The Heart Never Lies
Chapter 2.
July 2008
"Alright Cass, just one last time I promise." His fingers spread over a chord on the piano, "Ready? On 1..2.."
"No, no please Dougie just give me break for a moment." Cassie whined, burying her face in her hands. "Let's have a drink break and then we can finish this. Then I'm all yours."
She hoisted herself off the seat in the middle of Dougie's makeshift recording studio in the back corner of his Croydon studio apartment. Cassie leaped her way into the kitchen as though she owned the place, well, she almost did but for $120 a week and slept in her own bed behind a quirky bohemian room divider just opposite the living area.
She rummaged through the bottom drawer in the fridge knowing that's where Dougie hid the good booze from everyone underneath the potatoes and punnet of tomatoes. "No beer?" She almost shrieked. This was almost unheard of in this house.
Dougie's tall frame appeared behind her swearing under his breath, "Has your fuckin' cousin done it again?" Not sounding surprised, "You know Danny's got the nose for free beer."
"How's Smirnoff then? Double black." Cassie pulled two bottles from the back of the fridge, "Tell the fucker he owes us now, tell him to bring us a carton next time he comes around. You know, for the hassle."
Cassie liked to rile Danny up when she had the chance; the two had always had a love/hate relationship, driving their Mothers insane at family functions. Things had calmed down as they got older though, there were no more impromptu wrestling matches in the middle of a shopping mall or cheap shot slaps out from nowhere. Nowadays if you put the two together and they would be nit picking at each other one minute and laughing at an inside joke together the next. Danny had always been the best prankster and after 20 something years, Cassie still walked right into them blindly.
Dougie unscrewed his bottle and reached to do the same for hers "Call it even, I think these are his." He said while inspecting the bottle label and took a giant swig.
Her eyes lit up like a child's, "Drink up. Chug-a-lug!" She sang, pulling out the rest of the bottles from the bottom shelf of the fridge. "Game on, oh 'Danny Boy'" She continued to sing and smile mischievously, not noticing Dougie's eyes on her until-
"What?" She stopped in her tracks feeling suddenly self-conscious.
"Come on Cass," His voice broke sharply, "let's get back to work." His soft smile faltering at the corners, a habit he couldn't hide when he was in a bad mood.
She licked the corners of her lips, tasting the lemony flavour on the tip of her tongue as her normally rosy cheeks burned deeper against her porcelain tone. Unnerved by his sudden seriousness she silently followed him back to the piano with all jokes left behind and feeling like a child who had just been scolded.
She slumped down in a desk chair, feeling the leather cold against her bare legs. Dougie resumed his seat at the piano stool pushed so far away from the keys that he could barely reach them but was inches away from Cassie's seat, so close enough that his empty hand rubbed against her bare thigh.
The house had gone eerily quiet, not even the traffic down below echoed. Raindrops splattered the window lazily signalling the end of the heavy downpour from earlier on which had only cooled the temperature temporarily.
Cassie watched him eye the music sheets carefully while he sipped at his drink and scrunched his face at the flavour of it. She held a hand over her mouth to stifle an awkward chuckle at forgetting about Dougie's hate for lemon flavoured drinks. Cassie couldn't understand why had switched mood so rapidly from tipsy and playful to cold and serious because he'd never been this intense while playing at home before, this was supposed to be his happy place.
It was a Saturday evening, it had been a muggy day and they had been at the pub earlier that afternoon for what they called 'housemate date.' Every month or so often, alternating who paid and decided where to go, they'd take each other out. After the early days of McFly, probably since about a year ago the band had really started to take off for real the boys were hardly ever around anymore which made it near impossible to organise any sort of get together. Their secret tradition of housemate date was something that both Doug and Cassie had held onto. He said it kept him grounded and that it always gave him something to hold on and look forward to upon coming home.
Today was Dougie's turn to treat and he'd decided to take Cassie to the Oval Tavern a few blocks away where they shared pizza for a late lunch and got tipsy on the Happy Hour specials. By the time it hit 5 o'clock the pair were bouncing from their bar stools singing along to 'Tiny Dancer' both rosy cheeked and unsteady. He'd held off the urge to kiss her all afternoon as she laughed and licked those brilliant red lips he knew she'd purposely painted for him.
They decided to return back to the apartment after their third or fourth beer when Cassie's voice was becoming too loud and Doug's laugh echoed too far. One of them suggested carrying on with drinks back at the apartment, which sounded perfect to the other so they chugged the rest of their beers racing to see who would finish first. Cassie belched loud and unexpectedly causing Dougie to laugh, almost spitting his drink out. Her eyes twinkled, locking with his and silencing the laughter and the clinking of their glasses just for a second. He was the first to break away, ushering her out of the stool and through the wooden door of the pub and were met with pelting rain.
They raced each other home. Both a little off balanced and running quicker than their brain could keep up with.
