slightly. "Shut up."
As the boys make it to the front of the store they both do their best to look like they hadn't done anything wrong. "Boys." Cameron says warningly as they walk up to their guardian. Raph gives a little wave and they stop just in front of the man in charge. "So do you two know anything about two boys just about in your description having a loud dispute in the beverages isle?" Raph weighs their options.
On one side they could lie and maybe get away Scott free. On the other side they could tell the truth and get in trouble but not as much as they would for lying. "We couldn't decide weather the list meant to get a twelve pack of water or twelve separate water bottles." Z says, his voice not wavering in the slightest. "So you two were fighting. Over that." Cameron says. They nod in unison. "Uh-huh." Cameron hums. "Well go find the other two gremlins. We're leaving." He sighs.
The two walk away and after the first corner they turn they look at each-other in awe. "How did that work?!" Raph whispers though it wasn't much quieter than his talking voice recently. "I don't know. I just assumed that we'd get in less trouble if we were fighting with each-other than if you were fighting with some random guy in the store." Z replies. "He wasn't just some random guy." Raph says.
Z blinks down at him. "Whatever. I don't pry." They keep walking and Z speaks up again. "You know, you did a lot better than some of us on our first store run after coming here. I think Cameron tried to give you a little more time but we were really running low on stuff." Raph nods and they quickly search the store for the other two boys.
"I'm telling you Brit, this shirt is so you!" They enter the clothing section of the store and they see Lincoln holding up a shirt with rainbow sleeves and a blue center, a happy cloud in the center. Britney sighs and snatches up the shirt, shoving it in the black basket he held. Z raises his eyebrows and Raph picks up the shirt. "You're getting this?" He asks. "I don't think I've seen you wear anything brighter than grey."
Britney rolls his eyes and grabs a bright yellow hoodie, throwing it into the basket. "Cameron said I need to start wearing 'happy colors' to improve my mood." He moves and grabs a pair of light jeans. "He has on the list I need at least three outfits worth of 'happy clothes'." Raph shrugs. "He said to come find you guys." Raph informs them. "Okay." Britney says, walking away. "Ooo! Wait! How 'bout this!" Lincoln says, holding a pink hat with an embroidered symbol on it. It was a circle with a plus sign coming off the bottom.
"Whatever." Britney sighs, grabbing the hat and walking away before the excitable boy could put more clothes in the basket. They start going to the front of the store once again as a group, hoping for the best. "How'd you guys do? No fights or nothin'?" Lincoln asks. "There was one." Z says. "Did you get caught?"Britney asks, head down and hood up. "Sort of? I think Cameron's gonna let it slide." Raph says
"I think that was the loudest I've ever heard you." Z comments. "Yeah, well whatever." Raph says very quietly. Lincoln chuckles. "Raphael? Loud? you gotta be pullin' my leg! He's the quietest dude I've ever heard! Not quiet as in not talking but quiet as in volume." He says quickly and loudly. Britney nods. "Quiet dude" He says with his hands in his pockets. "Thanks guys." Raph says sarcastically as they reach the registers.
The locate Cameron and dash over to that register, putting the items from within their baskets onto the conveyor belt. "Got some nice choices here Britney." Cameron says, noting the bright clothes. "Uh-huh." Britney mumbles, leaning his elbow on the counter and resting his chin on his hand. As the items go down the belt Cameron yanks one off. "Lincoln? What is this energy drink doing in here?"
Lincoln cringes. "Well, uh, you see I was gonna ask if we could get it just for those mornings where we're all drained you know? And then I totally forgot it was in the basket and it must've gotten buried under Brit's clothes there." He explains quickly. Cameron hands the drink to Lincoln. "Put it back." He groans. "And don't lie." He adds, watching as the last of the items are scanned and put into bags.
Lincoln puts the drink back into the small fridge in the isle and huffs, blowing a piece of blue hair out of his face. Quickly they finish checking out and go out to the van. "I really think You'd look good as a blond though." Lincoln says to Britney, trying to pull down his hood. "No. I wouldn't. Back off." Britney says, yanking his hood up. "Could work." Raph says. Z shakes his head at their antics, all four climbing in the van.
"I could not be a blond." Britney says again. "Fine, what about purple? That's kinda like black." Lincoln says, peering back at them from the front seat. "What would be the point? If it's like black then why can't it just be black?" Britney rolls his eyes and leaves his buckle undone while Cameron pulls out. "It'd be a change." Raph comments. "What if I don't want change?" Britney sasses back. Raph shrugs, not wanting to push much harder for fear of setting him off.
Britney turns, staring out the window and seeming to block out the entire world. Raph glares at Lincoln as he reaches around the back of his seat with the pink embroidered hat in his hands. Raph shakes his head but Lincoln just smirks, yanking Britney's hood down and slamming the hat down over his eyes. "LINCOLN!" He shouts, making Raph want to shrink in his seat.
