Peter
Her name echoes around me. First like a whisper, then as a murmur. At last like a shout. I realize I am the one calling her name incessantly. What am I begging for? There is nothing I can do. It has already been done. Katherine no longer lives, and I am left to call her name to sooth my pain.
"Dry your tears and seize your pleas, Your Highness," a voice pleads. "They will not bring her back."
"Katherine." The sweat dribbles down my face as the adreline rush comes to a halt.
"It was never my intention to kill the princess," it says. "Oh, I had so much consideration for her."
I glance up, the simple gesture sends a cold chill down my spine. A man looks down at Katherine. There is something familiar about him. He looks at me, and suddenly I remember that day from months ago.
"You should be dead. I - "
"Your Highness, you may be smart, but a strike like yours does not kill a man."
"You are no man," I spit at him. "You are a monster."
"Would a monster prevent his own blood from killing others?" He steps closer. With the flicker of his fingers, I stand on my feet, invisible hands grabbing my arms. "I have no love for my sister."
"What?" I am confused to the point of getting a headache. "The queen? Your sister?"
"The queen erased me from her life, after I gave her everything. I gave her power, a chance to avenge our family, yet she betrayed me and left me for dead," the man confesses. "Am I the monster now?"
Only now as I glance at Coin I see the hole on her back, and the growing puddle of blood under her.
"Your Highness, she killed your lover. As she did mine..."
"Stop manipulating me!" I order, the anger dripping on my words. "If you wanted to be the hero, you should have killed your sister before she married Katherine's father."
"You wanted this, the war, your sister's and Katherine's deaths." I struggle against the invisible hands. "You made Coin a power-hungry monster. You brought Katherine here. You - "
"You are seeing it all wrong, Your Highness." The man stops in front of me. "I did not bring the princess here. You did. You made her choose between herself and her devotion to you. Do not deny it for you are the one to blame."
"Nonetheless you do not deny turning your sister into a monster?"
The fury in his eyes eats the white. I may be allucinating, but smoke emanates from his body, while a silent breeze whistles around his tunic.
Someone walks into the room, the rain and the wind coming in through the shattered windows muffle the sound of the footsteps. The man turns around at the mention of his name. At the entrance is Lord Lyme. His clothes are drenched, muddy and bloody, yet he exudes confidence. He stares at us, not surprised to see me.
"They are near the castle, my lord," Lyme warns.
"Good."
"How does it feel to betray your allies?" I ask him as loud as I can.
"Lord Lyme, take the princess," the man orders as he turns to me.
Lyme approaches Katherine. The hands grip my arms grip to the point of excruciating pain.
"Do not touch her!"
"Ease your raging heart, Your Highness," the man says. "Everything will be over soon."
A pitch-black darkness emanates once again from his body. It grows by the second until it consumes them and at last I. I shut my eyes. There is a deafening silence. It quickly is replaced by loud voices, the sounds of nature and iron on iron. The loud voices and the sounds of iron quiet down.
I suddenly feel the icy wind and the heavy rain on me.
"You may open your eyes, Your Highness."
My eyes adjust to the weak light. I am outside, hundreds of soldiers and commoners surround us, all with expressions of shock.
"People of Panem!" The man's voice booms through the winter weather. "Your princess is dead. Behold her murderer!"
I look to my right. Katherine lies on the ground with Lyme standing over her, a dagger in his hand. Blood drips from the blade and his hand as the drops of rain trail down the sharp object.
"It was not - " I murmur to myself as I fight the incoming headache.
I hear the dagger hitting the ground. I glance to see Lyme looking wide-eyed at the man.
"Seize him before he kills the prince!" The man shouts, placing himself in front of me.
Everything about the way he talks and moves reminds me of a play. Several soldiers detain Lyme. He doesn't even flinch away.
"A new beginning is upon Panem," the man starts.
My eyes dart to Katherine. The headache grows stronger as I focus on her dead body. Through the heavy rain, I believe I see her hand move. I am sure it is only my imagination.
