He curled his fingers through Eddie's hair, humming softly to himself as he breezed over paperwork. Sasha had intended on actually asking Eddie a fairly important question- but was sidetracked by a surprise of breakfast in bed and a rather lazy afternoon. He was attempting to make up for it by doing some paperwork with mixed results. Eddie's head had settled on his lap at some point and Sasha couldn't quite keep his hands to himself. The record player in the corner of the room was softly playing a jazz record Eddie selected at random beforehand, the music was over powering the distant sound of traffic and faint bustle of his neighbors activities. Whilst the apartments were packed tightly together, there was much less of a noise problem here than where Eddie lived.
"Am I like distractin' you?" Eddie questioned, be it blearily from his comfortable spot where he lay.
"A little." The German man admitted, "But I don't mind just yet." None of his paperwork was urgent. He had taken care of the more important paperwork before his date, Sasha had a decent idea of how badly he would get distracted.
"Alright." Sasha could tell from how Eddie's words dropped off that he was already starting to doze off again where he lay.
"Though, I do have an important question I meant to ask." Sasha glanced down, realizing it was too late. His boyfriend was fast asleep again. Maybe he'd try later. Sasha simply shook his head, finding himself smiling somewhat.
###
Milla stared at him for a long moment, their breakup was… still an awkward topic between them. Made more awkward when Sasha uncertainly mentioned he had a boyfriend to Milla in passing. Whilst her reaction hadn't been explosive, it hadn't been very happy initially. Especially given it was a friend of hers.
Their subsequent discussions were getting better, but hardly back to the way things were. Sasha still felt conflicted about… everything.
He should have gone with his gut instinct and avoided office romance to begin with. The apparent easiness of it had made things flow so smoothly. Everyone in the office had been so supportive about it. They over looked how it was against the rules and gushed amongst themselves about the 'power couple' that was Sasha Nein and Milla Vodello.
Sasha didn't regret the good times though. He never would regret the fun they had together.
"Sasha, are you being serious?" Milla's words broke Sasha from his thoughts, pulling him back into the moment.
"Yes." He adjusted his sunglasses for a moment before taking them off to polish them. Mostly to avoid making direct eye contact for a bit longer.
"Darling, we dated for a year and you never wanted to move in with me." Sasha could practically see the frown on her face without having to actually look at her. If it was anyone but Milla, Sasha would assume jealousy. At best he could feel the touch of hurt at the edge of her tone mixed with her natural concern. "Isn't this a bit soon?"
"Well, he needs a place to stay…"
She placed a hand against his arm gently. "He could always stay with a friend, Sasha."
"I want him to stay." He admitted quietly back, feeling vulnerable saying as much. The Brazilian woman sighed softly in turn, "Sasha, you know what I'm going to say."
"I do, but… I still had to ask what you thought." Milla's response was to gently squeeze Sasha's arm. "Give it another month, Sasha."
"This was… terrible to bring up wasn't it?" He finally glanced up from his glasses to look at Milla, guilt settling low and uncomfortably in his belly.
"As Razputin would say, dear- 'No duh'." She patted his elbow idly. "Sasha, maybe… give me another month to adjust to this, please?"
"Of course." He sat up stiffly, embarrassment sharp on his features. Milla silenced his next words by holding up a finger. "That doesn't mean bottle things up, Sasha Nein. Talk to someone, someone who you preferably aren't dating currently or dated in the past."
"Right."
"Please talk to Che. I'm sure he misses you, Sasha. Or even Andrea- you used to talk with them so much before…" Before Sasha broke up with Milla and made the office atmosphere a bit strained. People who didn't know barely noticed, but their tight knit circle of higher ranked agents and paper pushers found it hard to avoid.
"Right."
Milla simply sighed again, sagging in her seat. "Are you listening to me?"
"Yes, I should… talk with Che or Andrea. Gauge their reaction to this." Not that he felt inclined to, he liked both of them, but being vulnerable with Milla was less frightening. They had seen the best and worst of each other from being partners alone before a 'romance' happened.
