(3056 Words)
True to his word, Leo never told a soul about Raph's newest cut. For three days Raph sat at home with Yoshi while the three brothers went to school. He did mundane chores like washing dishes and vacuuming the living-room floor but every once and a while he'd freeze up, just kinda stop what he was doing and sit down on the ground. He caused the sink to overflow more than once.
Even with these 'brain freezes', Raph couldn't help but think about the dance. He still wanted to go, mainly so that Angel could have some fun. He wished he could've had fun like that when he was younger, maybe he wouldnt've turned out like shit. He made a deal with Yoshi. If he didn't keep any secrets, or hurt himself up through the dance then he could go and invite Angel.
It was a hard deal but he just barely made it. It was the day of the dance and Raph hadn't touched a knife in three days. It was stupid but he was proud of himself. Raph's chest filled with pride when he and Donnie went to go get Angel for the dance. When he asked her to come with she gushed and joked around for a while until she realized she didn't have a dress.
She promptly begged for them to take her dress shopping.
"Please! Please Please Please!" Angel begs, bouncing up and down. "I don't have anything fancy enough to go to an actual dance!" Raph shrugs and looks at Donnie. "I mean, I-I don't have a lot of money but we-we could go to the thrift store and look there. Cheep stuff but it's sometimes good." Angel grins and Raph crosses his arms. "Sounds like my kinda store."
And they were off. Soon enough they were walking through the dirty thrift store, searching for a dress for their little date. "Oo! Look at this one!" Angle nearly shouts, bouncing on her toes. She yanks a sparkly purple dress that was just long enough to reach her knees. Raph rolls his eyes. "Is that what girls your age like?" Angle glares at him. "Doesn't fucking matter now does it." She mumbles.
Raph snatches the dress out of her hands. "Didn't I tell you to watch your fucking language? Nobody likes a girl with a trucker mouth." Donnie snorts as Raph checks the price tag. "Fifteen bucks? I thought this was a thrift store! This is a rip off!" Raph complains. "It's really not that much..." Donnie says, hugging his stomach.
"We should just take it." Raph says with a huff. Angle grins and tries to take back the dress. "No, we're not stealing a dress Raph." Donnie says as if it was the most ridiculous thing in the world. "It makes absolutely no sense." Raph shrugs. "It's not that ridiculous." Donnie takes the dress from Raph. "The dance is tonight, let's just pay and go. We're going to have to get ready soon."
"Fine." Raph grumbles, following Donnie to the front of the store to pay. At the register there was a couple small displays. Lighters, cigarettes, and small pocket knives. Raph immediately walks away, leaving Donnie and Angel at the register. Donnie frowns and Angel follows quickly after, catching up to Raph just as the door swings closed.
Donnie sighs, paying by himself and jogging after Raph and Angel. "Gosh I wish someone could'a come with." Donnie complains. He catches up to Raph who was leaning up against the van, arms crossed and a scowl on his face. Angel was laying on the pavement in the middle of a parking space. "Uh... Angel?" Donnie says. "Shh! I'm trying to make people think I'm a dead body!" Donnie nods as if he understood and turns to Raph.
"And what's up with you?" Donnie says, unlocking the van. Raph scratches at his wrist. "Nothin'." Angel breaks character and bobs her head from side to side. "Liar liar, pants on fire." Raph pushes off the van and opens the door. "Oh don't be such a child." He grumbles, climbing in. Angel pops up from the ground and jumps in the van like it was about to take off without her.
As soon as everyone was in Donnie starts pulling out of the parking lot. "Hope you guys are ready for the night of your lives."
A couple hours later and a lot of fussing about looks, all the boys plus Angel were ready and primed up to go to the dance. "Thanks for doing my hair Mr. Hamato." Angel says sweetly, picking up a hand held mirror. Raph smirks and folds his arms, the sleeves of the slightly too-big suit tucking and folding in between each-other. She really was a cute kid. Raph felt oddly protective since the second he saw her, like she could've been his little sister for all his life.
Raph shakes his head a little, trying to get back into the present. "MY SUIT IS ITCHY!" Mikey shouts, pulling at an orange tie. "Oh buck up." Leo says, rolling his eyes. Mikey glares at Leo but then trots over to Angle who was devouring a sandwich. "Yo little dudette! You look so rad!" Angle wipes her mouth and grins. "Thanks dude!" she replies, mimicking Mike's lingo.
Raph tugs on his sleeves, pulling them all the way down over his hands. He relishes in the fact that he could keep his sleeves down tonight. Donnie taps a wrist watch and looks at Leo expectantly and they all decide it's time to leave. The short car ride was just enough time to let Raph's thoughts run wild. What if people know I was in the group home?