Cassie had taken a blunder tripping on the curb of the road and twisted her ankle. Dougie had tried to pull her upright from the pavement but tripped on his own feet landing in the gutter by her side now both soaked and they began laughing at the sight of her wet arse and his muddy yellow and white tee.
"Nice bra" Doug said behind his cackles, pointing at her thin white shirt now soaked and transparent.
They hadn't noticed until they'd gotten past the threshold just how dirty they both had gotten from rolling around on the wet pavement of Brickwood Road.
It had started out as a second round of giggles as they caught their reflection in the entrance mirror.
Cass started to undress herself with the intention of a hot shower by flinging her soiled white shirt carelessly onto the floor and enjoying the sight of Doug fighting his resistance not to join her. His eyes gleamed with restraint, his Adams apple visibly throbbing in his throat as he swallowed; she never made these scenarios easy for him.
From behind her he snaked his arms around her slowly backing her up against the wall, grinding his hips against hers. His teeth grazed hungrily over her bottom lip and he felt her nails digging, clutching at the shirt on his back before ripping it over his head. Things heated quickly and unexpectedly as it always happened between the pair, never allowing a moment of second thoughts or clarity to arise. Don't think, just do was their unspoken motto when it came down to the chemistry that exploded during every moment of silence when they were alone.
His hands trailed down her sides, finding the zip on her jeans and slid them off expertly. She kicked them off eagerly before he hitched her leg up around his, grabbed the backs of her thighs he lifted her off the floor. His fervent kisses and caresses heated her skin as he took her on a detour stopping at the piano to catch their breath. Doug seated himself in front of the piano stool, pulling her on top so that she was straddling his thighs.
In the midst of the passion, Dougie had grazed his hands against a button which had activated a recording of a tune without words. They first started laughing at the surprise background music until the sounds had fallen into place of a familiar tune which immediately dimmed the mood when the melancholic major chords hit their senses.
It was Nate's song.
The two locked eyes, just as startled as the other but neither of them made the initial move to stop the music or move from their half-naked embrace.
But then something in his demeanour changed when he'd asked her to sing.
Cassie agreed to sing some lyrics despite her normally rusty voice tainting the beautiful words written. It was as though a cloud had covered Dougie's mood. He'd dropped all attention on her and delved into the music, his mood turning colder towards Cassie when she tried to pull him back to her. She'd tried to lighten the mood, she tried to steer away from the music but he persisted that she sing 'just this one time'.
Her excuse to leave for a drink hadn't gone to plan, he had pulled her back to sit beside him at the piano ignoring the mud stains caked on her arms, forming bruises on her hip and the fact that she was only in her underwear and a half unhooked bra and he with his jeans strewn on the floor beneath the piano stool.
It was making her feel awkward; she didn't like singing for people and he knew that. Tom was out of town with his family while Danny wasn't answering his calls and Harry had his own thing going on at the time that Doug had said he didn't bother asking him to hear the song.
The problem that unnerved Cassie most was that nobody else had heard the song just yet. None of the boys knew what Doug had started writing or who it was for.
"Doug?"
She had barely pulled him away from his work.
'Hmm?' His eyes refused to leave the sheet music as he scribbled at notes.
"How did we even get this far, it's been a while now since you started this song. Why now do you want to work on it?"
He rested his drink on the empty chair beside him and made a sound while he considered the question.
"Cass, do you remember the night we were sitting right here after Nate's funeral?"
Her eyes squinted at the mention of the name as though it bore the sharpness of a butcher's knife against her throat.
She nodded, of course she remembered sitting at the piano. Her eyes flashed towards the piano keys, remembering how it felt to play them. Remembering the afternoon of Nate's funeral, the weather was exactly the same as it had been today; muggy and sour.
The five of them returned to the apartment after a trip to the beach straight from the wake. There were empty bottles scattered around the apartment following tracks of beach sand and the smell of salt. Stacks of Polaroid photos were scattered on the coffee table, Danny had gone searching for pictures of Nate to keep or to give to his family. They were all utterly drained, unable to talk, unable to focus but mostly unable to shut down from the events of the day.
Slade were playing their greatest hits softly over the stereo which Harry napped easily through on the end of Dougie's bed. Tom was in the kitchen slowly clearing the mess up to keep himself busy leaving Cassie and Dougie at the piano stool together where she single handedly played a tune.
The memories from that day sent a shiver down her spine and she thought about the words she hummed that night and only it was Dougie who heard.
After they had kissed when everyone had left, he whispered the words in her ear, the final nail to the coffin. Everything had become undone as quickly as another thing came together; "Cass, just remember that The Heart Never Lies…"
Back in reality, a gulp of air caught in her throat, "How could I not remember?" She was offended he had to ask.
"Then you'd remember playing this song."
Of course she did and she wished she never had done it.
Doug continued, "It isn't Nate's song, it's your song, Cass."
The words caught in her throat. "No." She had to argue. If it's not for him, then what's left of him?
A quiet knock at the door set the conversation on pause. The room fell silent for a moment before the knocks became louder with Danny's voice chorusing behind the bangs.