"...no more famine. No more war," he finishes. The silence is heavy as the people take in his words, which I guess did not have an impact on them.
All of the sudden the wind changes direction. A dark, thick shadow crashes into the ground, right in front of the man. Once the smoke vanishes, Coin's body is presented to everyone. Her pale skin, nearly silver, the hole on her back, and her heart bathing in a muddy puddle. It is a sickening sight, but it is impossible to look away.
"There is no more fear, my people." The man looks around. "Lay down your weapons. Help the wounded. It is time to rebuild our country."
My head cannot take the headache anymore. Between the shock, the physical weakness and the grief, I pass out on the dirty ground.
...
I wake up with a jolt when I remember Katherine. Two hands assault me. A woman I don't know pushes me down until I feel the soft pillows and sheets beneath me. I become aware of the pain on my left arm, on my back. Every part of my body.
"You surprised me, Your Highness," the woman says, bringing her hand to my forehead. A cloth touches my skin. "You should avoid making sudden movements."
"Kat-"
"Her Highness..." My eyes go to hers. There is sadness in them. "I will get Sir Finnick for you."
She leaves the cloth on my forehead before leaving the room. I bring my hand up to rub my eyes, and it sends a chill down my arm. Behind my closed eyelids, I see everything as clear as day. Death. My own private Purgatory.
I lay down my arm and ease my breath. The room is badly lit, apart from some candles near the bed I lie on.
The door opens, daylight pouring in from the hall. In comes the woman, followed by Finnick. As soon as he approaches the bed, I see the expression on his face. The door closes, and Finnick and I are left alone.
"Where is -"
"It is ludicrous to ask about your condition," Finnick says.
"Finnick," my voice sounds raspy as I pronounce his name.
"We are still in Saldrian." He sits at the edge of the bed. "And Katherine is... safe, if I must put it in those words."
"As for the rest." He looks at me, the weary expression changing into a serious one. "The war... With that man interfering, there was not much to do after since Coin was already dead."
"Is he still alive?"
"The man? I mean, Coriolanus?" Finnick glances at his hands. "Yes, he lives. He is being kept under heavy guard." He pauses. "Peter, you must know so much more than I, but one thing is sure: he is not an ordinary man."
"He killed Coin."
"He confessed."
"He is cooperating a lot," I remark.
"He strongly believes Lyme killed Katherine."
"It was Coin, Finnick." The scene replays in my mind, and I have to close my eyes to keep it at bay. "She also poisoned my father, and killed Katherine's."
"Then why would he make us think it was Lyme?"
"Ask him."
"You have been asleep for almost two days, Peter," Finnick says. "Countless interrogations have been made. Lyme gives us his side of the story, while Coriolanus contrastes with his. The council wants a culprit, but there is no one."
"The bastard has confessed! Sentence him!" I grab Finnick's wrist as I fight another headache. "He mustn't - he can't be alive. He is worse than Coin."
"He affirms he killed Coin in legitimate defense. And by nominating Lyme as Katherine's murderer, Coriolanus is only locked up." Finnick grabs my hand and squeezes it. "Until they find the real culprit, no one is being sentenced."
"What about Lyme?"
Finnick huffs and rubs his hands over his eyes.
"Let me tell you a story." He leans forward as he exhales. "Lyme and I have a sore matter, one that involves me cleaning my name in Esbart."
"Does it have to do...?"
"Yes, and she knows." Finnick sighs. "Five years ago, I was still a guard when I met Lyme. He was not a lord, barely passed for one with his income. Yet, he was one of the King of Esbart's favourites. Anyway, at the court of Esbart, I also met Anne. It was difficult to won her over, but I pulled through. I was at maximum two weeks in Esbart, which gave me enough time to court Anne."
"Lyme found out. Sending me off was not enough." Finnick looks at me. "He used his relationship with the king to show how much he hated a lousy guard courting his daughter. He humiliated me in front of the king, his council, the entire court. I left Esbart without a word of good-bye to Anne, and returned to Baluster."
