Chapter 26: Loser

"Welcome back, Lucas, how did the Gym match go?" The nurse greeted the teen boy cheerfully as he slunk through the Pokemon Center's doors, but her smile vanished as she immediately saw the boy's crestfallen body language. Lucas had lost. While facing the Pastoria City's Gym Leader, Barry, a specialist in the poison-type, he lost almost his entire team against against the young Leader's Skutank. But worse than that, the Trainer feared he had lost his nerve. Without a word, the young Trainer deposited his defeated team onto the counter and the nurse went to the back to revive them. As the beeps of the Center's machinery treated and healed his Pokemon, Lucas replayed the match in his head over and over, especially the last thing the Leader had said to him before he left.

"You're not a very good Trainer at all," Barry had said those words like a matter-of-fact, obvious statement without a hint of malice or vanity. It was not fight banter, or a statement of frustration or jealousy, like Lucas had encountered against other opponents. It was the experienced opinion declared by a League certified Gym Leader. The boy may have been hyper and strange and scatterbrained, but his words managed to poison Lucas' confidence as badly as his Skutank poisoned Lucas' team.

The nurse finally returned with his six Pokeballs on a tray, with a seventh ball in her hands, "Your Pokemon are just fine now, Lucas, as good as new. And I got the test results back on Stella. She's just fine, there isn't a thing wrong with her. Isn't that great news?"

"Yeah, thanks." Lucas replied curtly. While he was relieved his Buneary wasn't sick, it still wasn't good news for him. It meant that her behavior was his fault. He had done something wrong to make her behave badly, to scream and cry and lash out whenever he sent her into battle or tried to hold her like he did his other Pokemon. It was another sign that what Barry had said was right. Without another word to the nurse, the Trainer stopped by the PC system before leaving the Center.

You're not a very good Trainer at all.

It was late afternoon when the clouds opened up above Pastoria City and the Great Marsh and rain fell in huge, cold drops. Morgan scrambled to the Pokemon Center clutching a camouflage-patterned Pokeball with a huge grin on her face. Her jet-black hair drooped slightly and there were streaks of mud on her face and legs but the normally dour teenage girl was on top of the world. She had finally captured the scorpion-like Pokemon, Skoropi. While it was only a poison-and-bug type now, with diligent training and hard work, it would evolve into a poison-and-dark type, the perfect addition to her hypothetical Gym team. She was so elated that she didn't even bother to cover herself from the rain, and ran to the Center to show Lucas her achievement. However, as she looked around the Pokemon Center's lobby, he was nowhere to be seen. Was he still at the Gym? Curious, Morgan approached the nurse and inquired about her rival, "Excuse me nurse, have you seen Lucas around?"

"He was here a few hours ago after his Gym match, he hasn't been back since," the nurse replied sadly.

Morgan raised an eyebrow at the Pokemon Center employee's tone, "What happened with the Gym match?"

"Apparently he lost. Such a shame. Lucas may look like such a tough guy, but I could tell he's one of those people who really loves his Pokemon. It's always such a disappointment to lose," the nurse sighed.

The dark-trainer suddenly understood and pulled out her poncho and umbrella. Heading back into the foul weather, she decided to locate Lucas.

Lucas stared at the sky absently, lost in thought and self-evaluation. He was lying down on a picnic table beneath one of Pastoria's many shelters in a small day park, now mostly abandoned as the weather worsened. The teen managed to keep mostly dry as the fat drops of rain created a rhythmic pinging against the shelter's plexiglass roof. The tattooed young man thought about the first day of kindergarten and how the teacher gushed over him because three years earlier she had John in her class, and how smart he was, that was such a fast learner, and how much she loved having him. Then those frowns of disappointment she would give him as Lucas struggled to memorize the alphabet, or would always write his sevens backwards. She would smile weakly as Lucas worked his heart out and always fall short. And she would always say the same thing as she handed back those cheery-looking worksheets that were marked mercilessly with red pen, "I guess you aren't much like John, after all. How disappointing,"

