"In general having the guts to go on stage is something really impressive." Agreed, it takes guts to go in front of a crowd. "And it depends on your personality and on the situation what kind of mixture is needed." True; certain tasks call for different amounts of emotion and logic.
"Honestly I don't know, if this page would cut the word 'suicide' out of a review." Fanfiction censors words like suicide and cusses in PM's but in reviews and actual stories they tend to let it go. "You have and always with great care and a lot of respect for the touchy theme without hiding the tragic aspects, in my opinion. So you're right, when you choose a direct approach here, in my opinion." Thank you. :) "It is touchy and it is difficult to do so, but it's necessary to talk open about such things. Like you said, how else could you find a way to reach out a helping hand." I took a counseling psychology course at one point. I remember learning that the best way to help someone who is suicidal is to outright ask something like, "if I leave you are you going to hurt/kill yourself?" If what I learned is correct, statistically someone who is suicidal will be very honest when confronted. When I had thoughts, I personally preferred to be forward about it, even if they were more or less passive thoughts. "We use a different idiom for it in German, which is 'sneak around the hot porridge', when you would translate it literally." I like that, it's kind of cute actually lol.
"Especially without Baatar offering her comfort." He was certainly someone to lean on. "The little gestures, you had carefully placed between them, the walk on the beach, the shells in Azulas hair, her reactions on the ship, as Azula still had denied to talk about her worries, how TyLee had watched after Azula at the end of their tour, when she was completely exhausted. You have carefully placed some hints and the vibes, but you have left it open a bit until now. Good job." Yes, they've been together this whole time. I just didn't make it explicit until the last chapter. Mostly because Azula was not focused on romance. "It seems, that the hard work has payed off for Azula. She can finally relax a bit." It's been a roller coaster for them. "Some time to enjoy normal things. To enjoy her relationship with TyLee." Heaven knew she needed a break. "Baatar's exit had cost the band a lot of fans and Kuriva is the one, who's got the blame and the hate for it." It cost Kuvira some of her pride too."She has lost her hope and her spirit." Which is gonna get worse. "P'Li still tries to reach out a hand, but Kuriva is about to push away the last one, who wants to help her." P'Li is pretty much going to be a lifeline. Kuvira's last line of defense in a sense.
"If I should be right with my suggestion, then it's definitely better for Kuriva, that she couldn't start smoking again. Not only for her..." The nature of her physical symptoms will be reveled in this chapter.
Whenever Azula finds herself in a more stable position, her father always seems to have this way of shattering it. Not that she hasn't expected him to make an appearance at some point or another. She doesn't know if it is she or Zuko who has spotted him first, but they exchange a look. One of both horror and fury. Their father had a lot of nerve showing up after telling them that they would die as dirty and gaunt street trash.
Azula pretends like she hasn't noticed her father smirking wickedly towards the middle of the crowd. She will have to pretend that he isn't there at all if she and Zuko are going to stick to their regular show.
She has a feeling that Ozai believes that she won't go so far with him eyeing her. She screams out a final note, the one that the fandom has described as pained and haunting. The one that always tears from her throat before she grabs Zuko with a false-roughness and presses her lips to his with a vicious depiction of resentment.
It is nothing like their 'practice' passionate kisses and as she takes Zuko, she hopes that it will put a crawling under her father's skin. For good measure, Azula shoves Zuko up against the nearest pillar, this time drawing out the kiss. To her surprise, Zuko returns the gesture with just as much ferocity. She can't tell if he is angry and trying let her know or if he wants to make Ozai seeth as much as she does.
She draws back, panting softly before picking up her microphone and proceeding with the next song. Her head is dizzy, wondering if she has taken things too far again, but the cheers tell her that she has not. Even so…
She scans the crowd, Ozai is scowling.
Any doubt that she has crossed a line, fades into the background for the time being.
Security is doubled is they make their exit. Her management advises that she cancel her meet and greet. But she can't afford to hand everyone a sum of money back and, just as much, she can't afford a second round of outrage. Instead they move the location of their meet and greet to their tour bus. It is guarded much more intensely, fans only allowed in, in groups of two or three. Yet Ozai never makes his appearance. It leaves Azula more antsy than it would have if he were to create a scene.
She finds it hard to keep herself fully present during the meet and greet. The only time her attention isn't divided is when a familiar face comes into view.
It is almost enough for Azula to forget about Ozai to see the girl again. With a grin she introduces Azula to her little sister. "She's going to be in my band." The girl declares. "Though we're probably not going to put on the same kind of show you and your brother do."
"I don't recommend it." Azula shrugs.
"Then why are you doing it?"
The question takes her aback. "It's an attention getter, I suppose." The former princess confesses. "Though, I don't think that it will hurt to...educate the public. Not many people cared to learn about the Sun Warriors until this album."
