Obito quietly left after hearing their plan, swiftly activating Kamui, feeling the corners of his mouth lift a little.
It had been a while since he'd had fun.
Deidara looked at everyone expectantly, saying, "So, who'll go first, hm?"
All the Akatsuki stayed quiet, neither one of them volunteering. Itachi kept staring at the ground, arms crossed, his Akatsuki cloak gripped onto the walls of their base as he leaned. Kakuzu was sitting down, counting his money as if not even participating. Hidan sat cross-legged, muttering various words that Deidara wouldn't care to decipher. He was probably praying to his god or whatever. Kisame just sighed.
The bomber's eye twitched. Why was no one saying anything, dammit!?
He cleared his throat, getting a little impatient. A few minutes had passed, and the entire room was still quiet, the atmosphere awkward and vague.
"Are any of you even listening?" Deidara asked loudly, clearly irritated. This was a waste of time. Someone could've already been heading off to Tobi by now!
"Why don't you go first, Deidara?" Kakuzu said idly, still counting money.
"What? Why me?"
"Because it's your fucking idea," Hidan answered for him. A smug smirk suddenly appeared on his mouth as he added, "Dei-chan."
"I told you to stop calling me that, un!" Said man yelled, his cheeks erupting in a shade of light red. He hated that nickname.
"As if! I think the name suits you, ne, Dei-chan?" Hidan teased, altering his voice to an alarmingly irritable level.
"Hidan, shut up." Kakuzu scolded him. "Your tone of voice is making me want to throw up, more than usual."
"What the hell do you mean by 'more than usual', you wrinkly old bastard?" The silver-haired man retorted.
"Quiet. Are you going or not, Deidara?" Itachi asked flatly.
Deidara but his lip. He didn't want to go first. It was too sudden. He needed to observe, he needed to think, he needed to plan, he needed to -
Wait. Why was he thinking these things? This was Tobi for Kami's sake. This wasn't some S-Rank nin who could easily defeat him in seconds. This was the dumbest member of the Akatsuki. He probably wouldn't even notice if his mask was even gone. Still, this was his plan in the first place. It was only fair that he went first.
"What're you waiting for, Deidara?" Kisame asked.
"I just... nothing, hm. Just mentally berating myself." (Mood) He sighed, and then smirked. "I guess I'll go first. I can see you all don't underestimate me, yeah. I bet I'll be able to unmask him by myself."
"You cocky fucker! If you think that, then why the hell did you ask for our fucking help?!" Hidan screeched.
All Deidara could answer with was a little, "Tch," crossing his arms tightly over his chest and looking away.
"So what the fuck are we doing, then?" The Jashinist continued, brows furrowed. "There's no fucking reason to - oh."
It's in case he fails.
A huge smirk spread across the sliver-haired man's face before he burst out laughing. Kakuzu rolled his eyes. So the moron realized something for once.
Hidan wiped a tear, still dying from laughter. "That's to be expected from you, Dei-chan! Hahahaha! This is fucking gold!"
Deidara's cheeks burned with fury. He vowed that once he succeeded he would gloat in Hidan's face as much as he could. The thought made him cheer up.
"Well, I'm off. Wish me luck, hm." He said, ignoring the silver-haired man.
"I hope you fail!" Hidan laughed.
"Like hell I would!" The blond snapped. "Tobi won't be able to stand my art. I'll blow him away."
"Your jokes are fucking terrible!"
"Enough, you two." Kisame scolded them. He turned towards Deidara, saying, "Good luck."
And with that, Deidara walked away from the hideout.
After about fifteen minutes of looking, Deidara found Tobi nearby, picking flowers. Out of the corner of his eye, Obito saw Deidara head towards him.
So he's going first, eh? He thought. He turned around to face him.
"Oh! Hi, Deidara-senpai!" The man with the mask greeted him with a wave, pretending as if he'd just saw him.
"Hey, Tobi." The bomber said. "What're you doing?"
"I'm planning on making a flower crown!" The ravenette answered happily. He turned his back, continuing to pick flowers.
"That's cool, hm." Deidara said, absent-minded.
They stood there, shrouded in an uncomfortable silence. Deidara needed to think of some way to get his mask off without him noticing. And if he couldn't do that, a simple glance would satisfy him. Maybe he could treat him to lunch. It was almost noon, after all, and he'd figured that maybe Tobi hadn't eaten yet. From there, he could maybe find a way to catch a glance.
"Oi," Deidara said, breaking the silence, "Let's go to a dango shop."
Obito smiled underneath his mask. Did Deidara think he could catch a glimpse by having him eat?