"Thank you." She withdrew her hand after a moment. "This is just odd for me right now."
"I understand." Sasha let his gaze drop once again as he spoke. "This is a… strange situation for us."
"I suppose this is why the agent's handbook says no to dating your partners." Milla weakly joked, pushing her chair back and rising. "I'm going to lunch, dear. Good luck with the paperwork."
"Have a nice lunch, Milla." He swiveled his chair around to focus on the stacks of paper layered across his desk. Some part of Sasha hoped they could have lunch together again soon. Sasha honestly missed those times with Milla, he missed the tacky eateries she loved and the comfortable conversations between them.
Occasionally the twinge of 'maybe we should have stayed together' rises to the surface and Sasha has to smother it. What good would it have done for them to live like that? Looking on it now, he had been unhappy. Milla had her fair share of frustrations as well. His lack of attraction, withdrawal when it came to anything past platonic affection, disinterest, and stalling when it came to talking about anything more serious beyond just dating. Milla wanted a life partner, a significant other. Not a secret agent partner. Not a best friend who awkwardly accepted romantic gestures because it was expected of both of them as a couple. She wanted someone who wouldn't slightly pull back at a kiss.
Things would return to normal soon enough with time. Sasha sighed as he flipped a page over, going through his notes again to keep his mind busy. He wasn't particularly fond of cliches, but it was about the best one he had in the moment. The most comforting thing he could do was clutch to that and hope for the best.
####
"Yeah… Yeah, thanks." He sighed, cradling the phone between his shoulder and ear. "I appreciate the updates. Keep me posted and good luck. Bye, Oz." With that, Eddie hung up, frowning back at the corded phone on his wall. "Fuck me."
So the Motor Forge wasn't going to be back for awhile. Eddie knew he could make due somehow. He could dig a little into his savings to stay afloat for the next month. He still had a solid resume he could chuck at people and hope for the best to make sure he kept his the roof over his head for now. He'd have to couch surf for a few weeks anyway. His lease was going to wrap up in three months and he couldn't exactly afford to stick around with no money.
"Fuck me, man." He sighed, turning away from the phone to shift through the classifieds again. He circled a few more, contemplating a life as a school janitor as his cell phone started ringing in the next room. The ringtone clued him in to the fact it was Ophelia. A familiar voice not doling out dramatic news would be nice.
He dropped his pen, pushing away from the kitchen counter to grab his cellphone from it's charging spot in his bedroom. "Yooooo."
"Eddie, I- we should talk." So much for not doling out dramatic news. That sentence was a hope killer. Eddie swallowed uncertainly, fully unplugging his phone and moving to plunk down on his mattress on the floor for a bed.
"Oookay. Talk." He felt his heart clench uncertainly, finding it hard not to drift back to the last time she said that.
"This is serious, we should talk in person, I mean." Her hesitation was only making Eddie more nervous. "Look, you're one of the few people who would get this."
"Now you're kinda freakin' me out here. What is goin' on? Can you like come over?" He dug his heels into the side of the mattress nervously.
"Yeah, sorry- I don't mean to freak you out. It's not terrible news I guess? Just, I'll come over right now."
The reassurance earned a soft somewhat awkward laugh in turn. "Cool, cool. Just remember sayin' that kinda vague shit freaks me out, Ophs."
"Sorry." She had to laugh now herself. "See you in 10."
"Yeah." He stared at the phone for a moment after she disconnected, rising from his bed again to plug the phone back in, heading back to the main living area of his apartment. He flopped onto his couch, relaxing for now. Not much he could do with worrying until she gave him more to worry about.
Waiting was always the hardest part.
As promised, Ophelia arrived in about ten minutes, a little flushed from the warmth of the summer settling in over the city. At this point she had a key to his place and could just come in whenever.
"Hey, I'm here. Thanks for waiting." She called out as she closed the front door behind her, walking over to the couch to join Eddie.
"Eh, no problem. You sounded a little freaked so I figured this was serious." He shifted to look at her, sobering up now. "Now spill, you can't get all weird and clam up on me."