Then when Lucas was six, his parents signed him up for peewee soccer, ending up with the same coach that had trained John. At first he was thrilled to have John's little brother on the team. John was a star shooter and always had his eyes on the ball. But then Lucas could never kick the ball as far or as accurately, and the other kids could knock him down so easier as he tried to fight for the ball. When the coach didn't think Lucas or his parents were listening, he would take off his cap and shake his head, "This kid's no second John, that's for sure. What a damn disappointment,"

Teachers, coaches, parents, councilors—everyone in a position of authority had always told Lucas what a disappointment he was. It didn't matter how hard he tried or how much he worked, he could never measure up, especially not against John. He tried to tell himself that it didn't matter, and then John became a Pokemon Trainer and cold reality and all his failures ripped Lucas' self esteem, and seemingly his soul, apart. All Lucas ever wanted was to be good at something, just for once not to disappoint everyone in his life. He thought he finally found a place for himself, after all these years, as a Pokemon Trainer. The one thing he ever really wanted to be. It was a dream come true. But now, yet another person in authority said straight to his face what a disappointment he was. And as Lucas looked back at all his Gym matches he began to realize he didn't win a single one of his badges because he was good, but because he was lucky. Gardenia because of her fear of ghosts, Roark because Franky evolved at the right time, and Fantina and Maylene because Gizmo was his trump card. And now his luck had finally run out. Cold reality set in again; he would never be anything more than a two-bit thug. But even that was a life he no longer wanted.

"Hey," a voice interrupted the soothing monotone of the rain. Without getting up he glanced over to see Morgan wearing a poncho that was patterned after an Umbreon, holding a dark purple umbrella.

"Hey," Lucas replied unenthusiastically.

"Sorry to hear about losing. It always sucks," Morgan stated sympathetically. She approached the shelter to get out of the rain, but Lucas didn't get up, "So when are you going to challenge him again?"

"I'm not."

Morgan scowled, "What do you mean you're not?"

With a decisive effort, Lucas forced himself a slouched sitting position, "You weren't there, you didn't see what happened. The things he said totally psyched me out. I've never had that happen before. He kept calling me stupid and all sorts of other stuff,"

"I assumed you'd be used to that by now," Morgan stated casually.

The tattooed teen shot the girl a glare, but continued anyway, "This is different. If he was just a normal kid I'd nail his hide to the wall. But he's not. He's a Gym Leader, a representative of the Pokemon League. When he said I was a lousy Trainer it was like every single person that had ever called me useless or disappointing or bad my entire life was right there in the room with him. I completely lost my nerve, and because of that I completely screwed over my team. And now that I look back I can even see Barry was right! I have gotten every single one of my badges because of a lucky move. A last second miracle. I know if I ever face him again I'll completely shut down,"

"Lucas, you have to beat this Gym. How do you expect to get to Victory Road if you can't get your eight badges?" Morgan seemed infuriated.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. But I just can't face him. I love Pokemon more than anything, and all being a Trainer is all I ever wanted, but my team deserves a Trainer who actually knows what he's doing. I mean, I can't even figure out what to do about my Buneary. The nurse says her health is normal,"

"Wait. That Pokemon you said that hatched and was acting weird was a Buneary?"

"Yeah." Lucas added curtly. He lied back down on the table and started staring at the sky again, "I am so sick of always being the loser."

"Pussy!" Morgan roared. She grabbed the Pokeball belt from Lucas' waist and the ball from his neck before slamming him in the stomach with her fist.

Lucas shot up with a cough and wrapped his arms around his tender stomach, "Jesus Christ! Is this you trying to cheer me up?"

"What do you expect me to say? 'Buck up, little soldier, everything is going to be okay?' Well, I'm not going to do that. Because it's not okay. Not when you are acting like a complete and total pussy!" Morgan snarled, holding Lucas' Pokemon away from him, "You lost. Big freaking deal. Everyone loses. Even the Champions lose. You think people walk up to Red and say, 'Hey, that's the guy Gold beat?' No, they say 'That's Red, the former goddamn Champion of the Kanto League!'"

"It's not about losing! It's about an expert telling me that I'm wasting my time and my Pokemon!" Lucas snarled back. He was seriously considering hitting Morgan in that large nose of hers.

