Chapter 6 – She Believes in You

Remember
She loves you
She really loves you
She believes in you
She truly loves you

- She Believes In You - Lebo M. -

River stood out on the patio, lost for what she should do now.

"That did not just happen." She whispered disbelievingly to no one but herself.

She couldn't believe that Shadow would ever break things off between them like that. After all they've been through. She walked inside and let herself flop down onto the sofa.

River didn't understand what was going on with the other woman. What was happening to them? How was this happening? Her head was swimming with questions. She needed someone to talk to. But who would she be able to talk to about Shadow and her erratic behavior? There was only one person that came to mind. Jack Harkness. But how should she contact him? Did he even have a means to be contacted?

She needed to go to her office at the Proclamation. The only problem was that she assumed that Shadow was also at the Proclamation. That woman was someone that would drown herself in her work when she had problems.

But nevertheless, she needed to contact Jack, if she wanted to talk to him. She stood up and got her Vortex Manipulator. It did her no good sitting around and questioning herself.

She teleported to the hangar of the Proclamation and fully expected to be stopped by guards on her way. She had her keycard with her that got her access beyond many locked doors. She was a little worried about what would happen once she reached her department. It was not so big that she could go in and vanish unseen into her office.

She reached the door and, after swiping her card, pushed the door open like she always did when she was coming in. At least she hoped it was as sure as she always was.

She must've come in at an odd time because only her personal assistant was in. He looked up and was visibly confused.

"Don't worry, Krithikesh, everything is alright. I've just met an unfavorable end on my last mission." River explained and walked to her office in the back. She got out her old-fashioned key for a cylinder lock. She had no love for the modern state-of-the-art security systems that were offered. Also, she didn't think that anyone in this time could work a lock pick or had a sonic screwdriver.

She unlocked her office under the scrutinizing gaze of her assistant. Once inside she locked the door from the inside. She really couldn't do with questions right now.

Booting up her computer, she hoped that Jack was somewhere to be found.

After some hours of intense search for him, she had located a way to contact him. She sent him a message with her Vortex Manipulator and waited for a reply.

Whilst she waited, she shut down her computer and looked around her office for things she might need in the future. On her desk was a big pile of paperwork that she would probably have to work on some of these days. That was the worst part of the job, the paperwork.

River thought that maybe now she could quit and leave the paperwork behind. Or just finish this one pile of paperwork and then just walk out. Yes, that was an option she could live with.

But before she could start with the first file on the pile her Vortex Manipulator beeped and saved her the trouble.

The Captain had answered and supplied her with space-time coordinates for a bar. That suited her quite nicely. Maybe she could take off the edge a little.

She walked out of her office again and locked it. Her assistant was at his desk and looked at her funny.

"If you have to say something, say it now." River grew impatient.

"Are you really Professor River Song?" He looked her up and down, scrutinizing her.

"Yes, Krit, I am." She purposely used the nickname she had given him. As far as she knew, she was the only one using that.

"But how?" He was obviously confused.

"Regeneration. Look it up. It should be in the Gallifrey-files." River walked out and left him standing there. He was very smart but tried a little too hard sometimes.

As soon as she had reached the hangar she teleported away, straight to the coordinates Jack had given her.

She spotted him at the bar and sat down on the stool next to him.

"Hello, Captain."

"What has she done now?" He didn't seem fazed by her changed appearance. Or if he was, he didn't show it.

"She broke up with me." River simply said and took a big gulp of whatever it was that the Captain had ordered for her. It was burning a path down her throat. She welcomed the pain.

"She did what?" Jack whipped around.

"Yes. She broke up with me. Though, frankly, for the live of me, I can't figure out why she'd do something like that. I thought we were on a good path, you know. That we knew where we stood in regard to each other and our feelings for each other." River ordered another drink, while downing the first.

"I thought so, too. She could talk about nothing else sometimes when I met up with her. She was so full of love for you. What could've changed for her to take such drastic measures?" Jack was visibly confused.

"Regeneration changes things."

"Not those things." Jack interjected quickly.

"I don't know. Maybe she's still confused about the whole regeneration thing. She has the body of a Time Lord now. Complete with second heart and lower body temperature."

"And you? Weren't you supposed to die? Was your last form not supposed to be the end of the line for you?"

"Yes, but apparently the Wolf and Shadow interfered and gave me new regenerations. I don't fully understand it, yet." River chugged her second drink and signaled to the barman to keep them coming.

"Why didn't you ask Shadow for an explanation then?" Jack questioned and looked worriedly at her because she was in the right mindset to start drinking herself into oblivion and he knew that was a bad idea.

"I had no chance. Between her having post-regeneration trauma and her yelling at me that I obviously didn't care that she died for me, wasn't much time. And as soon as she started yelling, I couldn't even get in a word edgewise. She didn't listen anymore."

"Do you still love her?" Jack asked suddenly.

River looked at him like he had obviously lost his mind. "What is that for a question? Of course, I still love her. Would I talk to you, if I didn't love her?"

"Well, I just thought that maybe… I don't even know. Maybe you should talk to her instead?" He put up his hands in defense.

"I would. I just don't know, if she'd listen to what I got to say." And the third drink went down. "I don't even know, if I have anything to say." River stared into her new drink. "I just…" She swallowed hard. "I just don't understand why she'd walk away instead of talking to me about her worries."

Jack sadly looked at River. The woman beside him was heartbroken, he could tell as much. He subtly signaled the barman to stop the drinks, River definitely wouldn't need a hangover.

"You remember how it all began?" Jack said to River reminiscing.

She looked at him, having a slight problem getting the man into focus. "Yes?"

"You came to me because you didn't understand why Shadow ran from what was between you."

"Yeah…" River slowly caught on to what her companion was trying to say.

"Maybe it's that all over again. Maybe something spooked her. Maybe she is scared of her own feelings. On top of being confused about the whole regeneration business."

"You think?" River didn't seem convinced.

Jack shrugged. "All I can say is that I knew two of the Doctor's regenerations and both of them had huge trouble expressing their feelings for the woman they loved. Maybe it runs in the family." Jack downed his drink and got up. He laid an encouraging hand on River's shoulder. "You should go and talk to her. If I'm right, she is tearing herself apart inside. You two have a bond that is so strong. You shouldn't throw it away over false pride." He nodded and left the bar.

River looked at the point where he had vanished, mulling over what he'd just said. She really should make another attempt to talk to Shadow. Maybe she had calmed down enough. Back when they had met that had also worked. River downed her drink and the barman cleared the glass away.

"I'm sorry, but I don't have any…"

"Don't worry. The Captain has already paid." The man explained.

River smiled. Although she didn't meet up with the Captain often, she appreciated his generosity.

She got up and programmed her Vortex Manipulator with the coordinates of the Proclamation. If she was right, Shadow would be in her office.

River was gone in a flash and materialized in the hangar. She purposefully walked in the direction of Shadow's office.

On her way there she decided that, whatever the outcome of this conversation was, she'd quit her job here and go back to freelancing. That had less paperwork and less weight of the universe was on her shoulders.

She had reached the front office and disregarded the assistant sitting there, instead walking directly up to the doors to Shadow's office.

Of course, the assistant didn't let that slide. "The Commander doesn't want to be disturbed. I have to ask you to leave."

River tried her utmost to be patient, but found she had no patience left. She turned to the assistant, a storm brewing inside her that let her throw all subtlety and caution overboard. "I am Professor River Song. If I want to talk to my wife I will do so and you will not stop me. Now shut up and sit down."

River turned to the doors again and briefly wondered, if she should knock. She decided against it and just pushed the doors open.