"You like history?" The girl asks.
"Naturally." Azula replies. She has probably gone way over time with this girl, Mai is staring at her with a hint of impatience. "I suppose I should wrap things up." Azula scrawls her number on a scrap of paper and pushes it towards the girl. "We can finish this conversation some other time."
The girl nods. "I'm Quoa, by the way."
It is well to have a name to go with the face.
.oOo.
Another month has slipped away and they only have one more music mover to show for it. Kuvira is well past caring though. She is growing as careless as Ghazan. Their new sound isn't what she had expected it to be. It isn't as bombastic as she had hoped nor as grand.
Baatar had always known how to compose the instrumental portion of their songs…
Because her idea has had a lackluster outcome, their music videos leave a lot to be desired. Considering the circumstances she has given it her all. But she can't bring herself to care. She supposes that her parents were right, she isn't going to make it. She was never supposed to. She has had her moment in the spotlight and it is over.
Perhaps she can join a dance team. That would suit her well enough.
"Have you seen this!?" P'Li hollars from the other room.
"That's some bullshit." Ghazan grumbles. She notes his pause, probably to take a swig of booze. "They don't know shit."
"I don't know why you're surprised, it's the same stuff as usual." Ming mumbles.
"Our video wasn't disappointing." P'Li states. There is a rustle of paper and Kuvira knows that she has thrown the magazine.
Kuvira doesn't understand her outrage, the articles weren't lies. They speculated about how the band is getting lazy, about how their experiment was a tragic failure, and mostly about how Baatar was clearly the brains behind the group. The only thing holding them up.
For the most part, Kuvira agrees. She only finds it in her to be angry that they were so grossly underestimating the work she has put into the band, how much she has contributed. She imagines that Baatar is probably pretty smug reading those articles.
.oOo.
"You didn't have to go that far!" TyLee protests, tears dot the corners of her eyes.
"It's just a performance." Azula insists. "You know that, Ty." She tries to reach out, but TyLee backs away.
"You didn't have to go that far." She repeats in a mumble.
Azula wonders if Zuko is getting a similar lecture from Mai. She thinks not, it is more Mai's style to entirely cold shoulder him. "I was just trying to get my dad to leave."
"Sort of like you were just trying to get some extra money for us." TyLee rebuffs with a dangerous edge. She is teetering on the edge of implying that Azula is whoring herself out to her brother.
Azula keeps her lips pointedly locked, lest she remind TyLee that she has the highest count of fans under the sheets with her. "I do what needs to be done." She hisses when TyLee doesn't say anything else. She is the only one who seems to care what happens with the band. "Maybe you should try it some time."
TyLee's lower lip trembles. The girl has brought it on herself though, she shouldn't start fights she doesn't have the capacity to finish. Azula tosses her jacket onto the bed and goes onto the balcony for some fresh air, thanking Agni that they have a hotel tonight.
She isn't alone, Zuko sits on the floor propped up against the banister, sulking with a drink in hand and his hoodie drawn up. It is all the confirmation that Azula needs to know that Mai is giving him as big a hassle as TyLee is giving her, maybe more of one.
"Rough night?"
"We started our night with father...of course it's a shitty one." He snaps.
Azula rolls her eyes, his outbursts are something she is used to by now. She pulls up a chair and sits. "I don't suppose Mai made it any better."
He scoffs.
"If it makes you feel any better, TyLee is being difficult too." He doesn't even look up from his drink. "They'll come around." Azula notes.
.oOo.
Her nights get much worse as the days wear on. A few articles later and she decides that perhaps Baatar had done most of the work afterall. That he is the only reason that they have made it as far as they did.
Maybe it is for the best that she is fading out of the spotlight. She rolls from her side to her back and stares at the ceiling with one hand on her belly. She won't have time for touring soon anyways. Not without help.
Help that she no longer has.
Kuvira knows that she should call Baatar. Should let him know. But Raava forbid she gives the fandom more grounds to accuse her of being manipulative and abusive. Raava forbid, the tabloids find out about her condition at all. She has only barely managed to cover it up in the videos.
General public aside, Kuvira can't bring herself to call her ex-fiance. He would see it as a desperate ploy to get him back. She absently taps her fingers on her belly, trying to decide what to do about it. About all of it.
About the band.
About Southern Air Sounds.
About Baatar.
About the baby.
She knows she will have to choose between the music and her child.
She knows that she won't turn her back on the baby, won't let it suffer that special brand of torment she does.
She supposes that the decision isn't that difficult.
Kuvira hates to put P'Li, Ming, and Ghazan in a tricky position. Truly she does, but they can take care of themselves. She can't see herself being able to perform well enough to get anywhere anyways. Still, she isn't sure how she is going to tell them that they are withdrawing from Southern Air Sounds.