HEY GUYS! So sorry for the super long delay. I was in Korea for a month for some personal reasons, and then I had exams in London when I got back! So, don't worry; that won't be a regular occurrence. Anyway, I'm ready to get started again with the adventures! Please please please leave a quick comment at the end of the chapter to let me know what you think! It helps motivate me to update faster as well ;)

DWgeek2010: OMG! Thank you for pointing out that typo - so embarrassing!

Enjoy the chapter!

-Mistro-

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Poe was not on the base the next morning, nor the following three after that.

Mara's imagination as a child had always been vivid, but after years of thought in only black and white, her creativity seemed colourful again. She would lay in bed, feeling a true sense of coldness when he was not there. She dreamed that she was stuck in a frozen castle, her Prince made entirely of ice.

The days were moving more quickly due to the amount of work placed on everyone's shoulders, particularly for Mara as she was learning how to operate an X-Wing as well as pass them for clearing. Her hands would tremble every time she gave the OK. If a man died or got injured due to technical complications, it would be her neck that got the knife pressed to it.

On the fourth morning of Poe's absence, Mara found herself in the middle of the D'Qar woods. The trees were taller than she had remembered, since her last time being amongst them was in order to find Leo. That moment already seemed like years ago, particularly as they were together this time and aware of each other's presence.

"Remind me why I'm doing this again." Mara kicked a rough stone beneath her boot, tripping slightly forward.

Leo was several feet ahead. "You want to spend some quality time with me, don't you?" His grey shirt clung to his back with sweat, reminding Mara of distant memories of their time alone together. She swore it was the same shirt she had bunched up in her fists while they slept.

"You always were the pilot." She found herself smiling, but not for long. "I was just working behind the scenes."

"Making sure I didn't die," he finished. "Just like you're doing now."

Mara glanced at the tips of her boots. It was time for a new pair, but she once again found herself relentlessly clinging onto the past. "You're not a bad teacher."

Leo stopped in his tracks to face her. His expression said more than it needed to, and Mara had to look away to hide the flush rising to her cheeks. "That's nice of you to say." His voice was mature, as if he had aged within the span of a couple of days. "Aside from the fact that you almost crashed my X-Wing and lost part of the rear engine somewhere in these woods… I like being able to spend time with you."

Mara laughed off both the insult and compliment. "My radio cut out."

Leo smiled, whiter and brighter than Mara could recall. Why was everything so different than she remembered? "Most people think it's common sense that you don't land in the trees."

Mara was suddenly aware of how alone they were. The entire forest stretched between them and the camp; the bright leaves of the trees protected them from rays of the sun.

"Can I ask you something?" It was Leo who spoke. Mara stared at him blankly, not wanting to give a solid answer out of fear of what would come next. "What happened between us?"

Mara's chin instinctively raised. "You're an idiot if you have to ask that."

"I don't mean the accident, but afterwards. It was like those two, blissful years beforehand had never happened. You and me were entirely different people afterwards, and we didn't try to understand each other." He narrowed his eyes. "We just fell apart. I felt like I was the first ship you couldn't put back together."

Mara's fingers tapped against her thigh, ignoring her itch to touch her scar. It was a trait she had when she got anxious about the past – tracing those uncomfortably smooth bumps just past her waist. "Of course I was different, Leo. I lost a part of myself. As much as I hate to say it, I blame the situation on you. You were the one who brought those men to our house. I warned you those black market deals would have death waiting at the end, but you never listened to me."

Leo's light brows came together in the centre of his forehead. It made his skin wrinkle, reminding Mara that they weren't getting any younger. Grudges were for children, weren't they? "I lost a part of myself that day too, Mara."

Her breath sucked in instinctively. It was a sentence she had never heard from him, nor expected to hear. She had always assumed his displacement from the situation was his way of telling her he had never wanted the child – that just because it was his flesh, it was not necessarily his child.

"She."

Leo's eyes weakened. Mara thought she saw light fly from out of them. "... It was a girl?"

Mara looked away, the tears breaking free through her thick lashes. There were still secrets she had kept from everyone else. "You're the only one who knows."

The conversation may have gone in a strange direction, had it not been for the crunching of leaves not far off. Leo's arm instinctively reached across Mara, but her legs instinctively moved forward. They crashed into one another uncomfortably, Mara's hands falling on his lower back to steady herself. When they both regained their composure, a figure was staring at them from amidst the trees.

"Did I come at a bad time?"

"Poe," Mara breathed. She barely had a brain to smile, let alone process the intimate situation she was in with her former lover. "You're here."

Poe's eyes darted between the two, a hesitant smile on his lips. "Thankfully."

