"Okay, fine, hm," Deidara said, closing his eyes and folding his arms neatly over his chest. He smirked as he turned his head to look at Hidan, aquatic irises meeting magenta. The Jashinist raised his brow. "What the hell are you smirking at me for?" He said, bothered.
"I think," Deidara said, his smirk getting wider, "You should go next, hm."
The arsonist expected the silver-haired man to whine or complain, yell about he doesn't want to go next. Instead, Hidan laughed, clutching his scythe.
"Fuck yeah!" He yelled, "I'll gladly go next!"
Deidara frowned, slightly annoyed now. "Why are you so eager to go, yeah? Aren't you irritated?"
"I'm going to bust his ass," Hidan said, confident. "I bet I can do a way better job than you ever could."
"That's not true, hm. Just wait until you experience it."
"I knew it, you are a fucking wuss!"
While Hidan and Deidara bickered, Kisame went up to Kakuzu, who – not surprisingly – was still counting his money. The bounty hunter looked up, locking eyes with the blue man. "What do you want?" He rasped idly.
Kisame grinned. "Want to make a bet?"
Kakuzu didn't display any sign of emotion, but Kisame knew that he was already deeply considering it. If it involved money, Kakuzu would be sold in seconds. "How much?" Was the first thing he asked.
"Twenty." Kisame answered, not missing a beat.
"What's the bet for?"
"For Hidan."
Kakuzu shook his head. "There's no point. If you're going to bet that Hidan will fail, then you've already earned the twenty ryo."
The Jashinist – who was still bickering with Deidara over him being a wuss – turned his head and screeched, "Fucking old man! I'm not going to fail, I have Lord Jashin by my side!"
The man with the charcoal hair, making no sign of hearing his partner, continued, "I'm not earning any money from a brat like that."
"Kakuzu!" The Jashinist yelled, waving a fist in the air while punching Deidara in the arm. "I'm telling you, I won't fail!"
"How can you be so sure of that, hm?!" Deidara cut him off, getting back the Jashinist's attention.
"Because I'll have Lord Jashin with me!"
The blond rolled his eyes. He had always found Hidan's religion annoying. He shook his head tiredly, knowing that they were getting nowhere with this conversation. "Hidan, do you even have a plan?"
"What the hell do I need a plan for? I'll just go right in and take off his mask, easy!" The silver-haired man hooted.
"You're an idiot." Kakuzu said, "You won't get anywhere without a plan."
"Fuck off, Kakuzu! Let me do what I want." Hidan retorted. "Besides, why the hell would I need one of those? Tobi is a fucking moron. He probably won't even notice."
Deidara sighed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but the half-witted bastard you're talking about is actually harder to crack than you think."
"Ha!" Hidan roared. "Just you wait. I'll sacrifice him! Jashin will be there to watch over me."
"Will you cut it out with the religious bullshit?"
"Do you want to fucking go? Jashin is not bullshit!"
"Shut up, Hidan," Kakuzu scolded him.
"Kakuzu!" The Jashinist screeched, his tone getting louder and louder, "He just insulted Jashin! Do you expect me to take that lightheartedly?!" His charcoal-haired partner gave him a menacing glare, earning a defeated "Fine, fine." from his partner.
"Wait, did you say you were planning on sacrificing him?" Deidara just realized. The Jashinist gave him a smirk. "Hell yeah I did!" He responded.
"Stupid," Deidara said, crossing his arms. "The plan was to unmask Tobi - that's it, nothing more. Besides, hm, if you were to sacrifice him, you'd just phase right through him."
"So? I kill in the Way of Jashin, and I'll continue to sacrifice people for him. He's always watching over me, granting my prayers, doing everything he can. I'll forevermore continue to -"
"Hidan," Kisame said, slightly irritated, "We don't need to repeatedly hear your religious babbling about your god. We're all tired. Let's all just go and rest for now, wake up tomorrow, and continue with our mission. Okay?"
Everyone but the said man nodded. People just wanted to sleep.
"Wait a fucking second," The magenta-eyed immortal said, gaining some of their attention. "Why the hell are we doing it tomorrow? Why not tonight? I was all fuckin' hyped and shit, and this is what you tell me?"
"Give Tobi a break, he probably got blown up by Deidara." The blue man said.
