All The Tiny Boxes We Fit

by touchnotthecat

'It's hard to pinpoint when that moment happens. When you realize that the way things had been going…. Well, they wouldn't be going that way for too much longer. The lid on the box won't close. That's the hardest, when you realize your reality has forever shifted. That it would never go back to the 'before'. No matter what you want.' Romanogers, Begins Post WS.

27. 27: Steve

A/N: Hi guys, sorry for the delay in posting. This is a short one but I am hoping to have more up ASAP! Enjoy -Cat

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Steve

Nat came through.

She had my back.

She was in my corner. Even when I didn't know it.

Now I steer the Quinn Jet towards Siberia, towards... I don't even know. Not really. But this is what I have to do, and for a moment I am glad things played out the way they did.

I am glad Nat isn't sitting beside me on the jet. Heading towards... whatever we are going to find. I think about Madeline in the back of the jet, talking to Bucky right now, in hushed tones. I thought we would be on the jet with everyone and her safety would be more secure, but now, with just Bucky and I ... I don't know what is going to happen.

I think about Bucky and Madeline. They are always tuned into one another. Whether they realize it or not, they are eyes are constantly following one another, one moves and the other shifts as if to follow. I wonder how my best friend ended up like this with one of my other best friend's niece, while evidently being in hiding for two years.

I stop. My other best friend... are we though? Will Tony ever see reason? I only hope that one day he will see what is actually going on, he will realize this isn't about him. However, my heart is heavy because I know eventually, everything is going to come to light. For the first time I am glad Ultron burned all those old S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA files off the net. At least it gives me some more time. More time to figure things out.

Bucky sits down heavily in the seat behind me and we sit in silence for a moment before he speaks, "What is going to happen to your friends?"

I think back to the airport, Wanda and Clint, who I wanted to keep safe. Scott, who I just met but was still willing to have my back. Sam, who always has my back, no matter what. The figure falling from the sky comes to my mind, we only saw it in the reflectors and by that time our com pieces were turned off, but ultimately what does it matter who fell out of the sky? They were all my friends, every last one of them on the tarmac. I think of Nat, left standing between us and T'challa.

"Well," I eventually say, "Whatever it is, I'll deal with it."

Bucky is silent at my response and then all of a sudden he speaks and his voices sounds sad, resigned, "I don't know if I am worth all this Steve."

I want to respond, with the perfect thing to say, but it is hard. I think of Natasha, trapped by the KGB, "What you did all those years..." I think of my friend Bucky, who would have given me the shirt off his back, who stood up for the little guy, "It wasn't you. You didn't have a choice."

"I know." I wonder what he is thinking about, "But I did it."

My heart sinks like it has been attached to an anchor. I think of the attempt on Nick Fury's life. I think about Howard and Maria Stark... and I wonder how we are ever going to see a light at the end of this tunnel.

But right now, right now I have to focus at the task at hand, nothing else is important. Save the world first, figure out how we can both exist in it, after.