The Flower Dance had long since concluded by the time Lilah found herself barefoot at the beach, sitting on the edge of the pier with the rolling waves softly kissing her toes. Sebastian sat at her right, an unlit cigarette dangling idly from his fingers as he looked out across the dark water. The atrocious blue jacket was discarded on the swollen wood behind them, leaving him in dress pants and a black graphic tee adorned with the image of a pixelated skull. The dim lamp light gave the night a dream-like quality as Lilah watched the reflection of the moon shimmer on the ocean's surface. They hadn't spoken a word since they sat down, but the silence seemed perfect.
Something warm brushed through her hair, electrifying her scalp from the unexpected contact. Sebastian pulled his hand away as she turned towards him, a flower petal between his fingers. She couldn't see well enough, but he turned his face away and she knew that light dusting of pink was probably spreading across his cheeks—maybe not as hot as her own cheeks in the cool night air, but most certainly present.
"Sorry," he said, quiet enough not to disrupt the peaceful atmosphere. Lilah shook her head, unsure if she could speak without her voice squeaking through the tightness in her throat. She swallowed thickly, brushing her loose hair behind an ear. He'd asked her to join him at the beach and she readily accepted, though it only occurred to her now that she didn't know what to expect. More likely than not, this was meant to be no different from their usual hanging out. But after dancing together, so blissfully unaware of the rest of the world, she couldn't slow her heart down.
Sebastian shifted beside her, lit his smoke, and held out his pack of cigarettes toward her.
"You want one? I just realized I've never asked if you smoke before."
"I did," Lilah cleared her throat against the strain of her words, "I do." Her hand throbbed with phantom pain as she looked at the pack, her awkwardly angled pinkie finger seeming that much more noticeable as she reached out to take a cigarette with quiet thanks. She held it to her lips, cursing inwardly as her fingers trembled around the lighter Sebastian provided.
She cupped one hand around the top to block the breeze and flicked her thumb to spark a flame. Her hand trembled, so she tried again, only to fumble with the plastic casing.
"Shit!" She cursed as it slipped out of her grip, bouncing off the deck and into the deep depths below. All the blood drained from her face, her stomach lurching into her throat as she waited for an outraged shout. "I-I'm so sorry! I'll buy you another one!"
She chanced a look at Sebastian, he stared at her with an eyebrow arched but otherwise his face was as placid as the sea.
"Don't worry about it. I've got a bunch back at home. Not like this is the first one I've lost out here," he took a short drag, the corner of his lips twitching upwards, "Although, Willy did threaten to harpoon me if he ever fished up one of my lighters again."
The image of the old fisherman raging at them with a rusted harpoon raised in his hands was more comical than it should have been, and Lilah forced a small laugh through the knots in her stomach.
"I'll just pretend," she said, putting the butt end of the unlit smoke between her lips. Sebastian snorted, putting his own cigarette back in his mouth and leaning forward. The tips of the cigarettes rested against each other, a soft sizzling noise crackled between their lips until both ends burned a hypnotic orange. This close, she could see just how long his eyelashes were. The way they rested just a breath away from the tops of his cheekbones as he looked at their connected cigarettes, thick and dark to the point where they were almost too pretty.
He pulled away slightly, his half-lidded eyes locking with hers through those lashes in a way that made her heart do backflips. The air between them seemed tangible, each soft exhale coiled around each other in wisps of smoke that melded together.
Sebastian took the cigarette out of his mouth, blinked slowly through the haze, and Lilah thought she saw him lean in once more before his eyes widened and he pulled away completely. His free hand covered his face as he all but curled into himself, hiding himself from her confused stare.
"Damn it ," he groaned.
"What is it?" Lilah pressed a hand against her chest, urging her heart to calm down before it combusted. She tried not to sound disappointed, though she wasn't really sure if she wanted to admit what she had been hoping for.
"I just...that was embarrassing. Like something out of some corny movie," he grumbled. "Can we pretend that didn't just happen?"
She could see it now, his face was practically glowing red from his embarrassment and she laughed, bumping her shoulder lightly against his to break up the tension.
"And here I thought you were trying to seduce me," she teased.
"As if I could." He took a long drag while she frowned at him, avoiding her eyes, suddenly fascinated with the weathered wood on which he sat. She wanted to ask—the questions dangling precariously on the tip of her tongue—but she bit them back. If she pressed, she knew he'd shut down completely and this whole night would be reduced to nothing. Instead, she tapped the ash off the tip of her cigarette and looked back out at the water, focusing on the sound of waves gently rolling against the rocks.
"You don't get anything like this in the city," she said at length. "At best, I could go to the roof of my building. Even though I was probably much closer to it then, the moon still didn't look this big."
"No?"
Lilah shook her head with a small smile. Sometimes it was too easy to bring him back from the brink of isolation. A single mention of her experience in the city was all it took to snap his focus back out to the world.
"The closest I could get to a view like this was when I looked out past the Zuzu bridge. When it was full, the moon would sit right in the middle of it, like the bridge was holding it up." Holding the cigarette between the knuckles of her middle and ring fingers, she lifted her index fingers and thumbs, bringing the thumbs together to form a "W" shape and lining the point up with the lowest curve of the moon. "Kind of like that." She smiled.
Sebastian looked at her hands, then did the same with his own, tilting his head as he looked through his fingers.
"I think that'd be pretty cool to see," he said. "If I were you, I'd have probably been up on the roof a lot."
Lilah's smile faltered, though she covered it up with a final drag and blew the smoke out slowly.
