Darth Vader had sat alone in seclusion, deep in the ruins of the underground Sith temple on Mustafar for hours. He had lost track of time in his efforts, as he willed himself to look deeper, harder into the force. He felt lost, wanted answers. He felt the pull of the light on the residue of his person that still hailed to the name Anakin Skywalker. It made him weak, angry. It made him hate himself for every fiber of the man, the monster he had become.
But his Master had sent him here to learn something. Perhaps it was to see himself for what he really was, to lay Anakin Skywalker to rest for good. After all, no matter how much he held deep seated regret for his choices, he had reached the point of no return. Years of darkness flooding his soul, filling his life and inflicting such suffering on others.
On his wife who died in his arms.
On Obi-Wan.
But it was too late to take any of it back. That's what brought him here, to the precipice of an inner metamorphosis. The final step to eradicate any trace of the light that still held sway over him.
Though it was difficult. Everytime he dove into the force looking for answers, there was just one face. It wrenched his heart, what was left of it anyways. It ripped and tore at his festering soul.
Beautiful blue eyes, crystal clear and full of goodness, light and love looked at him, into the depths of him. They touched his heart, his mind, the core of his soul. It felt wonderful. He could still remember how his heart sung with anxious excitement. Because when those eyes bore into him, he could feel the acceptance, the appreciation, the elation of pure love. This man loved him for who he was and even thought he was beautiful.
"Anakin, I love you. I'm sorry i've waited so long to tell you. I just didn't realize until now... I thought I could put it aside, that I ought to have. But now, i'm not so sure. I can't go another day without letting you know how I really feel. That I love you, more than anyone, ever."
Obi-Wan's words seared through his heart as Anakin found himself at a loss for words.
It was too late, why did you have to be so late?
"It terrifies me, to be honest," Obi-Wan said in the silence, visibly becoming unsure of his confession. "I don't know what to do about it, or if there is anything to do. I just needed you to know. I didn't want to pass on without telling you. With all the violence and war, nothing is certain." Obi-wan added in a somber tone.
"Don't talk like that, you're not going to die. I'm not going to die." Anakin countered frantically, suddenly feeling a wave of panic rush over him at the idea.
Obi-Wan smiled sadly. "You don't know that. Nothing lasts forever. Everything dies. We have to live life moment to moment. It's all we truly have."
Anakin stepped in close, looking down into the man's sapphire eyes. Obi-Wan was good, so good and pure and everything that was right in the galaxy.
Curse the stars, why did you have to be so late?
He blinked away rogue tears as a few dotted the edges of his eyes. "Anakin, what's wrong? I didn't mean to upset you." Obi-Wan said, his handsome face wroght with concern.
"I'm not upset," Anakin spoke softly, leaning in closer, his lips hovering only inches above Obi-Wan's.
Softly, gently, Anakin pressed his lips against his Master's. Anakin's heart jumped when Obi-Wan let out a small lovely sound as he deepened their kiss, parting his lips as his tongue hesitantly and slowly searched out Anakins.
He was perfect, the tickle of his beard on his skin, the way his lips were so soft. He tasted sweet. The fragrance of his skin was overwhelming, intoxicating. How could a man so lethal and cunning be so sensitive and beautiful?
Their kiss grew more frantic and desperate in mere seconds. Their tongues roved over each others mouths, searching for something to fill the need for flesh and touch, for love and want. He could feel his Master's desire for him deep inside, gnawing, begging, demanding.
But Obi-Wan resisted his wonton urges as he pulled away, placing a hand on Anakin's chest as he panted for breath, running a hand through his auburn hair that fell back into his eyes. "Anakin, what are we doing?" The man said, shaking his head. "We can't-"
"We're living in the moment," Anakin answered back leaning in close again, needing more, choosing to forget about everything else, just for now.
Obi-Wan looked into his eyes, pleading yet willfully surrendered. "Someone will see."
Anakin scanned the ship's hall they were in, seeing a closet only a few meters away from where they stood. His belly filled with nervous excitement as he took his Master's hand, leading him into the small compartment, closing the latch behind them.