"Or he could've raped him," Hidan muttered under his breath. The blond arsonist gave him a dangerous glare and scowled.
"It's not like that, hm! I thought out an effective plan. I was smart," – he eyed a certain silver-haired man – "Unlike some people."
"What's that supposed to mean?!
"Hidan, shut up," Kakuzu said once again, this time eyeing the arsonist as well. "No one has time for your incredibly annoying bickering."
Both Hidan and Deidara childishly looked away, crossing their arms and letting out a "Tch." Itachi, who hadn't said anything the entire time, walked out of the Akatsuki hideout quietly. Soon after, Kisame left, too. Followed by Kakuzu, then by Hidan and Deidara.
The next morning, Hidan made it to the base super early, excited to sacrifice - er - try at Tobi's mask. It sort of shocked the others that he was that invested with this mission. Hell, even Kakuzu was sort of surprised, which was rare.
"So, Hidan, you ready?" Kisame asked him, although he already knew the answer, as it was prominent on Hidan's face.
"Fuck yeah, I'm going to sacri – uh – unmask him, I guarantee it!" He turned to look at the blond bomber, "Just you watch and see how the fucking pro does it, Deidara-chan."
The said arsonist simply rolled his eyes, hoping with all his heart that Hidan would fail, so that he could tease him later. But at the same time, he also wanted Hidan to succeed, so that this entire mission would end, and he would be filled with satisfaction. But if he failed, he would be fine with it. It's an obvious outcome, anyways, from someone like Hidan. If he actually takes off Tobi's mask - Deidara will freak.
"Okay, okay, we get it, yeah." The blond arsonist said. "Good luck, Hidan, because you'll definitely need it."
"The fuck is that supposed to -." The Jashinist tried to start, but got cut off by Deidara.
"It means good luck, dumbass, hm. Don't make me say it twice, it was hard enough to say it the first time."
"Kakuzu," Kisame said, letting the said man turn to face him. "I have another bet. If Hidan comes back before this evening, I'll give you twenty ryo. If he doesn't, the twenty ryo is mine."
Kakuzu grunted in acceptance, nodding his head slightly. The blue man grinned as his response.
"So it's settled then?" He said.
"Yes." The bounty-hunter answered blatantly. He turned around to glare at Hidan, signaling that he better come back before the sun set, but the Jashinist was nowhere to be seen. He looked at Deidara, as if asking where he was.
"He left while you guys were talking about your bet, yeah," He replied idly. "He's gone."
Kakuzu looked at the ground. That son of a bitch better be back before evening, or else he'd murder someone tonight.
Hidan looked around, hoping to find the masked man. He couldn't be anywhere that far from the base, could he? He scavenged around the Akatsuki hideout, but couldn't find him anywhere. He tried looking in the forest nearby, but still couldn't find Tobi.
"Where the fuck is he?" Hidan muttered. This was annoying. This was a mission, not a search party. He sat down on the ground, deciding to pray for a while.
"Lord Jashin... watch over me while I do a mission. Help me find that fucking dumbass, too." He murmured, holding his pendant to his lips. He mumbled a few more words under his breath.
Obito knew the immortal had been looking for him. In fact, the entire time Hidan was looking for him, Tobi had been watching him. Not as effectively as Zetsu could, but good enough. Hidan better be worth his time. The masked man thought this game was fun, but last time, Deidara almost grabbed his mask. He promised he wouldn't lower his guard this next time, so here he was. Watching the Jashinist pray, Obito let a sigh escape his lips. Time to put up the act once more.
He quietly activated kamui to teleport behind Hidan. To his surprise, the silver-haired man didn't notice him, too caught up in his praying. Obito frowned. That wasn't good for a shinobi, especially for a member of the Akatsuki. Nevertheless, he ignored it.
He put his hands on Hidan's shoulders and yelled, "Boo!"
The immortal flinched. "Shit!" He cursed loudly, scared out of his wits. He turned around to be met with a swirly orange mask, inches away from his face.
"What the fuck are you doing?!"
"I'm scaring you!" Tobi said.
"No shit, you scared the fucking hell out of me!"
"Sorry, Mr. Hidan!" The ravenette shook his arms vigorously in the air, as if scared the Jashinist would hurt him. "Tobi didn't mean to make you mad!"
Hidan scowled. At least I found him, he thought.
