Eddie walked back to her apartment slowly. She kept expecting his truck to come roaring up behind her, and when it didn't, she had to stifle her disappointment. Trying to anticipate or brace herself for whatever was coming was impossible because she never really knew what was going on. One minute he wanted her, and then the next one he didn't. The emotional turmoil was absolutely ruining her, and the constant confusion was starting to make her feel like she was going insane.
When she got back, she immediately retrieved the picture from its hiding spot. She held it in her hands like it was evidence.
'He kept this," she whispered to herself. "He asked for this back"
Staring down at the image, the thoroughly fucked and happy version of herself, Edith swallowed all the excitement she had experienced when she first found it. It felt like a boulder going down her throat, but she let it drop all the way down. The picture didn't change anything. He was still a dick, still incapable of relationships, and she was still leaving.
Eddie huffed out a large breath, returning the picture to its role as a a placeholder and setting the book down by her bed. She needed to do something else, anything to get her mind off this. She wasn't due to work until the following morning, and the day stretched out in front of her like a desolate wasteland. It was as if the very landscape of the place had infiltrated her psyche.
Miserable, she retrieved the whiskey bottle that she kept above the stove, taking it with her to the bathroom and resolving to scald herself in a hot bath while she drank it. There wasn't anything else to do.
xXxXxXx
Weeks passed. Eddie kept waiting for some kind of contact from Mac, but it never came. They still saw one another almost every other day, but they never spoke.
Mac would go to the diner to get lunch a few times a week, but Eddie never went to the bar. It felt off limits to her. Almost every place in town felt off limits. She stuck close to her apartment and picked up extra shifts at work. One Friday afternoon when she got off, she went to the liquor store and had nearly walked right into him. He ignored her when she tried to ask him how he was though, and she bought her bus ticket that very same day to cheer herself up. If he didn't care, then she didn't want to either.
She wanted him to just be a memory. The kind that you keep in the back of your mind until something very specific triggers it. Eddie had countless boyfriends that she never thought of except when she saw their birthday on a piece of paper or a digital clock. Mac needed to become that insignificant to her.
Her departure date loomed on her calendar. She found herself wishing time would slow down for a moment, somehow stretch so she could relish what little time she had left here. Even though she was busy trying to convince herself that she hated him, Eddie knew she was really going to miss him. It was awful to feel that way for a person that acted like they could care less about you, but it was useless to try and deny it.
Time didn't take pity on her though. If anything, it raced forward just to spite her, and suddenly it was the day before she was scheduled to leave. She was in the basement of the diner, gathering what she needed to restock, when Mac crept up on her.
"Heard yer leaving"
Eddie stiffened at the sound of his voice. It had been over a month since he'd spoken to her, and she couldn't help it. She had heard him talk plenty since that night on the side of the road, but it was always directed at someone else. The way her body reacted to him paying attention to her was impossible to ignore. She practically vibrated with excitement when he addressed her.
She shut her eyes and ticked her head, sending a cleansing shiver down her spine and snapping herself out of it. She didn't want to act like a dog that was overwhelmed in the presence of its owner anymore.
"That's right" she said without turning, wanting him to leave before she lost all of her willpower. "Good riddance, right? Isn't that what you said?"
"What? do you write that shit down or something? How the fuck do you remember everything i say"
"Oh, you're right, its my fault I have a functioning brain"
He didn't say anything and so she turned to look at him, scowling when she realized he wasn't even paying attention anymore. He was up on low stack of two-by-fours, concentrating on balancing and ignoring her latest insult.
"Mac."
He shushed her as he continued to walk forward, stretching his arms out to either side and bowing his head to watch his feet. He was wearing a hoodie that stretched tight over his broad shoulders and he had the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. She didn't know what it was about his forearms but she had to shake her head to keep herself from staring. They were mouth watering.
"I don't have time for this" she snapped.
"Oh, sure you do. What's he guna do? Fire ya?"