"To answer your question, I could care less about Lyme. However, looking at the situation, I don't think he deserves to be sentenced for something he probably didn't commit."
I stare at Finnick, wondering how he could have enemies. In these many years of friendship, there was never a time when I did not trust him. He exudes trust.
"Ask him about our alliance," I suggest, thinking about how Lyme sided with the man.
"Why?"
"Just ask him."
"Is there something you want to tell me?"
"I want you to hear it from Lyme."
Something dawns on Finnick's eyes. He sighs and stands up.
"Well, if you need anything else, send for me. I will only leave this place when you are recovered, Peter."
"And Katherine?"
"No culprit, no burial." Finnick exhales deeply. "But, as I said, she is safe. And If you must, I will accompany you to a visit."
He goes for the door, only I call his name before he leaves.
"Who is the woman taking care of me?"
"Her name is Delilah."
...
I open my eyes the moment the dagger stabs Katherine's heart. I am sweating from the nightmare, but also from the pressure I am putting on my injured arm. I lie on my back and push back my hair, leaving my hand clammy.
Spending five days in bed has been a challenge. I want to believe I am healed, yet when I sit up, my body feels like a sack of rocks. I also know I am pushing myself to get up and go see Katherine. And what will I do when I see her? There is nothing I can do, but to admire her... sleeping body.
There also is the matter of Lyme's trial. Finnick hasn't come to see me since that day, and I am oblivious to what is going on. Delilah keeps quiet about any political subject, only wanting to talk about my progress into getting better or the weather.
I huff and push back the covers. I inhale and exhale and lift my right leg, then the other one. With the help of my good hand, I push myself up, swing my legs out and sit at the edge of the bed.
The same feeling takes over my body. I am merely a sack of rocks. The soft moonlight coming through the crack between the curtains draws a straight line on the floor.
A soft knock sounds on the door.
"Yes."
The door opens with a creak, the weak light from the hall outlines the stranger's figure.
"Finnick?"
The stranger lifts a small candle to its face. I calm down as Finnick enters and closes the door.
"Night visit?" I ask.
"If I could, I would sleep outside, Peter," he says. "Nightmare?"
I nod, and give my legs a try. Finnick's hand is there to grasp my arm, the sane one. I pat his arm.
"How is the outside world?"
"Chaotic as usual." Finnick guides me to the chair by the dark hearth. "Lyme finally confessed his alliance to Coriolanus. It only earned him more time in his cell. Nonetheless, his belief in his innocence persists. He did not murder Katherine, so he says."
"Do you believe him?"
"I don't know what to believe in anymore, Peter. Five straight days of interrogations has taken a tool on me."
"When will they be heard by the council?"
"The day after tomorrow."
"Am I allowed to watch?"
"That is another subject I wanted to discuss," Finnick says, sitting down on the opposite chair. He places the candle on the small table next to the chair. "You are one of the three people who were in that throne room. You must testify, Peter."
"Gladly."
"You are taking this too easily," Finnick remarks.
"I am grieving in my own way, Finnick." I sigh. "There is still that hope, that desire for it not to be true. But don't you worry, it will come crashing down when Kat is finally put to rest."
Finnick stares at me, his face a map of darkness and tiny spots of light.
"If you have to talk, I am here, Peter," Finnick says. "There is also Delilah."
"Delilah gets overwhelmed when I talk about Katherine."
A silence installs itself around the dark room. I stare at the hearth, images of Katherine passing in front of my eyes. Now that Finnick pointed out, I realize I am taking Katherine's death too easily. Where is the love I have for her? There seems to be nothing inside me at the moment. I am void of emotion. I am numb, just as I was when my mother died.
"I wish to see her tomorrow," I say, chocking on the words.
"Are you sure you're prepared?"
"I will never be, Finnick. Like I was not with my mother or my father."
"All right." Finnick stands up tiredly. "Then I leave you to sleep. Good-night."
"Good-night."
He takes the candle with him. I am left in complete darkness when he closes the door.
...
