I had been in prison for nearly a year when I found myself wrapping my body around another.

"You're so beautiful" he moaned

I ignored his kind and passionate compliments. I didn't want them. I didn't deserve them. We fumbled in the dark as we made a hasty attempt to answer our bodies demands. Clumsily, I tried to find my footing as I am pressed against the wall. The smell of disinfectant and mop water filled my nostrils.

"I've wanted this." he said as if a tryst in a storage closet is what he had dreamed of since he was a little boy.

"I know."

I never threw myself at Sam Healy, it was never my active intention to seduce him. But I would be lying to say that I was adamant to ignore his advances or never allowed his touch to linger when I would hand over my crew's time sheets to him at the end of the week. He would watch me so carefully and found every excuse to be near. He was like a puppy. I admit I enjoyed it. It was a small part of this new world that made sense to me and reminded me that I was not only a person but a woman. We moved and adjusted as we attempted to reach our goal. Somehow we found a pace and he hits a sweet spot. In a sharp breath, I cursed in my native tongue.

"Yes! Talk Russian!" he growled

"I…don't know what…"

"Anything!"

I murmur a couple curse words until the moment Dimitri's face flashed before my mind's eye and once more I'm making love to my new husband in Rome. Once more, I'm making love to a kind guard who's in love with a fantasy. I choked on air as I peak. I hear me say it.

"Prosti" I whimpered

He becomes undone. He clutched onto me and in the dark I allowed my tears to fall. He cradled me and I found myself trembling. He kissed me lightly. He stroked my hair. Sam is a good man but he lives in the clouds. He felt as though he was cradling a caged bird when in reality he had copulated with a monster. I could paint the closet walls with the blood on my hands and he had no idea. Or worse. He didn't care.

Prosti.

"This weather is disgusting. I'm thinking some hearty stew tonight. What do you think?" I asked my boys.

"No! I want a burger!" my eldest cried out.

Vasily agreed in a happy gurggle, perched in his highchair. What do you expect? You raise your boys to be American they will become fully American.

"Burgers are only for birthday boys. Are you a birthday boy?"

"Yes?" Yuri asked tentatively with a mischievous grin.

"No" I reply unable to fight a grin of my own.

"Mmmm Vasya?"

"Not for quite a few months."

"UUUUummmmmmm Papa?"

"Papa had his birthday last week."

And every week in secret at the dive bar across the neighborhood.

Yuri scrunched his little face deep in thought. The boy was stumped. Yuri's concentration was interrupted by the ding of the bell as someone entered our store. I heard our young employee greet our customer unenthusiastically. Much to my husband's chagrin, I made it a point to have the younger generation begin their life in the working force at our business. The babushka's would complain on their stoops of how the children no longer understood how to support themselves but never took the time to show them how. I had always been very maternal and it was only natural for me to take the role of neighborhood mother.

"Hi Alexi" a voice responded "Do you know if Mrs Reznikov is here?"

With a sigh, young Alexi sauntered to my table in the back.

"Mr. Caputo." the young man mumbled

Alexi was working for us for only three weeks as a punishment for trying to steal from our store. I wasn't a fan of the surly attitude but it was fun catching the teen's soft side come out when it came to my little ones. I even walked in on the boy singing a folk song to Vasya after a crash from the street startled him.

"Officer Caputo" I corrected "Stock and dust the shelves. You may leave after my approval."

The boy zipped away with the promise of an early release and I fought a chuckle.

"Good afternoon, Mrs Reznikov." the officer chirped "It seems as though Jack Frost is coming into town."

"Who is Jack Frost?" I inquired "Is he a politician?"

The officer chuckled.

"No no it's a figure of….don't worry about it. I just wanted to put in an order for those pirozhkis for the boys at the station. I would have asked the young man who was just up here but he uh seems a little…."

"Slow? Yes. Thankfully for him, his prison sentence is almost through and Zara will be back from her vacation tomorrow."

"You are right to the point, Mrs Reznikov."

"Wasting time is not a luxury from where I come from."

"I would imagine."

Officer Caputo smiled warmly at me. I'm still unsure if the man found me attractive and just pitiful. Either way our moment was broken by the sound of the door bell. I looked up to see Ganya enter along with my husband. The two burley Russians carefully eyed the lanky Italian.

"Gentlemen" the officer greeted curtly

Ganya simply nodded as Dimitri remained unmoved.

"When do you need to order?" I asked in hopes to break the tension.

"Would tomorrow by noon be possible?"

"Yes, of course. I will place it on your tab."

The officer thanked me and left. The moment the door closed behind him the store emptied of the few stragglers who had not noticed Galya's entrance right away, even young Alexi knew to sneak out the back. As I made my way to the kitchen to make tea I felt the breath of my husband on the back of my neck.

"Why is he here!?" Dimitri hissed

"To buy pirozhkis" I replied "That reminds me. We are running low on beef. I need you to run to the butchers tomorrow morning."

"Galya!" Dimitri hissed once more before turning me to face him "Why is he here!? Why is he buying from OUR store? Why is he talking to YOU!?"

The accusation stewing underneath his words angered me.

"What I can't cook!? I'm not worth speaking to!?" I hissed back

"He's the police! He is our enemy!"

"That enemy made sure your youngest made it safely into this world nearly five months ago!"

"This is how they get you! They take advantage of your emotional woman side!"

"Emotion…." I sputtered into a laugh "What are you talking about?"

"Galya. You know police are not your friend. You said yourself. He is talking to you to get to Ganya."

