SPRING
March
A few days had passed since the mysterious flower had been left for her at work and Sansa found that it was an easier thing to push from her mind than she had first expected. She was pretty sure she knew who had left it for her, the more time she had to think about it the more she realized the only person who could have left it for her was Arya. Sansa must have been more obvious than she thought last month imagining relationships with strangers. The flower was simply her sister's not so subtle way of telling her to get her head out of the clouds and come back down to Earth.
Sansa had to admit it worked fairly well. The tulip soon fled from her mind and Sansa was able to fall back into her routine. As midterms approached she found herself suddenly grateful that she worked in a coffeehouse as the free drink she got every shift was starting to be what carried her through her long nights of studying. Her advisors had warned her that trying to complete a double major in five years would be tough but Sansa was only just beginning to realize how tough it would be. But she hadn't been able to choose between political science and women's studies when it came time to pick a major so she had decided to go for both, despite the worried comments from her mother about over-extending.
She was not the only one feeling the breath of midterm grades on the back of her neck. Frazzled looking students had begun to camp out at the coffeehouse, books and papers piled high around them as they slung back copious amounts of black coffee and espresso and fought over the tables closest to the power outlets. The clacking sound of keyboard keys soon faded into background music as Sansa wondered how crammed the shop would be come finals week.
Some of her coworkers were feeling the pressure as well. Podrick, a first-year history student would stand in the backroom reading flashcards during his breaks. Sansa often overheard him muttering dates and names under his breath as he drew leaves in the foam of lattes. Now in her first year of grad school Margaery was no stranger to midterms but Sansa still caught her reading her textbook under the counter more than once as the exams approached. Another first-year student, Bella, was often dancing around them behind the counter as she practiced the steps for her dance final as best as she could in an apron holding a hot pot of coffee.
Even Alayaya seemed to have picked up on the anxiety of her employees and customers. She offered free espresso shots the night before exams started to anyone who showed her an exam schedule. Sansa caught sight of her throwing back shots of the espresso herself like it was whiskey. The only person who seemed to be calm about the approaching exams was Shae, who was not a student and who seemed to be quite amused by everyone's stress. She did put out a blanket offer to everyone that she could change shifts with them during exam week to help people get more time to rest or study so Sansa didn't mind too much when she caught Shae giggling at their frantic studying more and more often as the exams dates arrived.
Sansa didn't see very much of Arya during midterm week thankfully. Even her incessant NO DATING text messages whittled down to once a day. She knew that her little sister was busy with her own exams and Sansa was just grateful that Arya was focusing on them instead of her. She didn't know if she could have handled her constant reminders any more that week. It was nice to finally have a break from the endless reminder that she wasn't allowed to date, especially since she kept finding herself in close quarters with Margaery.
They didn't work every shift together but they were still on the schedule on the same shift three days a week. Margaery was easily Sansa's favorite person to work with, and not just because she was nice to look at. She had a seemingly unflappable demeanor and Sansa had yet to see her even so much as glare at an unruly customer. Sansa often found herself wishing that she had even half as much of Margaery's coolness, she herself often got harried and rushed when customers were rude to her and she had burned herself with foam more than once under someone's glaring eyes. Sansa could learn a lot from Margaery, that's why she was always so excited to work with her. Or at least that was the lie she told herself to make her feel less guilty about the resolution.
The last day of midterm week ended up being a very slow night for the coffeehouse, it seemed even slower after the last couple of weeks of studying madness. Sansa herself felt like a weight had been lifted off of her as she had finished her last test that morning and she'd had a really good feeling about it. As she locked up the shop for the night she was already imagining the long bath she would take that night and the nearly full bottle of wine she might just finish off. She was trying to decide if she wanted to swing by the pizza place a few blocks away from her apartment on the way home or content herself to eating cereal for the third night in a row when Margaery's voice tore her from her thoughts.
"Thank the gods this week is finally over." She said as she flipped the main lights off as Sansa used the light drifting from the backroom to pick her way around the tables. The chairs sitting on top of them looked like the limbs of weird bare trees in the dim light. "The tips this past week were nice but I thought exams would never end."
Sansa nodded in agreement as she reached the counter and came to a stop a few feet away from Margaery. It was what she had deemed as a safe distance since the incident with the tulip. "Well it's just eight more weeks until finals. The tips are probably even better that week."