I follow Finnick at a slower pace, for I haven't walked great distances in six days. My legs are already tired, which in turn affects my posture and my wounded arm. I clench my teeth to repress the moan of pain that threatens to leave my mouth. Particularly in fear of alarming Finnick.
He takes several glances at me, and each time I offer his a faint smile. He knows I am in pain, but he also understands my desire to see Katherine.
The wide but short halls look the same to me. The walls are bare of any furniture, except for the torches lighting our way. The castle has another feel in the day - not that I saw much of it back when my father and I visited Saldrian or when I was been locked in the cell - as if it is willing to make itself vulnerable to our eyes. One of the walls of a hall is made entirely of glass, offering us a view of the unkept and grand courtyard.
"Have you given a second thought to what I requested last night?" Finnick breaks the silence.
"There is no need for that, Finnick. I will testify."
"I am sure the council will not mind hearing you in private."
"Why is that?" I ask him, trying to find the source of apprehensiveness in his tone. "Because I am a prince or because I am injured and demand special care?"
"Neither," Finnick glances at me. "Nonetheless you should abstain from testifying tomorrow. I believe something is going to happen."
"I will not be surprised if something happens at the trial, Finnick." I straighten my back to move the sore muscles. "Not with those two once more in the same room."
"I am merely protecting you, Peter." Finnick's eyes regard with a newfound protectiveness. I am more fragile than I was when I left Baluster to go after Katherine. "I made a vow and I intend to follow it."
"Finnick, I learned my lesson." I rest my hand on his arm. He halts his step. "There is no need for you to feel guilty. It was my recklessness that got me to where I stand now. And I accept it." I let my hand fall to then run it through my hair. "Katherine reminds me of that foolishness."
He stares at me, his mouth compressed into two thin lines. He wants to fight me on this subject, but there is nothing he can do to make me see I am not the guilty one. As I said, Katherine keeps the memory of my stupidity alive, and she will not let me forget it while I live and breathe.
Finnick nods and resumes his walk. I follow him at the same slower pace, my heels and ankles nearly sore from the walking.
At the end of a hall I notice a grand opening with stairs descending to something. A memory of guards carrying my dull body up the narrow stairs clouds my mind. The knock on a door awakens me from my thoughts. My eyes move to the double door in front of me. Its surface is covered in mildew and it is carved with deep lines.
The door opens with a loud creak.
"Master Bernard," Finnicks says.
I step from behind him to look at the man at the door. A dark robe conceals a small figure with a shaved head. Master Bernard is as tall as a child of thirteen years old. I could say he is a head taller than a midget, but I have never seen one, so I should not compare him to one.
"Commander Odair, I did not expect you this early," Master Bernard says, throwing the door open. He notices me. "Your Highness, my potions have had a good effect on you. I thought you still were on bedrest."
"I thought Delilah was the one making the medicine," I exclaim.
"I cannot leave my chamber at the moment, so my daughter has been looking after you," he admits with a faint smile.
I am surprised to learn of Delilah's parentage. I thought she was a parentless young girl. But why did I assume this when she has never expressed any information about her personal life?
"His Highness wishes to see the princess," Finnick interrupts the small talk with his forwardness. "Is it convenient?"
"It is. Come inside, Your Highness," Master Bernard ushers me inside.
I follow him into his chamber, but before the door closes I turn to Finnick.
"Thank you."
"You are welcome, Peter." Finnick smiles. "I will be here."
I nod, and let Master Bernard close the door after me. His chambers are quite big. The space is mostly occuppied by tables and rows of shelves with many, many glass bottles filled with strange aliments, substances and liquids. On the tables rest objects, some shiny and other covered in rust. Parchments are scattered on the tables' top.
A small bed is pushed into the farthest corner of the chamber, above it on the wall a big square window. I also notice the small chandelier on the ceiling. My eyes rest on a lying figure on one of the tables. A thin linen sheet covers a human form.
I can already feel the sweat on my palms, back and face. I swallow hard as I follow Master Bernard to the table. I stop a few steps behind him as he rolls down the sheet to reveal Katherine's face.
