Another month down and I feel worse.
I guess, at this point, these "letters" are more like weirdly phrased diary entries… I can imagine the teasing smirk you'd give me right now for continuing to do this. And that makes me feel worse.
I wonder… did you know? Did you know the emotional rollercoaster that you'd send me on when you left? I guess not. I want to hate you but I feel as though I can't. I don't know how to explain it, I just can't let you go. Stupid, right?
I can feel your smirk again.
Sometimes it makes me smile… other times it makes me want to throw myself off the nearest bridge.
At night I see your face, like I used to see her. I see the blood… Chaos, all the blood. You certainly didn't leave much to the imagination when you killed yourself, did you? The razor in your hand… I kept it. I don't know why I still have it. I want to chuck it into the ocean, let the water wash away the last of the stains that plague my tired mind. But I can't. I won't.
The razor's all I have left of you. Pitiful, isn't it, that I'd hang onto the thing that took you from me? Cling to it for dear life as though I'd lose your memory if I let it fall to the floor? But the clang as it hits the ground never seems to come. And when I look back at my hand, it's still there.
I hate you. No… I hate myself for not seeing what we could have had; what you'd been trying to do all these years.
I see now.
All this time…
It's.
Been.
You.
…
-Shadow
(I know it's been a while for this story... In fact, it's been a while in general. I'd chalk it up to exam stress, but I haven't really started them yet. Well, I'm staring them today, so updates may be non-existent again but please bear with me if you can. I'm trying to be better; I'll finally work out a schedule eventually... and stick to it, I swear! Well, that's all from me for now. Have a great day - I know I won't be!)
~Fortune Spirit)