Margaery let out a low groan that made Sansa swallow hard at the sound. "Don't you even mention finals to me right now Sansa Stark." She leaned back heavily against the wall and stared at Sansa through the hair that had fallen loose from her ponytail to frame her face. Sansa curled her fingers into fists behind her back to resist the urge to tuck it back behind her ears. "Midterms ended hours ago and already you have the audacity to bring up finals?"
Sansa found herself grinning despite herself. Margaery often had that effect on her. "I'm sorry." She said through her smile, biting her lip to stop herself from asking how she could make it up to her. Those words sounded far too much like flirting and Sansa had already decided that flirting was coming too close to breaking her no dating resolution. The more shifts she worked with Margaery the harder Sansa found it not to flirt.
"Don't worry about it. You haven't done any damage that a drink won't fix." Margaery said with a smile, pushing herself away from the wall to lead the way into the backroom. Sansa was in the middle of pulling on her coat when Margaery spoke again. "I know this place down in Flea Bottom that makes killer cocktails. Plus, the bartender knows me and gives me half off drinks whenever I bring a pretty girl with me. What do you say?"
Fumbling with her coat Sansa took a moment before she responded. She didn't know which part of that statement to focus on first, the fact that Margaery had called her pretty or the fact that it seemed like she was asking her out on a date. "You want to get drinks with me?"
"Sure." Margaery pulled her ponytail out of the back of her coat and shrugged. "After this week I could use a good drink. Or four."
Sansa could feel her heart beating a bruise against the inside of her ribs as she fought to find an answer. On the one hand drinks were not necessarily a date and even though Margaery called her pretty and seemed to flirt with her sometimes Sansa had no idea if she even liked girls. She very well could be asking her because they were coworkers who seemed to be on the way to being friends and this had been a very stressful week. A drink didn't sound like such a bad idea, Sansa hadn't gone out to a bar in months as she had been trying to avoid any scene that might put her in a position where flirting or being asked out might happen. The thought of going out for drinks with Margaery made Sansa's heart flutter in anticipation and it was that feeling that got her to shake her head no.
"I can't tonight, sorry." Sansa admitted breathlessly as she slung her backpack over her shoulder. "Maybe I could take a raincheck?" A raincheck would still be valid in nine months right? Sansa couldn't help but wonder as she fiddled with the strap of her bag.
"Sure." Margaery said with a grin as she pulled her keys out of her pocket. She didn't look too disappointed Sansa noted with a sigh of relief. She must not have been asking her out on a date after all. "My little brother and his boyfriend want me to meet up with them anyway. Maybe we'll go down to Flea Bottom and they can get the half-priced drinks for bringing me."
Sansa laughed as she followed Margaery out the door and tried to ignore the swoop of disappointment in her chest.
XxX
Things with Margaery were as normal as ever the next few days much to Sansa's relief. She realized now that Margaery must not have been asking her out after all and had just wanted to relax after a long week. She felt a little annoyed with herself for not taking the chance to go out and do something besides work and school and her knitting project but at the same time Sansa knew that not going had been a good idea. Even if it hadn't been a date she had too many complicated feelings about Margaery for it to have been fair to go out with her. Fair for herself because of her resolution but also not fair to Margaery. She clearly didn't have the same feelings that Sansa did and even if she did Sansa couldn't act on hers for another eight and a half months so what was the point of bringing them up?
With midterms over the coffeehouse patronage had resumed its normal volume for which Sansa found herself both grateful for and annoyed. She missed the constant stream of people (although she did not miss the endless chime of that damned bell) because it had allowed her less time to think about things. Now she had far too many emotions and confusions clouding her head and they were no longer busy enough to keep all the thoughts from entering her mind.
Sansa was getting ready to leave her shift and head to class when Bella popped her head into the back, nearly hitting Sansa with the swinging door with the exuberance she swung the door open with.
"Here's your portion of the tips from the morning." Bella said as she thrust a handful of small bills and change at Sansa who juggled her bag and cup of coffee to catch the money before Bella dropped it on the floor like she usually did. She never checked to make sure someone was ready to take whatever she was offering them, she just thrust out her arm and let go.
"Thanks." Sansa said as she shoved the change into the front pocket of her bag. It clinked musically against the other fistfuls of coins she'd put in there over the last week. She made a mental note to clean her bag out when she got home.
"This was left for you too." Bella added as she shoved something pink at Sansa and let it drop as the bell went off in the other room. Sansa caught the object in surprise, nearly spilling her coffee in the process, as Bella left her alone in the backroom.