Not a moment later Anakin pressed Obi-Wan up against the wall in a kiss more desperate and needy than the last. His hands tangled in his soft hair, drawing him closer. He felt a tickle in his chest as his Master wrapped his arms around his torso, clinging to him tightly as he hungirly searched out his mouth.
As his need for the man grew exponentially, Anakin pulled Obi-Wan down to the floor and straddled his hips, feeling the warm pulsing of excitement and pleasure grow between their thighs. Anakin began to grind on him, feeling his hardened girth collide with his Master's making both him and the man he sat atop moan into each other's mouths.
Obi-Wan's hands roved over Anakin's torso feeling his muscled form as Anakin began to do the same, teasing over his Master's nipples making him break their kiss with a startled gasp. Anakin giggled, planting kisses down the man's neck as his hands went lower, gently palming over Obi-Wan's fully erect girth beneath his leggings.
Obi-Wan let out a beautiful involuntary moan, quiet and tempered though equally turbulent as a rush of emotion washed over through their force bond. Anakin's pulse quickened in response, drinking in the feel of how Obi-Wan trembled and shivered in response to his touch.
Without a word, Anakin gazed boldly into Obi-Wan's eyes as he unsheathed his Master's pulsing length. He reveled in how the man's eyes widened, his pupils dilating like a spice feind after a hit as he touched him. How his hushed gasps and moans seemed like the sweetest thing he had ever heard in his entire life.
Then Anakin nestled down between his Master's thighs as the man was too helplessly paralyzed to do or say anything. Obi-Wan stifled a cry of pleasure as Anakin gently rimmed the tip of his cock with his tongue. Already he tasted better than Anakin could have ever imagined.
Obi-Wan threw his head back against the wall and gasped as Anakin began to take his length, sucking on him gently as he coaxed the underside of his member with gentle friction from his tongue. Slowly yet steadily, Anakin took his Master inch by inch until he was fully enveloped. His size was quite impressive so it took a certain amount of effort, but Anakin was more than eager to accommodate his Master.
With every suckle, every time he pumped his Master's shaft the man twitched and writhed, trying to still himself. Trying to keep quiet against the deafening sensation of Anakin's mouth on his cock, tormenting him, prodding him, pleasuring him. Anakin could still feel him tremble, made weak by his desires, by what he was doing to the man.
"Oh," Obi-Wan breathed, his voice brimming with forbidden pleasure. "Anakin, I… You're going to…" He begged in warning, pushing up on his shoulder to break away. But Anakin could already feel it, his Master was on the edge, holding off. Trying so hard not to cum. But Anakin wanted him to, he wanted to taste him completely, to be everything he needed. He had wanted him for so long, every moment was sheer extacy.
Obi-Wan was panting, desperately staving off the crest of orgasm when it finally overwhelmed him. Unable to keep entirely silent he let out a strangled moan as he came, spilling hot seed into Anakin's mouth which he greedily swallowed every bit of.
"Oh force," Obi-Wan sighed, running a hand through his hair as Anakin pulled off of him, straddling his hips again and resting his head on the man's shoulder. "I'm afraid to ask how you're so good at that," Obi-Wan chuckled breathlessly, pulling Anakin close in another embrace. Anakin nestled his head in the crook of his Master's neck, inhaling his scent again before licking the salt of his skin from his collarbone to his ear, causing the man to shiver and gasp.
Anakin looked deeply into Obi-Wan's eyes for a moment as he drank in the feeling of the man, the way his body felt under his hands, the way he tasted in his mouth. The beautiful blue pure eyes that held nothing but love as he stared into them.
Overwhelmed by it Anakin crushed his lips against his Master's again, moaning needily as he pulled down his own leggings. Panting, he broke away from their kiss to wet his hand to lubricate himself enough before taking his Master's length in hand and pressing it against his entrance.
Anakin gazed again into his Master's eyes and saw them filled with a certain measure of fear and awe as he could feel the man's core tremble even more fiercely. His breathing became erratic, his heart racing frantically.
"Are you okay?" Anakin asked softly, caressing the side of Obi-Wan's face as he released the man's member, wrapping his arm around his Masters torso.
