Katherine
One day has passed. Six more to go.
The routine is the same and I go by it quietly. After breakfast, Magdalen requests my company for a walk around the town. I hesitate at first, but I accept hoping it will help me avoid the thought of him.
Four different guards are assigned to us, yet it doesn't prevent the people from looking at us, specially at me, for a long time. The news of my first public appearance must have sprend like a wild fire. Some people even smile and nod at me.
I couldn't sleep well last night and so my mind was plagued by a thought. Gale's words are, in a way, true. I was a coward for running and hiding, yet that is the real me. I am afraid to fight, because I already fear the consequences. The country build my other persona, the famous outlaw. Katniss Everdeen is brave and fearless. She is who the country will follow. So, if I adopt her as a way to show the country I am on their side, I am capable of fighting for them.
However, I have to fight really hard not to let the real me shine through when I am around strangers. Their hope will be extinguished and I will be nothing but a fragile girl hiding cowardly behind a fake personality.
"Your Highness." I turn to Magdalen. "May we?"
"I apologise, but I didn't understand."
"May we go visit the sands?"
"Oh, the sands. Yes, of course." I turn on a left and we walk down a long incline to the harbor.
"Did it make you feel uncomfortable to have the people look at you intently?" Magdalen asks as we try to dodge the loud people selling their fish and sea food.
"It did." I answer, truthfully. "I am not used to having people stare at me as I pass by. However, I have to get used to if I want to leave a good impression on them."
"I am sure they already think very highly of you." She smiles, but it disappears as she tries to avoid knocking on one of the sellers. "I notice the way they stare at you. They believe in you, even if you don't believe it yourself."
"This is my second time in the town as a princess, not just a commoner." I say. "I find it hard to believe they already put their faith in me with just one look."
"'The eyes are the window to the soul'" She quotes. "You must be familiar with such saying."
"Yes, yet one look isn't enough. I must show them what I am capable of."
We climb down a couple of small steps to the sands. The sands aren't exactly sand, but small rocks with smooth surfaces and in various shades of black and gray. The sea looks darker today because of the gray clouds up in the gloomy skies. The sea draws back and then sends angry waves towards the shore.
Magdalen's hair flows with the cool wind as we walk along the sands with a safe distance from the water.
"The water is more calm and translucid in Bluemoon. However, our winter isn't as harsh as the one here." She comments.
"Perhaps once the war is over, I will visit Bluemoon. You make it sound like paradise."
She chuckles. "I must praise my home."
We are almost at the end of the sands and the begining of the cliffs when the guards advise us to turn around and return to the castle.
I am starting to slowly enjoy Magdalen's company. I am a bit reluctant to her. I don't trust her, entirely. I learned not to trust any one, even if they are kind to me. Still, her company takes my mind off other subjects and, in a way, she helps with what I want to do since the begining.
A small drizzle falls on us when we are at the gate. Magdalen pulls her hood over her head, but I let the tiny raindrops stuck to my hair. Inside the castle, two maids and a expressionless Finnick awaits us.
"Commander." I acknowledge him as I remove my cloak. "Is there something wrong?"
"You need to accompany me. It is urgent." He turns to Magdalen. "I apologise for interrupting your walk."
"There is no need to apologise. I am sure Her Highness's presence must be important at the moment." She smiles and bids us good-day before following one of the maids.
"The king wants to talk to you, immediately." Finnick says as we walk down a hall to some place only he knows. "There has been a sudden change. Something unexpected."
"Has the unexpected subject to do with me?"
"Yes."
Finnick opens the door to a smaller Hall with a table in the middle of the room. Dozens of parchments and maps cover the table top, leaving no place uncovered.
"Your Majesty."
"Your Highness, we were worried. No one could find you in the castle." Lord Heavensbee says, too preoccupied with me.
"You may leave, Commander." Once Finnick leaves, the king urges me to approach the table. "Katherine, we just received a letter from Saldrian."
"What?" Nothing good comes from Saldrian.
"A letter written by the queen herself." Lord Heavensbee adds.
"We were surprised with such action. Yet, the content of the letter shocked us all." The kings declares. He grabs a parchment from within the others and hands it to me. My hands shake as I unfold it. "The queen wants to make a bargain."
My eyes follow every sentence, every word. She wants the king to hand me over to her in exchange for peace. She announces that the war isn't a personal matter, just political. She also announces that Baluster won't suffer any damage if they send me to Saldrian, unguarded, in two weeks.
"Katherine?"
"Is she jesting with us?"
"It is very serious." The king says. "However, we have discussed the possibility of an ambush or an early attack."
"She can't be making this as easy as she announces in the letter." I throw it to the table. "Does she expect this to happen?"
Some of the members of the council look down and Lord Heavensbee studies a map.
"Absolutely not, Katherine. I wouldn't think of it." His eyes turn sad. "The heartbreak my son would have at the thought of you being captured by the queen... Unimaginable."