Mara stepped away quicker than a lightning bolt. Her arms flew to Poe's neck, his soft body meeting hers with perfect ease. They were like a puzzle – one thing she and Leo had never been. "You've been gone for so long." His hair felt far softer, her fingers slipping between his curls, or was that another stretch of her growing imagination?

Poe tried not to make eye contact with Leo. "A couple D'Qar moons."

"Why are you here?" She leaned back to get a closer look at him. His wounds from Starkiller Base were starting to heal properly. He had never said what sort of torture they inflicted on him, but Mara wasn't strong enough to satisfy her curiosity. "I lost part of my engine in the woods and we're out looking for it."

Poe's hand raised as if on cue, the silver rod that Mara required at the end of it. "Leia saw your ship hurtle to the treetops and thought something worse had happened." His eyes couldn't resist looking the mechanic over, his hands wanting to do far more. Mara looked stronger within the space of a few days, her arms more taut and her eyes holding a glossier tint. If it hadn't upset him so much, he might have admitted to himself that she seemed like a new person. A healthier person, coincidentally at the time he was no longer around.

"We can fix this and get back to the base." Mara was already beginning to prepare the ship. "I want to hear everything about the missions!"

Poe's stomach churned with an untold confession, but it was not the right place to say what he knew he should have. Instead, his eyes glanced across the open forest to Leo, whose gaze was blank. Whatever they had been discussing had taken a toll on the pilot.

"Ready to get out there?"

Leo glanced upwards with confusion. "I'm sorry?"

"You start your first mission tomorrow. Leia wanted me to pass on the message."

The shock pulled him out of his former misery. "Did she say what it was?"

Poe couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm, despite the bitter taste he always held when speaking to Leo. "I'm sure it won't include taking out a TIE-fighter, but you can count on it to be diplomatic."

"Anything to help the cause; I'm more than happy to do it." His fair eyes glanced at Mara's legs sticking out from under the ship. "What about Crescent? She's not ready to fly an X-Wing yet. She knows all the ropes, her head just isn't there."

"Thank the stars for that. Things are too dangerous right now for even the trained of us."

Leo took a step closer, his voice dropping. "Let me ask you something, Dameron. You know how the game goes, and so do I. We've both been in situations where our life is on the line."

Poe smirked. "Getting awfully serious, buddy."

Leo ignored the comment. "You told me that you would protect her."

"And I will." His voice had never sounded more firm. "Nothing's changed."

"Everything's changed since you and her went to Starkiller Base." His hand lifted. "Yeah, everyone already knows about it. Kylo Ren knows who she is, and if Leia sends her out in an X-Wing, it'll be a suicide mission."

"Leia would only send her on a mission if absolutely necessary. Not to mention the fact that she has the full capacity to decide for herself." Anger was curling in his blood once again. "I'm not going to let anything to happen to her, and even if I did, she wouldn't come running back to you." Poe had to walk away if he was going to maintain his composure. He thought back to all of the times he had punched someone, but no desire to take out his anger on another seemed as strong as in that moment.

Leo couldn't hear what Poe was saying behind the thoughts flicking through his own mind. Only one thought mattered on that day, and he took it to bed with him every night afterwards.

It was a she.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

The heels of Mara's palms dug into her eyes as the green numbers blinked back at her. She could feel the concerned gaze of her colleagues falling on her from left and right, reminding her that she should sleep without opening her eyes.

The Blue Squadron, Jackson's squadron, was set to arrive that evening. Elida had not stopped talking about it for the past two days, her hands physically twitching to lay themselves on her lover. The two of them had developed a strong passion for one another in the short space of a few months, but Mara understood completely. These situations forced you to think about death. About what you wanted most in life. It was perfectly natural to fall for someone so quickly.

It was something Mara was beginning to think about herself.

When Poe had been gone, she found herself thinking of him in everything she did. If she showered, she imagined the droplets on her lips were his fingers. If she slept, she noted the empty space only he could fill. Eating and drinking alone was dull without his gentle laugh and suitcase-brown eyes. It was like a tick she couldn't get out of her head, and it made her chest grow a little bit warmer each time his face appeared in her mind.

And yet at the same time, her mind wrestled with his leaving. The more she thought about Poe Dameron, the more she questioned her emotions. Was it more than an adoration? Was it more than a passion?

Was she in love with him?

Mara's fingers slammed too harshly on the keyboard as the question once again rang in her mind. Her co-worker placed his hand over hers in an attempt to grab her attention. "They're only twenty minutes late, Mara. These things can take up to thirty hours. You need to sleep."

She shook her head, her ponytail swinging dramatically. "I can't. I need to make sure Jackson comes back safely so that I can tell Elida."

