The first arrest happened while we were all sleeping. It was one of Ganya's nephews. Ganya was very careful when it came to the police but no one was perfect. What was unnerving was the nature of the arrest. It wasn't the usual public intoxication or random pull over with drugs. It was exact and by the book. Ivan Chernov was awoken by a pounding on his door somewhere in the early hours, they had a warrant and a mission to carry out. He was in handcuffs and out the door in minutes. An hour after Ivan's arrest, Ganya had gathered his crew in our store.

I thank god my eldest could sleep through an air raid and that my youngest had begun to sleep through the night.

I rested my head in my hand as I listened for the kettle to boil. I was exhausted and even though I understood the urgency, being roused from a deep sleep I had been denied for months, for yet another meeting put me on edge.

It was clear that the authorities were cracking down and that Ivan would be the first of many to fall. Thankfully, he was born and raised in "the family". He would never squeal but he would be out of the game for sometime. It was time to regroup, hunker down, investigate and eradicate. They were speaking too rapidly and too quietly for me to pick up the conversation against the rumbling of the kettle. I plucked the tea kettle off the burner before it could even whistle, then it was time to wait for the tea to steep. Numbly, I flipped through our mail pile when a small paper fluttered to the floor. It was the note from Eddie.

I stared at the numbers. I knew the first row was Vasya's birth time. I continued to stare at the next two rows of numbers. I didn't think it was any form of morse code. Was it a lock combination? Too long. Was it a specific time? It didn't make sense. The voices were rising and falling in urgency. I placed the paper in my bathrobe pocket. I tried to make sense on what exactly Eddie was trying to tell me. It was odd for him to be so secretive in his communication. Eddie and I were friends in some form. We shared stories about parenthood and he seemed to enjoy hearing about my life before America. But there is only so much kinship you can build during an order pick up. I was lost in my thoughts until I heard thudding foot steps and a shout.

"Ganya!" a goon called out

"Boss!" another followed.

Suddenly, a hand grasped a chunk of my hair and pulled back. I yelped and suddenly a group of goons surrounded me begging my assailant to cease his actions.

"It was your little friend" Ganya hissed in my ear, tugging at my roots once more.

"Galya!" Dimitri yelped

I noticed my husband lunge towards Ganya, reaching up to pry his hands off me. We lurched sideways as Ganya lifted his foot to slam into Dimitri's chest and send him flying across the room. Tears leaked from my eyes as my scalp burned. He wasn't going to let up. No conventional attempt would work on him. He could see them coming a mile away.

So I surprised him.

My hand left my head. I snaked my arm behind me, between us. I found his crotch and gripped it. He froze.

"If you're going to pull my hair" I hissed "Do it right!"

We stood like that for a moment longer before he released my hair and shoved me forward. The table caught me, knocking the wind out of me. The force of my weight sent a couple mugs to fall to the ground and shatter. Dimitri appeared beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"Are you alright?" he asked in a hurried whisper

I didn't respond. I was still in shock. We turned back to the brooding man to see his goons trying to lead him out of the kitchen.

"Right way….disgusting woman! If I find out you've talked…" he growled "You will watch your husband die. You will watch your boys die. I will have my way with you until you beg to die!"

He exited the kitchen and the store. As he always did. Dropping an atomic bomb on our family and leaving like nothing had happened. I was young but even then I had grown so tired of arrogant men and their rough hands. I was already so sick of it all.

Hot tears blurred my vision. I heaved a sob as I slowly crumpled to the floor. Dimitri held me as I sobbed like a child. He cradled my head against his broad chest. He stroked my hair and though my scalp still burned, I welcomed it. My fingers gripped his shirt, the tighter I gripped, the closer he would hold me in his embrace.

"Oh my sweet Galya" he cooed into my hair "My sweet sweet girl."

That's all he could say. Even he knew there was no point for apologies or placation. We were both trapped. We were both criminals willing or not. We were never safe no matter how much we liked to kid ourselves.