He shook off his anger, saying, "So, Tobi, I was thinking we could, uh..." The silver-haired man trailed off, not really knowing what to say. He kept fumbling, trying to look for words.
Looks like he isn't prepared, Obito thought, slightly amused.
"Would Mr. Hidan like to hang out with Tobi?" He offered. Hidan perked up, relieved that Tobi suggested something.
"Hell yeah!" He said, giving a grin that was both forced yet somewhat genuine at the same time. "What would you like to do?"
Tobi put a finger on his chin. "Tobi would like to... to make a bracelet."
Hidan frowned. Bracelets? He had hoped that Tobi would suggest something more gruesome - although he knew that a man-child like him wouldn't say that. If he did what Tobi asked, maybe he would let Hidan see what was under his mask...?
Yeah, he was a genius. (No, Hidan, you're not.)
"Sure. Bracelets are fucking awesome." He said, grinning, although his tone suggested otherwise. It sounded incredibly forced.
"Yay! Mr. Hidan, you're awesome!" The ravenette exclaimed.
The Jashinist smirked. "I know I am." He stared at Tobi's eye-hole. "So, how are we making the bracelets?"
"I don't know!" He said happily, putting two hands in the air. Hidan twitched. He couldn't believe this guy. How did he manage to make it into the Akatsuki?
"Oh! Tobi knows now!" He said in the same energetic tone. "We'll use the grass!"
The grass? What? How?
"Or we could use flowers." The masked man added.
"I don't give a shit about what we use," Hidan said, although he thought making a bracelet out of human remains was cooler. Maybe a Jashin bracelet would be cool, too. Wait, was Hidan actually considering making a bracelet? Fuck, Tobi was rubbing off of him, wasn't he?
"Since Tobi used flowers with Deidara-senpai last time, I'll use flowers with you, too!" He put his hands together cheerfully.
Hidan snorted. "You used flowers with Deidara?"
"Well, it was more like Tobi made a flower crown for him."
"Really? I bet he looked fucking ridiculous."
"Well, he sort of did," Tobi admitted blatantly. Hidan let out another snort, trying to contain his laughter at the thought of Deidara in a flower crown. Tobi continued, "But Tobi thinks senpai makes a wonderful girl!"
The Jashinist burst out laughing. And just when he thought it couldn't get anymore better, Tobi added, "He even kept it! I was so honoured."
Hidan doubled over, holding his stomach in his hands from laughter. The thought of Deidara wearing a flower crown already got him, but the thought of him keeping it? That was incredibly ridiculous. Who would keep something like that?
"That's fucking hilarious!" Hidan hooted, wiping a tear. He gave Tobi a hard pat on the back. The ravenette winced - that would surely leave a bruise.
Tobi crouched down, picking up a few magneta flowers. There were also various hues of purple. "Mr. Hidan! Why don't you pick some flowers for your bracelet?"
The said man then remembered that all they were doing was making bracelets. He sighed.
"Fine," He answered, leaning down. He ripped some nearby flowers harshly, resulting in all the flowers being in uneven lengths and crooked. Some even lost a few petals.
"Mr. Hidan!" Tobi cried, "Be careful with the flowers!"
"Why? They're fucking flowers. It's not like they're important."
"You can't hurt the flowers!"
"What are they, living creatures?"
"They have lives!"
"I don't give a shit."
It went quiet. Tobi carefully started to weave a bracelet, his hands moving swiftly as he knotted and tied each flower together. Hidan, on the other hand, was struggling to a great extent. His bracelet was all ripped and messy, the flowers all dull and wilted from his rough hands.
Losing all patience, Hidan threw the bracelet on the ground. He waited for Tobi to finish his. While the masked man worked on his creation, he hummed, making the immortal even more irritated.
At first, Hidan's fingers kept tapping on his knee. Then, his started to tap one of his feet. His eye constantly twitched, trying to stay composed.
All of a sudden, he got up and yelled, "This is fucking boring!"
Tobi mirrored his actions and got up as well, a completed flower bracelet in his hands. "What would you like to do then, Mr. Hidan?"
"I want to sacrifice someone! Anyone would do, as long as I kill for Jashin," He said, pulling out his scythe. He eyed Tobi.
The ravenette took the hint, screaming, "No!" He dragged on the vowel as he began bolting. "Don't kill Tobi, Tobi is a good boy!"