She snorted at that, initially avoiding eye contact before speaking. "Glad to know you have my number on this…" The brunette brushed some hair out of her eyes, finally looking up at her best friend. "I, okay, I wasn't sure how to really bring this up to anyone. Lars and I have been… kind of dating for a few months now."
Eddie had to blink a little in surprise, "Woah, okay- he hasn't said anythin' about it? Usually he can't really keep a secret." Lars if anything was dependable, honest (too honest) and prone to charming dramatic speeches.
"I told him it wasn't anything super official. Just incase it didn't work out." She winced a little at her admission earning an annoyed squint from Eddie. "Ophs, c'mon, you gotta stop kickin' yourself over this shit." He pinched the bridge of his nose as he continued. "What happened was fuckin' years ago."
"It was still awful." She cut in with a frown, even if things were settled Ophelia didn't like brushing it off. "We both fucked each other over. I fucked all of this up. You can't keep brushing it aside, Eddie."
"You had an emotional breakdown durin' a depressive stage and my dad fuckin' bit it around the same time." He stated bluntly back, frowning at Ophelia. "If we somehow avoided any kind of shit show I'd be shocked. We were what- 23, 24? We weren't exactly equipped for any of that shit." He exhaled after a moment realizing they were derailing from the actual topic entirely. "Okay, dating Lars. Words at me about that."
"No, okay, listen." Ophelia was clearly tired of passing this discussion over. "I hate this. I hate how you just brush past this. I fucked us over. I tried to kill you. I still don't know why you just forgive me for this. I abused you, Eddie."
"Fucks sake." Eddie dragged a hand down his face, "I told you, we both weren't in good places then. I ain't sayin' you're magically innocent or some shit, but I'm not mad about it anymore. I'm not gonna hold you in your worst moments up as you all the time. You need to stop holding yourself to it. You aren't that person anymore. You aren't magically cured or some shit, but you're doing better, you're not that scared kid anymore."
Ophelia just stared at him for a moment, expression uncertain. "I wish you were mad at me sometimes, it'd be a lot easier to deal with."
That threw Eddie for a loop. "Why the fuck would it be easier? I'm not gonna be pissed at you for that. I had my time and a therapy, I'm not fuckin' perfect but I'm not pissed or holdin' it against you."
Ophelia gave a frustrated noise, seeming to relent for now. "I really don't get you sometimes."
Eddie just scratched at his chin, frown intensifying. "Yet, you're here tellin' me somethin' dramatic, what's goin' on?" His question at least seemed to get them back on track for now.
"Right, okay." The brunette rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. "Lars wants to make it more serious. I'm a little reluctant. I planned on breaking up with him."
"Okay?" Eddie motioned for her to continue, there had to be more.
"I was going to pull the metaphorical trigger and just cut ties for awhile, then I kind of realized I missed a period." She chewed on her bottom lip nervously plowing forward, "So, I freaked out. I didn't say anything to him, obviously. Knowing Lars he'd propose on the spot or throw me a baby shower."
Eddie's brows shot up at her bit of news, the man stayed silent as Ophelia continued. "Did you take any tests?"
"Yeah." She exhaled, "Like I said, I freaked out, kind of bought three or four tests in a blind panic. Two of them were positive, one just didn't work and the other was negative, so I'm... kind of booking a doctor's appointment to see what the hell is going on."
"What the fuck? Is this Schrodinger's baby or some shit?" That startled a laugh out of Ophelia, taking some of the tension out of her shoulders. She sunk back into Eddie's couch, smiling amusedly back at her best friend.
"My womb of radiation is apparently confused. Alive or dead, who knows."
"You need to have like a serious talk with your womb on this shit. It was made of radiation for a reason." Eddie's smile faded a little as he continued. "What do you want out of this? Baby or no baby, Lars or no Lars."
That warranted a pause from the brunette, her gaze drifting across the room. "I- I dunno. I don't feel like mom material y'know. If I tell Lars he'll want to do everything right. I don't think I could do the whole married thing."