Tobi gasped, shocked. "Deidara-senpai! Are you going to spend your lunch eating with Tobi?! Uwahh, what an honour! Senpai never eats with Tobi!"
"Yeah, yeah. It'll be my treat. Let's go." With that, the artist turned around, and began to walk away. His partner quickly scurried after him, bringing his flowers.
While walking towards the shop, Deidara could see Tobi quietly making his flower crown as they were walking. He ignored it, at first, but he could always see him out of the corner of his eyes, weaving away. There was always motion, and it quickly started to irritate him. His eye kept twitching, as he was trying to remain composed.
"So... Tobi," Deidara started, trying to get his mind off of it. "Where are you from?"
"Nowhere." The addressed man lied.
"Okay then..." Deidara trailed off. That had to be a lie, but he wouldn't push it. "Why do you wear your mask so much?"
"Because Tobi loves his mask." Came the short reply.
Why the hell were you partnered with me? Deidara wanted to ask. Instead, he asked, "Why did you join the Akatsuki, hm?"
Tobi stayed quiet for a few seconds, before answering, "I don't know. Because Tobi wanted to!"
"Why won't you take off your mask? You don't even do that while eating, hm. Do you even eat?"
These questions are getting too personal. If I let him continue I might accidentally let out too much. Obito thought. Luckily, he had finished his flower crown by then.
"Look, look, Deidara-senpai!" Tobi exclaimed, holding his flower crown in front of him, avoiding the question.
With a slight turn of his head, Deidara could see the brightly coloured circle of flowers being grasped gently by gloved hands. The flowers were so bright and beautiful, radiating some sort of warmth, various shades of blue being seen. "That's a nice flower crown, hm." he complimented him.
"Aw, shucks! Deidara-senpai, you're so kind! Kinder than usual, that is!"
"Don't test my kindness, Tobi."
"Fine, fine."
They walked a few more steps ahead, when Deidara felt something being placed on his head. His eyes widened, and he immediately turned around to see his partner, hands gently lowering the flower crown onto his head.
"Tobi, what're you doing, un?" The blond asked him, a hint of surprise and annoyance in his voice.
"Putting this flower crown on your head! I made it especially for you. I thought blue flowers would match your eyes." He answered cheerfully.
Deidara gave a small "Tch", But still decided to at least add, "Thanks, yeah."
"Eh? Deidara-senpai, you're acting weird today. Are you okay?" Normally, Deidara would try to blow him up, or at least say something mean.
"Of course I am, idiot. What's so surprising about me being nice?" Deidara told him irritably. He then came to a halt when he saw the dango shop a few meters away. "We're here, hm."
Deidara ordered two dangos for the both of them, and once they had arrived, he sat down with Tobi, giving him one of them.
They weren't you regular, sweet, brightly coloured dangos. They were steamy and warm, with brown undertones and sauce on top.
The artist quietly observed Tobi as soon as he gave him his food. He wouldn't eat anywhere else now, and he couldn't go anywhere. Tobi's gloved hands reached his mask, slowly lifting up the mask. A single piece of sweat traveled down Deidara's forehead, as his aquatic eyes locked onto the ravenette's mask. Tobi's hands went up further, and all Deidara could see so far was black. Deidara's eyes narrowed.
Then, with a swift move, Tobi turned around and fully lifted up his mask.
"Man, this tastes so good!" He exclaimed, with his mouth clearly stuffed. "The sauce tastes really good. It's not sweet nor salty. This is a masterpiece! Yum!"
Deidara quickly tried to lean over to see if he could catch a glimpse, but it was already too late. Tobi put the mask down and turned around - holding the dango stick - to see Deidara leaned over, facing his lower body. His gaze slowly locked onto Tobi's.
"S-senpai, what were you looking at?! You pervert!"
"Shut up! I wasn't looking at anything weird! Don't get any ideas, hm!" Deidara's cheeks went red in anger and embarrassment. "Besides, you're wearing a goddamn cloak. I'm sure there's nothing to see, yeah." He scowled as he realized he missed the opportunity to look at Tobi's face.
Whatever, they had the whole day.
They quickly left, walking together once more in the forest's trails. Deidara walked ahead, while Tobi stayed behind, looking at random things ever so often. He commented about the butterflies, the bugs, the trees, the grass... everything. And it irritated Deidara. A lot.
"Ne, senpai. How do you make art?" The masked man asked him.
"Isn't that obvious? I use clay to make my art, hm." The bomber replied.
"Oh, yeah! Art is an explosion!"
"That's my line, Tobi. You need to have your own catchphrase, un."
"Hmm... what should Tobi's catchphrase be? What do you think, Deidara-senpai?"