Obi-Wan nodded hastily in response as tears welled, unspilt in his jewel blue eyes. Still his chest rose and fell rapidly as his skin grew pale. Anakin could feel the hum of anxious fear between their bodies as he tried to counter it with calming tones of his own.
"Master, you're shaking," Anakin remarked as Obi-Wan blinked, taking unsteady breaths. "Talk to me, tell me what's wrong," he insisted gently.
"I… I've never-" Obi-Wan stammered, struggling to announce what was clearly a more than slightly embarrassing confession.
"Do you want me to stop?" Anakin asked seriously, looking earnestly into his Master's eyes.
"No," Obi-Wan answered back in a flash, the look in his eyes resolute. "No, don't stop," he said quieter, nearly a whisper as he looked passionately into Anakin's eyes.
"Are you sure?" Anakin asked again, not wanting to push past Obi-Wan's consent.
"Yes," Obi-Wan whispered before he pulled Anakin into a soft, gentle kiss.
Anakin's heart fluttered in his chest as he settled down, taking Obi-Wan's length slowly until he had him fully enveloped. His Master made small gasps and sighs as he felt Anakin take all of him.
Anakin's cock throbbed as he began to work his Master, Obi-Wan's fully engorged member creating a wonderful friction against his prostate that pushed him towards his own orgasm. The sensation of being filled by his Master was erotically satisfying in all ways both physical and cerebral. Anakin couldn't help but make small quiet sounds of his own, moaning and breathing heavy into Obi-Wan's ear.
Anakin could feel Obi-Wan become firmer, overcome by the powerful sensation of their bodies tangled up, of how wonderful things could feel. How beautiful it was. Anakin's chest sung as Obi-Wan ran his hands posessively over his back, scratching lightly with his nails over the fabric of his tunic. Gently he began meeting Anakin with small thrusts that Anakin took to grinding against, somehow making the mind blowing pleasure grow even more in intensity.
As they both were rapt in the moment, the raw physical sensations, the mind numbing pleasure, it was all surreal to Anakin. Finally after all these years, he was living out the fantasy he had dreamed of so many times as a Padawan. There were too many nights he would lie awake, his mind on fire with all the things he wanted Obi-Wan to do to him, all the ways the man might take him.
It would be just like this, riding his Master who fit inside of him so perfectly and pleasurably, hearing the man moan and whisper his name in a voice saturated with delicious orgasmic tones. Just like this, as Obi-Wan took hold of his hips and moved him where he wanted him, pushing inside of him at a quickening tempo. His face, his beautiful face contorted by pleasure, by the orgasm building between his thighs. The sound of his voice as he crested, losing control as pleasure racked his body.
Anakin relished it, the feel of hot sticky seed inside of him spilled by the perfect man he was making love to. The only person he ever truly loved. The one who was thrusting and pulsating inside of him, pushing him towards his own orgasm as he pumped his shaft, coaxing him so gently.
"Obi-Wan," Anakin breathed in a moan as he came as his body contracted around his Master's spent cock. Slick liquid covered Obi-Wan's hand as he milked him of his seed, taking advantage of the generous lubrication to tease and stroke him torturously sending tingling waves of aftershock through his body. His body that had become covered in a sheen of sweat from working his Master to completion.
Anakin collapsed against his Master, his head falling on the man's shoulder with delightful exhaustion. Wiping off his hand gingerly as the man always hated a mess, Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around Anakin giving a sated sigh.
"Oh Anakin," Obi-Wan said, pulling a hand through his long curly hair, massaging his scalp. Anakin melted, nestling closer in the crook of the man's neck. "You're wonderful," he said breathlessly. "I love you more than you'll ever know."
Anakin wanted to tell him how long he had been waiting for this, how badly he wanted him, how amazing he was and how much he loved him. Because he loved him. He loved him too much. It was wrong, it was all wrong.
Why did you have to be so late?
Suddenly Anakin felt a bolt of pain in his chest, a lance of guilt that made him gasp, involuntary tears pouring out of his eyes as he bit out a sob. It was so unfair, why did it have to be like this? He could never have Obi-Wan. It was cruel. Especially after tasting him, feeling him, everything they had just done.
