Warning: Somewhat graphic descriptions of stalking and physical (and one brief verbal) abuse
Story
Dear Bert,
I hope this letter finds you well. I am sorry to inform you that Matilda died last Thursday of a sudden illness. She did not suffer much. I am in good health and Charles treats me well. That's Chalky, in case you don't know his proper name.
Your Omega,
Jack
Dear Bert,
It was good to hear from you. I had no idea the Egyptians liked curses so much. You did have a narrow escape. London is has its own curses. Yesterday, Angus saw a man walk right under a ladder. Sure enough, a curse got him…Angus's curse when he near knocked him off his lamp. It is colder here, though. Some of the pack complain in the early morning hours, but I like them best. It's a like a gift, the morning, watching the sky wake up and the city come alive.
I miss… You would enjoy the sunny weather. It is still cold, but no rain. You would be a sweep today, I think. It's a good day for sweeps. Cold enough that folks want their fires but nice enough to make the job easy.
Your Affectionate Omega,
Jack
Dear Bert,
I got your letter from Greece. I wish I knew how to send you mine. It has rained for days and days here. Most of the boys got a cold. I got a bit of a sniffle myself, but it's not too bad. Fred has the worst. He sneezes so he put out his own flame this morning. Everyone says the wish the pleasure to stop, and I don't want anyone ill, but the rain isn't so bad. You see things in the rain that you don't in the sun. I watched a leaf riding the currents down a gutter, and it was like seeing a ship at sea. Perhaps you would laugh. You've seen real ships at sea. You've been on a ship. But when I saw it, I felt like I had too. Some kids ran after it and the policeman asked what they found so amusing. He said it was just a leaf.
I helped the kids make a raft of twigs, with a leaf for a sail. I meant to do extra oddjobs, and this didn't pay, but I felt paid anyway. Is that what you meant when you always said you didn't need paying because you were already paid?
I don't know why I am writing you now. Perhaps I'm writing to a robin who needs to line her nest, and will find my bit of paper convenient. I like to think I'm helping someone. Maybe I could guess your next address. Do you go to Australia next? Or to New York. I don't know what is closest to Greece.
Still your Omega,
Jack
Dear Bert,
What a funny sort of castle you drew. And you say everyone takes off their shoes when they go inside. And omegas have all sorts of rules. I don't know I want to visit Turkey, even if they do have good food. Imagine, always having to take off your shoes.
We had a lovely kick and prance today. Chalky complained after because we had it in his working hours. He said it was disrespecting our alpha to leave him out. He was joking, but I think he really did feel hurt, but we couldn't help it. It's summer, so we can't stay up late and get all our amusement in the afternoon before the time to trip the lights. I suppose you know it's summer. Is it summer in Turkey too? Or I suppose you went on to a new place since. Fred thinks you must be headed to India or China. He know geography better than me. I spent all my time reading the wrong sorts of books; all fairy stories and princess tales. If you meet a princess, draw me a picture.
Your Omega Friend,
Jack
Dear Bert,
I hope this letter finds you. The last one flew so poorly I actually saw it dive back into the flames after I sent it up. I know it's silly to think any of these could reach you, but I took the time to rewrite that one. It felt wrong to just watch it burn. I wonder why.
It's been a while since I wrote. That was summer, and it's fall now. One of the best times of year, I always say. It's when there's magic in the wind. And a wonderful wind it was because guess who it blew in? No, not our dear friend. It was a robin, blown right into the road. I caught it in my hat before it came to harm, and it sang so beautifully. It decided to winter with us in our flat. Angus pretended he didn't like it; said it would sing all night and make a mess. Then I saw him giving it a worm he caught.
I put all your pictures on our wall. It's like a museum of art in there. You will find it funny to see when you come back. You are coming back? Another funny thing, Chalky got drunk and decided it was a good idea to enact a bit of opera on the steps to the cathedral. The police kindly let him finish the song before they took him away. He sings better than he dances. Some people don't appreciate good music. Or maybe it was because it was midnight. They let him go in the morning with just a warning, and wanting tickets for his next performance.
Still your omega,
Jack
Dear Bert,
Chalky got in trouble again. They said he can't be my alpha, and sent me home with another. I can't tell the others all about it. It's…I…I am so weak and useless…I can tell you because I know you will never read this. He wanted to keep me. I was never going to stay and I know my rights to choose but I had a nightmare that I couldn't leave and I cleaned and I cleaned and he kept growling and I did nothing right and. He hit me with a belt. I didn't tell anyone. I think they know. They know what happens to omegas. It hurt but it was worse because I had to lay there and let him and I don't want them to know. If I tell Chalky he will want to fight him and Chalky will get in trouble because he isn't my alpha. I mean he is, but the law will say he isn't. I can't tell him. And I don't want them to know. Anyway, it was just a small beating. It only hurts a little now. Angus tried to take my route this morning but I said I could go and it was hard but I don't want to be a poor weak omega who gets beaten and has to lie down all day. I won't be.
I'm glad I have you to talk to. And gladder that I don't. You would be upset to know. I don't like upsetting people.