"I don't know, Tobi. It's your catchphrase, so you should make it up."
The man with the orange mask put his fingers underneath his chin and tipped it downwards, as if deep in thought. Deidara relished in the quiet. It was so rare for him these days.
They were shrouded in silence once more, but this time, there was neither tension nor awkwardness.
Deidara looked forward, thinking about what he should do to try to unmask Tobi. Maybe he could try sneaking up on him? He glanced at his partner, who was behind him, still looking lost in thought. It was rather odd to see Tobi so quiet. He put his gaze elsewhere, landing on Tobi's eye-hole.
Deidara frowned, staring at the black void that filled it. Could he just ask him? Or was that a bad idea? But how would that be a bad idea? The man probably wouldn't even bother with the question. But then again, Tobi was quite cautious of his mask - or rather, his face. Why did he hide it? Was there even a reason to? Of course there was, because if there weren't, it was guaranteed that he would've already seen Tobi's face. Deidara stared at the ground. Maybe there was something Tobi didn't want to share? What if his face was hideous, and the man was just shy? Hideous or not, that still doesn't explain that much. But then again, what if Tobi was actually really smart and got suspicious of Deidara's plans? And - god forbid - if he failed, the others would have an even harder time, which didn't benefit anyone.
He turned around to look at Tobi once more. The said man noticed, and they locked eyes. "Hey, Deidara-senpai! Did you know we have ten fingers?! I never realized that!" The ravenette said, which broke the silence.
Okay, Deidara regretted thinking that Tobi was smart.
Maybe he really could just ask him.
"Oi, Tobi, un," The blond said, getting the masked man's attention.
"What is it, senpai?" He replied.
Deidara opened his mouth, about to ask, but then hesitated. Why the hell was he hesitating? There was nothing to lose here.
"I - never mind. I forgot what I was going to say, hm." He said, his mouth betraying his mind. He turned away from Tobi's gaze, looking ahead.
Goddamn it.
There was quiet, once more.
Obito wondered what the bomber was going to say. He could clearly see the amount of hesitation in his face and voice. It was as if he was going to ask him something important. He merely shrugged it off and continued walking with Deidara, knowing he had to make some kind of noise, as it was unnatural for "Tobi" to be so quiet.
"Uwahh! S-senpai! There's something scary on the ground!" Tobi shrieked, breaking the silence again. He came to a screeching halt.
"What is it?" The artist asked, his eyebrows cocking downwards as he turned to face Tobi.
"Th-there!" The ravenette sputtered. He pointed a finger to the ground.
Deidara looked to where Tobi was pointing and squinted his eyes. "Idiot. There's nothing there, hm."
"There was a bug there, senpai!" Tobi complained, "Bugs are scary!"
"Tch, what are you, a child?"
"Hmph, you're so mean!"
"I'm only stating the facts."
Tobi crossed his arms and pouted, although he knew Deidara couldn't see it.
"Oh, no! Senpai!" The man suddenly cried. Where did your flower crown go? Did you lose it?"
"I threw it away while you weren't looking, hm."
"Nooo!" Tobi sobbed, "Deidara-senpai, I can't believe you!"
"It would've wilted anyways, yeah."
Tobi sniffed. "Tobi worked so hard on it..."
Deidara's cheeks flared with red. "Fine, fine! It's right here, hm!" He reached underneath his cloak to reveal the beautifully weaved flower crown.
"Aw, senpai! You kept it? You're so sweet!" Tobi said, his tone indicating that he was crying from joy.
"Shut up, Tobi, it doesn't mean anything. I knew you would notice later on and would complain about it for ages, yeah. So I kept it." The artist said in a matter-of-factly tone.
"I'm sure that wasn't the only reason~!" His partner said in a sing-song voice, putting two fingers in the air and swaying them to his tune.
Deidara, too flustered to say anything, crossed his arms and let out a small "Hmph".
"Now you're being the childish one, senpai!" Tobi said cheekily.
"Piece of shit..." Deidara muttered under his breath.
Tobi pretended not to hear it.
It was evening.
Deidara and Tobi were bound to go back to the Akatsuki base soon, but before that, Deidara told Tobi to follow him somewhere first.
"Senpai, where are we headed?" The masked man asked, curious.
"Just be quiet, hm. You'll see." The blond replied.
Soon enough, they had reached a fairly secluded area, surrounded with trees. It was a circular shape, with the path connecting to it from the bottom. Deidara smirked. He had planned to come here with Tobi earlier, as he had buried some land mines in this area. He planned on hopping onto his clay bird and watching from above, as Tobi got caught in the smoke. Then, he would swoop down and grab his mask. He placed his land mines in specific areas so that the smoke wouldn't cover the trees; it would only cover the ground area. This way, if Tobi ever found a way to hop into the trees, Deidara would be able to catch it, though he doubted it. The man would probably just get confused in all the smoke.