The man laughed. "Why wouldn't he? It wasn't that kind of mission."

Mara wasn't sure why she said what came next. "These days, it's always that kind of mission."

The man bothered her no more. Mara was desperately trying to tune into the radio waves to find their location, but nothing was coming. She would occasionally latch onto X-Wing 2, but until she saw number 5, she wasn't leaving that chair. Even if Poe had been waiting for her back in the room, Mara didn't have the heart to hurt Elida.

Poe, on the other hand, wasn't in the mood to wait. The days were passing quickly, but with Mara he wanted them to go slowly. He knew that her work was important, but he chose to drop by the control room with a sense of urgency. He still hadn't told her that there was another mission that same night, and she was too swept up in her fears to consider that it might be an option.

When he entered the control room, Mara's head peaked up from the computers on the left. He could see the hunch of her back, getting worse even after a week's work. When his hands draped over her shoulders, she had hardly flinched.

"I'm sorry!" She spun in her chair to face him. "I meant to come sooner, it's just that-"

Poe tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "You don't need to explain anything. I just wanted to see you."

Mara smiled, her cheeks rising to hide some of the bags under her eyes. She still looked beautiful. "The Blue Squadron should be here any minute and then I can meet you."

His heart dropped to his fingertips. "About that. Mara, I-"

"Hey, you've got something." It was the colleague. "Check your screen! Quickly!"

Mara spun around without hesitation, her fingers latching onto the clear signal of Blue 2 via the complicated keyboard. Poe was aware of each passing minute on the clock, knowing that in only five, he would be forced to leave her again.

"Blue Squadron, do you read me?" A faint scratchiness came through. "Do you copy? Over?"

Poe would have kissed her goodbye then, but something caught his attention. The ship markings began to appear on the screen, but something was off. "Mara, how many members of the Blue Squadron went out on that mission?"

"Five." Her voice spoke without question. Her eyes were not fixated on the monitor, but rather her hands as they danced across the keyboard. "Why do you…" Her head lifted to meet his gaze, but instead caught sight of what was ahead. The Blue Squadron was entering the D'Qar atmosphere, but only three ships were arriving. "The other two will come." It felt like a lie. "Don't worry."

"Mara…" Poe's voice was laced with concern. He knew better than anyone else that if a team didn't come back all together, it was because there was no way for them to be. "Maybe you should let me do this."

Mara blinked repeatedly, as if that would change what was happening. "Where are they? They have to be here… They have to-"

Poe's hand fell on her shoulder. It was a gesture she had felt once or twice in her lifetime, always when something bad was to follow. "I think you should let me take care of this."

Mara fell back onto the seat, imagining the worst. Without even being able to comprehend what could have happened to Jackson's ship, Mara began to think about Elida. Her legs shot out beneath her, pushing back the chair she was in.

"Mara." Poe's reached out to stop her. "Don't go anywhere."

"I have to find out what's going on. If something happened to Jackson, Elida can't know." Mara's entire body was shaking, but only Poe was aware enough of her actions to notice it. She was being incredibly brave for the sake of her friend. "She can't know yet."

Poe's eyes glanced at the clock on the wall. He only had two minutes until he was to be jetting out of the atmosphere. He had to tell Mara that he would be gone, but when he turned to speak, she was already leaving the room. The air felt stiff as the sound of heavy footsteps rang in the landing base nearby. He could hear people gathering and asking questions, some of them shouting, but as to what they were saying, he was unsure.

"You alright, Mister Dameron?" It was the man beside him.

Poe's fingers stuck into his hair. "Sometimes I really don't know."

"We have to be." He nodded. "We just have to be."

The words hit Poe more than he intended them to. Although he hated to leave Mara in that position, he was in charge of leading the pilots on the base. His missions were growing increasingly important, and with the threat of the First Order coming in nearly every day, Poe understood that staying was not an option.

"Could you do me a favour?" Poe began to rummage through his pockets, pulling out a small holographic reader. "If you could give this to Mara, I would appreciate it. I won't have time to give it to her myself."

The man nodded gravely amidst the sound of sobbing coming from the hangar. "I'd be happy to."

Poe didn't look back when he left the control room. He didn't look out into the hanger base to see if it was Elida that was sobbing, and he didn't glance back to make sure Mara had control over the situation. It was a weakness, her simple image, and if he saw her heartbroken one more time, he thought about what he would give up to comfort her. For a split second, his answer was 'everything'.

Poe climbed into his ship in silence. There were no smiles, no friendly beeping of BB-8, no excited punching of the keys. The only joy he felt in that moment was that Mara might watch his hologram before she slept. If she did, she would understand the words Poe had so desperately been trying to find.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Mara's hands were sore. She had been rubbing Elida's hair for the past two hours, her shirt stained wet from the girl's tears. The bed wasn't big enough for the two of them, so they huddled close together, their legs wrapping around one another like children in a thunderstorm.

