Harley had to admit, the digs she had found herself in were better than she could ever have expected and better than anything she'd experienced before. It was a pretty sweet deal if the truth be known and there were times when she almost felt like her old self again, as much of a normal woman as she could ever be. She'd never been in a proper mansion before but it was just as vast as she had thought it would be. Sure, the fixtures were pretty old and she wasn't vastly enamoured with the décor (too pretentious for her tastes) but there was so much to explore. She'd found so many cubby holes and hiding places and she'd enjoyed her own version of hide and seek. She'd slip away into a small space, curled up with her knees drawn to her chest and her hand clamped across her mouth to prevent her giggling from being heard as the butler ran around desperately trying to find her. The thought had crossed her mind on more than one occasion that this would be the perfect place for a curious and adventurous child.
The butler didn't like her, Alfred his name was. He insisted that she call him Alfred but Harley was adamant that he was going to be Al. She called him this partially because she disliked his uptight formality and partially because she knew it annoyed him. She wasn't exactly happy to be imposing on Mr Wayne but she couldn't exactly go against the Batman. Mr Wayne had it right, this was a fairly obscure place for her ex to look for her. Ex, it was such a normal term applying to an extraordinary person. Despite everything they had been through and everything she knew that he would put her through, Harley missed him. She knew about abusive relationships and she was well aware of the cycle of abuse and that she had pretty much been caught in it. She had that awareness lurking in the back of her mind but she was a romantic at heart and when the mood struck him, when their life was as stress free as it ever could be, he was gentle and considerate. There was warmth in those eyes and laughter in his soul, deep down, and Harley had seen it. Once she had seen it, she could never un-see it and she'd fallen hook, line and sinker for him. She felt like a damned soul, the allure of him too much for her. If she was going to Hell, she'd at least do it in style and grace.
No man had ever treated her the way that The Joker had done, no man had ever courted her and made her feel like she was worth something, that her mind was the most attractive part of her, not her finely toned athletic body. At least, that was, until she met Bruce Wayne. After having spent a few weeks in his company, she understood completely now what all those desperate girls were talking about. There was no romantic interest there, he didn't want anything from her and he hadn't asked for much from her. It was refreshing to be able to converse with someone who wasn't looking at her like she was deranged or some sort of tantalising piece of meat there only for his pleasure. The time that she had been spending in his company had been almost cathartic and, after the second week, she'd quite happily complied when he'd asked her to stop using the greasepaint. It had been a long time since Harley had let a man other than The Joker see her without the greasepaint. She had felt exposed at first but that feeling had passed surprisingly quicker than she had expected. She felt that there was nothing she had to give to Bruce Wayne, no façade to project that would match the world view of her. She still drove Al as mad as she possibly could because it was funny and she needed some diversions during her self-imposed exile from the world but there was something about Bruce Wayne that put her at ease, a calmness that was soothing in comparison to the explosive qualities of her interaction with other men, other people in general.
Harley thought about this and thought of all that she had lost since she had first come to Gotham as she sat in the kitchen, watching the moonlight spilling out across the table in the kitchen. She was struggling to sleep; she had done for the past few weeks since she'd found out that she was pregnant. Harley hadn't considered the future of having a child, not since she was a teenager. She hadn't thought she would be good mother material and she thought that she'd positively be awful mother material now after everything she had done. Harley hadn't really thought her situation through when she had run. There was a part of her that thought she should just get rid of the child, have an abortion and that she should never have run from The Joker. There was another part of her that desperately longed for a normal life with no strings attached, a life where she could be a mother and correct all the mistakes that her own mother had made. However, she feared that she would make potentially even worse mistakes, exposing her child to a greater risk of harm. Ivy would be fine, she'd love a child, they were the future after all and she was very nourishing as a person. Ivy would be a great aunty but Harley wanted more than that for her child. She would want her child to have a normal existence, to have all of the things that Harley had never had.
Harley had contemplated running away, heading to Metropolis and starting over again. She sure as hell wasn't going to go back to Brooklyn. She wanted to be as far away from her family as she could be. Harley sighed, her fingers curling tighter around the mug of hot cocoa that she had made.
"Does it taste better at midnight?" Harley jumped at the voice, a bit of the cocoa spilling on the counter. She whirled round, her shoulders tensing automatically. When she saw Bruce Wayne step out of the shadows she relaxed, shaking her head.
"Don't do that, you scared the bejeezus out of me." There was a slight harshness in Harley's voice as she admonished him. She didn't really have the right to tell him what to do under the circumstances but that wasn't going to stop her.