A pink flower, a peony Sansa recognized after a few moments, lay in her hand. It's petals where slightly crushed on one side from Bella's grip and there on the stem was a small piece of paper with her name scrawled on it in an elegant hand. Sansa stared down at it for a moment before darting back through the door into the shop. She ignored Bella's look of curiosity as she scanned the room, Arya was nowhere in sight but that didn't mean she hadn't had someone leave this for her.
"Did you see who left this?" Sansa asked Bella curiously, waving the flower in her hand at her.
"Nope." Bella shrugged as she went back to texting under the counter clearly oblivious to the turbulent emotions this little flower was putting Sansa through. Strange that such a small thing could hold such power.
The next week Shae found a yellow daisy left on a table with Sansa's name on it. She grinned as she tucked it behind Sansa's ear and told her she hadn't see who had left it. Sansa had pulled the flower from her ear and went into the back to check her text messages from Arya but all she had was an endless stream of messages reminding her NO DATING in a variety of different ways. Her little sister had never mentioned anything about flowers and Sansa hadn't even seen her for weeks they'd both been so busy but somehow she couldn't quite shake the feeling that she was the mastermind behind these little flowers.
With a sigh Sansa dropped the daisy into the trashcan before throwing a few paper towels over it to hide it from sight, unfortunately she couldn't hide it from her thoughts as easily.
April
The arrival of April was brought on by a seemingly endless rain shower and even more flowers. Nearly every shift Sansa worked now a new flower was left for her, in a variety of species and colors. Sansa kept a close eye out for Arya but she never came into the coffeehouse. Sansa assumed that she was having other people drop the flowers off for her in order to avoid Sansa's suspicions but Sansa was not fooled that easily. She knew that Arya was the mastermind behind the flowers, it was her twisted way to keep her on track with the resolution.
When the second week of April drew to a close and Sansa was still being presented with a flower every shift from a grinning coworker who swore they had no idea who left it she realized that she had finally had enough. She texted Arya to meet her at her apartment that evening and when Arya texted her back that she had plans Sansa was still so worked up that all she texted back was NOW, she didn't even put any kind of punctuation so that Arya knew she was serious.
It was another hour before Arya finally showed up at the apartment, her hair was shorter now and Sansa realized that she had chopped it all off again. It actually looked good on her this time and Sansa wondered if she'd actually let someone else cut it rather than taking the scissors to her own hair because one of their father's friends had made some drunken comment about ladies having long hair. Her sister's snappy tone drew her from her thoughts.
"What's so important that couldn't wait until tomorrow?" Arya asked as she pushed past Sansa into the apartment, throwing her wet coat over the back of one the bar stools by the counter Sansa had in lieu of a table and chairs.
"You have to stop leaving me flowers." Sansa said as she shut the door. She knew it was best to not beat around the bush when it came to Arya. Straight and to the point were the way to go with her little sister as she had learned the hard way.
Arya looked up from the gray and white scarf Sansa was knitting for Jon, their cousin who had been raised like a brother with them. He was a member of the army and was stationed at the northern most point of Westeros at the Wall so Sansa was making his scarf nearly twice as thick as the others.
"What flowers?" Arya asked curiously as she let the unfinished scarf slide through her hands and drop back onto the counter.
Sansa huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "You don't have to play coy. I've already told you I intend to keep this resolution so you don't have to keep trying so hard."
Leaning back against the counter Arya's eyes scanned the room, clearly looking for any of the flowers she'd been leaving. Sansa hadn't brought any of them back to the apartment however. She didn't want any kind of reminder of the things she couldn't have for the next eight months. Well that and she didn't want to give Arya the satisfaction of her keeping them.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Arya finally admitted with a shrug, her gray eyes locking onto Sansa's blue ones with a spark of curiosity. "Who's been leaving you flowers?"
Faltering Sansa uncrossed her arms to run a hand through her hair. This was not the direction she had been expecting this conversation to go in. She had excepted Arya to deny it but she hadn't expected her to play dumb, she wasn't very good at it. If Arya was going this direction then that meant... "It hasn't been you?"
Arya shook her head as she picked up an apple from the bowl on the counter and bit into it. "Nope. Have they been left here?" She asked around a mouthful of half chewed fruit as she looked around the room again as if she suddenly expected flowers to jump out at her from behind the cupboard doors.
Suddenly feeling the need to sit down Sansa headed for her couch where she all but fell onto the cushions. Shaking her head she answered Arya's question, "At the coffeehouse. I thought it was you this whole time."