He had her there. It was her last day of work, so technically there wasn't anything to lose. Still though, she didn't want to be available for him. She wanted to be too busy, just like he always was.
"Well, what do you want then?" She scoffed. "Want me to score you on your gymnastics routine?"
"Now I remember what I like so much about you" he chuckled as he turned to head back in her direction. He had his hands down by his sides now, but he lifted one arm to gently shake his finger at her. "It's that mouth"
Embarrassed suddenly, Eddie shut the mouth in question and took a step back from him. He smirked when he read her body language, and after taking in the sight of her for a moment, he hopped off of his make-shift balance beam to stand right in front of her.
"Heard you were looking for bars"
At first Eddie furrowed her brow and looked at him skeptically. She didn't know what he was talking about, and she assumed it was some kind of trick. It wasn't until he pulled the orange vial from his pockets that she made the connection.
"Oh," she said palming her forehead. "Yeah" She had forgotten that she had asked her coworker for Xanax the other day. She wanted it for her trip, hoping she could just sleep through all the discomfort she felt at actually leaving. Of course that had led back to Mac.
"How many?"
"I don't know, two?"
He chuckled and shook his head, unscrewing the lid and shaking the container until a few small rectangular pills fell out.
"Don't even know what to charge you that" he admitted with a grin. "Guess you kin just think of it as a going away present"
"Thanks"
He nodded at her and folded his arms over his chest, keeping his hands well above the opposite elbow, high up on his ribcage. She had never seen anyone else stand the same way, with their thumbs hooking up like that. He was such a rarity.
Eddie took in the sight of him, helpless to resist the opportunity. The angles of his face were sharp when you looked at him head on, but she knew his chin and nose were rounded when you viewed them from the side. She couldn't help but imagine him that way, that version of him that she saw when she was laying in the crook of his arm. He looked so soft when he had his eyes closed.
Faltering, Eddie broke eye contact first. She managed some kind of breathy laughter, but she had to whip back around before her face fell apart. The minutes pulled and stretched, time once again mocking her, but neither one of them said anything else.
Eventually, Mac headed for the stairs, leaving the girl alone so she could continue feeling sorry for herself. He didn't console people, and even if he did, she didn't need comforting. He knew something she didn't. He knew she wasn't going anywhere.
XxXxXxXxX
Later on, Eddie found herself walking to the bar. It was her last night in town and she wanted a drink, regardless of the fact that she had booze in her apartment. Mostly she just wanted to be near him, even if they didn't talk. She felt so good when she was in the same room with him. The encounter in the basement had left her wanting, and even though she knew he had probably done it on purpose, she was helpless to resist.
"Edith" Walter purred at her when she sat on an empty barstool. "Long time no see"
She smiled at the old man and put both arms up on the bar in front of her. It was habit to press her palms down flat against the worn out wood and feel where the lacquer was flaking. This whole town was like that, held together by stubbornness and varnish. Suddenly, she was glad she was leaving.
"I came to say goodbye"
Walter raised his eyebrows at that, acting surprised at the news. Eddie knew better though. Nothing happened here without this old coot hearing about it first.
"To me?" He mused "or to my son?"
As if on cue, a loud racket erupted from behind her. Eddie turned to look, and immediately found the source. It was Mac and his friends in the far back of the room. He hadn't noticed her yet, but the girl sitting on his lap had. Georgia locked eyes with her and smirked.
Eddie felt something inside her chest fracture. It was as if she suddenly had a gaping hole in her. All her nerve endings felt exposed in a cold wind that was rushing past her, each one igniting in a sudden burst of pain.
"Whiskey?" The old man asked her.
He turned his back on her when she nodded and Eddie tried to blink away the image of Mac with Georgia perched on his leg. It was obvious that Mac only addressed her when no one else was looking, but she had still held out hope that maybe he would be happy to see her. He had sought her out in the basement today after all, and he had given her those pills when he could have charged her.
