Katniss
The fire illuminates the dark room, since the light of the moon can't pass through the window-glasses. I down an entire cup of wine as I stare at the fireplace. Gone are the times when I used to go to the taverns, sits discretly by a corner, order a cup of rum, and drink it in one swing. Eventually I would ask for one more, then another, until my head was clear of murders, blood and death.
I fill my cup to the top and sip the wine slowly. I want to forget tomorrow. I stay calm, but inside I am a mess of emotions. I think I am strong, yet I dread what comes after tomorrow. But haven't I been preparing myself for that day? Three years of preparation, and I am scared. Facing Coin frightens me... It does say a lot about who I really am, who I always knew I was.
Suddenly the fire is unbearable, and I go to the window for fresh air. I open it a crack, and a cold breeze crawls in. Snowflakes fly in. They end up on the window seat, and at last they melt and drench the soft cushions. Outside the snow falls against the dark night sky, and it reminds of tears. Perhaps the wine is having an effect on me...
There is a soft knock on my room's door. I push some strands of hair behind my ear, while I walk to the door. A maid and Peter greet me. She curtsies to then enter my room.
"I wanted to wish you a good night."
"It will be." I shake the empty cup in my hand. "I have been trying to calm myself down."
"Wine is the answer?"
"I have been doing it for almost three years."
"How you didn't become ill is a surprise."
"It hasn't killed anyone." I offer him a lopsided smile.
There is nothing that can explain what happens next... A loud boom echoes around the room, the maid lets out a scream, and I turn around to see the window against the wall, shattered glass on the floor, and snow pouring angrily into the room. The wind howls inside, turning the curtains into puppets.
I walk to the mess to close the window. Only then I realise the shards of glass on the floor and my bare feet stepping on them.
"You are clearly insane."
Peter swoops me into his arms and carries me to the bed.
"Can you close the shutter, please?" He asks the maid.
"I am alright, Peter."
"You saw the shards, Katherine. Why didn't you stop?"
"I am alright."
"You are drunk." He shakes his head, disappointed with my actions.
I am possibly drunk, but I still can tell the difference between reality and illusion, and I know the window wasn't thrown against the wall, because of the wind.
"My head is only hazy. You don't have to worry incessantly."
"Perhaps you should sleep in another room. A shutter isn't strong enough to keep the wind at bay."
"Do I have to repeat myself?" I say, standing up.
"Alright." He huffs. "I won't bother you anymore. Good-night."
"Good-night."
I walk to the table to fill my cup, ignoring the sting in my feet. Peter is suddenly behind me to take the cup from my hand.
"Good-night, Katherine." He insists and hands the cup and the jar to the maid.
He pushes her towards the door and throws me a smile as he closes it. I stare at the door with blurry eyes, a void consumes my mind and I am not sure what I am suppose to do next. I go back to the bed and lie down on top of the covers. I face the fireplace, the flames burn my vision with a strong intensity, and so I give in to sleep.
I wake up with a startle to a badly lit room. My feet are frozen, I imagine thousands of ants running over my numb hands, and my head pounds lightly when I sit up. I listen to the wind outside and to the sounds in the hall. There is nothing peculiar about them, so I lie down under the covers and fall back to sleep.
Something shakes my shoulder. I groan into the pillow, hoping the touch will go away... it doesn't. I open my eyes slowly and my maid stares at me with a sorrowful expression, a candle casting half of her face in shadows.
"Your Highness, you must get up immediately." Her voice pleads painfully.
"What is the problem?" I ask, closing my eyes again.
"His Majesty..." I hear the will to cry in her voice. "He is dying."
My eyes open, my mind suddenly awake, and I throw the covers off of me.
...
My maid knocks on the door to the king's chambers. We wait a few minutes before someone opens the door, that person being one of the counselors, Lord Undersee. He also has a sorrowful expression as he welcomes me and guides me to the king's bed. Peter sits by his father's side with a hand over his.
I round the bed to stand by Peter's side. I place my hand on his shoulder and he looks up at me with glassy eyes.
"How is he?" I ask, despite being a foolish question.
"Master Aurelius has reached a conclusion: the king was poisoned." Lord Undersee answers.
I look at him and the sadness is more evident now he is near the light.
"Can't he heal him like he did to...?" I ask, hesitanting at the last word. I hope Lord Undersee understands my question.