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" He lunges forward, whacking Lincoln twice in the back of the head before Z reaches forward and yanks him back into his seat. "Safety first." He says, buckling him in. "Britney!" Cameron says sternly. "Do you want to have your privileges taken away? Because if one more thing happens today no one gets to do anything for a month!"
"Knock it off you two!" Z says urgently. Raph just watches. He didn't feel he'd been there long enough to really do anything. Britney huffs and pushes the hat up so that he could see before pulling his hood over the hat, the symbol sticking out the bottom. Lincoln rubs his head and glances back. "I know you'd do it." He says, the slowest he'd ever talked and probably the quietest.
Britney's eyes widen slightly. "Sit straight." Cameron says, eyes never leaving the road. "If we don't get back without another interruption he's not the only one who's going to want to off you."
Raph sits up, holding his head. It was pounding hard and it hurt like hell. "What the heck?" He mumbles, swinging his legs out of bed. He takes his hand away and it had a patch of blood on it. Raph looks around and frowns. His feet don't hit the wooden floor like he had expected, instead they land on grey, stained carpet. He stands up, shaking slightly and looks around more, rubbing his eyes. They layout was all wrong.
There was no dresser, there was a lamp in the upper corner across from the bed. There weren't any windows and there was a small pile of clothes behind the closed door. Raph walks over to the door, confused about what was going on and tries to open it. He tugs on the handle but it wouldn't budge. It was locked.
"What?" He mumbles. Raph tugs harder and harder, ending with slamming a fist into the door. He felt a sudden wave of fear wash over him. It was like someone had a loaded gun to his head but much, much worse. He lets out a small noise and backs away from the door, still not knowing what was going on.
He backs himself to the back wall and stares at the door. It rattles and shakes before exploding open, hitting the wall and leaving a deep indent. A large man stands in the doorway, anger clearly printed on his face. "You called the fucking police!?" Raph shakes, staring at the man with absolute fear.
"Y-You were- were d-drunk." Raph barely gets out, not knowing how he knew this. "Does it look like I give a shit!?" Raph presses himself against the wall even harder, hoping to somehow faze though it. Raph knew not to answer the question. "You're so fucking lucky I get that damn'd check every month otherwise you'd be out of here faster than you could spell piss! Then again, you can't spell anything so that ain't exactly a good example is it?"
Raph sets his gaze low to the floor. The man stalks over to him. "Look at me when I'm fucking talking to you you piece of shit." Raph raises his gaze. "You're fucking worthless. The money is for the pain of keeping you here. Anyone who takes a fuck like you on is only doing it for the money." The man says, grabbing Raph's chin tightly.
He shoves Raph's aching head back into the wall, a trickle of blood rolling down his forehead. "You call the police again and you'll never leave this room. Got that?" Raph nods rapidly and the man lets him go. Raph sighs, thinking he was safe until he feels a fist slam into his stomach. "AH!" He shouts, being knocked to the ground. He was kicked repeatedly in the side and he covers his already bleeding head, praying for it to be over.
It stops for a spit second and he looks up at the man that was supposed to be taking care of him. "Pathetic." He spits out, slamming his foot down onto Raph's skull.
Raph shoots up in bed, sweat dripping down his head which made him feel even more freaked out. He puts his hand up to his head and pulls it away, checking to make sure it wasn't blood. He keeps breathing heavily but tries to slow it. He hadn't had a nightmare like that in a long time. His throat felt dry and all he wanted to do was stay awake for the rest of his life.
He looks around the room, relieved to see the wooden floors and double window. He slides off the tangled, sweaty blankets and moves to the headboard, letting out a sigh he starts regulating his breathing, in and out. in and out. in and out. He puts his head back and stares at the ceiling as his heart starts to slow from it's earlier pounding. It was at this point that Raph truly realized-
His life was scary.
I can't escape myself
(I can't escape myself)
So many times I've lied
(So many times I've lied)
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
Animal I have become
Three Days Grace
I hope you all liked this chapter! I know ya'll are anxious to give Leo what he deserves but you just got to wait for the next update! (At least he got a good yelling at this time) I had to have the song lyrics go just a bit longer because I couldn't figure out the perfect spot so I chose two. I just really want to thank you all again! Thank you for your reviews and thank you for reading! Thank you all for the follows on the story and the faves! They all make me so happy!
Oh! and if you're interested in the next couple of days (Could be today, could be tomorrow) I'm posting a picture of Raph and the wandering boys on my deviantart: MissPunnyPuns!
Now, to my lil' guestidoodle from the last chapter, no, they're not the mutnimals, but that would've been a much better idea! Mutanimals have a different role in this story!