He could never take it back. He didn't want to. But it hurt, it hurt so much. In more ways than one their love was forbidden. It was a wound on his heart that would torture him till the end of time.
Anakin let out another sob. "Anakin, what's wrong?" Obi-Wan said, trying to bring Anakin to face him without success as the man retreated further into the crook of his neck.
How could he speak? How could he tell him what was eating him alive? Obi-Wan deserved better. Padme did, too. He had wronged them both.
"I-I'm sorry, Master," Anakin cried out, gut wrenching around his mistakes that felt like knife wounds to his soul.
"Anakin, you have nothing to be sorry for," Obi-Wan insisted, rubbing soothing circles on his back in an attempt to console him.
"I'm sorry, I feel horrible," Anakin said, trying in futility to still his sobbing.
"Oh Anakin, there's no reason for you to feel that way. You've done nothing wrong." Obi-Wan insisted, his fingers still massaging his scalp. "Tell me, what is all this about?"
"I've done a terrible thing." Anakin said as he heaved for breath, his sobbing subsiding for now as his tears still cascaded down his face into his Master's tunic.
"What are you talking about? You were perfect, Anakin. Forming attachments, making love, they might be forbidden to Jedi but that hardly makes them terrible things." Obi-Wan assured him.
"I just got so caught up in the moment," Anakin said, pulling back from Obi-Wan and shifting to sit beside him as he pulled his leggings back on in an anxious hurry.
"Oh," Obi-Wan said, suddenly understanding as he also clothed himself. Anakin could feel the embarrassment in his voice.
"I took advantage of you. I'm so sorry. I thought I still felt the same, but I don't think I do." Anakin fumbled through an explanation. If only he could tell his Master how he really felt. Instead he had to spin up a lie, one that hurt his heart to employ.
Obi-Wan sat in silence, staring forward into nothing as he took a deep breath, gaining his bearings on the situation.
"I'm so sorry Master-"
"Anakin, please, it's alright. With things like this… when passion is involved, things can become confusing." Obi-Wan said as much to himself as to Anakin as he put a hand to his face in bewilderment.
"I never meant to take advantage-"
"Anakin, I already told you, it's alright. I don't think any less of you for it," Obi-Wan said, his pained jewel blue eyes twinkling in the low light. "If anything I should be sorry for causing such confusion. We've been through so much over the last few weeks with the whole Zygerrian incident. Emotions have been running high."
"I just don't want this to change anything. You're my Master whether I'm a Padawan or not, nothing's ever going to change that. I care about you, Obi-Wan." Anakin said, his heart tearing in half as another sob lingered in his chest.
I love you.
"Anakin, nothing is going to change. I care about you, too. If you say you don't feel the same, I can respect that. We just continue on as we always have. Just because of this, doesn't mean I expect anything more from you." Obi-Wan said in his Jedi manner. Not at all the man he had made love to only moments earlier, the one that had been a moaning mess of physical sensation and desire, of passion and pleasure.
He could hear how his master hid behind his practiced demeanor, how the man must have been broken inside. Though he would never show it. Obi-Wan didn't like to be on the receiving end of pity, and most certainly not in a situation as sensitive as this. It broke Anakin's heart to think about.
Anakin wallowed in his guilt for the better part of the day. Then that day turned into a week, month, year. The union they had shared turned so bitter in his heart, distracting him. Every time he kissed Padme, all he thought of was that perfect moment when he tasted his Master's lips for the first time. The soft sounds the man made haunted him every time he made love to her. Slowly over time, that wretched moment tainted their marriage. It corrupted the promise he made to her, to be completely devoted.
He wasn't. He couldn't be. Not even when she told him she was pregnant with his child. His thoughts every time he thought of who his heart truly belonged to, were with Obi-Wan. There was a time when he loved the man, idolized him. He wanted him more than anything else. But Obi-Wan had been too late, given him a taste of what he had always wanted. What might have at one time been the salve his spirit needed to become whole, turned to a bitter acid that accused him every time he thought of him. The man he loved. The man he couldn't have.
The man that he came to resent.