Her head hurt and so did her heart. It was all so confusing. She couldn't read him and she couldn't trust him. All at once, and much too late, she wondered what she was doing in his territory.
To add insult to injury, Georgia came up behind and leaned on the bar right next to her. She was acting as if she needed to get Walters attention, but Edith could feel the girls eyes on her. It was almost impossible not to turn and address her, and Eddie didn't resist the impulse for long.
"Hi Georgia"
"Oh, hi Eddie, didn't see you there"
"Right"
The girls stared at each other. Eddie was curious as to what Georgia wanted, so she left the air between them empty in case the other girl wanted to speak. It was then, in the absence of conversation, when Georgia pivoted her body to face Eddie head on, that she noticed the blonde was wearing Macs hoodie.
It shouldn't have hurt, but it did. It hurt like hell.
"Guess I just didn't expect it" Georgia smirked, reading the recognition on Eddies face.
Eddie wanted to say something clever, something to redeem herself, but her throat was closing like a vice. She could feel tears racing towards the front lines of her eyes, stinging and hot. She felt stupid. She had made a mistake coming here.
She tried to smile as she pushed her drink away. Her body was revolting against her, spiraling towards a breakdown that she felt helpless to avoid. She was defeated. She needed to retreat.
Leaving a few bills on the counter for Walter, Eddie nodded at him and then walked quickly towards the door, keeping her head down in the hopes that no one would notice how upset she was. It was pointless though, because her shoulders had already started to heave and she had to cover her mouth to stifle the choking sounds that wanted to escape her throat. She was positive that everyone had seen her make a fool of herself yet again. It was all so very classic.
Her mind was constantly playing tricks on her, but ultimately, when she thought it through, she was thankful it had coerced her into doing this. She needed this pain. Humiliating herself like that had been the final nail in her coffin. She was leaving tomorrow. She had to.
xXxXx
Mac watched the interaction between the two women from the table he sat at with his friends. He had seen Eddie coming from a long ways off, giving him plenty of time to casually offer the sweatshirt he was wearing to Georgia. He didn't know what it was with girls and men's hoodies, but he was willing to sacrifice one if it meant instigating a fight between the two.
It amused him, the way women got so territorial over him. He wasn't anything that could be claimed, but it was fun to watch them try to assert themselves over one another anyway.
When Eddie ran out, Mac had to physically stop himself from going after her. Her eyes were so goddamn green when she cried, and he wanted to feel the way her bird-like bones rattled in her chest when she tried to suppress it. He wanted to be there while she fell apart.
He knew he could pull it off if he really wanted. It would be relatively easy to ditch this other broad and slip away mostly unnoticed. He didn't even need an excuse to leave, he just could do it. Mac knew the route she took home, and he still had the keys to her apartment. No one would have to know.
Instead, he sighed and relaxed his body back into his seat, resolving to just stay put. He only had to be patient a little bit longer. Soon, all of his careful planning was going to pay off.
xXxXxXx
The next morning, Eddie gave Terry back to keys to the apartment and graciously accepted the ride he offered her to the bus station.
"Sorry to see you go," he told her as she opened the door to step out of his car. "But I love to watch you leave"
She grimaced at first but ended up smiling. Terry was a creep but she felt safe around him. He had a daughter somewhere and Eddie knew that she reminded him of her. He may have killed the lights every time she went past him to get into the basement, but other than that he was harmless.
"Well get a good look" she smirked at him, throwing her pack over her shoulder and slamming the door shut. "Cause I ain't coming back"
He nodded and chuckled around his ever present cigarette, waving her off and then turning the car back on. Eddie tried to smooth her hair back behind her ears but the wind was whipping it across her face. She was glad for the distraction though, she didn't want to keep looking for his truck.
Once she was on the bus, she rewarded herself for her bravery by eating the Xanax. She took a whole bar at once, trying to remember if the four perforated squares equated to 1mg or 2. It didn't matter. She figured she had enough anxiety for the benzo to eat, so she wasn't worried about passing out cold.