He never thought he would have to use this plan, but he'll use it anyways. Good thing he prepared himself earlier. Before he thought that planning beforehand for someone like Tobi was a ridiculous idea, but now, the blond bomber was grateful.
"Tobi, stand in the middle of the circle, hm." Deidara grinned, "We're going to play a fun little game."
"Oo! Tobi loves games!" His partner exclaimed, and he gladly followed his orders.
Once he was in the middle of the area, Deidara made a clay bird and hopped onto it. The bird elevated into the air, about ten meters off the ground.
"Senpai! How do we play?" He yelled loudly, hoping Deidara could hear him.
"Just wait, Tobi! I'll show you soon, yeah!" The artist said, the grin still remnant on his face.
"Okay!"
I wonder what he's going to do, Obito thought.
Deidara's grin spread, as he put his hands together and yelled, "Katsu!"
Several explosions went off at once, covering the entire area. Only the surrounding trees were visible. He made sure not to place any bombs too near the middle, but close enough to cover it with dust. He didn't want to kill Tobi.
"Ahh!" Tobi's scream could be heard from miles away.
Deidara quickly scanned the trees the split second the explosions went off. No sign of Tobi.
Satisfied with how well the plan was going, he swooped down with his bird in triumph, and made sure to hop off at a safe height so that his clay bird wouldn't swoop any of the smoke away. He landed right behind Tobi.
Obito could hear the presence of someone behind him, so he immediately looked around.
Too late, Deidara was reaching for the mask. A millimeter away from grabbing it, Obito quickly made himself intangible. Deidara's eyes widened as his hand phased right through Tobi.
The smoke had cleared away, and all that was left were two Akatsuki members; One reaching to grab a swirly, orange mask, his hand going through his head, the other staring in bewilderment.
They stood there, not a muscle moving moving from either of them. They stood there for a good four minutes, staring at each other.
Obito could notice that he was starting to struggle; with both his state of intangibility and the stiff position he was in. In a minute, he would have to stop. He didn't want Deidara's hand to be cut off - again. Not that he really cared, but he would have to do some serious explaining afterwards. His partner finding out about his abilities was bad enough, but if he figured out he had some sort of time limit, his mask would be off sooner that he'd like.
That was when Tobi's shrilly voice broke the silence. "S-senpai... move your... hand..."
The arsonist stood frozen, still not moving, his mind numb with a faint ringing in his ears. He couldn't hear Tobi. He couldn't move. He couldn't process what just happened.
He only had a few more seconds. He could only remain intangible for five minutes, after all. "Deidara," Tobi warned, his voice slipping and cracking, barely almost revealing his true self. "-senpai." He quickly added.
That made Deidara snap back into reality. He hastily pulled his arm away, feeling strange.
"S-sorry, hm." He muttered, "I just... got carried away."
Deidara stared at the ground, shaken. He was panting and sweating.
"It's okay, senpai," Tobi said, waving his hand and posing in a girlish way. "I know you're just desperate."
Deidara gave him a dangerous glare, and Tobi let out a little "Eep!"
"C'mon, Tobi. We best be returning by now, hm."
"Okay, senpai!" Tobi agreed cheerfully. "But Deidara-senpai -."
Deidara turned to look at him, and shivers went up his spine as he noticed a demeaning, or almost threatening aura radiating his partner as his eyes locked onto the mysterious black void which was Tobi's eye-hole.
"- please don't do that again, okay?"
"O-of course, hm." Deidara said hastily, unsettled.
The atmosphere went back to normal, as Tobi said, "Yay! You're such a good friend, senpai!"
On the walk back to the Akatsuki base, Deidara's mind was elsewhere, still completely weirded out by the earlier events, ignoring his partner while they made their way back to the Akatsuki base.
As soon as Tobi was alone, he slumped against the nearest tree, breathing heavily.
Dammit... that was too close. He thought. Obito was so close to messing up. Good thing he had good reflexes.
He couldn't believe he had set his guard down, even with full knowledge of what the others were planning. He punched the tree he was leaning on, still breathing heavy and looking at the ground. His eyes narrowed.
Whoever was next, he wouldn't put his guard down.
"So, Deidara," Kisame said, "How did it go?"
"It went... okay, hm." He replied, his tone clearly showing that he was distracted by something.
"Did you fail?" Hidan asked smugly.
Deidara didn't answer.
"Oi, I said, did you fail?"
Still no answer came from the blond.
