Chapter 21

Lie To Me

The bell rings and around you all the students begin to pour out of Jenny's class. You remain, bad leg propped up on the desk in front of you, arms folded. Jenny notices, and stops packing her bag. She sits quietly whilst the room empties, eyes locked on yours.

You are alone now. The classroom echos as the students race down the halls. The sound dying away to silence.

"So. You got something to say about me and Buffy, you gonna say it now."

"Have you told her what you are?"

"No."

"You swear?"

"You get on Amy's back like this when she told Oz? Seemed to me you where all five by five about that, so, I think this is another deal altogether, and I gotta tell ya Jenny, for all your crap about open mindedness, you sure aren't walking your talk."

"No, you don't understand! I... wouldn't... butBuffy's dangerous. She is using you. Tell her nothing. Stay clear of her."

"Wait, lemme guess, you taught at Hemry High before."

"Faith… you have no idea what she is capable of. What she has done."

"I know Buffy's past. She told me what she did."

"She… has?"

"You don't know what happened to her, do you? How she changed? She lives with the shame. All she wants is a new start, to bring joy and kindness and from where I am sitting, she is doing a mighty fine job at that."

"She is manipulating you." Jenny says, slamming her hands on the desk.

"Newsflash, everyone does! Thats life. That's people, sweetheart."

You grab your walking stick and stand, wincing at the sharp reminder, but do your best to storm out. Jenny springs up seizing your arm and pulling you close.

"Faith, please… I beg you. " she whispers harshly, eyes darting about the coridoor at the stragglers.

"Listen up. You think you know me? You know shit. You have no idea what I am capable of. You keep your nose out of my private life Jenny, or I will remove it. We clear?"

You glare at her hand on your arm, and swear to god think about crushing it there and then. Jenny releases you, her body trembling, her face red.

"We're done here."

People are liars. Of this you know. But love is the greatest liar of all. And Kennedy had been in love.

You hold a few strands of hair up to the shaft of sunlight and Giles watches it glow blue, ignite, turn to ash.

"How is this possible?"

"I think it's pretty obvious. Kennedy had a ginger vamp in her bed. Ten bucks she was getting love bites from a chick called Willow Rosenberg." You say.

The chick you should have saved had you not been so careles.

"But Kennedy was careful, she knew not to invite-"

"She knew she was a vamp Giles. She just didn't care."

He started to protest but stammered to a halt. He knew it wasn't just possible, but all the evidence pointed to a big black hole in the household. A gaunt ghost of a girl, where one burned with passion and such intense life, slowly fading, disappearing before all your eyes. And none of you, for different reasons, none of you reached out to help her.

You pick up a few more strands from the bed. Ginger tangled in amongst the brown. Roses tangled in a deformed skeleton. As you drop them in the light, the red catches fire, as it hits the bed, the brown melt and curl away.

You look to the pictures on the wall. Among the non prophecy pictures, a candid shot of the girl in question. Another, more sensual, much changed, sly smile, dark eyes filled with mischief.

"This has been going on a while." You sigh.

"How could I be so blind?" He says, perching on the end of the bed. "I failed her. I should have paid more attention. I am failing all of you."

"Look around Jeeves, we are all failing here. Vi ain't exactly got the killer instinct thing, and I am pretty sure next to the definition of failed slayer in the watcher's diaries is a picture of me."

"Faith, you are not."

"Really? You know how Merrick really died?"

"I do."

"Then why am I here? How can you even stand to look at me?"

"Because you did the right thing. You did what you had to do to survive, Faith. It was the right thing."

"How can you say that? He-, pulled me off the streets, fed me… he… saved my life countless times… and I... how can you say that?"

"A Watcher's life means nothing compared to The Slayer's. We all know the risks and sacrifices of the job. The Slayer, our Slayers, are the most important thing, the most vital thing."

"But I strangled him Giles. I… looked him in the face and… Kakistos told me to strangle him. And I did it. I looked in right in the eye and did it."

"I know."

Giles wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. Your face is hot, and you realize the alien sensation of tears flowing from you. He cannot see you cry, your head against his strong chest. But he must know. He must. And shame burns your flesh and muscles.

"He would have been so proud of you Faith. Who you have become. Your strength, your bravery. Believe me, I read his diaries, and every word, every single word brims with pride and awe at you Faith. How resilient and remarkable you where."

"He never said… he… I… oh god I killed him Giles. I killed him."

"Listen to me very closely. If you had to make that choice again- take my life to save yours? Do it. And don't think for a second I would be anything but willing and proud. You really are remarkable, in every way."

"I feel so ashamed." You say. "I miss him. The cruel bastard, I miss him."

Giles holds you as you sob, saying soothing things and stroking your back. For a moment you imagine slipping your fingers around his throat, that sickening joy, that power as you crush the life from a man as your demon part bays for it. And you cry out and sob harder. What are you? Why do you think these things? How could you do these things?

And when the sobbing abates and you pull away, rubbing at your face merely to hide it from him as you make for the door.

You stop, gesture to the room, and say "you know, all this isn't fair on Violet. Keeping all this while she sits in that shitty motel. She should be here with you."

"You're right of course. But all this… it's all clues."

"It's more than that. You can't let her go, can you?"

He thinks about it in silence.

"Then… let me go." You say. "I will find somewhere close by, and Violet can have my room. I will take April and find somewhere."

"I will talk to the council. See what we can arrange. Fortunately, real estate in Sunnydale is rather affordable, what with all the deaths and all."