"The white picket fence was more my ideal." Eddie joked back, trying to help keep her mood at least a little light. That much did its job from Ophelia's expression lightening faintly. Even with the weird bumps in their life, the two were still comfortable enough together to joke around. "Sorry for stealing your thunder, Eddie."
"Look, I know Lars' abs are to die for, but you need to like fuckin' chill." Ophelia shook her head at that, "I intend to chill. If there is no kid, I'm... maybe going to dump Lars. I feel bad about it, but he wants a wife. I just want to... have something relaxed. He's fantastic, but we both want pretty different things."
"If there is a kid, you'll stick with him?" He arched his brow in turn, surprised that could be on the table.
"Yeah, Lars would be a good dad. Hell, I'd- maybe still break up with him and let him have the baby?" She toyed with a strand of hair uncertainly. "Is that selfish?"
"Eh. If he agreed to it and didn't expect you to swoop in as co-parent when you got no interest, I think it'd be fine. You'd just have to talk with him though. Lay out rules and shit that you're both on board with."
"I'm kinda afraid he'd blow up social media screaming to the heavens we're having a baby." She winced at the thought, "Not in a bad way just in a kind of oblivious overly proud way. I had to talk him down a few times from announcing we were dating on the band's official twitter."
Eddie nodded, wishing it was simpler in general. "You also got abortion as an option, it'd cost maybe 300 bucks, but be worth it."
"Right." Ophelia for her part nodded, taking mental tally of it. "God, I completely forgot about that option. I just freaked out over the idea of having a shotgun wedding and not being able to go on tour next year. I've been doing vocal training for months to get ready and it'd be thrown out the window for a baby."
"Yeah, that's also a problem, if there is a kid Ironheade is sure as hell gonna be down a member. Either it'd be you Mrs. Halford at home tending a baby, or Lars as a single dad at home. He'd be thrilled but it'd go over like a burning blimp with Lita."
Ophelia groaned audibly at that, slumping further into the couch. "Don't remind me about Lita. She already hates my guts, so a kid would just add fuel to the fire."
"Stay or not she'd be pissed. Marryin' into the family you'd be bringing in depression or whatever she's fixated on now. Handin' Lars a baby and you'd be a deadbeat mom."
"I can never win with Lita." Ophelia wished she could have a beer from the way she was eying a few cans on Eddie's coffee table. "She was just kind of warming up to me on tour? Sort of."
"Sort of, as in she actually talked with you like... a few minutes every couple days. A real feat considering you were stuck with her on a tour bus 24/7."
"Still better than silent treatment or 'Hey you'." Ophelia countered dryly back. She shifted to lay her legs across Eddie's lap casually, trying to find some familiarity in this weird time.
"So, game plan?" Eddie figured it'd probably help to bring things back on topic.
"Game plan..." Ophelia mulled it over for a second, "Go to my doctor's appointment. See if I have a reason to freak out. Tell Lars a few days after I need to talk with him. Either it'll be about 'oh hey, I'm pregnant, check condoms properly next time, jackass.' or the break up talk."
"If it is a baby?"
"If it is a baby, talk with Lars and see if he wants to raise the baby himself." She tucked some loose hair behind her ear. "I'm going to take the time to see if I really want to break up with him too. All of this has been driving me up a wall and I needed to talk with you about it."
Eddie patted her leg sympathetically, "Considerin' I out of all of our friends can actually keep a secret, I can see why." His words earned an eye roll from Ophelia, "Because you're my best friend."
"Right, that too." His expression softened at that, clearly happy to hear as much.
"I'd ask for a beer, but I'm comfortable and it'd probably be a bad idea...?"
"Looks like you're in sober hell, Ophs."
She snorted at that, smirking. "What a terrible fate."
"You have my sympathy and mockery."
"You monster."
"I live to torment." He answered with a low amused sound. "Besides, I gotta bug you for detail on Lars. You can't keep a man high and dry about that dick, Ophs." Once again Eddie managed to startle a laugh from the brunette.