Episode 12:
Ever since that day at the library, i had trouble sleeping, eating and living. Laiil's words kept repeating in my mind. It was clear that i was not a lesbian since i had a "boyfriend" that i still love but then what? Was i bisexual? Is that possible? My parents always said that there was no such thing as loving girls and boys at the same time. I always disagreed but i never said anything. But now, was it happening to me? Every night i kept turning and turning around in my bed. Laiil could see that i was troubled so she tried to help me but there was nothing to do. I didn't come to school for a week because of sleep lack. I had to come to school for the last week because of the exams but after, it was christmas break. When i came to school, Marinette and Alya came up to me. They could see i looked worse than ever and that i seriously needed sleep. I didn't walk much during the week. I kept sitting down and trying not to fall asleep. The teacher had decided to only give us some exams at the end of the week so everyone was prepared, including me. She decided that i needed a tutor to help me while i still had time and guess who she chose to help me? Adrien of course! He was one of the smartest students in class so he was perfect to help me. He was also my friend so she was sure we would get along. Adrien asked me to meet in the library on monday and so we did. Adrien seemed a bit off and so did i, but for me, it was mainly because of the lack of sleep. Adrien seemed to be distracted by something. I decided to drop my pencil and talk about something else than the work. We both needed it. "So, how's your week been?" i asked smiling. He raised his head to look at me and said "Fine i guess. You were not there so it was a little boring but except for that it was good. Hey has Ariana apologised to you?" At that moment i blushed and said yes. It still made me really nervous to think that i was falling… For a girl! I could sense my kwami in my bag laughing and it only made me angry. "What's wrong? You seem nervous. Did she ask you to say yes? Because if so-" he started. I couldn't listen to him ask me about her, it was just too much. My head was going crazy from the moment he asked me about her. "Yes she did. She did and now i don't know what to think anymore!" i said burying my head in my hands. "Wha-What do you mean? Was she mean to you?" he asked nervously. I looked around to see where i could go. I saw a space between 2 bookshelves with no one between them so i grabbed Adrien's hand and dragged him in there. "I don't know what to think anymore! She wasn't mean, she was… perfect!" i said starting to walk in circles. Adrien didn't seem to understand as i kept going on about my feelings. "I don't know why! I shivered, i blushed, i don't know what happened! Why was i like this?" i said walking around the room. "Woah! Calm down! It means you like her, it's no big deal." Adrien said stopping me. "What? But i don't like girls! I'm dating someone! And i don't think he's a girl…" i said confused. Adrien tried to help me but we both decided to go home and he told me to think about all of this. He's so considerate sometimes… I know he's probably still a bit upset but i know that dating him wouldn't be a good idea. A few days after, i had finally calmed my head down. So, a peaceful night, while i was trying to sleep, i heard a knock on my balcony door. I opened the door and i saw Turtle shell, of course. When i saw him, i was feeling really guilty. He said a small "Hey" when i opened and he came in. We couldn't really go outside anymore because of the cold air but we still enjoyed being inside. "I think we should talk." he said. I was really surprised because i would never have expected him to say this when he entered my room. "Okay so… I know it's gonna sound stupid, but i don't think were meant for each other. Someone told me i was meant for Flyer and i don't think dating you would be okay for both of us." he said nervously. I was seriously shocked with what he was saying. I felt all of my will of moving leave my body. I barely had enough energy to say weakly "Get out." and to see his expression change. "What?" he said surprised. Without even knowing it, anger was boiling in my blood and i pushed him out my room. I closed the doors of my balcony and carelessly shouted "WINGS UP!" to transform. A flash of green and pink light blasted through my windows and my glass door with only a curtain in front. The moment i was in my Flyer costume, i threw my doors open with rage and flew into the night. I didn't even look back but i knew Turtle shell was still here. I was so angry that i was flying at such speed i didn't notice anything else. I finally landed on top of the eiffel tower. When i talked to Turtle shell once. Suddenly, my anger turned into sadness. My hand was resting on the ramp and i fell to the ground. I had my eyes in my hands and i curled up. My knees were still on the ground and my head was touching the ground. I cried until someone rested a hand on my shoulder. I raised my head and i saw Ladybug. "I was on patrol with Cat noir and we saw you fly here. And Turtle shell told me what had happened. I had a doubt it would be about you so i made sure Cat noir didn't hear but i still came and-" she said but i didn't let her finish. I started crying again and she held me. After a while, Cat noir came to hold me to. I cried for what seems like an hour. I can't tell you how long but it was for long. "Thanks." i said holding back. "I don't exactly know what happened but i would like to know. But you don't have to tell me…" Cat noir said. I looked down and sighed. There was no way i could tell him who i am now. Ladybug helped me get up and i looked at the sky. The stars were shining bright but i didn't feel like anything was beautiful right now. "I'm such a mess." i said looking down. "No! You're not! It's not your fault if he's stupid. You don't have to come to the next akuma if you don't want to. I'll make sure everything is under control." Ladybug