"In the meantime, I'm gonna pack, we can switch Vi over tonight. April and I will take the motel."

"And I will call Amy, see if she can renew the spell of hearths to uninvite this Willow."

"Wait" you say "there is one more thing. Do you know what an Orb of Thesula is?"

Amy, Giles and you were in full research mode when Oz and Violet arrive. And Bless them, they are carrying boxes of doughnuts and coffee. It isn't until you bite deeply into the chocolate shell that you realised just how stretched thin and depleted your body is. You wash some painkillers down with sweet strong coffee. Violet is watching you with sympathetic eyes, you give her a wink.

"So" Giles says, "what do we have so far?"

" Orb of Thesula are forged from Gypsy magic." You say.

"Roma magic. Gypsy is a slur and a misnomer." Amy points out, in a rather curt sing-song manner, it's the third time she has had to remind the group.

"Yeah, that. So these folk use them for temporarily holding souls of the dead in various rituals" You say. "We can't find any spells because they were supposedly not written down. Anya said something about that too when she sold it to me. Oral tradition. Kalder- something."

Giles pulls a book from the shelf and flips through.

"Kalderash. A Roma clan. There are references to them in the watcher diaries during the Kingdom of Hungary, although there are missing pages… I… yes, here, during a power struggle within The Order of The Dragon- that is a vampire house, like Aurelius here. Various Gypsy… excuse me… Roma clans were involved on both sides."

He flips through as you eat. Thank the PTB for jelly doughnuts, though it doesn't make up for the flaming wreckage of your life, it definitely is a check in their favor. Giles gives a little 'aha!' stabbing a page, and reads aloud.

"Such fury and grief at the loss of their favoured of favoured, the daughter most dear, The Kalderash Clan cursed the vampire responsible to suffer eternal, under the burden of her grief."

"Vampire's don't feel guilt for their actions." Amy says. "That would require a conscience."

"A soul." Oz says, looking at your Orb sat in it's wooden box on the table.

"What if The Kalderash used this somehow to give this vampire her soul back?"

"It would explain the link between the Orb and vampires" Amy says.

"Kennedy was trying to give Willow back her soul." Giles says.

You silently sit in your thoughts. Typical Kennedy. Always trying to save people. It fits. It all fits.

"Can't help but notice the use of "her" there." Oz says. "Are we thinking this could be our Queen?"

"Maybe Kennedy cast the spell… maybe she inadvertently broke the spell on The Blood Queen." Amy says.

Giles pops the lid on the white board marker and adds 'Kalderash', 'Hungary' and links it back to 'The Blood Queen'.

Amy sits up suddenly. "I know Jenny poo-pooed it, but Báthory was hungarian. Was she about the time of this Dragon Order throw down?"

"The King Vampire at that time was Dracula."

"You're shitting me!" You say. "He's real? Get outta here."

"Yes, he is quite real. Or was, at least. He was believed to have been defeated by The Slayer at the time, whoever she was, but we simply don't have those pages. Which is incredibly disappointing. I would have loved to have read them. By all accounts he was quite a fascinating foe."

"Long shot, what if Bathory took over as boss in those gaps?" Amy says

"Possible, but no evidence." Giles says. I mean, Báthory was a contemporary of Dracula… well, he lived before her birth but she ruled during the period he was recorded to have been active. But that's the only link we have. Tenuous at best."

"Imagine if we could ensoul vampires instead of killing them." Amy said.

"They would still need to feed." Giles said, pondering the concept. "And a soul only gives the free will to choose good. Plenty of people have souls and do evil. A soul isn't a cure."

"Well, Kennedy must have had an Orb to cast the spell, and somehow found the spell."

"I could track down the Kalderash clan, see if we can find who-"

The library doors slam behind you.

"Wha- was someone listening?"

But by the time Violet gets to the door, whoever it was, had vanished.

Buffy greets you at the gates at your usual spot. She casually links her arm through your non-cane arm and plants a soft kiss on your cheek.

"Look at you, all up and about." She smiles. "All that crazy focus on physio paying off I see."

"You know me, nothing if not dedicated." You say. You feel her arm tighten around yours slightly.

"Cordelia and the girls miss you, wanted to know when you think you will be back to practice."

"I… don't know if that's a good idea."

"Why? You are healing fast. You love cheering. The girls all accept us dating. Well, maybe not all of them, Harmony has turned into a glare factory, but Cordy keeps them in line… oh, and not to blow my own, but I am there too. Added bonus, if I don't say so myself."

You chuckle. She is so adorable. But still, with Violet not being able to hold her own yet and Giles grieving, maybe it is time you focus more on Slaying. But what to say to Buffy?

"Doc says I may never be the same. I just don't like the idea of letting the squad down. What if my leg goes during a pyramid or… I mean…"

"That's okay. Just, let's just keep the door open and see how you heal, okay?"

"Okay." You say, and fake a smile. And think of roses entwined, strangling each other as they fight for the light.

…

That night, as the neon blinks harsh through your motel window, sirens distant. You can hear the sounds of sex from two rooms away. The chitter of bugs in the walls. April is curled up in bed beside you in her pretense of sleep.

You think about Kennedy loving a monster. The tragedy of lying just so you can love. Loving in the dark.

How tangled love and lies are. That you can… yes, you can say love now… that you can love Buffy and lie to her about what you are. What you really are.

Is there love without lies?

Your laptop seems to hear your thoughts, it's search complete, a file flicks up on screen. The file of Jana Kalderash, their heir to the line, keeper of their magics.

And there is your answer.

Because the picture is of Jenny Calendar