The wind whipped and danced about me as I trudged my way to the designated destination. My cheeks burnt from the bitter winter air and I regretted even exiting my home as I placed one foot in front of the other. Once more, I checked the numbers on the sheet of paper I had clutched in my numb hand. I stoped and looked up to what was to be my destination. The home is small and unassuming. There was pride in the appearance. Despite the snow it was clear the paint job was carefully applied, especially the trim. The white picket fence matched perfectly with the light yellow two story home. I trudged up the gate and paused to examine my surroundings. The neighborhood was quiet and cozy. There was an American flag hanging from nearly every home. I almost felt as though I was standing in a postcard. Suddenly, a wave of unease washed over my annoyance. I know where I don't belong.

I clicked open the gate and made my way up the walk way. My trek was slow to avoid slipping and it was enough time for the door to open before I could even approach it to knock.

"Mrs Reznikov?" Eddie called out

"Yes" I replied

"You figured it out." He exclaimed happily

"Yes. Yes. You should work on your penmanship. You write like a drunk chicken."

"My mother would agree" he replied "Did you come alone?"

I gave the man an incredulous look when we were finally face to face on the porch.

"Do you have tea?" I asked

"Just coffee."

"Good." I reply as I pushed my way past him "I can't feel my limbs."

The home was heaven with a stove furnace roaring with gusto and I was thankful.

"Let me take your coat."

"Is your son…"

"Joey is at an away game. I assume he will be gone over night considering the weather."

"Your wife?"

"With Joey."

I struggled to undo my laces with frozen digits but managed to remove my footwear. I stood to see Eddie watching me. He examined me for a moment.

"Are you well?" his question sincere and soft

"I'm fine."

He continued to examine, unconvinced.

"I have not been followed." I clarify

He says nothing before he turned and led me to the kitchen.

"I only have Folgers."

"I don't care."

We situate ourselves at the kitchen table, we swapped updates on the boys and I share what recipies I had been dreaming up as we waited for the water to boil. Once our coffee cups were full and steaming before us the conversation shifts.

"Are you well?" he asked once more

"Why am I here?"

"I haven't seen very much of you lately."

"A store, two babies and husband keeps me busy. I don't have a lot of time for socializing."

"You know you're not the only busy person in the world. I have stuff too you know."

"Like what? Scratch butt in front of TV all day and spend hour in the bathroom doing god knows what?"

"Not all day. I scratch my butt outdoors as well. I know you're busy but you still managed to save five minutes of your time to talk the past five months. Then suddenly nothing. Whats up?"

"Can't I just be busy?"

"You once held an entire conversation with me about bouquets while balancing a bin for Vasily to puke into and rotate a pan of pirozhkis in the oven all at the same time. It was…impressive to say the least."

"I admit. I am very impressive."

"So Mrs. Impressive, why the cold shoulder? Did I offend you?"

"No….no."

"Did I scare you?"

"Don't kid yourself."

He watched me for a long moment and I couldn't find the words to explain myself from under his watch. He leaned back and sighed. I looked down into the depths of my coffee cup.

"Did someone else scare you?" He asked softly.

I didn't bother to look up. I continued to stare and felt the ghost of Ganya's hands tearing at my roots. I missed my friend Nadezhda. Before she disappeared she would tell me stories of her last date when we would walk home from work, sore and dejected. She would have funny little philosophies in how to deal with men. She would pretend to find my innocence when it came to men annoying but I could tell she enjoyed being my guide. I wonder what she would say about Ganya and about this chubby American man pestering me for not saying hello more.

"I guess you can tell that your store is not near where I live." He continued "Your store is a good forty minute drive from where I work. Actually, there is a pastry shop two blocks down from where I work. The boys always tease me and ask me why don't I just go there. I actually catch a lot of shit for it. But you know why I go across kingdom come to go get some pastries that do nothing for my arteries?"

"Because you're in love with your car?"

"I wanna see my friend."

I look up to see if he was being truthful. He was.

"I wanna talk to my friend and have her tease me about my hat hair. I wanna see my friend teach young kids what a work ethic is. I wanna see my friend's sons play and watch them grow up being raised by the best mom in the world. But my friend has been avoiding me and I'm feeling its because someone told her to. Someone who could hurt her if she didn't".

The honesty within the man's words had surprised me into a moment of silence. He was kind and his kindness brought in a warmth into the air that I was unfamiliar with.

"What am I supposed to do with that speech?" I finally ask "What are you expecting from me?"