"Are you going to transmit these news to Peter?"
"I will wait for his arrival. With Esbart's alliance, we can march to Saldrian in a surprise attack by the end of the second week."
"That soon?!"
"I can wait a day or two, but then the queen will have a great advance on us." He moves a wooden piece to another place in the map. "This piece is us and that one over there is the queen's army. See the distance? It is too small to prepare an army and fight properly."
"You want me to sacrifice myself." I state to myself, but I know there is a bigger truth in it. If I sacrifice myself, I will become a martyr and people will take my example and fight for peace.
"Katherine, there won't be no handing you over or any sacrifice." The king places a hand on my arm. "I will protect you as I promised your father."
My lungs are too small to create oxygen. I close my eyes and take slow and deep breaths. The mention of my father almost brings me to tears, but the only way I will be happy to hear his name is if I avenge his death.
"What is the plan, then?"
"We are still working on it. You will be the first to know once the plan is fnished." He half-smiles. "Perhaps we should conclude this meeting for today. Dinner is possibly being served at the moment."
"Agreed." The council murmurs between them.
"Katherine, one word." The king and I fall back behind the group. "I would appreciate no mention of the letter to any one. It is too early to talk about it publicly."
"Of course." Who would I mention the letter to? I don't trust any one in this castle.
The rest of day goes by without much change and soon it is night and I am in bed, staring at the letter Peter gave me in my hands.
Could this leter bear news like the one Coin sent?
I know she is playing games with me and all of us. Her letter is a way for me to understand I am the most essential piece in her game, yet I move according to her orders. If I stay here, war will start. However, if I hand myself to her, peace remains at the cost of a cruel and bitter life for the country.
I sigh. If I won't sacrifice myself for peace, war must be made for this to end, once and for all. I place the letter on top of the pillow next to mine and lie with my back to it. I will read it tomorrow.
...
I promised I would read it two days ago, but Magdalen has kept me busy for the past four days. Every morning we leave the castle and roam the town, visiting the streets we didn't visit the day before. After dinner, I am too tired to open the letter and to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for its content.
Despite that, I think I have made progress on an other subject. People are more friendly when they see me in the town. I am no longer a princess. They welcome me as one of their own. It is a step forward in making them see I will fight for them.
I just didn't make the promise to reclaim the throne. It is another subject I haven't dwell on, because of its importance.
Do I want the throne?
I can't answer that question. I have no answer and there may never be one.
A knock on the door of my room startles me. On the other side is Finnick with a gentle smile.
"Your Highness." He says in a teasing tone. "I have good news."
"They are, probably, just news." I let him in and then close the door. "Are they important?"
"Perhaps." He pulls a letter from behind his back and hands it to me. "I am sure you already know to whom it belongs."
I ripp the seal open and read the delicate words.
Dear Katherine,
I have exciting news. Esbart has confirmed its alliance to Baluster. We are one step closer to uniting the people and the kingdom's army to fight with us against the queen. Lord Lyme is an exceptional being and, despite his hard exterior, he is easy to persuade once we make acquaintance.
Four days have passed since I last saw you, but the memory of your farewell is still present in my mind. Three more days and I will be next to you. I hope my letter has been your comfort in my absence.
Yours kindly,
Peter
"When did the letter arrive?" I look up at Finnick.
"This morning." He declares. "I must say he was very quick to establish an alliance with such a strong-minded being. I knew Lord Lyme one time and he exuded stubborness and composure."
"Peter has a way to make people change their views on subjects."
"He does." He looks at me, knowingly. "Did he change your views on a certain subject?"
"I thought I had forbidden any mention about Peter and I."
"You did. Yet, I like to tease you."
"Don't you have a lover or a maiden lost in love with you?"
"Sadly, no." He announces. "I am hard to look at. Maidens don't know if they will look or avert their eyes."
"You are jesting me." How could maidens resist Finnick's charms?
He chuckles. "I am."
"Go back to your duties." I say, opening the door. "And thank you for the letter."
"It was a pleasure, Your Highness." He curtsies and leaves.
I lean against the closed door and unfold the letter once more. The last paragraph captures my atention for other reasons. It is easy to see his feelings for me in writing form. Although, he uses a more loving tone and ends the letter with 'kindly'. He is cautious not to frighten me with big passionate words, even though there have been moments filled with a lot of passion between us.
My eyes move to the other letter on the table. Why am I so afraid to open it and read it? It is only a letter.
I walk to the table, let go of the one on my hand and only place my hand over the yellow-ish parchment. Just open the damned letter. I grab it too quickly and it falls to the floor. I crouch down and hit my head on the table. Is the letter even haunted? I stand up and drop it on the table top, not daring to touch it again.
There are too much signs telling me not to open it. I still have three days to read it, but I am sure I will only open it on the last day.
...
"Katherine."