Raph tugs at his sleeves. What if they find out about my cuts? What if they all think I'm disgusting. What if Karai told the school that I tried to do something to her. What if Leo did!? Raph could barely breathe. He was pulling at his sleeves so hard he thought they'd rip right off. The van stops and the brothers climb out, Raph following hesitantly behind.
Angel sprints ahead of the rest of them, slamming past a blond boy and his date. "Yo! Wait up dudette!" Mikey shouts, sprinting after her. Leo Rolls his eyes. "He is such a child." He says with a smirk. Raph walks slowly behind the rest of the guys, his mind frantic. 'I can't do this, why did I think I could do this!? I should leave, I should just sprint back to the house and forget this whole night was even going to happen.'
Once the last Hamato was inside the school Raph starts backing away from the doors, stumbling down the steps and onto the paved parking lot. His knees were weak and his legs were shaking. Raph collapses to the ground, staring straight in front of him at the ground. he hugs his arms around himself and tries to get himself to breathe.
He reaches under his sleeve and scratches over the top of his bandages, red seeping through quickly. Inside the school Leo and Donnie stood and watched as Angel and Mikey had a cookie eating contest. "They really are ridiculous." Donnie comments, picking at a thread in his suit. They laugh and Leo turns to talk to Raph. "Hey Raph, do you want- Raph?" Leo looks all around but still can't see that little ball of anger.
"Have you seen Raph?" Leo asks Donnie who was taking a sip of punch. "No... But I think someone spiked the punch. This burns going down." Donny replies, throwing away his cup. Leo looks around again. "I'll be right back." He moves easily though the crowd of teenagers and out the front doors to the parking lot. They hadn't even been there ten minutes and he'd already lost him.
Leo looks around and quickly focuses in on the form of someone sitting on the pavement, head in his hands. Leo goes quickly down the stairs and jogs over to the form, which was no surprise, Raph. "Raph, what's up man?" Leo asks, standing in front of him. Raph just breathes raspilly, no words coming out. "Raph?" Leo bends down to be on his level and was finally able to see he was trembling hard and his face was contorted into a hard grimace.
"Oh my gosh, what's wrong?" Leo asks, suddenly concerned. "I-I-..." Raph breathes out. "Hey, hey, it's okay, everything's fine. Raph nods quickly but the rest of his demeanor didn't change one bit. "Breathe man, breathe." Leo coaxes. Raph finally takes a huge gasp of air, loosening his grip on his hair He sits there breathing with Leo crouching in front of him for a good five minutes before Raph calmed down enough to talk and listen.
"Do...Do you want to go inside?" Leo asks, fidgeting with his hands. Raph shrugs and slowly stands up, his legs shaky still. "It'll be fun, I promise... Mikey promises." Leo says, smiling. His stomach growls and Raph raises an eyebrow. Leo just starts leading Raph into the school. Inside Raph somehow feels his panic diminish even more. None of the things he thought would happen were happening.
He walks over to the brothers and Angel and picks up a sugar coated cookie. "RAPH!" Angel shouts over the music. "Thank you for bringing me here! It's fu- Freakin' awesome!" She bolts off to devour the rest of the snack table and Raph smiles. "See? Not so bad." Leo whispers to him. Raph folds his arms together and rolls his eyes.
Donnie stares at Leo for a minute. "Hey Leo, isn't that tux from like two or three years ago?" Leo shrugs. "Yeah, I think so." Donnie nods. "It's probably just the lighting or something..." He mumbles. "You just kinda look a little small in it." Donnie shrugs and walks away to request a song. Raph moves to the punch bowl and scoops out some punch. "Oh, Raph, Donnie said he thought someone spiked that." Leo says quickly.
Raph stares Leo straight in the eyes and chugs his whole cup of punch. "Grow up man." Leo says, snatching the cup from his hands and throwing it in the nearby garbage. Raph laughs and makes a move to grab another cup. He glances up and drops the cup straight into the punch bowl. He saw a blond boy wearing a white t-shirt and black skinny jeans just barely exit into the rest of the school from the gym.
"Something wrong Raph?" Raph shakes his head. "Na... I'm- I'm just gonna go to the bathroom real quick." He doesn't take his eyes off the doors he knew he saw move and goes quickly over to them, shoving people out of his way. Raph pushes open the doors slowly and carefully and sighs before jogging down the hall, just barely catching the sight of someone in a black pant-leg making a left turn. Raph runs harder and skids around the corner, staring down the hall.
There was a cackle like in a horror movie and in the middle of the hall was a tall boy with blond hair and a black gun held tightly in his hand. "Miss me naughty boy?" He says. Raph takes a staggering step backwards. "Wh-What? How-How are you-" The boy chuckles. "It's amazing what you can do with a little fucking and threats." He starts walking forwards.