"Just because someone is a Gym Leader doesn't mean they know a damn thing about anything. I know that because I can tell you about some Leaders who don't know their head from their asses, firsthand. A Leader is just someone who is qualified in a type. They are not experts about training or Trainers. I think you are one of the dumbest, stubbornest, person with the least likable personality I've ever met, but I also know for a fact that you are a good Trainer. Not a great Trainer, but a good Trainer with a lot of potential. You think fast and you care about your Pokemon more than you care about your own safety. You have four badges. No one can possibly get four badges on luck alone. Even idiot Leaders set their teams in such a way that accounts for type weaknesses and disadvantages so they don't accidentally lose to rookie strategies,"

"But my Buneary-"

"Buneary are scared of humans. It's a natural instinct, and their defense mechanism when they are scared is to throw a tantrum. This is why a Buneary's strongest attack is Frustration. Your Buneary is acting the way it is because it wants to trust you because you were there since its birth, but its instinct is to be terrified of you. It takes a lot of care and training to get a Buneary to be happy to be around you. A lot of people don't know that and only keep them because they are cute. You didn't do anything wrong," Morgan pulled the balls off of Lucas' belt and threw them to the ground, summoning the boy's entire team in front of him. Gizmo, Donna, Franky, Hotrod, Sparky and even his new Rhyhorn circled him and nudged him with their faces and paws. Despite the ordeal they had gone through at the Gym, they all looked happy to see their owner, and concerned over his sulking state. Morgan also pulled out her own Pokevice from her purse and shoved it towards the teen with the Mohawk, "Your Pokemon love and trust you. If you think you're not good enough for them, fine. If you're going to not try again against Barry and are just going to quit here and now, then you might as well call your brother and tell him you're coming home. Go ahead and prove him right. Prove to the guy you hate so much, the guy you claim is such a fake and took your only interest without a single thought towards his little brother, was right and you're nothing more than a quitter and loser who puts all his problems on everyone else,"

As Lucas stared at the Pokevice he remembered the conversation he had with John just before he came to Pastoria. How John was so sure that Lucas would just give up because things got too hard. Wasn't the part of the reason for his Journey to prove all those people wrong? That he wasn't this utter failure? Barry did exactly what Lucas hated most: he made an assumption about him. The ghosts of those who doubted them had to die, and they were going to die in the Pastoria Gym. He promised himself a life of no more doubts. Time and time again he broke his word and considered quitting. This would be the final time. John or no John. Rain or no rain. Police, Team Cosmic, twerpy leaders, hell, even if at this point if he broke his neck. No. More. Doubts. It won't end until he stands before John with four certifications of Championship, and Gizmo and the rest of his team take John's Pokemon down, "You get good at things you love, you don't love things because you are good at them. Professor Oak told me that. You may be a tactless bitch, Morgan, but you are one hundred percent right. I need to man up. Big time. So, thanks,"

Morgan shrugged as she tossed Lucas' belt back to him, "Quitters piss me off. It's like giving into whatever bad happened to you. And I refuse to do that. Not after what happened to my dad."

Lucas finally pulled himself of the picnic table and called his team back, replacing his belt and necklace to their proper locations. In a final act of mercy, the girl tossed the umbrella to the boy and the returned to the Pokemon Center for the evening. The next day, the young man replanning his strategy. Over the next several days Lucas trained harder than he had in a very long time. Even if it was raining he would scour the marshes for opponents and opportunities to get stronger. He visited the Great Marsh and caught several new Pokemon including a Croagunk and a Tropius. Five days after his first time against Barry, he was ready. Almost a week after facing the Leader the first time, Lucas returned to the poorly kept Gym with its lose wires and sprawled construction materials.

"Hey Barry, I'm back!" Lucas announced fiercely. He didn't quite have all his confidence back yet, but he was determined to not quit, no matter what. Even if he would have to challenge this Gym every day for a month straight, he would beat this boy.

The scatter-brained Leader greeted his opponent brightly, "Welcome back! I gotta say though, I'm pretty surprised to see you again. I did sort of wipe the floor with you,"

"Shut up, short stack. School's back in session. Last time I was here you accused me of not being a good Trainer. Well, I'm here to show that I'm not the only one guilty of some pretty grave underestimation. So bring it on, twerp, 'cause I ain't leaving here without my badge."