Chapter 4 – Have Faith in Me

Have faith in me
'Cause there are things that I've seen I don't believe
So cling to what you know and never let go
You should know things aren't always what they seem
I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there again

- Have Faith in Me – A Day to Remember –

Shadow was lying awake in bed. She'd had a nap and was now just lying there and trying not to disturb the woman next to her.

She studied her features. The soft, calm face that was so new to her yet somehow familiar. The silver-grey hair that was so different from the hair before.

It was a shock.

She wondered what was going on in River's mind. Regeneration changes things. Would she still feel the same? Or would she feel different? What was her personality like? Would River still be the person she was before? The one where you never quite knew if she were to kiss you or kill you or both.

Shadow had to figure all of this out for her own mind, too. And it was a quite daunting task. Was she still herself? Was she still capable of doing everything she could do before?

And what of the Shadow Proclamation? Would they still recognize her as their leader?

But if Shadow was honest with herself, she didn't really want to be their leader anymore. It was quite the boring job; too much paperwork. She wanted to be free again. To do what she wanted. Roam the universe, directly help others in need.

But would River also want to quit her job and come with her? Would River even be open to travel with someone? She always did her missions on her own and even when she was not on missions and just roaming she usually did it alone.

She really would have to talk to River about all this.

But what if River did not want to travel with her? What then? Would she be able to travel alone? Like they had done before? Only meeting occasionally.

The Wolf had said "Your time will come when your lives will end but not your story."

Did it mean that for them as single entities or together?

Why did intergalactic beings with epic proportions of power always have to be so cryptic?

Shadow huffed and turned onto her other side, facing away from River. Maybe another round of sleep would clear things up for her a bit.

River had been awake for some time. She had sensed that someone was staring at her and had kept up the pretense of being asleep until she had heard and felt Shadow turn around.

This must all be new to her. Changing your exterior form can be quite dramatic for someone who doesn't know what regeneration feels like. She herself had experienced it.

But Shadow did have the advantage of at least knowing what regeneration was beforehand. She probably just hadn't expected it to be quite so dramatic or painful, for that matter.

River considered cuddling up to Shadow for support but didn't because she was unsure, if Shadow would allow it. Maybe she wasn't like that anymore? Maybe she didn't like physical contact anymore? Maybe she didn't like anything anymore?

She seemed quite rude in the bathroom but then she was so submissive, almost like a little child. Was Shadow childish? No, that was something else. Maybe she wasn't quite finished with her character yet. Maybe it all would still change.

River wished that Shadow would keep her smirk. That was something she could never resist. It always promised excitement and adventure. Shadow's various smirks had been seared into her memory.

And what about herself? She had regenerated. That was something that she shouldn't have been able to do. She had given all of her remaining regenerations to the Doctor. There had been no regeneration energy left in her. Why was she able to regenerate? Or was this a one-time thing?

No, my child. I have given you what you have earned.

River gasped. What was that? Was that what Shadow experienced? Was that the Wolf? Why could it communicate with her all of a sudden?

Don't fear. I am all around you and within you.

You have just established a link to me via giving me regenerations, am I right?

You are right, of course. Could it be that this being was a bit disappointed that its mysterious aura was shot to hell by her? I have given you a full cycle of regenerations for your services to me.

Well, in that case, I thank you. The presence in her mind was gone again.

That had been unsettling. River didn't dare to think freely with that presence in her mind. How did Shadow manage to do it? She guessed that Shadow had lived with it all her live and had just simply got used to it.

Well, there was that mystery solved. But that meant Shadow had still something to do with it. She hadn't been able to tell her if there was a loophole with her death or not. That was that loophole. But it was a fixed point in time. River knew that she shouldn't be alive anymore. The Doctor had probably made preparations for her death. Or did he know what was happening?

River suddenly remembered that she probably had to tell the Doctor that she was still alive. But that meant that he would have to know about Shadow and that wasn't possible. Or was it time for that yet?

Your time will come when your lives will end but not your story. That's what the Wolf had said back when her and Shadow had got together.

So, their time together could possibly start now, but did Shadow want that? Did River herself want that? What would it mean for them, for their dynamic? Did they even have the appropriate characters for that?

When she had had her last years with the Doctor on Darillium, it had been quite the adjustment for them both. He was so restless and always needed something to do, something to tinker with, something to explore, adventure, the thrill.

She herself had felt that need for something to do, but she was content with just reading up on something or tinkering with her screwdriver. During which she had found the neural relay in the screwdriver but had not thought much of it at the time.

It wasn't until she had seen the communicators on the suits that Mr. Lux provided that she got a weird feeling in the back of her mind, like something wasn't quite right with her theory that the neural relay was on her screwdriver just for the sole purpose of linking it with her mind.

She had to tell the Doctor that she was alive. They had to tell the Doctor everything. That thought was the one thing River couldn't shake.

She really had to talk to Shadow about that and their future in general. River didn't even quite know herself what she wanted yet. That was something she should mull over first, before she would make any rash decisions.

She turned onto her other side, facing away from Shadow. Maybe Shadow had had the right idea and another nap would help her sort through everything.