Before Doug could stand up to find his pants they could hear the knocking had stopped and a distant sound of Danny's voice, "Oh Yeah."
"Shit!" Cassie hissed, "I gave him the spare key!" She whispered, fumbling to hook her bra.
Dougie frowned incredulously, "You what!?"
As if on the queue, the sound of a key entering the lock was heard.
"Fuck!" Was all he could say while he watched Cassie tiptoe towards the bathroom to wrap herself in a towel.
"Hey-Ho" Danny's voice sang as he popped his head into the door, "Doug sorry I missed your call, mate…" He didn't even notice Dougie in his boxers standing in front of him.
"Cass said she got you a key?" Dougie was obviously not impressed.
"Aye, for emergencies and stuff I suppose." Danny took a seat before he continued, unaware of what he'd almost walked into.
"I knew you had to be home, heard music from here in the lobby…" Until he finally noticed the pants on the floor, then saw the female shirt behind him.
"Oh shit, you got company?" His sly smirk was quickly in action, "He still here" He joked.
Dougie had relaxed. Of course Danny wouldn't automatically assume he was sleeping with his dead best friend's ex-girlfriend. That's not something people normally do. Friends don't sleep with their friend's family, do they?
Danny's eyes pointed at the clothing strewn across the floor, and then heard his cousin walking behind him in nothing but a towel, "What the fuck's going on here?" He was out of his chair, his head turning between the two of them.
He pointed at the scratches on her shoulder, "What happened to you?" He motioned at the mud on her arms. "Get that shit cleaned up, aye? You're gonne bruise up like a banana."
Cassie's eyes narrowed right past him to Dougie waving her the okay.
Danny didn't stay for very long. He was having phone problems and popped in to just relay a message from a mutual acquaintance at the studio.
When he left, Cassie was in the shower yelling her goodbye from behind the bathroom door.
She listened as hard as she could at the two talking in the hallway, the voices becoming distant as she imagined them both walking towards the front door. Dougie was no doubt eager to be rid of company for the night.
She could hear her cousin's voice drowning Doug's which was usual; Doug was so gentle and softly spoken.
She emerged from the bathroom, wet foot prints trailing with her every step, followed the sound of Doug's sigh into the kitchen and met with his frustrated face cupped between his hands, elbows propped up against the stone bench top.
"What did he say?" She asked, gripping the towel tighter, feeling goosebumps grow on her arms.
He didn't say a word, only grumbled while rubbing at his face.
She could hear her blood rush in her ears, "What did you say?"
He shook his head, waited a few beats and searched for the right words.
How could he tell her it had to stop? He'd never been so close to coming to the truth about the story of what happens between Cassie and him behind closed doors, when nobody is around. He knew he'd lose Danny and the guys. He'd never been so scared to face anyone about it until then, the look of panic on Danny's face when he saw their clothes on the floor flashed in front of his eyes. Danny didn't ask questions because he trusted Dougie and thought he knew Cassie.
"I didn't say anything Cass because…" He stammered while absent-mindedly picking at his thumbnail.
She could feel the pulse in her neck almost vibrate, "Because what?" She was becoming impatient.
Doug always was the best at staying calm and keeping peace but Cassie was another story, she was a living tornado. He hated confrontation and was never one to put himself ahead of anybody else, even while driving he'd let everyone merge in front of him no matter the situation and still wave at them like 'thank you'.
There was not one cruel bone in his body and that was the first thing she loved most about him. Next to his inability to not smile at service staff, God he was always so patient with the slowest cashier and said thank you with a smile to waiting and retail staff everywhere.
Doug's eyes finally narrowed upon hers, pulling her from her wandering thoughts like gravity to the hard ground. Her stomach dropped.
"Because there's nothing to tell him," He said flatly, his eyes softening and cheeks reddening.
"Not about our dates or about us fucking in every section of this apartment?" Dougie shook his head hoping to end the conversation that he could feel turning into an argument.
She continued, "Do we just pretend that there's nothing going on here, or that nothing has ever happened?"
"Not anymore Cassie." He'd said so low, he wondered if she had even heard.
He could hear her thoughts though, rushing through her head without her even saying anything.
"So, nothing ever happened?" She repeated processing that Doug had proposed to end their secret affair.
He couldn't look at her, he knew that in one glance he would change his mind. He turned to leave the kitchen knowing she could make him take everything back with one look- he needed to be strong. He had barely turned his back for a moment, his foot hadn't yet lifted off the kitchen tiles when her voice stopped him dead in his tracks.
"Not even Joey?"
The word hit him like a bullet. Damn her. It took every ounce of his strength to ignore the bullet wound knowing her intent. She had no right to use their child as a weapon on him.
She could feel the air in the room turn to ice. The entire mood from before ruined and forgotten, like a distant memory shared between two different people.
His look was warning, "Don't-"
He'd turned to her with such severity that the breath hitched in her throat, regretting speaking those sacred words used in such manner.