"And now Matty-boy's back and ready to play." Raph feels himself start to shake and his hands burn. Matthew cocks the gun and lifts it, firing a bullet straight past Raph's head, whizzing past his ear. Raph screams and Matthew laughs. He could hear distant screams from the gym and the loud, pounding music was cut off.
"Attention all students and staff please make your way out of the emergency exit immediately." A woman's voice says over the speakers. "OoOo, they're leaving you babe, no one to come save you now." Raph turns to run and he hears Matthew fire off three more bullets, one just barely nicking his suit. He's sprinting now and he can hear Matthew's foot falls directly behind him. Gosh he was fast.
Raph feels himself panicking so hard his breathing stopped completely. He wouldn't be able to keep running for much longer but he bursts through the doors to the gym, the emergency exits all flung open and the students completely evacuated. He could hear faint sirens coming closer but it wasn't close enough. The gun is fired again and the bullet slides across Raph's hand, causing him to gasp. It hurt so bad.
"Baby, baby, baby. Just stop running and I won't have to shoot you!" Matthew says in a sickly sweet voice. Raph stumbles and falls onto his side, his bloody hand staining the gym floor. Matthew catches up to him and rolls him to his side, holding down his shoulders and sitting on his chest. "Hey." He hisses out slowly. Raph was thrashing around as hard as he could, screaming yet no tears escaped his eyes.
Matthew holds the gun sloppily to Raph's temple. "Seeing as the cops are almost here, let's play a little Russian roulette!" Matthew says, emptying all but two bullets. "You go first!" Matthew pulls the trigger to Raph's head and Raph sucks in a breath. Nothing happened. Matthew giggles and cocks the gun again, putting it to his own head. He pulls the trigger and nothing happens. "Ooo! This is getting interesting!"
He puts the gun to Raph's head again and pulls. Thankfully again, nothing happened. Raph was crying at this point, his eyes closed tight at each pull of the trigger. "Why are you doing this!" Raph sobs out. "Because my little fuck boy, I have nothing left to live for. I'm already going to hell so why not have some fun before I'm sent off!" His voice fluctuates from light and airy to grim, rough and dark.
"If I had time I'd jack off one last time, but the pigs are almost here." Matthew spits on Raph and he shutters at the statement. Matthew lifts the gun to his own head and pulls the trigger again just as the doors are flung open and the police barge in. "Looks like our time is up babe." Matthew moves and kisses Raph roughly, a trail of his spit connecting their lips. Raph sobs and Matthew cocks the gun, pulling the trigger to his own head again. Nothing.
The cops come closer.
He pulls the trigger again.
Nothing.
He pulls the trigger again.
It fires.
Raph screams as Matthew's limp, bleeding out body falls on top of his , soaking his suit in blood. He flings the body off of himself and scrambles away, sobbing and screaming into his hands. He couldn't take it anymore. The police come in and start trying to do their job while one comes over to Raph. "It's okay son, it's alright, calm down. You're okay." Raph tries to listen but he just keeps screaming and sobbing. He had so much fear and rage and sadness pent up and now this happened.
He wasn't going to be able to calm down. They had medical staff running in and taking care of Matthew's body while a couple come to try and take care of Raph. He wouldn't let anyone get close to him. He lashes out at anyone who comes within three feet of him. He screams until his voice was gone and cried until he had no more tears, just ragged breathes. Soon enough there were sounds of concerned parents outside, yelling for their children.
Raph looks up when he sees Yoshi being lead into the gym by two police officers. He bends down to Raph's level and Raph's eyes start tearing up again. He clings onto Yoshi with all his diminished strength. He sobs into his shirt and takes comfort in his presence. "I-I-I can't- I- can't- Dad, I'm so- I can't do it!" He rasps out.
Yoshi, not caring that he was getting blood all over his clothes rubs Raph's back, hushing him as if he were a small child. "Raphael my son, I am so sorry. I am so sorry." He repeats, squeezing him back tightly. Somehow Yoshi lifts Raph easily, carrying him as he clings onto him. They get outside and Yoshi sits him down next to the brothers and Angel where they all start speaking at once.
"Boys!" They all stop at Yoshi's call, even Angel. "Now is not the time." Raph sits with his knees to his chest and sobbing into his legs. He didn't care what it took, he didn't want to feel like this ever again.
You're never gonna get it
I'm a hazard to myself
I'll break it to you easy
This is hell, this is hell
You're looking and whispering
You think I'm someone else
This is hell, yes.
Literal hell.
We don't have to talk
We don't have to dance
We don't have to smile
We don't have to make friends
It's so nice to meet you,
Let's never meet again
We don't have to talk
We don't have to dance
We don't have to dance
We don't have to dance
Andy Black
So that was that chapter! I hope you liked it! It's going to be the last emotionally charged chapter for a bit so relish in the angst! I honestly was going to make this longer but I just had someone say something to me on a blog I run that shook me up really bad. I can't even type correctly right now.