Your omega not his,
Jack
Dear Bert,
I'm sorry if this is hard to read. My hand keeps shaking. Bill came around looking for me. I saw him first and hid. Angus pretended I lived on the other side of London and told him so. Then he wanted to find me and ask questions. I'm still hiding. I don't want to answer. Anyway, Bill is gone.
I don't know why I'm acting so silly. He can't hurt me anyway. He can't make me go to his home or hit me again. If he saw me I would just say no, and I can shout for help and anyone would come. He can't hurt me again. I'm being silly. You would laugh if you were here. I wish you were. Angus has left and never found my hiding place. We were going to the worker's protest together. I should go. It's quiet. Except for Phil. He just found me when Angus didn't. That's the robin, by the way. He's singing. I think he wants me to smile and stop crying. It's good to have friends.
Your friend,
Jack
Dear Bert,
I know, two letters in the same day! I'm almost glad I don't know how to send the letters. That last one must have sounded half mad and all over the place. I'm better now. Angus said the SPRUCE meeting was head lops. That's the worker's protest group; we haven't taken up gardening. Though now I've said it, I wonder why not. We could have a pot in the window full of potatoes or beans or tulips or anything. It might be nice for Phil to have a bit of nature inside.
I've just asked Angus and he says we are definitely not doing a garden but I saw Fred wink behind him, so I think we are. And Chalky came in and it's the middle of the day so I'm going to stop writing to see why.
It's later a bit now. He said he came because he felt lonesome at work and wanted a visit with his omegas. This is suspicious. I think the boys called him home and said I was poor. I didn't ask though because if it's true that's just humiliating and I'm making him miss work because I'm being silly. And maybe it isn't true. Maybe he was just lonesome. I get lonesome sometimes and want others around.
Your omega friend,
Jack
Dear Bert,
Bill hit me again. It's not so bad. I don't know why I went all to pieces before when he hadn't even seen me. It was just a few hits and it hurt but it's nothing to worry over. I mean, anyone cries for pain and it's nothing to do with being weak. And he Commanded me and I said no, so he isn't so strong. I was right in the first place. He can't make me do anything. Even if he is stronger than me. Muscles I mean. Not brains or will or the like.
He caught me when I was turning up lights. I didn't see him 'til he grabbed my wrist and said "You omega bitch, running off, I'll teach you some respect!" and I said, "Let go or I'll scream and the police will take you". And he tried to command me to come with him and I dug in my heels and said, "No!" and he got angry and punched me with his free hand in the stomach and I couldn't scream because all my breath was gone and it really hurt and he dragged me down an alley and pushed me against the wall and he had my torch and he hit it against my back a few times and he said "That will teach you now come home" only he didn't expect me to turn around and grab my torch back and I hit him back and he howled and I ran and got on my bike and left him. Only I had to finish the lights and it was hard to go back because I thought he'd be there, and Angus asked me why I was standing at a street corner and looking at the dark light and he said he'd do it and I couldn't let him because Bill might hurt him so I did it but Angus watched and Bill never came.
And he is just a man not a monster. And Angus wanted to know what happened but I couldn't tell him. If I tell him he will tell Chalky and Chalky still isn't allowed any omegas and they will all be angry and be hurt and I don't want to hurt them. Anyway I'm not really hurt bad. I just have a few bruises. So I'm alright.
Angus is frowning still and I think I'm upsetting him anyway. But he doesn't know because all the bruises are under my clothes so he can't see. No one needs to know anyway. I got Bill good and I don't think he will come back.
But if he does, he knows my route. Part of it. And I can't trade because then he might hurt someone else and that's worse.
Sorry if I'm rambling. All my letters seem to be about Bill now. I will try to write something nicer next time. Even bird's nests deserve to have pleasant words lining them. And flames need good meals not horrid ones.
Your affectionate omega,
Jack
Dear Bert,
You know how I said the wind blew in a friend and it was Phil the robin? Well the wind blew in a new friend today and she came down on Georgie Banks' kite. Mary Poppins as I live and breathe! I suppose it's just as well you won't read this because you might have elephants and funny castles but we got Mary.
The Banks family are a nice little pack. There was a wolf from the bank after their house and we had to stop time to save it and it's funny but I met the girl I used to wave to in the window. I say met. I mean I bumped into her and knocked her papers all about. I must have looked a fool, but she smiled and she said she knew me by my smile and she didn't mind and I gave her a ride later. She is part of SPRUCE too. And later we flew together with balloons in the park and everything in the world is possible and nothing is impossible and if I was ever going to have an alpha it would be her. Only Michael says she was crossed in love and now she's wary and I don't mind if we are only friends because friends with her is better than a wedding with anyone else. It's springtime now and the cherry trees are in blossom.
If the police pick me up again and say to send for an alpha I'll send for her and I know I'll get her.