"My apologies, I didn't intend to frighten you." Bruce moved around the kitchen table to take the seat across from her. Harley snorted and shook her head.
"Cut the crap will ya and just talk like a normal human being." Harley didn't like the formalities; it made her insecure and uneasy. She hadn't been raised with airs and graces and it reminded her of her inferior status in the world. She didn't like it being shoved in her face that she was common and uncouth. The rich always looked down on people like her, especially in Gotham.
"Why are you down here so late Harley?" It was an innocent question and his voice was soft in the darkness. She could see the outline of his face and his eyes but his expression was mostly hidden from her by the shadows. She could turn the kitchen light on but she preferred the moonlight, she preferred the protection that the shadows offered her. It made her feel less exposed.
"Can't sleep. What about you?" Her response was quick, almost pre-prepared.
"Can't sleep." Her words were echoed back to her and Harley smiled ruefully, it looked like she wasn't the only one with issues.
"Cocoa helps with that and yeah, you're right, it does taste better at midnight." Harley took a sip of the hot liquid in her mug, her grip still tight. She was glad that she had something to hold onto when she was speaking with him. It gave her hands something to do other than give away how insecure she felt.
"You don't mind, do you?" She asked, the thought occurring that perhaps she should have asked if it was okay to wander into his kitchen and grab whatever she fancied. Al would probably chastise her for it.
"Not at all. I want you to be as comfortable as possible while you are here and if cocoa helps, I'll make sure Alfred buys more in." She couldn't see a smile on Bruce's face but his voice sounded slightly different and she was sure that there was a smile there.
"Al doesn't like me you know." Harley's confession was uttered in a small voice, her finger beginning to trace invisible patterns on the surface of the table, her other hand still holding tightly to the mug.
"What makes you think that?" There was curiosity in his voice and Harley wasn't expecting it, she was expecting him to confirm that she was right, that Alfred didn't like her.
"He looks at me like I'm a deranged psychopath. Ha." The laugh was a humourless expression, the irony not lost on her. She was a deranged psychopath and it had never hurt her before, until she looked at Al. She didn't want him to think of her like that. Now that she was around normal people, she was beginning to realise how badly she had fucked up and how fucked up she was.
"And he's right, I am, but I don't like it paraded in front of me like a circus act ya know. No, I don't think ya do. Ya aint' one of those people, your normal and Al's straight laced and I'm a mess dirtying up your mansion." Harley didn't know why she was talking, why she was confessing anything. She kept her thoughts and her feelings mostly to herself, she always had done, but for some reason she felt like now was the right time to talk. Bruce hadn't judged her as much as she had expected him to and that unnerved her, it set her on edge and made her feel like a child.
There was silence stretched between them and Harley took another sip from her cocoa. Suddenly, she wasn't enjoying it as much as she had before.
"I wouldn't call you a deranged psychopath, misguided yes but we've all made our mistakes." There was a note of resignation in his voice that surprised her. "That doesn't define us though. It's what we do next that matters."
Harley was silent again for a moment as she considered his words and then she shrugged, rolling her shoulders slightly. "Do ya think there's hope for me Mr Wayne huh?" She didn't even know why she'd asked him that question. She knew what his answer was going to be, she was expecting it, she supposed that she was looking for validation but she didn't quite know why or what, in fact, it would do for her. Everyone already thought she was a crazy lost cause, could she be saved? No, she didn't think so.
"I believe that everyone deserves another chance Harley, whether the person believes that or not." His words were insightful and there was a small twinge within Harley, his words awakening a long dormant hope that she could do the right things and stop making the catastrophic mistakes that had defined her life up till this point.
"I want another chance." Her admission was quiet, barely above a whisper and she wondered for a moment if he heard it. She looked down at the table, her head hanging almost in shame. She felt rather than heard him move and the next thing she knew, there was a hand on her shoulder. She could feel the warmth radiating from him, he was that close. She hadn't been looking for him to touch her but that didn't mean she didn't welcome the physical contact. It had been a long time since someone other than Ivy had touched her with gentleness and not rough and raw emotion.
"You have another chance." His words were spoken so quietly, almost murmured and for a moment, just one moment, Harley wanted to reach up and touch his hand, run her fingers along his knuckles and thank him for the faith in her that he was showing. This wasn't some sort of romance story though, this was real life and they were strangers to each other, thrown into this unnatural position. Instead, Harley looked up at him in the dark and settled for a smile. She couldn't be sure but she was certain that he smiled in return before walking away and leaving her to her solitude, her cocoa and the faint hope that she had a future that wouldn't be defined by mad love.