"When did it start?" Arya asked curiously as she came to sit in front of Sansa on the coffee table. Sansa's mind was in such a whirl she didn't even berate her for sitting on the furniture. She'd spent the last six weeks convinced that the flowers had been left by her sister. She knew that Arya had lied to her about things before but she was certain she was telling her the truth now. This was something she would confess too, if only to take credit it for it.
"The end of February." Sansa said with a sigh, leaning her head back against the couch cushions. "I thought it was you reminding me to get my head out of the clouds and not date."
"Why would you need another reminder?" Arya asked, biting the apple again, the fruit crunching sounding extremely loud to Sansa's frazzled mind. "You're not quitting on me are you?"
"Of course not." Sansa snapped. She shrugged as she tried to remember why she had initially thought Arya was behind the flowers to begin with. "It just seemed like something you would do. The timing of it seemed like too much of a coincidence to actually be someone who was interested in me." She admitted, trying very hard to control the blush wanting to bloom over her features.
"Have you told anyone else about the resolution?" Arya asked curiously, juice from the apple dripping off her hand onto the carpet.
Sansa frowned at it as she shook her head. "Only you and I know." Arya shifted at the comment and Sansa's brows rose at the motion. "Don't we?" She asked, unable to keep the edge from her voice. This resolution was private to her, she didn't exactly want people asking her about it or making fun of her for her choices. As far as she was concerned the less people that knew the better.
"Well..." Arya shrugged as she turned the apple between her fingers. "You and I know. And so do some of my friends."
Sansa groaned and rose her hands to cover her face. She didn't know whether she was more embarrassed or angry that Arya was using her troubled love life to gossip with her friends about. Sansa never gossiped about Arya with any of her friends, largely in truth to the fact that Sansa knew very little about Arya's life. She was a very private person unlike the rest of their family.
"Who all knows?" Sansa asked between her fingers. Part of her wished that her couch would just swallow her and she could live in between it's cushions for the rest of her short life before she died of embarrassment.
"Hot-Pie and Gendry. But they won't say anything to anyone! They don't even know you!" Arya protested quickly not even giving Sansa time to wonder why on earth one of her sister's friends was called 'Hot-Pie' or why she wasn't even the littlest bit surprised by it.
"Then why would you tell them?" Sansa snapped, the anger beginning to take over the embarrassment she was feeling.
"They wondered why I kept texting you so much." Arya shrugged sheepishly as she bit into her apple again before she continued to speak around her mouthful of half chewed fruit. "I don't see why it's such a big deal."
"Because it's my private business!" Sansa said, raising to her feet in agitation. She paced around the room as she talked, suddenly needing to move. "I don't want people knowing about the fact that I need a whole year of not dating anyone to try and better myself. I don't want people to know about how bad of taste I've had in the past to have to make this kind of resolution."
"I didn't tell them any of that!" Arya protested. "No one cares about any of that!"
"I do!" Sansa cried, whirling back on her sister. Arya jerked back a little in surprise at the fervor tone of Sansa's voice. Sansa sighed and said, slightly calmer. "I care about that. It's why I wanted to do this in the first place."
Arya looked down at her feet and for a moment Sansa thought she actually looked like she felt guilty before she suddenly jerked her head up. "What if one of your exes is sending the flowers?"
The sudden wild change in subject made Sansa's head whirl a bit and she sat back on the couch heavily as the thought began to work through her mind. Briefly she wondered if that had been Arya's intention, to distract her from her ire that she had told others about this. Whatever Arya's plan it worked and her anger flitted from her thoughts as she thought about the possibility that she already knew who was leaving her the flowers. True, a few of her exes did live in the city but that didn't mean they would suddenly take an interest in her and try to rekindle anything. Especially not in such a subtle way.
"I don't think so." Sansa said thoughtfully. "It doesn't seem like something any of them would do." She was just getting ready to berate Arya again for sharing her secrets when her sister spoke again. It seemed that she could sense Sansa's irritation and was doing her best to avoid the worst of it.
"What about Baelish?" Arya asked, making Sansa cringe at the sound of his name. She'd dated Petyr Baelish for nearly seven months much to the chagrin of her entire family as he was twice her age and had once been close with her mother. It was that reason that Sansa was drawn to him to begin with, it was one of the very few 'rebellious' things she had done in her entire life. But he'd ended up being extremely manipulative and had nearly managed to turn her against her entire family and isolate her before she finally came to her senses and left him. She knew that he still resided somewhere in the city but she had been lucky enough thus far to not run into him.