said. I nodded and went back to my room. When i entered. There was a flower on my bed. Just like the one Turtle shell first gave to me. I untransformed and asked Laiil not to mention this to me for now. I had enough emotions for the whole week. When i came in class the next day, Kim asked me if i was okay. He was next to me in class and it was always fun to talk to him. "To be honest, i'm not sure. Everything is just going down in flames right now and i'm just a little overly emotional right now…" and the moment i said that, Chloe came in and yelled "Kiiiiiim!", probably the worst way to calm down. "Wow, Miriane, you look absolutely awful today! Did you change your hair? Cause with that haircut i would too." she said smirking. "Chloe i don't have the mental capacity to deal with you right now." i said calmly looking right in front of me. "Why? Did your brain explode? Oh what am i saying? You don't have any." she said. "Chloe if your attitude is as good as your insults then i really think you should change it because right now i don't feel insulted at all. Also, i kind of get why no one likes you here. Even if you deny it, no one will ever say they adore you except from your father who is currently not here. It's also not a surprise if Adrien prefers to hang out with other people then you. So instead of trying to insult me, go to your seat and try not to fail your own life." i said with anger. My eyes were so intimidating that Chloe got to her seat angrily. I spent the rest of the morning trying not to blow up at everything at lunch. I sat with Alya and Marinette as they tried to calm me down. "What's wrong Miriane? You really look awful today… Not to be mean!" Ariana said sitting down. "I know… I feel like the worst thing ever right now." i said laying my head on the table. "Okay, first of all, you're not a thing, and second of all, you are not the worst, Chloe is." Adrien said smiling. The fact that he insulted Chloe made me smile weakly. What's better then seeing Chloe's "friend" insult her? Probably not much. "Adrien's right you know, you're like, the best person around this table." Nino said sitting next to me. "Hey! I think you forgot i was here." Alya said. We all laughed and so did i but not a lot. I just felt awful and knew nothing would calm me for now. Time flew by and soon enough, it was christmas. We all decided to have a little gift exchange together as friends. We all picked someone's name from a hat and i picked Marinette. I was really Excited to see who picked me. We all reunited in front of the eiffel tower. I was the last one here so when i arrived, we all went to a cafe. We ate, drank and laughed together until we decided to go to Marinette's house. Nino decided to give his gift first. He had picked Ariana and got her movie tickets. Ariana picked Alya and got her a Ladybug figurine. Alya's face in front of the expensive and delicate Ladybug doll was priceless. Turns out, Alya had picked me! She got me a tablet to draw on my computer. I was really happy and i think me smiling made everyone happy. I gave Marinette a kit of pencils and pen to draw better. She looked so happy i felt happy to. Marinette picked Adrien and was really nervous when he opened it. She gave him a beautiful shirt with the initials A. A on the side pocket. He looked really happy and when he thanked her, she blushed nervously. Adrien had picked Nino and gave him a new pair of headphones. They were black and blue and could replace his old headphones. He kept complaining they were broken and only kept them because of the style. When the gift exchange was over, we all sat on the couch to watch a christmas movie. It was great. I decided to go in the kitchen with Marinette to make some pop corn when Nino showed up. I didn't really get it but Marinette left to go watch the movie. "So… How are you holding on?" he asked. I looked to the ground. I didn't want to talk about it but i consider Nino like my brother so i decided to spill it. "I don't know… I was hoping it would go away but it's still here and i don't know how to handle it. I don't know if i'll ever move on…" I said keeping my eyes on the microwave. "Do you think you'll forget him? I mean i don't know him but he probably deserves it right?" he asked. I looked at him and sighed. He was right. I would have to forget him at some point. If i was gonna fight by his side, at least i had to be cool with him. "Probably one day but not now. It's still too new to me and if i see him now i won't be able to take it." i said taking out the pop corn. I couldn't help but be a bit sad the rest of the night. We all fell asleep on Marinette's couch. Luckily, we all put our pyjamas to watch the movie so it wasn't too bad. When i woke up, i noticed Alya was in the kitchen drinking hot chocolate. Alya was at Nino's right and i was on his left. I noticed i fell asleep on his shoulder so i carefully got up without waking him. I noticed Marinette, who was next to me. Was sleeping on Adrien's shoulder while Ariana was cuddled on him. The funny part was that his head was laying on Marinette so Ariana was like a little rejected. I don't just say that because i think she's cute but also because i still hate her a little. "Good morning! So, did you sleep well?" she asked. "Oh good. It was great actually. I don't really sleep well since he left me." i said calmly. "Probably also because of Nino…" she said taking another sip. "Nino? What do you mean? Is it because i slept next to him? I didn't think… " i said nervously. "Oh! Sorry i thought he told you." she said. Looking up to me. Told me? Told me what? I asked but she said it wasn't her job to tell me. The others finally woke up and we said goodbye to Marinette. When i was at home again, Laiil decided to come out and tease me. "So! Nino as a crush on you huh?" she said smiling playfully. "What? No he dosen't! Were just friends." i said firmly. "Is that what he thinks? Come on! You can't tell me you don't have a doubt!" she said. The truth was, i had a doubt. Maybe? Or maybe now?