"C'mere, Tobi, I'm sure Lord Jashin will love you!" Hidan yelled, chasing after Tobi.
"Uwahh!" Tobi dragged the 'a', running as fast as his feet could take him.
Sooner or later, Hidan stopped, too tired to keep running. Tobi was probably miles away from him by now. Weirdly enough, Tobi didn't show any signs of fatigue or slowing down. The silver-haired immortal was panting, his stamina running low. He wondered how Tobi could run that fast and for that long. Hell, he was probably still running.
A strange thought crossed his mind. Hidan considered himself quite fit - he had a well-built body. He had a ton of stamina, yet, he couldn't outrun Tobi, and neither could he catch up to him. Hidan's eyebrows cocked downwards. Does that mean Tobi has as much stamina as he did? But the ravenette outran him, so that means Tobi has much more. Wait, what? A guy like that could have more stamina than him? So that means Tobi could be as equally fit. But that's impossible! When and how could Tobi have gained all of that? He never did anything, not even fight – or, well, that's what he gets from Deidara.
The Jashinist shook his head. These thoughts were weird. Plus, there was no way that could be true. Oh, shit, is he actually thinking?! He's getting way too into this.
...
The truth is, Tobi never outran Hidan, though he could have if he wanted to. Obito watched Hidan from a tree. Once he started running, he made sure the immortal couldn't see him anymore. From there, he stayed hidden in the trees, running alongside the man until he stopped. Hidan had a lot of stamina, and he could run fairly fast, so he had to be quick with his actions.
He hopped onto a tree branch when he knew Hidan would stop soon - it was clear that he would. His breathing got heavier, and his started to sweat more. He stopped right where Obito predicted he would. He stayed quiet for a while – Obito took it as him trying to catch his breath.
"Fuck..." He heard the Jashinist mutter, putting his hands on his knees and bending his head down. "Where the fuck did that bastard go?"
Obito activated kamui, appearing behind Hidan. "Boo!" He yelled, in the same tone he used to scare him earlier. Hidan jumped.
"Will you stop fucking scaring me?!" The immortal screamed, his voice cracking. Tobi giggled - a part of it was part of the act, yet some of it was real. Yes, Obito could genuinely giggle. Don't ask.
"Where the hell did you even come from?!"
"That's a secret~!" Tobi sing-songed, waving two fingers to his tune.
Another scowl escaped Hidan's lips. It was just like the first time! How was Tobi doing this? How was it possible that Hidan never sensed Tobi's presence? It was like he was appearing out of thin air. It was like... what was that word again?
Teleportation?
"Fucking ridiculous," Hidan said out loud, a distorted grin on his face. Tobi looked at him weirdly, and the Jashinist had just realized he had subconsciously spoken.
"Mr. Hidan? Are you okay?" The ravenette asked him, concern laced in his tone. Said man gave a subtle wave, saying, "Yeah, just thought of something funny."
The Jashinist chuckled after what he said. Tobi having teleportation? That's probably one of the most ludicrous things he had ever thought of. He didn't even believe Deidara when he said you could phase through him. Wait, now that he thought about it, was that even true? It couldn't be, could it? But earlier, Hidan gave him a pat on the back, and he could feel Tobi being physically there.
Wait. If you can phase through someone, can you still touch them?
Wait, huh?
Wait...
...What was he thinking of again?
Hidan shook his head. Whatever, it's not like whatever he thought of – before he forgot about it – was important.
"What were you thinking of, Mr. Hidan?" The man with the swirly, orange mask asked him curiously.
"I had the strangest fucking thought – that you could teleport," The Jashinist snorted at his own words, not noticing the other man twitch.
Tobi gave out a nervous laugh. "Haha, funny how the imagination works, right? Tobi thinks that's hilarious!" Hidan grinned, and started to walk. "C'mon, Tobi," He said, gesturing the man to follow him. "Let's go have some fucking fun!"
"Okay!" Tobi said cheerfully, skipping towards the immortal.
It was noon.
Hidan and Tobi were currently spying on a little camp out in the forest. The Jashinist decided that he wanted to sacrifice someone today, and if he couldn't sacrifice Tobi, he'd find someone else to sacrifice. So, after searching for a bit, they had finally found someone. They hid in nearby bushes, peeking ever so often.
