A/N: Hi All! So I just saw Avengers: Infinity War, NO SPOILERS AHEAD! I want to let you know I wrote this chapter as well as chapters thirty-five and thirty-six before I saw the movie so I am leaving them the way they are. I won't post whether or not this is AU or not for a few more weeks, just so as not to give anything away. I can guarantee there will be no spoilers as this timeline is still right after the events of Civil War. I will give a warning once we converge with Infinity War. Hope you still enjoy this story! -Cat

Chapter Thirty-Four

Natasha

I lay in Steve's arm. He holds me in his arms, in my bed. I am held tight, his chest against my back. I stare out the window at the dark Wakandan night. I am safe, in his arms. I am safe. I remind myself of that as I try and fight off sleep. But it lurks in my mind. The relief at the open armed welcome of Wakanda. The exhaustion of not sleeping much the night before. The happiness of finding Sam and Steve again. All these elements weight in and let sleep seem like a welcome friend. But at the same time, I don't want to sleep because I don't want to miss a second of being held by him.

But I can't fight it forever. Sleep is intoxicating...

I am sitting somewhere.

In a hospital? Yeah, it's a hospital... I am surrounded by sadness. I am aware of it like it is a weight around my neck. I blink and try and get things in to focus. I hate hospitals.

All I can hear is crying around me. Screaming further away. I know the whole building is in chaos. I blink to see Sam in the seat beside me. He is leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knee's, his head in his hands. He sobs as he rocks back and forth, from side to side. I feel someone's hand on my shoulder, an arm around me. I look to my right and I see Clint, his arm around me, holding me tightly. Tears silently roll down his cheek.

I feel fear clawing in my chest. I don't know what is going on. I don't want to know what is going on. I look across our little waiting room, Rhody is sitting across from us, his arm around Maria and they both sitting, crying. Vision stands in the corner, his arms around Wanda. I look up to our left. I see Nick Fury and Tony Stark, Pepper standing beside him, holding his hand, talking to a doctor. I can see their mouths moving but I can't hear them.

All I can hear is a pounding, pulsating ring.

My heart starts to beat fast as Tony starts to get more and more upset. I want to know what they are saying. Why is everyone panicked? I feel Clint hold me down, in my seat. His overly emotional voice saying in my ear, "I'm sorry Nat, I am so, so sorry." I look at him, and he shakes his head at me and I feel more frantic than ever.

I want to know what going on, I lean into Clint and open my mouth to ask Clint what happened? But I can't, nothing comes out of my mouth.

I shake off Clint's arm, feeling constricted and held down by him rather than comforted. "Naaat," Sam moans my name as I stand up and stumble away from them.

My body feels like... like I am drunk, my reflexes are not my own. Like I am treading through snow. I stumbled up behind Nick and Tony to see Tony start to get enraged. Pepper pulls back on his arm crying, calling his name, trying to calm him. Nick puts a hand on Tony's chest to hold him back from the doctor.

Suddenly the ringing subsides, and Tony's voice bursts into my consciousness, "THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" He screams and I feel terror now.

"Natasha, stop." Nick reaches for me, but I am already running down the hallway, dodging around the doctor that had been standing in front of me. I run down the hall and I can hear a man wailing. A guttural scream of a wounded animal.

I find a window that looks into a trauma room and that is where I see it.

It is like everything comes into focus from the outside in, the peripheral first. My heart pounds. I see all the medical equipment and supplies on the walls. I see the unresponsive monitors, a flatline drone as they show no vital signs. I see a woman stands holding on to the shoulders of a man. I focus on them trying to understand what I am looking at.

It's Madeline Wayne... She is crying... She is crying and trying to hold on to someone. I look at the man and he comes into focus too. It's Bucky and in the same instant I realize it is Bucky, I also realize that he was the one making that noise, that heart breaking sorrow-filled moan.

Just like that I know what I am going to see, even before I see it. I know it, like it is inevitable...

And there he is. On the gurney, ventilating tube sticking out of his mouth, attached to nothing, rendered useless.

I step away from the window as the breath catches in my throat.

I see Steve laying on the bed. Bloodied and battered. I look back at the monitor's, no heart beat... no pulse...

"No..." I run backwards from the window and slam my back into the wall behind me. Scrambling against it, I try to get away from the inevitable. "No! NOOO!"

I scream. This can't be happening. This couldn't be my reality. Not now. No...

Please...

And just like that I wake.

It is silent, no screaming or thrashing like most night mares. No, this was much worse. I feel my heart hammering in my chest and I gasp, trying to pull air into my lungs.

Steve's arms around me feel like they are burning my flesh with their touch. The pressure of their weight. The meaning of their presence around me, holding me.

I swallow and still, making sure Steve is asleep. He is a light sleeper, so I move very gently as I slowly pull out of his arms. I feel my feet hit the cold floor and take a deep breath in through my nose. But I feel the tears in my eyes, burning as if what they had seen was real.

I get up off the bed, and grab Steve's crisp white shirt he had been wearing at the banquet and slip it on. I stride into the living room and very carefully and quietly close the door behind me.

I stride over to the window and rest my shaking hands on the window sill. I shake them out noticing how much they tremble. My heart seems to race faster than it did in the dream as panic takes over me.

I've only felt like this once before. In Africa, in a shipyard. After meeting Wanda for the first time.

I try and fight it but I feel myself drowning in the panic and the fear.