Obi-Wan had never listened when Anakin tried to tell him about the visions of his mother dying. He had tried hard not to hold it against him when she died in his arms as a result. When visions came to him of his wife's death, he knew he couldn't turn to Obi-Wan. How could he? He had to save her on his own. Save her and their child. He wouldn't allow his feelings for Obi-Wan to get in the way. He was her husband, it was his duty to keep her safe. He would do anything to protect her.
So he did terrible, terrible things. Anakin gave over his soul to the monster Darth Vader, who corrupted and consumed every bit of good or light that had ever existed inside his heart. Because in exchange for his soul, Padme would live. His child would life.
Only they didn't. Obi-Wan had turned her against him, tried to thwart everything he tried to do to save her. Because Obi-Wan still felt for him, was jealous. He knew Padme would die, his child would die. The man he loved so much, the one he had tried so hard to forget about had ruined everything.
Suddenly, all of Obi-Wan's misdeeds came to light. Shmi had died because of him. He had lost his arm because of him. Now his wife and child lie dead with Obi-Wan to blame. Not only had he brought her there to die, but he corrupted the love they shared in more ways than one. He poisoned their final days together with the memory of what should have never been. He tainted the way Padme saw him. She died knowing what Anakin knew as well.
He had become a monster.
But his only true missgiving was that he had only ever wanted one pure, true thing. Just one in the galaxy. At a time he had hoped it would be Obi-Wan, but he was too late. He found hope in Padme, that maybe they could find happiness. And they did have it for a short time.
And then they didn't. All the regret and the longing, the forbidden desires ate Anakin up inside. He was a shell of the man he was, long before Darth Vader took what was left of him.
Because Anakin was weak, a slave to his desires and emotions, caught between his heart and his obligations. He let it ruin himself, his life, everything he held dear.
And Vader was there to pick up the pieces, pull his strength together, move on past his own pain. That didn't mean he had forgotten, that he didn't feel the pull of the sentimental man he had once been. He did. Only instead of being ruined by all his regrets, all the ways people had hurt him, he was made stronger by them. He had to be.
All of the pain, it was a tool. He could wield it to gain power, so that he would never have to suffer the same ways ever again. He wouldn't make the same mistakes by letting others hold anything over him. Certainly not love. He didn't think he could ever love again. Anakin's Master held his heart still, had never given it back. But that was alright because Vader didn't need a heart. He didn't need to love. He was better for his lack of it. He was stronger that way.
But because Anakin still loved him, Vader was sure to make him suffer. For everything, all of his weaknesses, all of his shortcomings and regrets, for everything that he would never be, Obi-Wan would suffer. For all of the ways he could be blamed for the terrible things that had happened in Anakin's life, he would be made to suffer. For how blind Anakin had been as a starry eyed child, idolizing him for so long, he would be made to suffer.
It made Anakin angry and wrathful, everything Darth Vader needed to become more powerful. Anakin's rage was the secret to the Dark Lord's prowess, his unmatched skill and strength. Anakin hated himself for being weaker than Darth Vader. It was another well of dark energy that fueled him. Vader let himself seethe in it, let himself become one with the agony.
Yes, he saw now. He understood what his Master had sent him here to find. The pieces of Anakin Skywalker served a purpose, though weak and fragile they may have been. They served the Dark Lord well. For a moment he might have felt thankful for those bits of him that gave him power.
Anakin Skywalker had been a man who suffered greatly, who loved others too much. It destroyed him. But Darth Vader needed him broken, shattered as he was. There was no greater tool. No greater gift.
Yes, even weak things served a purpose.
In the midst of his meditation, the Dark Lord's com-link chirped out. "My Master," Vader answered solemnly in monotone.
"Apprentice. I trust you've come upon useful insights in your meditation?" Sidious croaked knowingly, his gravelly voice made more so by the garbled transmission.
"Yes, Master. It has been quite, enlightening." Vader answered, his brows pursed in thought.
"Good. The time has come for you to return to your tower, Lord Vader. Your match, Lady Deidra, awaits you there." Sidious followed up, his words casual as he expected no resistance from his apprentice.
And there was none. "It will be done, my Master."