"Hey! Answer me, you bastard!"
Deidara's pupil's dilated as he came back to Earth. "Huh? What'd you say? Sorry, I wasn't listening, hm..." He trailed off, his eyes wandering around.
The Jashinist's eyebrows cocked downwards in frustration. "Are you okay? You're spacing out. It's fucking creepy."
"Sorry, I'm just... thinking."
"I assume you have failed, Deidara." Itachi said flatly.
Itachi's deep voice made Deidara twitch. He glanced at him, his aquatic eyes being met with blood red ones. "So what if I did, yeah?"
"So you did fail! Ha!" Hidan exclaimed triumphantly.
"Deidara, did you at least find something about him? Any information?" The shark-like man asked him.
All Deidara could reply with was with the truth. "Tobi is... scary."
The rest of the Akatsuki gaped at him. Tobi was scary? The guy who radiated with the 'cupcakes and rainbows' vibe?
"I call bullshit," Hidan said immediately.
"That's not very believable." Kakuzu followed after.
"Did he drug you our something Deidara? Did he mess with your brain?" Kisame asked him.
Itachi said nothing, and looked at the ground.
"I don't care if you believe me or not," Deidara uttered, fists clenched. "But something about him is just so... unsettling. You'll feel it when it's your turn, probably, hm."
"What are you, a wuss?" The silver-haired man teased.
"Shut the hell up, Hidan." The bomber retorted.
"Is that all, Deidara?" Kisame asked, sort of intrigued. "Anything else you found out to help us?"
"Well, there's one more thing." Deidara said, locking eyes with him. "You can phase through him. I tried reaching for his mask, but my hand went straight through his head, un. It sort of reminded me of that Hidden Leaf nin's ability... what was his name? Oh yeah, Kakashi Hatake's. I still can't believe Tobi has an ability like that."
Itachi's gaze latched onto Deidara when he heard the name, "Kakashi Hatake".
"I think... he got angry at me. I don't really remember it, since I was blanking out. But his voice seemed kind of... different, you could say?"
"In what way?" The blue man asked.
"It was like he was going through puberty or some shit," The blonde's voice was low, tone uncertain. "His voice was cracking, as if he was struggling, yeah."
"Why the fuck would Tobi go through puberty?" Hidan sneered, folding his arms around his chest. "Isn't he like, thirteen, or something?"
"Idiot. Do you really think he's thirteen? He's clearly in his twenties."
"The hell? No fucking way. He's definitely -."
"Will you two cut it out with your ridiculous conversations?" Kakuzu scolded them, sighing and slightly depressed with how stupid they were.
"Fine, sorry, hm." Deidara apologized. "As I was saying, Tobi's voice cracked a lot, as if he were struggling. I was wondering why."
"Deidara," Itachi said, making Deidara turn to him, a familiar look of hatred in his eyes, "You said something about Tobi having a similar ability to Kakashi Hatake's?"
"Yes, I did, hm," Deidara snapped, glaring at the Uchiha. "What of it?"
"Describe it."
"What?"
"I told you to describe it."
Damn Uchihas, ordering people around just because they think they're so special, Deidara thought, cocking his eyebrows down. "Before my hands got severed, part of them entered some sort of portal that Hatake had made, hm. The world was folding on itself, sucking me into it, yeah. Their jutsu's are barely the same, yet something about phasing through Tobi triggers a thought about Hatake in my head. I don't exactly know why."
Itachi was silent, his Sharingan burning through Deidara's skull. Kami, what an eyesore, Deidara thought, disgusted.
It was went quiet. Everyone thought about this new information.
"Well, you tried your best, at least." Kisame said, breaking the silence.
"But you failed," Hidan added, making sure to remind the artist as much as he could.
"Will you shut up, you bastard!? I get it, okay? I'll blow you up if you say that again, hm!" Deidara yelled, putting a clenched hand in the air, as if to threat the Jashinist.
Hidan made a smug face. "'But you'll fail doing so."
The arsonist yanked Hidan's headband harshly, which was placed around his neck, and brought his face close to his own. "You..!"
"Hey, hey, calm down." Kisame said, breaking the two before Deidara blew the Akatsuki base up. "Let's just discuss who'll go next."
(A/N: Hey! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Please remember to review. I'll post the next chapter next Friday! Hidan will go next ;)
As I said before, this fanfic is merely for jokes, yet I want it to be serious at times. There's going to be some crack, hence the "puberty" conversation.
I'm sorry the end was a bit rushed, and I'm sorry for any typos. I wrote this in the middle of the night and I was tired T^T Again, sorry if any of the characters are OOC. I have trouble writing the Akatsuki sometimes TvT)