Chapter Twenty-Eight

Steve

Floating Raft Prison

I feel tension climbing up my spine as I open the doors on the cells. I worry about the face I don't see looking back at me. It's funny, the whole time flying here I was consumed with the idea of her being here. Now I see she isn't here, I worry more. The fact that I can't see her doesn't mean she isn't here, another thought that doesn't help my mounting worry.

They all march forward, as Scott instantly moves to help Wanda out of her extra restraints, I am able to focus back on Sam and Clint.

"Are we glad to see you." Sam says smiling, I take the hand offered to me and pull him into a hug, before turning and doing the same with Clint.

"Sorry I'm late." I say smiling back at Sam.

"You're right on time. What's the play?" Clint says focused like a laser.

"I have a jet up top," Scott and Wanda both join us and I hug both of them as well. "We are gonna get out of here and then regroup at a safe neutral location." They all nod, I smile raising an eyebrow, "Let's get outta here before our hosts start coming to."

Everyone nods in agreement, and I am able to catch Clint's eye before turning to lead the way out. He sees my glance and falls into step beside me, Sam not far behind.

I look at Clint as I lead the way out the corridor, and I don't bother to beat around the bush, "Is Nat here?"

It's all I have been able to think about since I left her behind in the hanger. I regret not asking her to come, I regret leaving her behind, after she came through for me when I didn't know if she would.

But Clint shakes his head, "No, at least, I haven't seen her."

Relief floods my chest, "These were the only active cells on the schematics." I say and Sam nods, catching my eye, a reassuring glance in his eyes.

I swallow feeling exposed but I couldn't not ask. I still didn't know yet what happened on the tarmac after Bucky and I flew away. At least, I know she is free. One thing I can let rest in my mind. I seem to be trapped in this self agonizing twist whenever Natasha comes into my thoughts. Which is more than it should be. Everything starts to shift in its slant, and I find myself barely able to think about the kiss with Sharon. It has become this complicated twist of emotions that leaned uncomfortably towards regret and guilt. For being impatient. For not waiting for her, for not knowing she would ultimately have my back.

But I shake my head because the more I allow myself to think about it, the more I am taken off task.

"Come on, let's go." I kick into gear and start to run the way out.

Wakanda

Everyone is settled into their rooms after flying back here from the raft prison. T'Challa and I decided to give everyone a rest here before setting them up for living under the radar. But I can't rest.

I feel myself thinking about Nat. Wondering where she is. I breath in. Maybe Tony forgave her. I exhale, and think about Tony fighting Bucky. I look down at my feet as I think of Tony fighting me, Tony realizing the truth. Realizing what I had kept from him.

Clint had reassured me, Nat would be fine. She knew how to keep under the radar, she had done it half her life. It was more like second nature to her, than the under the spot light life we had been living since coming out as the Avengers. I hadn't asked for his opinion, he had just offered it to me when I had dropped him off at his room.

I had been caught off guard, Clint never missed anything, so I don't know why this caught me unaware but it did.

"Nat will be fine, Steve." The way he called me by my name instead of his usual 'Cap' caught my attention. Like it was somehow a more personal conversation, outside the realm of Avengers.

"I am sure you would know better than me,"

Clint shrugged, "Natasha doesn't give anything away." It sounded like an explanation more than a placation. 'If she hasn't been taken into custody, she has found somewhere to hide. Stay off the radar. Somewhere she can lose herself and punish herself all at once."

I look up at his words and Clint meets my eye and shakes his head, "No matter who you think she may be, or who she wants the world to see," He shook his head taking a deep breath and I noticed just how tired Clint looked, "She will always be the little girl from that Red Room ." He sighed, "Won't let herself forget it. Doesn't think she deserves happiness." Clint met my eyes with an intensity that made me stand up straighter. I wanted to ask him what was up but before I got the chance he shook his head, looking away from me. But I still got the distinct impression that he had wanted to tell me something. Something about Nat. But instead, he looked around our new surrounds, "Everything that's happened, won't help with that."

I look away from Clint not sure what to say to that or what he expects me to say. I still don't know what exactly he is saying to me, his words seem to be dripping in double means and inferences. But that could also be me projecting. He looks up at me, "Bring her home." He said simply before turning into his quarters and leaving me standing there.

Now I stand in my room trying to think of what to do next. Before I can even begin to form any kind of plan there is a knock on the door. I turn, "Come in," to see Bucky come through the door.

I smile at his entrance as it is still nice just to see him walking around, hard to believe he is still alive. That we somehow managed to come through this all. Or at least, we have gotten this far.

"How ya holding up?" I ask taking a deep breath and turning to face my best friend. I worry about him since leaving Madeline Wayne behind without a word in Siberia. It had been a hard call but I knew we couldn't take her with us after fighting Tony. It wouldn't have been good for anyone. Tony would never have stopped looking for her. But this… maybe he would give us breathing room now. And Madeline's family isn't permanently fractured... hopefully.

Bucky looks in my face, "Somehow better than you, I think."

I shake my head, "Naw, just thinking about what comes next." I shrug my shoulders, crossing my arms over my chest as I focus in on him, allowing him to take my full attention. I watch as he sits on the arm rest of the long sofa that is in my room in the living room that sits outside my bedroom. I am still adjusting the luxury that comes with our stay in Wakanda.

"What comes next," Bucky nodded, looking down at his own toes, "Seems like I came by at the right time then," He looked up at me with a sad smile on his face, like he was resigned to something and I feel myself tensing.

"Don't know if I like where this is going."

Bucky shrugged, "Before I get into it, I wanna ask you to do something for me."

"Oh yeah?" I raise an eyebrow and look back at him.

Bucky smiles, "Yeah," He reached behind him and pulls a thick envelope out of the back pocket of his pants. "Can you make sure Madeline gets this?"

He hands me the envelope and I feel it in my hands, it's thick and heavy. "Long letter," I say looking up at him.

Bucky sighs, sitting up straighter . "I owe her a lot." He smiled and looked down at his hand. His eyebrows twitch upwards, "I owe her everything," He glances up at me under his hair but he doesn't hold my glance.

We drift into silence before he takes a deep breath, "I know we had to leave her, you were right. For her. You were right." Instantly he stood up again, as if agitated and I watch him closely, "And I probably should have left her a long time ago…. years," He shook his head, "But I couldn't." My friend looked up at me, "She made me feel safe. Home." Bucky shook his head, 'More delusion than anything else, and now…." Bucky's eyes rest on the envelope in my hand, "She'll probably never forgive me." He swallows looking back down before clearing his throat, "I just want her to know..." Bucky shook his head, before putting his hand back into his pocket, "I just owe her an explanation."

I straighten up, his words rattle around in my brain, 'She made me feel safe. Home.' "Explanation for what?" Somehow I didn't think he was referring to leaving her back in Siberia.

Bucky looked up at me and smiled, he looked tired, "That what I came in here for."