"It seems the poison is incurable. The king's paleness is different, and there is something peculiar about his eyes."
"How was he even poisoned? We were all with him at supper."
"I don't know, princess." He shakes his head. "If it had been the food or the wine, he would have shown the effects last night."
"It was the queen." Peter speaks for the first time. "The three-day warning was just a distraction."
"What makes you think you are right?" I ask. "She might still want me, even if she did this to your father."
"I am certain of my words." He looks angrily at me. "Have faith in me, Katherine. At least trust me my judgment."
"I will try."
I stay with Peter for some time, and then leave to get ready for the day. With the king in such grave condition, I doubt we will leave for battle tomorrow, but I still believe we will. Coin still wants me, and nothing will stop her from having me in her hands.
Once again Finnick cancels our lesson. I am angry at him, but he makes it up to me with an opportunity to join his guards in their daily lessons. They are afraid to harm me, but in the end they forget I am more important than them. The morning goes by normally, despite the critical situation.
I have dinner alone, for the king's table is missing several people. The Great Hall is filled with murmurs, unlike the usual happy chatter. I don't know what is the worst tragedy: the imminent war or the king's possible death. The halls are quiet and gloomy. The weather outside doesn't help with the mood inside the castle, and by late afternoon I am feeling moody and tired.
I haven't seen Peter all day, since he chose to take his meals in his father's chambers. I don't want to think of the possibility of the king actually dying, but if the poison is incurable, he will eventually die. And war will be handed to Peter.
The door isn't locked like it was this morning, and I open it gently. The king lies unmoving on his bed, his skin whiter than snow with faint bruises around his eyes. Peter sleeps by his father's side on a chair with the same clothes from yesterday. His hair is tousled, a short beard covers his face, and behind his closed eyelids I can almost see the desperation and pain he doesn't show me.
"Peter." I whisper softly as I kneel beside him.
He wakes up with a startle, suddenly alert. When he sees me, he huffs and runs a hand through his hair.
"What is the matter? Is everything alright?" He asks in a tired voice.
"I guess..."
"Okay."
"You should go outside." I advise. "It won't do you no good to be here all day. You father can be looked over by another person."
"I can't leave him." Peter says, exasperated.
"You will be here as soon as he wakes up."
"I can't leave."
"What about the hall? Is that alright?" I ask, standing up. "It is right here, in front of the door."
"Katherine."
"Come outside for a few minutes, please?" I plead, and grab his hand, hoping he will stand up as well.
He glances at his father, lost in his thoughts. With a deep exhale he stands up and drops my hand to stretch his muscles. He walks hesitantly to the door, takes a look at the bed, and then steps outside. Out in the hall, I open a window and leave it ajar. A cold breeze flies in, and Peter steps closer to it.
"Are you having your supper in the room?"
"Yes."
"I know you are more than concerned for your father's well-being, but you should look after yourself, too." I say, leaning against the wall to face Peter. "I would probably do the same as you. However, I know my father wouldn't want to see me in such a figure. He would want to remember me healthy and sane."
"But you weren't there when he passed away." He says, in an agressive manner.
"You don't have to be rude."
"How do you want me to act, Katherine?" His angry eyes stare down at me. "My father is dying, and I feel helpless. He can die at any moment. I can at least be there, sane or not."
"Are you throwing my father's death at my face?" I push away from the wall. "Do I have to apologise for not being there when he died?"
"No one is aking you to apologize."
"You clearly are!" I say, too loud. "I apologize for not being the perfect daughter, but I haven't had a normal life since my father married that witch! I feel your pain, Peter. I know what you are feeling, so don't think your situation is different from mine."
"I am surprised with your sudden concern. Two days ago you said you didn't trust me."
"Am I your punching wall now?" I ask, irritated at his anger. "I thought we had fixed our relationship yesterday. I told you I was taking it slowly. And now you are doubting my promise? I don't trust you completely, but I do worry."
"Come on, dump all your anger on me! Get rid of it! Maybe then I can have a normal conversation with you."
"I am going back inside."
I grab his wrist before he walks away.
"If you want me to go, tell it to my face. I know you think I am the cause of your father's suffering." I squeeze his wrist. "Tell me to go, and I will leave the castle."
"I don't want you to go."
"Then talk to me like a normal person."
"Katherine, let go." He breaks free of my hold on his wrist.
He goes back into the room, and closes the door without giving me a second glance.