"There's not enough layers to it." Sansa admitted as she thought about it. If Baelish was going to start seeking her out again and leaving her flowers he'd pick flowers that meant something to her, that would somehow remind her of him. "It's not manipulative enough to be Petyr."
Arya nodded thoughtfully before throwing another name out, she was clearly desperate to diminish Sansa's anger as much as she could before it hit her. "Joffrey?"
Sansa snorted at the thought of her first boyfriend having enough kindness in him to so much as look at a flower without it shriveling to dust. She'd been young when she met him and desperate enough for love that she'd stayed through his abuse and the terrible things he had said and done to her. No, if anyone from her past was going to be approaching her again it would never be him.
"No." Sansa said assuredly, "This would be too much work for him. Besides, I've been here for three years at the same school as him and I've yet to see him once."
"Thank the gods for that." Arya muttered to which Sansa nodded along. It was no secret Arya detested Joffrey only second to how much Sansa did. In fact, after the horrible incident with Lady Arya had been the one to attack Joffrey, not Sansa, as she had been too blinded by grief to do much of anything. Sansa had seen a picture of Joffrey in the school paper once after his family made some donation and she was pleased to see that he still bore the scars of her sister's fingernails down his cheek. "What about Myranda?"
"Royce?" Sansa asked in surprise. She hadn't even known that Arya knew about her, although she supposed it wasn't that surprising. Arya always seemed to know much more about her siblings' lives than they knew about hers. Two summers ago the girl had come into Sansa's life like a whirlwind and she had left in much the same fashion. They'd spend the summer doing shots and making love and just generally having fun. They had never been very serious but even if they had been if Myranda had wanted to rekindle something with her she would have made a much louder gesture than a flower. "She lives in Storm's End, she's not behind this."
"Clegane?" Arya asked with a shrug. The name gave Sansa pause as she thought it over. Her relationship with Sandor had been short and relatively sweet until his drinking habits and the way the alcohol turned him into something bitter and gruff tore them apart. He wouldn't give up drinking for her back when they dated so Sansa highly doubted he would have given it up and be seeking her out now.
"I don't think so." Sansa admitted.
"That guy you were dating last semester." Arya said waving her hand as she tried to remember his name. "The pompous jackass one."
"What Harold?" Sansa said with a laugh. Her sister was right, he was a bit of a jackass. He carried his arrogance like a badge of honor and in the end Sansa just couldn't bring herself to be with someone who wouldn't even walk down unpaved streets because the mud might ruin his expensive shoes. "He would never lower himself to coming to this side of King's Landing. Someone might recognize him."
"Well who else have you dated?" Arya asked as she leaned back on her hands. She seemed very keen to avoid talking about how she had told her friends about Sansa's New Year's resolution so with a sigh Sansa decided to put that on the back-burner for the night.
"No one serious enough that they would try to start something back up again with flowers." Sansa admitted thoughtfully. She found herself suddenly craving a large bowl of ice cream as rehashing her exes had only made her realize how many toads she'd dated in the past.
"It must be someone new then." Arya muttered thoughtfully causing Sansa's eyes to drift over to hers. Arya's thick brow furrowed at a sudden thought. "You're not backing out on me, are you? You're still keeping this resolution?"
"Of course I am." Sansa said defiantly. She wasn't about to let a couple of flowers ruin this for her. Part of her was offended that Arya would think her so weak but a larger part of her wasn't surprised. She didn't think Arya had a very high opinion of her overall.
"Don't keep it for me, because you think I'll be mad or disappointed." Arya said loftily, staring at Sansa with a gaze so akin to their father it made a shiver go up Sansa's spine. "I mean I would be mad but don't keep it just cause of that."
"I'm not." Sansa said in surprise. One day people would have more faith in her, she promised herself silently. "I'm keeping it for me."
XxX
Another week passed and a flower was left for Sansa during every shift. Now that she knew they weren't being left by Arya Sansa started to spend her shifts watching the tip jar like a hawk but more and more often the flowers were being left on the counter or on tables. She tried to keep an eye on repeat customers but she never managed to catch anyone in the act of leaving the flowers behind. It was probably for the best as she did not know what she would actually do if she did catch someone. She wasn't very good at confrontation and what would she even say? 'I'm flattered but you need to come back in January?'
She was beginning to spend a ridiculous amount of time in the library trying to both finish up the last few pieces of work she hadn't already completed for the semester and to distract herself from the flower question. She had gotten her midterm grades back earlier that week and had been pleased to find she had gotten over 95% on all of them. It was a record, even for her and she had pulled a 4.0 every semester so far. At least this resolution was providing her with an even stronger work ethic and higher than ever grades.
