Luffy had to cackle, there was no other word for it. The gaping expressions, the disbelieving choke from Nami, and the increasingly pissed off fury of the pirate in front of her made the smart ass remark entirely worth it.
She blamed Ace. He was a master of being an asshole and he happily shared several tricks to make her enemies lose their cool and open up all sorts of weaknesses.
So yeah, she felt perfectly justified when she loudly asked the idiot wearing clown make-up and even the big red nose...
"Hey, aren't you the dumbass who swallowed a devil fruit whole because you were stupid enough to use your mouth as a hiding place?"
Buggy looked pissed.
"How the fuck do you know about that?!" he demanded.
Luffy grinned.
"Shishishi. Shanks told me the story. You were trying to be all sneaky about a devil fruit and he came up behind you with a message from another crew member, and you ended up swallowing it whole...then you stupidly tried to go after a treasure map you had that flew off the ship, despite the fact you were a new devil fruit user and he had to save you," said Luffy snickering.
Nami found it pretty damn telling Buggy didn't deny such a ridiculous story. She had to admit the word "dumbass" was pretty appropriate for anyone to do something that stupid.
Seriously, who thought hiding a devil fruit of all things in your mouth was a brilliant idea?!
Luffy's eyes gleamed with a look Nami was quickly learning to associate with mischief, chaos and all around headaches for those who liked to cling to their sanity.
Buggy looked pretty damn murderous...which was why he was thrown for a loop when Luffy then asked "So do you want to call him up and yell at him through his almost certain hangover?"
"Excuse me?"
"I know Shanks' schedule by this point. He's either drunk, about to become drunk, or suffering through a hangover. At this time of day and the general date, I'd say it's the last one," said Luffy cheekily.
"How exactly am I supposed to 'call him up' when he's in the middle of the Grand Line?!" demanded Buggy.
Luffy took off the straw hat...and pulled out a den den mushi.
"I am the master of emotional blackmail," said Luffy proudly. She poked at the snail and you could hear the familiar sound of a large number of people suffering from nasty hangovers, and the second Buggy heard Shanks' voice a nasty smirk came across his face.
Maybe he wouldn't kill the little shit just yet. Not when she provided such fantastic entertainment/petty revenge on someone he couldn't stand.
Everyone was so busy watching Buggy tear into Shanks at a very loud voice (thus causing untold mayhem on the Red Force until someone finally managed to shut the damn thing up) that no one saw Luffy take a few hair pins that she generally used to keep her hair out of her face and pick the lock.
Except Nami of course, who approved of the trick. She realized the ploy for what it was...Luffy had gotten Buggy pissed off and not thinking clearly, then redirected his attention to an older target while the pirate picked the lock on the cage Nami had gotten them trapped in.
"Nice one," she said approvingly.
"Shishishi... Ace made very sure I knew all sorts of underhanded tricks to get out of sticky situations," said Luffy proudly. Then she scowled. "Though if he calls my ability to convince practically anyone into following me with a pout 'Bunny Power' again I'm going to punch his lights out."
Nami snorted, until she realized Luffy wasn't laughing. Then she snickered.
"Seriously? He calls it 'bunny power'?"
Luffy stopped, turned to look at Nami and then unleashed one of the most devastating weapons in her arsenal. The 'Pout', complete with big watery eyes.
Nami went stock still and gaped in disbelief.
"How are you doing that? Even I feel like caving in to that look!" she demanded in bafflement.
Because even with that scar on her face, Luffy looked like such a cute little bunny that Nami just wanted to give in to their demands and cuddle with them, just to make the 'sad' look disappear.
Luffy snickered again.
Nami had to stare when she saw the Marine-issued camera in Luffy's hands, taking multiple pictures of Buggy's current state.
"Where did you get that?" she demanded.
Because that was a top of the line, Marine-only camera that wasn't even available to the Marines on the East Blue! In fact from what she found out only those stationed in the Grand Line were even allowed to have one because they were so expensive!
Luffy smirked.
"Gramps gave it to me for my birthday," said Luffy, as if that explained everything.
Nami stared at Luffy.
"Your grandfather gave that to you. For your birthday," said Nami disbelief clear in her voice.