Eddie could feel her heartbeat in her throat. She shut her eyes and leaned her forehead against the glass of the window. The engine of the bus started and she squeezed her lids down tight against the tears that threatened there. This was it. He wasn't coming. She was leaving and he hadn't tried to stop her. This was really happening.
The small breath she took in next was more like a gasp, and she kept her eyes shut against the world outside and its indifference. She couldn't bear the thought of him not coming for her, so she let the pain into her heart in the hopes that it would kill everything it found there.
She felt the bus rattle as its gears shifted, and soon it was tugging her forward, away from the empty parking lot and onto the dusty road that led out of town. Eddie kept her eyes closed for a long time. She didn't want to acknowledge what the world looked like without him in it. She didn't want to see.
X
Hours later, she stepped off the bus to make her connection, groaning to herself about her two hour layover. Buses were so stupid. She should have just taken the train.
Except, there was no train. The only thing that came and left that town was a single, run down coach that took you to a nearby city. From there you could either take another bus west, or go east until you got to a proper train station. It didn't make since to her to backtrack like that, So Eddie had opted for the grey hound.
'Grey' she thought to herself as she shouldered her pack and sulked towards the terminal. 'Grey like malaise, like depression, the color of my dying heart'
She was being more dramatic than usual, but she really did feel like shit. The Xanax hadn't made her happy like she thought it would. Instead it had made her feel dismal and without any energy. In an effort to console herself, and since her judgement was completely dulled, Eddie took another half of a bar.
She found the bathroom and splashed water on her face to try and wipe off the grime she felt there. She only needed to stay awake for a little bit longer, then she could sleep this all off on the next bus. Thinking maybe a cigarette would help, she stumbled outside to find someone she could bum one from.
There wasn't anybody standing nearby, but she could smell one burning from just around the corner. She tucked her hair behind her ears, and went towards it. When she rounded the building she was temporarily blinded by the sun, but she recognized the shape of him in an instant.
"Hey pretty girl"
XxXxXxXxXx
Eddie was way too high to pretend like she wasn't happy to see him. She threw her arms around his neck, something she had never done before, and stood on the very tips of her toes to embrace him. It was something he hadn't anticipated, but he was glad he had managed to lure her away from the loading dock just the same. It was easier if she just disappeared, even if she was suddenly willing to go with him. Everyone in town had seen him ignoring her for months, and he didn't want anyone here seeing them together now. It would ruin all his fun.
She was easy to get back to the truck after he had carefully unlatched her arms from his shoulders. All he had to do was offer to take her someplace to eat. She slipped in an out of character on the way, sometimes insisting that he had tricked her, and other times laughing for no apparent reason at all.
"You drugged me" she slurred at him, losing more and more of her motor functions as time went on. "That's...bad"
"You drugged yerself ya lil shit" he laughed at her. Eddie had devoured her happy meal, something he had gotten her to be funny, and now she was starting to tilt to one side.
She gasped like he had offended her, trying to push herself back into an upright position, only to fail and start giggling.
"I only did it cause of you though" she said matter of factly. "So its like you drugged me"
"That's not how that works sweetheart"
"Oh, say it again" she crooned. She fell over onto the bench seat and curled into a ball, her knees close to her chest and her arm bent up beneath her head.
"Say what again?"
"Call me sweetheart"
He would do no such thing. Not that it mattered, because the girl was asleep before he had the chance to even register what she'd said. He knew when she woke up, whenever that might be, she probably wasn't going to be as easy going. He snickered to himself at how much fun it was going to be when she woke up. Then, smiling to himself at the way she felt tucked up next to him, he accelerated towards their destination.
XxXxXxXxXx
Only one or two more chapters left :) buckle up because its about to get roughhhhhhh.
Thank you Krissy, Aly and Mia for your comments! It feels like finding out my crush likes me too when i see i have reviews, its the bessssst.