"Oi, Tobi," Hidan whispered. "Try to go around... I wanna see how many people there are."
"Okay, Mr. Hidan!" Tobi whispered back. The masked man then traveled from bush to bush, loud ruffles coming from his movements. The camper turned in Tobi's direction, where he was currently hiding behind a bush. Hidan mentally cringed. To his dismay, the camper – a brunette – decided to walk towards the bush.
"Hello? Is someone there?" The brunette said, her voice being soft and sweet. Tobi popped out of the bush, making her jump.
"Hi!" He said cheerfully, waving. "My name is Tobi, and I'm a good boy!"
She – not surprisingly – shrieked. Hidan knew he had to kill her now. If he didn't it might attract other people and cause a commotion. He jumped out of his bush and hooted, a gigantic grin on his face. "Lord Jashin will love you!" He said before rapidly swinging his scythe toward her. The brunette jumped back onto a tree branch, but Hidan had already cut a part of her elbow with his weapon.
"Are you a shinobi?" He said, pointing his scythe at her. She didn't say anything, merely furrowing her brows. "Guess you're not one to talk, huh? That's fine, but you've just missed your fucking chance to say some last words, bitch."
Stabbing his hand, and letting the blood drip onto the ground, Hidan drew the symbol of Jashin onto the ground – a circle with a single triangle inside. He took his weapon and licked the top of his scythe, where the girl's blood had been. His appearance then turned to that of a Grim-Reaper – black, with some white lines on his chest, some of his face containing white, too.
The girl had a horrified expression on her face. The Jashinist gave out a maniacal laugh, his pupils contracting. "Die...!" He yelled deliriously, as he stabbed himself right in the chest.
The girl's face contorted into that of being pained, clutching her chest. A few seconds later, she dropped onto the ground, dead. Hidan's skin went back to normal, a smile on his face. "Lord Jashin!" He yelled, tilting his head back and smiling. "Did you see that?"
He heard a ruffle of leaves from nearby. He turned his head, seeing Tobi, still in his bush. "M-Mr. Hidan... you're scary!" He cried.
Hidan's eyes widened as he realized something. What if... what if he performed his ritual on Tobi? And while Tobi agonized in pain, he could take off his mask! The immortal grinned, proud of himself. God, he was a genius.
Oh, shit, he had forgotten that you could phase through Tobi. Well, at least this would prove if you could always phase through him.
...Right?
At least he had an excuse.
"Tobi! Wasn't I cool? That bitch didn't stand a chance." He said, grinning cockily.
"You were amazing, Mr. Hidan!" Tobi said. He added, "But you're also very creepy. You make very disturbing faces sometimes."
"So? Everyone makes disturbing faces. I'm sure you've done that too, bastard."
Obito had. Although his facial expressions were mostly laced with hate these days, there was a time he had other emotions too. There was this one time he made a weird face. It was that time he kissed that picture of... Rin...
The Uchiha shook his head. Just the thought of Rin pained him. A picture of her smiling face flashed in his mind. Oh, how he missed her.
"I'm always watching you..." Tobi murmured quietly. That was a line she had always told to his younger self - a naive boy with too many fantasies of becoming Hokage in his head. He was no longer what he once was.
"Now you're being the creepy one," Hidan said, weirded out by what Tobi murmured. The masked man scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Ahah, you heard that? Sorry about that, Tobi was just trying to see what it was like to act creepy."
"Well, I mean, you succeeded in doing so," The Jashinist said, putting two hands on the back of his head and closing his eyes. "Is your 'senpai' rubbing off of you? He was spacing out and being fucking creepy yesterday, too."
Ah, shit. Deidara must've realized something, Obito thought.
"Hey, hey, Tobi," Hidan said, "Wanna play a game I have?"
As soon as Hidan said the word 'game', he had made himself intangible. Another game? Obito thought. Deidara already played a 'game' with him yesterday. Was this a new trend now? Was this supposed to be a signal that Hidan would attack him soon?
Nevertheless, Tobi answered with a cheerful, "Sure! Tobi loves to play games!"
"Fuck yeah," Hidan said. "The game is, uh... to close your eyes and count to ten."
Yep, Hidan was probably going to swing his scythe at him. The Jashinist's style was so predictable. Also, what was it with the games?