But even Sansa had a limit on how much studying she could do before going crazy.
She was spending yet another Friday night at home alone, her homework for the next week long since completed and her knitting materials spread out around her when a commercial came on the TV for a movie she had been hearing great things about lately. Sansa had to admit, the trailer was pretty funny and she was a fan of some of the main actor's other films. Besides, she had the night off and didn't have anything for school that wasn't already done. She was tempted to go to a late night showing but it was Friday and already after eight, the majority of her friends would already have plans or be at the bars. Sansa was even considering calling Arya and begging her to go with her before the absurdity of it all struck her.
One of the reasons she wasn't dating anyone this year was to get better at being alone but all she was doing was being alone in her apartment or work or campus. She still had no idea what it was like to be alone out in the world. She couldn't live the rest of her life being too afraid to go out and do things on her own.
It was this moment of self-indignant annoyance that got her to jump from the couch, yarn falling off her lap to puddle on the floor, and head out the door into the night.
Unfortunately the moment of near fury at herself for spending all her time alone didn't last the eight blocks it took her to get to the closest movie theater. By the time it was within her line of sight Sansa was all but dragging her feet to get herself to keep moving forward. She could see people entering and exiting the theater and all of them were in large groups or couples. She couldn't see anyone coming or going that was alone. Sansa swallowed hard against the sudden lump in her throat. She felt like she could already feel the judgmental gazes of the other moviegoers and the employees. They were all going to wonder what was so wrong with her that she had to go to movies alone. She considered turning around and going home but Sansa knew that she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she did. That would feel far too much like giving up and she wasn't about to let that happen.
Walking up to the ticket counter was absurdly one of the hardest things she had ever done and Sansa had been through some rough times in her life. She managed to order her ticket without her voice shaking although she did have to keep her hands in her pockets so that no one would see the tremble in them. The teenage boy manning the ticket booth didn't even look up at her when she ordered only one ticket and he slid back her change with a monotone request for 'Next.' as Sansa blinked in surprise. Scooping her ticket and her change off the counter she folded her umbrella and shook some of the water off of it before heading inside.
The lobby was fairly crowded as people hunted for their theater or waited in line for overpriced concessions. Sansa checked her phone screen and frowned as she realized she still had half an hour before her movie started. She supposed she should have looked up the show times before she stomped off in a huff. Now she had to mill around out here and draw even more attention to the fact that she had come alone.
Drawing a deep breath Sansa went to stand at the back of the long line for concessions. At least waiting here would give her an excuse to be standing alone and perhaps it wouldn't even draw that much attention to herself. For all these people knew she had a date or a group of friends waiting in a theater for her and she had drawn the short straw to pick up snacks. She used these thoughts to console herself as she waited anxiously in a line that moved surprisingly quickly for how long it was. Not even five minutes had passed before she found herself facing a frazzled looking girl she vaguely recognized as one of the coffeehouses frequent customers.
"What can I get you?" the girl, Roslin, according to her nametag asked. She still managed to smile at Sansa despite the frazzled attitudes of her coworkers behind the counter with her so Sansa made sure to smile back even though her stomach was still a ball of nerves and she could feel people's eyes on her.
"A small popcorn and a lemonade." Sansa responded quickly, shuffling nervously. It was her usual request when she went to movies although she rarely ended up eating any of the popcorn as her date would eat it all even though they always swore they didn't want any before they ordered.
Roslin collected her items for her and as Sansa passed her the money she kept waiting for the girl to make some comment about her being alone. But all she did was give Sansa another smile as she handed her her change and then look past her to the next customer.
Juggling her items Sansa began to head in the direction of her theater, pleased to see that it's previous showing had already emptied out and she could find her seat already. There were a few groups of people already seated and she walked past them as quickly as she could up the stairs without causing her popcorn to spill. She headed straight to the very back row where she went into the corner, hoping that the lack of light would prevent anyone from catching sight of her and recognizing her. The view of the screen wasn't very good from back there but Sansa didn't care.
The theater began to fill up as the movie got closer to starting and Sansa only half watched the ads they played as they waited to start the previews. She mostly watched the people entering the theater, she kept waiting for someone to look up and see that she was alone and for the whole theater to start laughing and mocking her until she ran out in tears back to the safety of her apartment.