Luffy suddenly scowled at the memory.
"It was a bribe, one that I'm still debating on whether the price I paid was worth it."
Luffy despised wearing full dresses. She could tolerate skirts for a time and other feminine clothing, but she hated dresses. They were nearly impossible to fight in and they looked ridiculous.
Garp pretty much held the birthday present hostage until she got into one that actually suited her. The only reason he even came that year was because it was shortly after Ace left to become a pirate of his own right. Luffy had been so depressed about the whole thing that he decided to cheer her up...and hoped that she would at least lighten up on her tomboy image.
The camera had been a last stage prototype when Garp gave it to her, but was now standard issue for the Marines. Apparently she acted as a 'test subject' for the new cameras and Garp figured if they could survive her, then they could survive damn near anything.
He was right, in several ways. The previous cameras he had given her all ended up broken after a year or two of heavy use.
"Who exactly is your grandfather?" asked Nami slowly.
Luffy blinked at her.
"My full name is Monkey D. Luffy. I would have thought it would be obvious who my Gramps is..." Luffy said equally slow.
Nami stared at the other teen.
"There is no way your grandfather is Monkey D. Garp, the Marine hero," said Nami.
"Yup," said Luffy, as if it were obvious.
Nami looked really unhappy learning Garp had been in the East Blue. If that was true then why didn't he help her village?
Luffy saw the expression on her face, and decided to clarify something.
"You're one of the poor bastards blackmailed into helping that jerk Arlong, aren't you?" Luffy asked.
Nami went rigid with shock and stared at Luffy wide-eyed.
"I read bounty posters out of boredom. Almost decided to try that until I realized it just put me in close proximity to the Marines on a regular basis," explained Luffy.
Nami was shaking.
"To be fair, he was only in the East Blue for a month, and it's really unlikely he would be allowed to interfere with anything Arlong is doing."
"Why?!" demanded Nami, angry and feeling betrayed.
"Arlong is a former member of Jinbei's crew. Odd's are his former captain is the reason none of the Marines have intervened, that and some are just corrupt assholes who he almost certainly has in his pocket," said Luffy.
"Who's Jinbei?" asked Zoro.
"One of the Seven Warlords endorsed by the World Government, like Mihawk. He's a known ally of Whitebeard and a fishman," said Luffy shrugging.
Seeing the looks the two were giving her, Luffy looked sheepish.
"I may or may not have found a way to hijack a den den mushi to only receive, rather than do both. You tend to learn a lot if you don't mind simply listening to boring chatter...that and Gramps thought it was a 'great' idea to let me see what life on a Marine ship was like last year in an attempt to convince me to join. He really shouldn't have left me in his office with the filing cabinet. I almost finished the entire thing before he nearly busted me reading them," admitted Luffy.
Which was partly true, but also because she remembered a lot from what she read in the manga. Most of the detailed stuff came from her raiding the cabinet though. The manga only provided general information.
Nami was not happy hearing this.
"Luffy, is there any way to contact your grandfather?"
"He's already on the Grand Line by this point. The Marines don't want him anywhere near the East Blue, let alone the area Arlong is in. Especially considering his reaction to the Gray Terminal incident. They don't want him to go rogue, considering he nearly dropped his commission when he found out what happened," said Luffy, shaking her head.
"Gray Terminal?" asked Zoro.
Luffy's face went dark.
"The nobles," Luffy spat out the word like a curse, "Thought it was a brilliant idea to set the slums of the Gray Terminal on fire all because a Celestial Dragon was visiting. The didn't even get a slap on the wrist for it, or even a reprimand. If Dadan hadn't gotten there in time I would have died trapped in a burning house because I was helping to evacuate the people there. Gramps was furious that the Marines were ordered not to help the civilians."
"How old were you when this happened?" asked Nami. She vaguely remembered reading about that.
"Ten, maybe ten and a half?" said Luffy. "It's amazing how quickly people will follow the orders of a ten year old when the world is going to hell and they're the only ones displaying any sense of common sense and rational thinking."
That and Luffy might have cheated a bit using Sky Charisma to get people to move their ass out of the danger zone.
Only a little though.
Nami and Zoro had to stare at the younger teen.