A tiny gasp leaves my mouth. I fist my sane hand to prevent me from going insane. Her skin is nearly gray, the cuts on her face mark her cheeks and forehead like silver strokes.
I take a tentative step toward her. I rest my hand on the table's surface to clutch its edge.
"You can continue," I choke out. There is a strong impression on my chest and stomach.
"Stop," I tell Master Bernard when he uncovers Katherine's collarbone.
Shivers go down my body as I stare at the scars on her collarbone. The skin is gray, which accentuates the scar shaped like an x. My hand reaches for Katherine's, and it is impossibly cold. My leg trembles as my eyes go back to her face.
Maybe I should not have come. There is a great nausea in my stomach, my eyes sting from unshed tears, and there is a small pain in my head. Now I feel everything as hard as a wave crashing down on me. Where is the numbness when I need it?
"Can - can you leave for a moment, Master Bernard?" I plead, trying very hard not to break down.
I do not look away from Katherine to hear Master Bernard's answer. The door closes. I act on impulse, and lay my head on Katherine's chest. The scent of fresh dew has long left her skin. There is no scent. There is nothing.
"I should not have left Baluster," I confess over her heart, the traitours tears escaping my eyes and immediately staining the linen sheet. "I hit myself in the head every day for causing your death. I beg for your forgiveness, but you are not there, Kat. There is only a void."
"I want to be brave, but I realize I am nothing without your support... Gods! I am not good without you!" I straighten up to look at her. I wipe away the tears, and then run my hand through my hair. "I still do not know how I am going to move on without you..."
There is no response from her, and there will never be.
I caress her hand, not daring to touch her face. The skin is soft and less rough, but so cold. If she was alive, I would wrap her up in dozens of blankets and sit her by the fire. Now the fire has no use. Her skin will always be cold until it starts to shed.
I give her one last look before I leave. I really should not have come, for I did not want the last image of her to be one of her dead body covered by a sheet. I reluctantly let go of her hand, and get out of the chambers as fast as possible. I open the door with such force, Finnick jumps involuntarily.
"Thank you, Master Bernard," I thank him as I put a distance between Katherine and I.
Halfway to my room I lose the adreline, and stumble to the side. I hit a wall, nearly colliding with my wounded arm. My head leans against the cool wall. Tears fall down my face as I finally let the pain take over me.
"Peter." Finnick's voice is right next to me. I feel his hand on my shoulder, which gives me a sense of comfort and protection. But I do not need those at the moment. I need to be left alone to cry it all out.
"This is all my fault," I murmur through my sobs. "Everything."
"You need to stop blaming yourself, Peter."
"If I had stayed with her that night, none of this would have happened!" I turn to look at Finnick. He eyes me with sorrow. "I am the one who caused her pain, not Coin. I - I forced myself on her. I forced my feelings on her."
"Peter, Katherine made her choice when she decided to come after you," he says. "She knew the risks, but she took them. For you and herself, not because she owed you something."
"If I had not left -"
"You made your choice. Do not blame yourself for this, for this war, for Katherine's death. It will only bring you down," Finnick lowers his hand. "I don't want to see you crawl, because of the weight of your guilt. I may not have saved your father, but I can still save you from yourself."
I let myself slide down the wall until I am on the floor, a mess of limbs and pain. I notice the strong ache in my arm, but the one in my chest is stronger. It wrecks me.
"She was so cold..."
Finnick walks to stand next to me.
"She was not her. There was no scent, no colour, nothing." I whisper more to myself than to Finnick. "I should not have seen her like this, Finnick. It will forever change the way I picture her."
"At least she is not covered in blood."
"At least that..."
It is not reassuring at all. With or without blood, she is dead. I cannot bring her back, but one day I will join her, and I will beg for her pardon. I will plead for mercy so that I may finally be at peace.
Here's something before the end! I apologise for taking so much time to update! I didn't forget about you, and know that I read your comments. It makes me happy to know people do care about my story, even though I take forever to post a new chapter. Hope you enjoy it!