"I was," she admitted. Though, she wondered what he would think of her if she told him how many nights she'd spent with one leg over the railing, ready for that one scene of beauty to be the last thing she ever had to look at. Sometimes it felt like the only escape. It would have been too easy to lean just a bit too far, to tumble down to the concrete below. She always backed out in the end, even now she scoffed at the irony that the only thing that kept her from jumping was the fear of it hurting too much.
"I come out here a lot. Mostly to think. It's probably the only thing I'll miss about this place once I leave," Sebastian confessed, snuffing his cigarette out against the damp wood beneath him.
"Really?"
"Well, maybe besides my mom." He shrugged. "But I know she'll be fine without me, maybe even better off. I always thought that if I just disappeared, it wouldn't really matter."
A tidal wave could have crashed into her for the chill that washed through her veins. Lilah gripped his hand in both of hers, holding tightly even when his eyes stretched wide and shocked at the sudden contact. She couldn't bear the thought—as hypocritical as it may be—of him throwing everything away like it was nothing. The much-too-late nights spent on his couch, grousing about artist changes in the latest Cave Saga X issue. The friendly competition over Prairie King and Billiards every Friday, laughing and teasing even if she proved herself a very poor loser each time. They were moments that felt right—complete. Moments when she didn't feel like she was missing any part of herself.
Moments like when they were dancing.
"That's not true, Bas," she asserted. "You matter. I could tell even when we first met how much your mom loves you. How much Sam and Abigail love you. And you've been so important to me since I've been here, you don't even realize how much you've helped me. We'd all be devastated if anything happened to you."
Sebastian stared at her for a long while. He looked at her hands clasped around his, then at her eyes—which she prayed weren't welling up in spite of the heat burning behind them. Suddenly, he laughed and squeezed her fingers.
"I didn't mean it like that, don't look so upset. There's too much that I want to do to just off myself. I only meant that it'd be okay if I just packed up and left."
"Oh," Lilah answered dumbly. Her stomach squirmed and she removed a hand from his, the other still resting comfortingly in his grasp, and awkwardly pushed her hair behind her ear. "Well, I mean, some notice would still be nice," she amended.
Residual laughter still bubbled out of him as he shook his head.
"Right. Well, thanks for the reassurance, anyway. It's still nice to hear stuff like that, even if I'm not about to throw myself off this pier in a fit of existential dread."
"Yeah, yeah," Lilah grumbled, daring to move close enough to rest against his shoulder. He stiffened for a fraction of a second before she felt the gentle weight of his head rest against hers.
"You know...I'm going to miss you, too," he said.
"You'd better."
The walk to Haven Farm was always long, and yet somehow not nearly long enough. The moon was high above them, bathing the cobblestone streets of Pelican Town in a silver glow that lit the way as well as any street lamp. The town itself was silent, most everyone already dead asleep by this time of night—just after 2:00 a.m. according to Sebastian's cellphone. He hadn't intended to stay out for so long, or keep Lilah with him the whole time. Not that she complained.
She still smiled at him, soft but bright, as though she weren't tired at all despite how she stumbled over her feet as they walked. Sebastian kept his grip on her hand just tight enough to keep her steady as he walked her home. Her palm nestled against his was natural in a way that he wasn't sure he'd ever understand. When he and Sam had met, Sebastian knew inherently that they'd be close friends. It wasn't so much different now, with her. Something inside his primal brain knew that there was a connection that couldn't be replicated or replaced. There was only Lilah.
Somehow, that was terrifying.
His plans wouldn't change. He would still leave Pelican Town—leave the valley as a whole. He would miss his friends, of course he would, but he didn't feel torn at all when it came to the thought of leaving Sam and Abigail behind when they would be a simple bus ride away. The distance didn't seem so far when they already communicated through text and instant messaging every day as it was, whether they met up or not. But, maybe it was because of how unplugged Lilah was— no cellphone, no computer, and she only had her television ordered a week ago— she may as well be light-years away once he left.
He tightened his grip a fraction, like the weight in his hand would vanish into a cloud of smoke if he wasn't careful. He walked her up the steps to her front door but still couldn't bring himself to release her until she squeezed his hand.
"Hey," her voice had been growing groggy for the past hour, and it was barely over a whisper now, "I had a lot of fun today."
"Yeah? I'm glad. I mean...I had fun too," Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. Lilah smiled up at him, her hand still held in his. She looked like she was waiting for something, though he wasn't sure what. "So...see you tomorrow?"
Lilah blinked. She stared at him for a moment, then dissolved into a fit of giggles. Sebastian arched an eyebrow but she only shook her head and gave him a quick hug, turning to unlock the front door. Lumos was waiting inside, meowing as she opened the door and immediately rubbed the length of his body against her calves.
"See you tomorrow, Bas," She grinned. Sebastian nodded, giving the kitten a stroke as it wandered up to him before it scurried after Lilah back inside. He made sure he heard her door lock before he started for the mountain path, wishing he had brought his hoodie to protect his neck from the cool spring air. Summer was right around the corner, yet nights like this still felt colder than they should have been. It always felt colder when he left Haven.
He'd planned to sneak inside and get straight to bed. Everyone was bound to be fast asleep, so as long as he was quiet there wouldn't be an issue. But as he rounded the fence, he noticed the porch light on and Demetrius leaning against the front door. His thick arms were crossed across his chest, a deep frown wrinkling his deep umber face.
"What's up?" Sebastian asked.
Demetrius scowled. He said nothing as he picked up a small black duffel bag, tossing it towards Sebastian. He recognized it before it crashed against his chest— the bong inside smacked against his sternum before he could catch it in his arms.
"...Shit."