I turn around to see the king approaching me. He places his hand on my arm and guides me to a more private place on the hall. The afternoon light streaming through the window lightens his blonde hair and the tiny beads of sweat on his beard.
"We have reached a decision." He says, quietly.
"And?"
"We will fight."
I sigh, defeated to hear the decision. Either way, war is the only solution.
"I wouldn't hand you to the queen or let you sacrifice yourself." He explains. "However, now that we have an alliance with Esbart and Bluemoon, we are ready to march and attack Saldrian."
"If we are marching to Saldrian, I want to be there." I impose.
"I am not particular happy with that idea, Katherine." His eyes harden with concern.
"People know I am alive and ready to fight. If I am not on the battlefield, it is all in vain and I will be a liar and a fake."
The king looks at outside, his mind working out an excuse.
"I must. I want to be as near as possible to Coin. I want to finally conclude my journey and take her life with my hands." He looks at me, surprised at my somber words.
He sighs, tiredly. "I will find a way for you to be on the battlefield."
"Thank you."
"There is nothing to thank me for. I am giving you an opportunity that you shouldn't consider. What if you die on the field? Was the war worth?"
"If I die, the war will continue and every kingdom will fight to defeat Coin and end her."
"That I am sure will happen, the last part." He adds, not to confuse me.
"When are we marching to Saldrian?"
"In one week and two days. I have already sent an order to Esbart to prepare its army and meet us on the wild field north of Saldrian."
"What about Lord Heavensbee?"
"He will leave on the day after tomorrow, for he wants to be present when Peter arrives tomorrow."
"Well, I am sure it will be a warming welcome."
"Do you pretend on telling Peter of your decision?" The kings asks, distressed with his son's well-being.
"When the date approachs."
"Alright." He half-smiles. "I must transmit our decision to Commander Odair. I will see you at supper."
He leaves and I left by the window, thinking about my decision. If I die, how will Peter feel? I don't want him to torture himself for my death. I don't want to die, either. I want to stay alive and see his face when the country is finally given its peace. I want to see him lead a life in a country where no harm can be made to him and his family.
A maid bows her head when she sees me. I smile, softly, and go to my room until supper. Supper is normal, yet there is a gray atmosphere hanging over the Great Hall. The news of the decision must have spread and people don't know how to react to it. At one moment, my eyes meet Gale's. His harden and he looks away immediately.
In my room, I sit on a chair, while a maid combs my shoulder-lenght hair. Her hands are soft and gentle as the comb and her fingers run through my hair to untangle the knots.
Tomorrow Peter will be back. I have to hide my decision from him until the deadline. He will see it as reckless and dangerous. I am strong and strong-minded and I will not let myself succumb to his persuasion. He understands I am my own person and I decide what it is best for me, but he will always try to protect me.
The maid finishes combing my hair, curtsies and leaves with my dirty clothes. I get up, grab the letter and sit in the middle of the bed. I am going to read it. There is no excuse not to. I unfold it and take a deep breath before placing my eyes on the first word.
Katherine,
No words. There were thousands and thousands of them, and then none. The words vanished like mist on a sunny morning and in their place a void was left, hungry for more words.
What is exactly happening? One month, three months, five months is the distance between each letter you write me. I read them incessantly and find no explanation for the growing distance. My words are kind and caring, yet yours turn into frustation and anger. Is the atmosphere in the castle too somber and heavy? I am here to help you, to give you safety. Please... don't forget it.
The memory of you is slowly fading away. Are you making yourself small until you are nothing but past? I want to understand the significance behind the lack of words. Is your stepmother prohibiting you from writing? Is that why you don't respond to my words? I want to know! I want to know every detail! I am mad with worry! If there was a way for me to reach you quickly, I would have been beside you one year ago.
I am illuding you and myself when I say I worry. I have known you since we were five years-old; now we are sixteen years-old. Eleven years of caring and concern have led to a conclusion. Is it possible for a eleven-year-old boy to fall in love with just one look? To fall in love and never admit the truth behind such strong worry and care? Well, I am admiting it now.
This letter will be forgotten once I pour my thoughts onto it. The memory of you is truly fading away. Despite that, I am able to paint a new one from the thousands of memories I have of you. Your soft hands, the almost invisible scar on your left temple, the gray of your eyes and how they glint when you laugh, the curve of your lips - You don't know the countless moments I gained and lost the courage to kiss them. I find it entertaining that the present is vanishing, but the past remains.
Some day these words will be yours and if I am not present to witness your reaction, wait for me or come find me.
With love,
Peter
I was undecided about writing this chapter. I didn't want it to be too rushed and skip over important moments, but it came out nicely done. There is a development in Katherine in several aspects and she finally knows the truth. Also, I know the quote "The eyes are the window to the soul" has an author, only I don't remember who it is. Stupid guess: Shakespeare? Only I am sure it is older than him, so just to clear it up it doesn't belong to me. Finally, I hope you enjoy it!