"Yes. You're right, moya lyubov. I am just a stupid woman to pity. Who would want my business? Who would want to speak to me? Who would enjoy my cooking?"

"Gal…"

"….certainly not my husband I never see or the tens of wives in this neighborhood who never speak to me because they are to busy having me taking their orders to even notice I'm a person!" I realize my amusement had left and tears were filling my eyes which angered me and further proved DImitri's point which angered me even more.

"Galya. I'm sorry."

Vasya began to fuss, once more agitated by his mother's yelling. I pinched the bridge of my nose for a moment before walking over to my baby to pick him up.

"Ganya is concerned." Dimitri explained "We just need to be cautious."

I was too exhausted to be angry anymore. My sons and the store had me on my feet for long hours. I didn't have the energy for jealousy and paranoia.

"I can't exactly tell police not to come to my store" I sighed "But…I'll stop taking his orders when he comes in. Less talk. Honestly….it's probably just because of my impressive chest."

Dimitri smiled and approached me to press his lips to my forehead.

"You do have an impressive chest." he agreed"'We should have another baby so I don't have to say goodbye to it."

In a rare moment of sincerity, his large thumb brushed over my cheekbone and we leaned into a gentle kiss.

"Go." I ordered "I have work to do."

Ten years. Ten years in this god forsaken prison. I regret every time I complained of not feeling like a person back down the hill. There I was not only a person but a leader. I had a family, I had a kitchen, I had an understanding with the guards. I was restricted but I was a person.

Here.

Here. I am nothing. I am as lifeless and as grey as the walls around me. I will be seventy when I am released, an old woman, and that is if I can make it that far.

The shower heads burst into life as another wave of women bustle into the grimy tiled box to wash off another day of incarceration. I find it calming. It is the closest I will ever be to seeing a waterfall. A burst of aquatic gold. Water really is life. The trickle of water is what we crave when we thirst to survive. The splash of water is what we need to be clean. The breaking of water is the signal of life about to begin. It would make sense that perched on a bench, watching a symphony of water, I would be so calm when life feels that it is at its end.

I close my eyes and lean my head back. My calm is squashed when a body plops next to me.

"Dang, Clown. You got legs." Badison compliments before leaning in to whisper in my ear "I bet you tons of men were asking you to wrap those around them back in the day."

"Back. Away. Before I rip your tongue out." I grumble, my eyes still closed.

"Fine. But thought you would want to know that the Queen aint dead and I'm sure you don't wanna be back in the hole when she returns."

"What are you talking about?"

"While you were on vacation, turns out Carol was in a coma. My homie down in processing told me she's coming back in a couple days. Probably meaner than ever."

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask finally looking over to the brat.

"With her sister dead now all she has to worry about is that Octopus bitch. You're the right hand man and she will know pretty soon that you had your hands up on Frieda. She's going to be real pleased with you."

"Ah…and you want me to put in a good word since you didn't create the riot of the century."

"There you go roomie!"

"No."

"Come on! I got connections."

"Go away."

"We're friends."

"Go. Away!"

"I helped you out!"

"Hey! She said scram!" the book ripping inmate barks, causing both of us to jump from her sudden appearance.

"Fine!' Badison huffs "If this is how you treat your friends I can get why you don't have any."

Her words cause a distant ache in my heart as I watch the blonde woman storm off.

"Dang, Red" the large inmate says with a sly grin "You got legs for days."

"Hi Zara."

"Privyt."

"How are you today?"

"Fine. Are you the order of twelve pirozhkis?"

"That I am. Is Mrs Reznikov feeling well today?"

"No. Not today."

This is the third week I have listened to this conversation. The third time I swear I could feel the officer trying to get a glimpse of me in the back. Each time, the officer would make an appearance so would Ganya with a more scrutinizing gaze. Ganya had barely spoken to me since our kiss and their meetings at the store had become less frequent. Naturally, I feared that somehow we may have signed our death warrant but we know the minute Ganya entered our business, we already did. As each day crept by, the neighborhood took note of the change of attitude within the rulers corner. Suddenly, they were slightly less cocky and slightly less blatant. To the untrained eye, everything went as normal but something had shifted.

The boys were fast asleep upstairs and I had a baby monitor on full volume perched on a bag of flour. I was lost in thought when a hand touched my shoulder. I whipped around to face my intruder as my hand grasped for a knife near by. It was then I was face to face with an equally bewildered Zara.

"I'm so sorry!"

"It…its ok! It's ok." I panted "Wha….what do you need?"

"You told me to give you all the tab checks." the teenager replied waving a white envelope in her hand.

"Oh. Thanks."

"Sure."

We stood in silence staring at one another.

"Sooo I finished my shi…"

"Yes! Of course. I will see you tomorrow. Thank you."

"Great. Uhhh bye."

With that the young girl placed the envelope in my hand and quickly made her exit.

I thought very little of the envelope until late that night when I was doing the books. I opened the small rectangle to find a check and within the corner, folded into a tiny square was a small piece of paper. Written on it with cramped handwriting was a series of numbers reading:

1117.

51288.

1476611365.

I have no idea how long I sat there staring at that tiny piece of paper but once I realized what the first line was my heart dropped to my stomach. I realize that within the confines of my life, kindness and friendship comes down to price. The more genuine. The higher the price. Even before I knew what the full message was, I knew that Eddie Caputo had just written a very high price on his head.

11:17 pm, the time Eddie Caputo witnessed my Vasya enter the world and the time Eddie Caputo, unwittingly, began his exit.

I hope this longer chapter may count as an apology for the wait. Sending my love - RB