After what seemed like hours the previews of upcoming films finally began to play to the half full theater and Sansa let out a sigh of relief as she adjusted the popcorn bucket on her lap. Before too long the opening credits of the movie were playing and the theater was dark around them. Sansa finally relaxed back against her seat as she realized that no one had said anything to her about being alone. No one had laughed at her or even looked at her funny. Literally the only person who cared that she had come to a movie alone was her.
Sansa had to bite back a bubble of laughter as she realized what a big deal she had been making out of virtually nothing. A tiny giggle escaped her and someone a few rows down looked over their shoulder at her in surprise. She supposed a scene where someone was dying was not the best time to get a fit of the giggles. Sansa shoved her fist into her mouth and began to concentrate on the movie her nerves soon long forgotten as she let the fictional world take her away.
XxX
Going to that one film alone opened a door to a world Sansa hadn't even realized she had been hiding herself from. She had been so dependent on having other people with her when she went to things that she hadn't even realized how much she was cutting herself off from. How many things she was missing out on because she was too afraid of being judged about being alone. Going to that movie and learning that no one cared that she was by herself felt like an awakening to Sansa. Gone were the days where she sat at home bored out of her mind but feeling like she had no place to go too because she couldn't find someone to go with her. Gone were the feelings of inadequacy, needing someone to hold her hand to go out to eat. But most importantly to her, gone were the days where she spent all of her time alone wishing she was out doing something else.
Now Sansa felt comfortable going out and doing things alone. Sure, each time she went somewhere new she was always nervous someone would look at her funny or say something rude to her but the more things she went to the less that fear affected her. She went to a few more movies just to test out her newfound bravery and then she went to a new art gallery that had recently opened. She was even brave enough to approach the artist, Daario, who she had a lovely conversation with about art and dragons. Sansa had felt like he was flirting with her at the beginning so she quickly mentioned that she had a girlfriend and immediately the flirting stopped for which Sansa was grateful. All she wanted was to go places alone not be faced with anything that might feel like breaking her resolution.
There was so much culture in King's Landing and Sansa felt that even though she had lived there for three years she had missed out on so much of it. Not many of her past relationships were very interested in going to art galleries or museums with her and the ones that were, Harold and Petyr, often ruined the experience by talking down to the guides or contradicting the plaques describing the artwork. All in all it made for a very unpleasant experience and Sansa soon stopped asking them to go to those places with her. None of her friends ever wanted to go, claiming that it felt too much like school. They only wanted to go shopping or to bars or movies or just stay home and relax. Sansa always ended up just going along with what they wanted and skipping the things she wanted to do, but not anymore.
Now the world was her oyster, or at the very least King's Landing was. Sansa had made a list of places she wanted to go to and she was slowly working her way down that list, going somewhere new nearly every day. She felt like she had never had this much fun in her life or been this brave. She'd even ridden the city bus home alone one night rather than taking a taxi. While Sansa knew that most people would laugh at the idea that she was being brave by doing these things Sansa found herself caring less and less about what they thought. For the first time ever Sansa felt like she was truly living a life she actually liked.
She was coming home from a tour of the Red Keep ruins, a historical sight she had lived next to for years and never visited, when the light sprinkle of rain suddenly turned into a downpour. Cursing Sansa pulled the hood of her jacket tighter to her. She had forgotten her umbrella in her haste leaving the apartment and she was soaked through in minutes.
Sansa was so focused on trying (and failing) to keep the rain off her that she didn't even notice the other person on the sidewalk until she ran straight into them. A familiar voice let out a soft grunt at the impact and Sansa reached up to catch their arm automatically.
"I am so sorry!" Sansa cried, blinking rain out of her eyes as she looked up at who she had just run headlong into. She started in surprise as she recognized Margaery's soft brown eyes and crooked smile. Sansa realized with a gulp that she was still holding onto her elbow and she let go with a soft gasp that she hoped very much Margaery hadn't heard.
"It's okay." Margaery said with a smile as Sansa looked around and realized they were across the street from the coffeehouse. She had been so focused on the rain she hadn't even noticed where she was. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?" Margaery asked curiously. She didn't seem to mind the fact that they were both getting drenched but Sansa supposed they were both already soaked a little conversation wasn't going to hurt any.
"My apartment. It's just a few blocks that way." Sansa pushed her hood back a little from her face as she looked up and down the street for Margaery's blue Volkswagen beetle. "Where's your car?"