I suppose you'd rather hear about Mary than Jane, and it was glorious fun having her while we did. She never does stay for long, but we had a dance and a half while she was here and I think she made all the good things happen somehow even though she pretended she didn't. She's good at getting you out of yourself and seeing things from a new way. She also knows what a thing is when she sees it, even if it looks like something else. She doesn't think omegas are useless either. Or that alphas are stupid. I'm glad the Banks have their house, but I think they would be happy anywhere because they are together. That banker could live in a castle and still be alone and sad.
Your omega,
Jack
Dear Bert,
Jane is wonderful and perfect. I wish I were stronger. And better. And not so foolish or weak. Bill hasn't left after all. I don't want to talk about it. Not even to you and you won't really read this. I'm still not his omega. I'll never be his omega. No matter what he says. I told a policeman and he said to mind my betters and a bit of discipline never hurt anyone. I think he didn't know how hard Bill hit me because it was all covered up and I wasn't screaming or crying over it. And he's not my alpha.
Jane isn't my alpha either. I mean, she is because we're pack and she's an alpha in my pack. But we aren't bonded or promised. And I don't mind if we never are. Angus and Chalky don't understand. Chalky says 'Oho, you found yourself a nice alpha gal' and wiggles his eyebrows, and Angus says if she doesn't bond then she's just playing with me and it isn't right and he gets angry. And I can't explain that she was hurt, and she is enough. I'd rather talk to you about Jane for hours than Bill. Jane is worth talking about.
I didn't tell Jane about Bill. Michael notices me wincing when we had a good cuddle and I didn't want to lie so I didn't say anything and he is too polite to ask. I mostly hid it. The children are the hardest because they like to tackle me with hugs and they're little things and I love them but they can catch me at the wrong angle if I'm not careful. John is too observant by a half and he actually asked if they hurt me yesterday. I said I was just a bit sore from a hard morning's work and that was a little bit true so it wasn't lying but it wasn't all the truth and what kind of omega lies to children? But the truth would just hurt everyone worse and anyway I will just tell Bill I have an alpha. He should smell my pack on me and know anyway. It's nice having a pack. I mean I always had the leeries and you but this feels more like it's just for me, my family. I love Angus and Fred and Chalky and the boys and Mary and you but the Banks are different. I guess it is different when there are children and the alpha you love isn't your father or master or…well it's different having a young woman as an alpha. That's all. It's nice.
Still your omega even if I'm Jane's,
Jack
Dear Bert,
I told Bill he wasn't my alpha because Jane was. He got so angry. I don't really remember what happened. He hit me across the face. He never did that before. I think he knew if he hit where people see then he'd be in trouble. He trusted me not to tell but I can't hide that. I fell and he kicked my chest and I curled up and he kicked my leg instead. He got my shirt up and used his belt again. I think I'm bleeding. I can't really look. I can hardly move. He grabbed my wrist and tried to drag me to his flat. I thought he was going to kill me. Or lock me up and never let me leave.
I wish I could say I got the better of him and escaped. That I hit him in the throat or the…the place you told me to hit blokes who mess with me. Only my brain was all fuzzy and all I felt was my heart beating in my ears and a lot of pain and nothing was real and it was all a nightmare and I didn't even shout for help.
Only Fred came out of nowhere and ran into Bill with his bicycle and Fred shouted "Murder, Police!" and Bill ran off. A policeman came and wanted to take me to hospital and wanted to know what happened. Everyone kept asking what happened and who was that man who attacked me. And I couldn't answer anyone. I hardly remember myself what happened in all this time. I just know that Fred flared a lamp and someone came and said they'd finish my lamps for the morning. I couldn't even tell you which leerie it was, and I must know him. Fred took me home and when my words came back I told them he just got my face and I didn't mention the rest. They looked so angry already and I don't want to make things worse. Everything just keeps getting worse. I know I should tell because alphas aren't allowed to hit omegas but maybe the police will just call it discipline again and want me to go home with Bill and I can't. And I know Jane will care and all the Banks but I can't let them see. What if Jane decides to go after Bill? She might get hurt too. He's so strong and he has a violence in him and a danger and she's light and beauty and good and I don't want his darkness to touch her, he can't touch her, they can't know. It's just bruises. It will pass. And I will still have the Banks pack and my leeries and sorry if you can't read this I'm writing with my wrong hand. What am I saying. No one is reading this except the fire.
I can't see Jane until my face looks better. Fred told them all it was a mean alpha and Angus wants to get Jane or Chalky or anyone. What will happen tonight when I light the lamps? I go right by the Banks' house. I do their lamps by their door. The children like to wave. Maybe if I'm quick. Better, I'll ask Angus to trade. He can think up something. He's good at stories.
I don't mind telling the fire that I feel awful. Everything hurts. I'm trying to pretend it doesn't so the others will think it's just my eye. Riding my bike is going to be a nightmare. I can't just skive off work for a bit of bruising though. It isn't fair.
Angus will trade. He must. I want Jane so badly I feel sick but I feel sicker imagining her seeing me like this. Weak. Pathetic. And it will hurt her. It would hurt me to see her hurt. Or anyone I love. I'm hurting everyone and it's awful.
Sorry if I rambled.
Still your omega, always,
Jack