...
I have my supper in my room by the fireplace. A table with one person leaves plenty to the imagination of dozens of people who eat in the Great Hall. I try not to leave leftovers in my plate, but it is hard when I can only think of the way Peter acted today. He didn't admit it, possibly for my sake, but he wanted to. He wanted to tell me, without feeling remorse, to leave the castle. He could care less of me, now that I put his father in a terrible position.
It is early to go to sleep, and so I place the empty plates in the tray and go to the kitchens for a change of environment. Some servants still walk around, busy with their tasks, but aware of my presence. They offer apologetic smiles, and I nod as I pass by them. However, their sympathy annoys me. Their smiles are pointless. They don't mean anything to me, for I am not the one losing a father or a king.
The back door is ajar. It invites me to take a walk outside, but I stand by it, feeling the breeze that rushes in through the opening.
"Your Highness."
I turn to the person calling me. A young woman looks at me with a sad smile, her clothes indicate her position as a servant of a higher rank.
"Yes?"
"His Highness has summoned you to the king's chambers."
"Why?" So now he wants to talk?
"I am not one to question. He just asked for you."
"Alright. Thank you."
She assents, and leaves me. I leave the warmth of the kitchens for the cold of the castle. The narrow stairs are freezing as I climb up to the main hall, and the cold follows me to the king's chambers. I knock on the door. It immediately opens and I am pulled inside.
Peter stares at me with a strange look, and his hands tremble as they grasp my shoulders. He takes me to the window farthest from his father's bed. The light of the moon casts his face in shadows, enhancing the tiredness in his eyes, and giving him a paranoid expression.
"You are scaring me, Peter." I take his hands from my shoulders. "What is the matter?"
"It seems... I can't take this anymore, Kat..."
The pain is evident in his voice and in the way he says my name. I am reminded of the kind and sweet boy, but he isn't that boy anymore. He is strong, he can endure pain, but the pain of losing a father is unbearable to him. I shouldn't care. He treat me badly earlier, but I guess we are even now.
I wrap my arms around his chest, and his swiftly envolve me in a warm embrace. His face rests on my left shoulder, and it is impossible not to feel the tears staining my dress and the tremble in his exhales.
"I didn't mean to push you away." He murmurs, while his hands run up and down my back.
"I understand."
"Why are we always fighting, Katherine?"
"I don't know..." I pull away to look at his face. He raises his head and fails to me give me a smile. "I don't know, Peter. I don't know why we fight, why we argue so much, why we keep on making each other upset – "
"I am leaving." He says out of the blue.
"Leaving? What? Why?"
"I am tired of waiting. I want to act. I want to do something." He declares. "So I am leaving for Saldrian."
"You have lost your mind. I can't go, but you can?" I ask, impressed with his selfishness. "Who will reign Baluster? Certainly not me!"
"You are my only family right now. I don't want to lose you, too!"
"If you go, she will kill you. You are not who she wants." I grab his face between my hands. "She wants me. So please, Peter, don't sacrifice yourself for me. You have to stop worrying so much. You can't protect me forever."
"Does this mean you trust me?"
"What? I – You know how I feel about trust."
"I want honesty. Just this time."
I sigh and drop my hands to his shoulders.
"I do trust you. But I keep waiting for the moment you would step away and let the blow hit me once more. I don't want that to happen again, Peter. I don't want to be hurt the way I was four years ago." I confess, and a height falls from my shoulders. "And so I plead with you: don't go."
"I have to."
"Then I am going with you."
"No."
"Yes."
"No, you aren't. You are staying here. I need someone to take care of my father and look after my kingdom."
"To hell with your kingdom! I am going, and you can't stop me!"
"I can arrest you."
"You aren't brave enough to give an order like that." I say. "You will feel remorse. I know you will."
"It is better to have you angry than dead."
"Peter – "
"I love you, Katherine." He says, once again throwing those three words at my face. "Do you understand?"
I am unable to come up with an answer, for he has entered a territory I am not used to. I nod to appease his raging heart. He kisses me hesitantly, and I give in to him. I welcome the security and comfort his lips provide, but there is something in the way he kisses me that tells me he is saying good-bye. It is different from the one we shared before he left for Esbart.
"Promise me you will not go." I whisper against his lips.
"I can't keep that promise."
"What about your allies? They will not be happy with your sudden change of mind."
