Chapter Thirty-Five

Steve

I don't know what wakes me up, but my eyes open and I find my arms empty. I take a deep breath and sit up, running a hand over my eyes. I remember holding her in my arms, falling asleep with the vanilla scent of her hair in my nostrils. I shake my head willing myself to wake up.

I get up off the bed and walk to the bedroom door. I open it and that is when I see her.

Nat is standing in the big main window, leaning down on her hands, her head hanging forward, like she is exhausted.

"Nat," I stride forward and she jumps like I screamed her name.

She spins around to face me, and I notice just how pale she is. And... she has tears in her eyes?

I close the gap, striding over to her. "Natasha, what's wrong?" I ask, concern filling my chest.

She looks up into my face, and she looks terrified, like she just saw a ghost. And my worry builds. I reach for her and she jumps back like my touch would burn her.

I feel my brow pull together, "Nat?" I say sadly.

She shakes her head, and I know she is fighting back the tears. "No, Steve. No. Don't." She turns away from me, biting her cuticles.

"Nat, what's wrong?" I ask taking a deep breath, watching her with worry.

"No, don't do that.

"Do what?" I ask back, feeling a little frustration in my chest and her non-responsive reactions.

"Try and make things better." Natasha started to pace back and forth frantically, my shirt moving around her frame, making her look even smaller than normal. "You can't make this better. Or easier."

I sigh, shaking my head, "I can't if you don't let me." I watch her pace almost getting motion sick.

"No. No! You can't. We can't, I-"

I can't take it any more, I step into her path and simply grab her arms making her stop, forcing her to look at me. "You have to trust me, talk to me! I am here for-"

"No!" She shakes me off, stepping back out of my hold, "Don't, just don't. You aren't helping!"

I don't think I have ever seen Natasha so panicked, so frantic. So out of control. I step up to her once again, closing the gap, not allowing her to stay away from me. But this time I don't try and touch her. "Than tell me!" I snap in a stern overly-frustrated sort of voice. Her eyes meet mine and see looks like a scared animal. She wraps her arms around her own body as if trying to hold herself together. "Tell me how I can help you." This time my voice is softer.

She simply shakes her head, "No you can't. You can't. You can't help with this..."

"Nat," I say, calmly holding her gaze, "What's going on?"

"I don't know!" And just like that, it was as if the flood gates opened, she just started to talk, "I don't know! Don't you see!? That's the problem, I don't know what's going on. And I can't not know. I can't be in the dark any more. I can't-"

"Nat, the dark about what? You aren't making sense."

"YOU!" She stared at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I can't-...It's you..." She pointed between us and it seemed to click what she was referring to, "I need to know Steve. I have to know what is going on, where I stand. Because I can't depend on you and then-" She stopped talking and the tears that had been in her eyes slowly over flowed, running down her cheeks, she didn't even seem to notice. I stare back at her, my heart pounding at her words, trying to understand what she is talking about. She bites her lower lip and shook out her head, standing up straighter, meeting my eyes with defiance. "I can't depend on you if... if this isn't real. I need to know." Her eyes dropped to the floor around my toes, and I feel myself weighted down by her words, "I need to know what this is because it's... It's not nothing. To me..." She met my eyes and she looked afraid but ready. "It's something to me. It's...everything."

I see her breath catch as she watches me. I step forward again closing the remaining gap between us. My hands find the sides of her face, and I hold her and look into her tormented big green eyes. "Natasha." She tries to turn her face away from me, like she already knows what I am going to say but I force her to stay, to listen. "This isn't nothing." She blinks and her eyes find mine. I smile as I look into her eyes, "I love you." Her expression clears as I say the words for the first time, "And that definitely ain't nothing."

She blinks biting her lower lip, like it was too good to be true or something, "Don't... don't say what you think I want to hear." She really has no idea the hold she has on me. She can't even conceptualize it.

I shake my head, smiling at her, "I'm always honest, Romanoff. Remember?" I say quietly.

She doesn't give me any more of a chance. She pushes up onto her toes and her lips find mine and I let go, give everything to the kiss. Feel her with every one of my senses. And I hold her tight, let her know she isn't going anywhere.

A/N: (warning IW context ahead) To ALEX, glad you're enjoying the story. When I decided to write a romanogers fic I knew I had to do both sides, because they are so on par with each other. Glad you are enjoying the concept. Yeah, IW, was definitely lacking in the Captain American and Black Widow heart melting moments. But I think they will be more heavily featured in Part Two. Cap and Nat are just so programmed to save the world, I feel like in Infinity War 1 they are just like, "All right, where's the fight, who we fighting?" lol. Personally, I am just thrilled they didn't waste screen time forcing Hulktasha down our throats. Fingers crossed that trend continues in part two! Thanks again for the review!