"Loras has it for the weekend. He wanted to take his boyfriend out of town for their three-year anniversary." Margaery smiled wider at the thought. Sansa knew from prior conversations that she was a big fan of Renly, her little brother's long-term boyfriend. "So while they're off having a romantic getaway I am stuck waiting for the bus home in the rain."
Sansa nodded sympathetically, silently hoping that Margaery would not ask her where she had been. While Sansa had gotten very good at going places alone she had yet to admit to anyone that she was actually doing that. It was one thing to be okay doing it around strangers it was another thing entirely to have people who knew her know about it.
As if Margaery could hear her fears she asked, "What are you doing out so late? You didn't just get done with class did you?"
For a moment Sansa waffled with the idea of taking the out and lying to her but she knew that Margaery might notice the fact that she didn't have her backpack with her. Besides what was the point of lying? Sansa hadn't done anything wrong. If people got weird about the fact that Sansa was going to stuff alone than that was their problem, not hers. She held tight to that thought as she took a deep breath.
"No." Sansa had to clear her throat against the sudden lump of nerves catching her breath. "I was actually at a tour of the Red Keep. They're open late on the weekends."
"I love the Red Keep, well I love the historical aspects of it. Some of the rooms are pretty creepy." Margaery said with a grin. Suddenly, her cheery look faltered almost imperceptibility as the rain started to fall even harder. She nearly had to yell her next question for Sansa to hear her, "Were you on a date?"
Again Sansa toyed with the idea of taking the out before she silently chastised herself. She had done nothing wrong and she had nothing to hide from, she kept reminding herself as she slowly shook her head no, feeling like she was just opening an invitation to be teased at work once she admitted this. "No actually I went alone."
Margaery's shoulders relaxed as Sansa felt her own tense up. Of all the people that she first talked to about going places alone why did it have to be Margaery? Try as she might to keep her feelings for the older girl strictly platonic she still greatly admired Margaery. She was intelligent and sophisticated and beautiful and for lack of a better phrase, cool. What she thought about Sansa mattered to her, try as Sansa might to not care about what people thought. It seemed that while she was getting the hang of not caring what strangers thought about her she still had some progress to make on caring about what her friends did.
"That's so cool."
Sansa blinked as Margaery's words pulled her from her thoughts. Of all the responses she had been bracing herself for that was not one of them. She looked at Margaery the best she could through the rain and she could see the sincerity on Margaery's face as she continued speaking.
"I'm so bad at going to places alone. I get so nervous like people are staring at me, it's been like that since my last girlfriend and I broke up. Which sucks because there are so many things here I want to see." Margaery said with a small, almost self-conscious, shrug.
Sansa nodded in agreement even though she didn't quite know which part of that statement to focus on first. Part of her was relieved to learn that she was not the only person out there to get nervous going places solo but the larger part of her brain was more concerned by the fact that Margaery had an ex-girlfriend. That meant she liked girls. That meant Sansa might have a chance-
Cutting that thought off at the roots Sansa smiled at Margaery, shivering as a bead of rain got under her coat and slid down her chest. "Going places is hard at first but it gets easier. I just started going places alone myself." She admitted before silently cursing herself. That opened the door to questions she did not feel like answering.
"Yeah? What brought about the change?" Margaery asked curiously as Sansa noticed she too was shivering. She had an infallible way of asking the questions Sansa was always hoping to avoid.
Sansa considered brushing off the question, especially when she noticed Margaery's bus headed down the street, but there was something about Margaery that made her so easy to talk too. Perhaps that was why she always asked the questions Sansa didn't want her too, because she knew Sansa would answer her anyway.
"I just realized that I can't be afraid forever you know?" She admitted, shrugging sheepishly. The words sounded much cornier aloud than they had in her head. "I can't let life keep passing me by because I'm too scared to do anything about it."
Margaery smiled her crooked smile at her as the bus pulled up to the curb beside them. Sansa pointedly ignored the swoop in her stomach that smile caused as the bus doors opened with a mechanical swoosh and the driver looked down at them expectantly. "You're quite the enigma Sansa Stark, do you know that?"
Margaery boarded the bus with a little wave before Sansa could answer her. She shook her head no at the driver when he gestured at her to ask if she was going to board the bus as well. The door shut with another hiss as Sansa looked at the windows to see if she could find Margaery. For some reason she wasn't even surprised to find Margaery staring back at her when she found her face in a window halfway down the bus.
The rain poured endlessly on as Sansa rose her hand in a small wave that Margaery returned with a grin as the bus pulled away from the curb.
No one had ever called Sansa an enigma before, she found that she kind of liked it.