"It will be an opportunity for them to stand back and not ignite a war over the country."
"They will not stop, because you said so."
"Once I show them Coin's dead body, they will understand."
Hearing him utter such words leaves an impression on me: he wants blood on his hands, and he is stepping into parts of his mind that may be darker than mine just to protect me.
...
I insist on Peter coming with me to my room for a change of air, since he has been closed in his father's chambers for too long. I am glad to see his smile when he enters my room.
"I thought you would have another jar of wine. I wouldn't mind a drink right now."
"I had too much last night." I close the door. "Sit down."
"I am alright. I may fall asleep and never wake up."
"That is the idea."
I push him towards the fireplace and down onto one of the armchairs. He sighs in relief and relishes on the feel of the cushions as he stares at me with sleepy eyes and a smirk. His hair is pulled back, possibly from the countless times he ran his hands through it.
"I am going to fall asleep, Katherine." He says, and points a finger at me. "I blame you."
"I am looking out for you." I pat his hand, and go to the fireplace to rekindle the fire. "I don't want to dwell on the subject, but what did exactly Master Aurelius say about your father's condition?"
"He isn't dead, but he isn't alive either." The pain in his voice is more evident with my back to him. "It is like the poison consumed his life and left enough for him to live in an unconscious state."
"Like in a deep sleep?"
"Something like that."
I stir the logs and rest the fire poker against the wall. I turn to him, and he sits in a hunched manner with his hands on his hair.
"Maybe you should lie down."
"No, I am fine." He glances at me. "Come here, please."
I take his out-stretched hand, and he pulls me to him to sit on his lap. He leans back, bringing me down with him, while his arms wrap around my waist. My head rests on his shoulder at an odd angle, but he envolves in such a warm embrace that I forget the discomfort.
"I am in need of human contact." He jests, sleepily.
"This isn't a very comfortable position." I chuckle. "Don't you want to go to the bed?"
"Are you implying something?"
"At least you are in a better mood."
A moment of silence. The crack of the wood as the flames consume the logs fills the air. He kisses the curve of my neck gently.
"The day has been very tiring... my father's uncertain fate... I am going to shut up."
"No, it's alright. Let it all out."
He sighs and holds me tighter.
"I am not ready to be king. I mean, I almost twenty years old, yet it feels too soon. I have to learn so much before I rule."
"You will have the help of your council."
"I don't trust them. If I could, I would get rid of them." He says. "If you could hear their thoughts about my father's decisions..."
"I did experience some of that in the early days, but I wasn't paying much attention to it." I say. "I wasn't made for politics. Let others handle it."
"You basically are giving your power to the council. How will you rule Saldrian like that?"
I sit up and regard him with a contemplative look.
"What makes you think I want to rule?"
"Katherine, you are the true heir to the throne. Of course you will rule."
"What if I don't want to?" I remark, looking down at my hands and at how they fidget with the fabric of the skirt.
"You don't?"
"During these three years, seeing so much suffering, pain and death, I thought I wasn't meant for ruling. I ran away from the queen, I hid and kept running, never once facing my problems. That is something a queen wouldn't do. And when you found me, I was certain I was going to finally get my revenge. But what happens when I do that? I promised myself I would take the throne that is mine by right, yet I don't want it. It is too much for me..."
"I am glad you told me that."
"It's the effect of the sleep sinking in." I smile, and stand up. "We should go to sleep."
"The conversation was getting interesting." He says, standing up slowly.
"We can return to this conversation some other time."
I take off my boots and leave them by the writing table.
"Can I at least have a good-night kiss?" Peter asks, taking my hand in his as I walk him to the door.
"Peter, we are taking this relationship slowly."
"Just one." He smirks, already placing his hand on my lower back.
I huff and tilt my head back to receive his kiss. Despite what happened today, he still has a lot of strenght in him, and the kiss comes nothing like a small peck on the lips. I am suddenly overcome with a strong desire for more. My hands grip the neckline of his shirt, and I feel his other hand on my back undoing the lace.
"Don't push it." I say, out of breath.
"I know." He smiles, pulling away.
I open the door, and he steps out, but not before stealing another kiss.
"Peter..."
"Good-night, Kat."
"Good-night."
Well, I didn't take as much time as I did with the previous chapter. I am finally reaching the turning point in the story, and so I hope you like this chapter before it all falls apart. Thank you for your kind words, and I appreciate your patience :)