There was little Mara could say. When she had lost her child, the only thing she wanted was to know that someone was there for her. Being able to fall onto a shoulder, literally, had meant so much more to her than a paragraph of advice.

Jackson and another member of the Blue Squadron, a twenty-six year old female pilot, had died by an unexpected Trooper attack. They were on their way to a diplomatic mission on Corellia when targets locked them in. The situation also told the Resistance that Troopers had their eye on planets who supported the Resistance, leading Mara to question what the Starkiller Base weapon could truly do.

Perhaps it was better not to know.

"He loved me." It was the first sentence Elida had said in an hour. Mara had to lean in close in order not to miss her soft breath. "He said he loved me."

"Everyone knew it," Mara smiled. "He wasn't very good at hiding it."

Elida's lips were pink from her tears running across them. Mara thought she looked strangely beautiful, her eyes full and her love for Jackson shining through in her sadness. "I don't know how we could have been together, but he wanted to be with me. He wanted to marry me, Mara."

Her arms brought Elida closer to her chest. "I know that it's difficult to think about, but he would have wanted you to be happy. You have the rest of your life ahead of you."

Elida laughed, but Mara couldn't differentiate it much from a sob. "That's an awful thing to say right now."

Mara laughed. "I've never been good at advice."

Elida's lashes flickered shut, her small body curling further into itself. "For someone who used to be so distant, you're awfully good at cuddles."

Mara stared at the metal desk ahead of her. A hologram from Poe rested on top of her jacket. She wondered what messages it held, but suspected it was just another way of saying goodbye. "There was a time in my life where I needed someone. I would have taken anyone. If a stranger on the street could have held me, brushed my hair, told me that it was okay… I think I would have believed it so much sooner."

Elida stared up at her friend. "You don't need anyone else, Mara. You have to be your own guardian."

Mara thought about the words long after Elida spoke them. After all, the girl was right. Mara was the only person who would be by her side until the end of her life. She was her the ultimate best friend. If she couldn't say it to Elida, Mara knew she couldn't say it to herself either. It made her question her place within the Resistance, and what she could do with the skills she was burying so deeply within. The image of her behind the control board of an X-Wing, sending lasers at targets, thrilled her more than she had let anyone know.

Late into the night or perhaps early in the morning, Mara snuck out of bed to let Elida rest. The girl had cried herself into a deep slumber, leaving Mara a private moment to watch the hologram.

She snuck into the bathroom on light feet, her long pyjama bottoms kicking up dust. Perhaps now that Poe was gone, Mara could potentially move back in with Elida. It was a thought she did not favour, but one that was worth consideration.

Mara quietly pressed the play button, jumping back when a small, green Poe appeared in her hands. He was sitting down somewhere, his eyes struggling to gaze at the camera. She found herself inadvertently smiling, catching it in the mirror on the opposite side of the room.

"So, this is probably weird for you. It's definitely weird for me." Poe spoke as if he were reciting a monologue. Mara had to press her hand against her lips to not laugh aloud. "I wasn't sure how much time we would have today, but I wanted to send this to you, as I wouldn't be able to meet with you tonight." There was a long pause. Mara thought she had pressed a button by accident, but just as she started to search, he spoke again. "The more the days go on, the harder everything gets. Not only for the Resistance, but for me to control what's going on in my mind. I thought that not being able to see you would let me relax more. I thought that I could feel comfortable and steady with what we had, but it's been the complete opposite."

Mara's stomach dropped to the floor. It sounded as if Poe were about to cut her off, but she didn't dare to pause the tape.

"I can't stop thinking about you. You're in every decision that I make, and I don't know how to control it. If I wake up and you're sleeping, I dream about tracing the lines in your palms. I think I could die peacefully doing that. When this is all over, I want to take you somewhere. I'd go anywhere with you, Mara." His voice trickled off to the corners of his mind. "I'd follow you anywhere. That's all I wanted to say. I needed to say it, as I didn't want you to worry about us not being able to meet as often." Poe's hands trailed down his face, hiding a cheeky smile. Mara could feel her whole body ache with a longing to hold him, his smile more dangerous to her than Trooper blasters. "I should also apologise for being too pathetic to tell you this in person, but at least now you know."

Mara sat on the edge of the bathtub, watching his green figure dissolve into thin air. She pressed the small device against her lips, feeling the heat of it against her cool skin. With a gentle close of her eyelids, she finally set her heart free.

"I love you, Poe Dameron."