"I want you to trust me."

"Why?"

"Because a bomb is about to be dropped on your life and I don't want you to get hurt."

"Is that a threat?"

"No. Its fact…..and a warning."

"What do you want in return?"

He leaned in slightly as he attempted to catch my gaze.

"I want to protect you and your family."

"You're not answering my question."

He gave me a long look as he leaned back in his chair. Realization washed over me.

"You want information." I state

"We've been building a case for some years now. Ganya is well known for what he does. I've been studying him. I know a lot about him."

I knew Dimitri would be so pleased knowing he was right.

"You know nothing of Ganya and his capabilities." I say, brushing away a strand of hair and pretending not to wince from my still tender scalp.

"I know enough. I know you didn't exactly choose to have your store taken over by gang members."

"No, but they take care of us."

"They don't kill you. How kind."

I couldn't help but smile at his sarcasm.

"Listen, I don't know everything, as much as you like to think I pretend to." He continued "I know that this is your family and that means a lot to you."

"Family is everything."

"I know. I know and I really respect that. But I have to ask….how great is family when all it does is hurt you?"

"Why are you so fixated on someone hurting me? What do you know?"

"I can't tell you exactly."

"Why?"

"Its protocol"

"To hell with it!"

"It doesn't work that way!"

I let out a frustrated groan as I pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Ok." I said evenly "I…I will ask questions. You answer or you tell me to fuck off."

"Seriously?"

"You do the same. We take turn."

"Fine."

"Did you arrest Ivan?"

"Yes. Did you really come alone?"

"Yes. Will there be more arrests?"

"Yes. Are you working for Ganya?"

"….Fuck off."

"That sounds like a yes."

"That's not a question."

"Do you feel safe going home?"

"Yes. Will my husband be arrested?"

"Fuck off. Have you ever hidden anything for Ganya?"

"No. Are you close to arresting Ganya?"

"Closer than before. Do you know Ganya's next move?"

"No one knows Ganya's next move." I snorted

"Is there a way you can find out?" Eddie asked leaning in. "Could you if I helped you?"

It was then I finally noticed the odd way he would lurch his body towards me when asking a probing question. I leaned back in my chair. My heart sank.

I admit I looked forward to Eddies arrivals at our store. I tried to think of questions to ask him about when he stepped to the counter. He was a friendly face. A confidant. When he asked how I was doing it seemed he really wanted to know. That had been a luxury I had been denied when I left my home country.

"Is the table bugged or is it on you?"

He froze.

"Fuck off." He said softly

"That sounds like a yes"

My eyes prickled with tears. His did as well.

"You brought me to the ambulance, held my hand, visited me at the hospital. You know more about my sons than my husband does. You told me stories about your failed dates and your mother teaching you how to dance. You showed me Aretha Franklin." I paused "Was it all for…..this….this case? For Ganya?"

A silence settled over us and it looked as though Eddie desperately wanted to say no. He just looked at me, slightly opening his mouth and then closing it.

America was a dream. A dream filled with an abundance of food and education. A dream where we could be free of a watchful eye. I could laugh easily and love freely. My home would be completely mine. I would owe nothing and own everything. I lied for this dream. I bled for this dream. I cried for this dream. Every day I'm realizing exactly what I feared, it was exactly what it was, a dream. Just a dream.

"I thought there would be freedom here" I croaked

With that I stood and exited his house as quickly as possible, ignoring Eddies pleas to stay and talk.

In a period of twelve hours I had been attacked, lied to and taken advantage of. That would have been a perfect time to breakdown and lose all sense of hope. It was then I realized that I couldn't rely on the world around me to create the freedom I dreamt of. I knew I had to crawl in the dirt to make a freedom of my own. I changed course, dried my eyes and straightened my shoulder. I arrived at my destination with a new resolve.

I knocked on the door twice.

The door cracked.

"A nice day for some fish." I stated

The door opened and I entered a foyer of lounging goons. They stood in surprise.

"What can we do for you, Little Bird?" A gruff looking goon leered by the doorway

"I wish to speak to Ganya….alone."

I thought there would be freedom here.

I know it has been sometime but I promise this story was never forgotten. I hope this was worth the wait. Best wishes! - RB