"How old are you again?" asked Nami slowly.
"Seventeen, why?" asked Luffy, curious.
Nami muttered uncharitable things under her breath. Likely at the news someone like Garp was in the area regularly and did nothing for her village.
Luffy gently touched Nami's shoulder, and she could see the other girl trying not to cry from frustration.
"Gramps can't do anything about that overgrown sushi platter, but there's nothing to stop a pirate from kicking his ass. Gramps put me through hell for over ten years in training, plus he'll never see me coming."
"I seriously doubt your 'pout' would work on Arlong," said Nami dryly.
"Who said anything about using my pout on him?" said Luffy baffled. "I was mostly planning to kick his ass and serve him up as shark fin soup."
Nami clearly didn't believe a bit of it, but Luffy was stubborn. Once she set her mind to something nothing would get in her way.
Now, to go get Usopp and the Merry. Luffy was really looking forward to that the second she realized she was following the same canon plotline with a few minor deviations thanks to her original memories.
Best of all she came armed with the perfect blackmail against that ass Kuro for what he almost did to Usopp's little friend. It was one thing to give up pirating, but another thing entirely to try and kill off your entire crew just because you didn't want your old name coming back!
Rather hard to claim your innocence when someone came armed with an old bounty photo that still looks like you.
Luffy grinned when she saw "Captain Usopp". He looked even more ridiculous in real life than he did in the book.
"Shishishishi... I'm sure Yasopp will be thrilled to hear that his son is so eager to become a pirate," said Luffy loud enough for Usopp to hear.
"You know my dad?" said Usopp with a look on his face that Luffy knew too well.
"Know him? He never shuts up about his son that he left behind in the East Blue!" said Luffy. "The rest of the crew learned to tune him out years ago, but he still goes on and on about his 'little Usopp' despite the fact he didn't get to hold you more than once or twice before they had to leave for the Grand Line."
Seeing hope bloom on Usopp's face was rather painful. Somehow the braggart could tell Luffy wasn't lying about knowing Yasopp.
"Where is he?" asked Usopp.
"On the Red Force, serving under the Yonko Red Haired Shanks. Last I heard they were still in what is known as the 'New World' which is the more dangerous half of the Grand Line."
Boy, was Shanks annoyed with her for giving Buggy of all people a chance to use the snail. The mock fight they had about her using him as a distraction to avoid getting hit by one of Buggy's special cannon balls had Nami and Zoro laughing from the side lines at the childish way Shanks acted to Luffy's 'grand master plan' to escape the situation.
Apparently she had timed that particular prank perfectly. Nearly everyone on the Red Force, especially Shanks, had a nasty hangover from a three-day bender they had been on.
(On an unrelated note, Buggy had found it hilarious that he got to pull something like that on Shanks, once he got over the asskicking Luffy gave him. He almost didn't hate the brat for beating him since he got to make Shanks miserable. Almost.)
Luffy waited for Usopp to get back from talking to his childhood friend before she held up her snail.
"Is that a den den mushi?"
"Yup," she said. She nudged it awake and it connected to the Red Force like always.
"Luffy, if this is another one of your pranks..." warned Shanks.
"Is Yasopp there?" asked Luffy.
The snail blinked, then you could hear Shanks yell for the sniper. Clearly he had a good idea why Luffy was asking for him.
The 'almost' reunion of Yasopp and Usopp was tearjerking. It would have been even more dramatic if they had actually been face to face, but Usopp would take what he could get. Being able to actually speak with his father was major for him, because he only had half-remembered stories of the man to work with until now.
Either way, Luffy knew once this mess was cleared up that she had more or less secured Usopp as a new crew member. If for no other reason than she planned to track down Shanks at some point, which meant he would be able to meet Yasopp properly.
She had to smirk wickedly when Captain Kuro's big plan to rob Kaya of her fortune was ruined because Luffy just 'happened' to have the man's last bounty poster with her.
The second Kaya saw that, and the fact she was quick enough to catch the ugly look on her "butler's" face when he realized what she had in her hands thanks to Usopp, any chance he had of actually getting her money died.
After all, it wouldn't take much for Luffy to just happen to spread copies of that same poster around the village so they knew exactly who and what he was.