The immortal thought about Deidara's words yesterday. So you could phase through Tobi, but was he always like that? Or could he phase through things whenever he wanted to? He couldn't always be like that. He had patted Tobi on the back earlier, and could feel him being physically there. Or was there, like, a time limit to it, at least? What kind of jutsu would let Tobi be like that?
Hidan decided that he wanted to experiment this. It wasn't like him to do this, or to think so much, but he desperately wanted to brag in Deidara's face after this. Plus – he admits – he wants to see Tobi's face.
He decided to make a bet with himself. He frowned when he realized that was what his partner would do. Whatever, he'd still do it anyways.
"Oi, Tobi, I heard you could phase through things." Hidan said, idly. He didn't really believe it, but he doesn't think Deidara is that messed up to make up something like that. Sure, it was the craziest thing he'd heard, but maybe – just maybe – it could be true.
Obito already knew the other man knew this - there was no way he could lie about it now. Tobi nodded vigorously. "Yes, Tobi can! Don't you think that's super cool?"
"Sure," Hidan said, intrigued. What he really wanted to do was stick his hand though him. He wanted to try it out. "Can I test it?" If Hidan could put his hand through Tobi, then that would mean he could make himself intangible whenever he wanted.
Obito made the mistake of nodding eagerly. The silver-haired man didn't miss a beat, harshly shoving his arm through Tobi – who was currently intangible. Obito shuddered at how rough it was. It felt weird.
"Cool!" Hidan practically yelled, almost resembling a little kid who had learned something new. He yanked his hand back out. So that meant Tobi could become like that anytime he wanted to, right? So that was two of his questions answered. What about time limits, then? Could Tobi have a time limit to that?
"Hey, hey, Tobi, can you stay like that all the time?"
"Stay like what, Mr. Hidan?"
"Like... intangible."
Yeah, Obito couldn't tell him that. No way.
"I dunno!" Tobi answered cheerfully.
Hidan pondered about this for a while. Time limits… time limits? That was stupid. But there would always be a catch to a jutsu like that, right? Or would there? Ugh, this was a waste of his time. He couldn't even believe he was actually spending seconds of his life thinking about Tobi's power. Tobi doesn't have a power, right? All he has is intangibility, which barely does anything! Tobi had a good defense – so what? If Tobi had made himself intangible when Hidan put his hand through him that would mean that he wasn't like that anymore, right?
He realized he had been quiet, lost in thought, when Tobi waved a hand in front of his face "Um, hello? Earth to Mr. Hidan! Why are you so quiet? That's so rare!"
The Jashinist smacked the hand Tobi was waving in front of his face. "I'm fine. Now, what're you fucking waiting for? Let's play this fucking game already!"
Tobi knew Hidan would try to attack him, right from the moment that Hidan said the word "play." So, as soon as he said that, he made himself intangible, which was about three to four minutes ago. Ten seconds were nothing, so he had time. He smiled, before saying, "Okay! I'll be closing my eyes... Right... Now!"
"Now count." Hidan ordered, pulling out his scythe.
"One... two... three..."
Hidan clutched his scythe, and swung. Obito knew, as he could feel it going through him. He was glad he had made himself intangible.
The Jashinist blinked. Was he still intangible? He shook his head. He was probably just making himself that way for now.
"Four... five... six..."
Hidan was still swinging back and forth, his scythe going through Tobi horizontally.
"Seven... eight... nine..."
"You're almost done, Tobi," Hidan said. He didn't stop swinging – Obito could feel the scythe going through him over and over again.
"What...?" Tobi said, his enthusiasm faltering.
The ravenette could hear the other man's smirk. "Just keep fucking counting. You're almost at ten."
"Okay!" Tobi said happily, putting two hands together. "Ten!"
As soon as Tobi counted to ten, Hidan stopped. The masked man waited for a few seconds, before turning around and asking, "Was that the game, Mr. Hidan?"
"Yep. That was the funnest fucking thing ever, right? I'm the best at making games up!" He said, giving Tobi a pat on the back. "C'mon, let's go back to the Akatsuki base."
By now, Obito was no longer intangible. So he did that all for nothing? Hidan didn't have a better plan? Shame.
The man with the swirly mask skipped in front of him, humming lightly. Hidan grinned. An element of surprise would surely get him.
He quietly pulled out his scythe – it was hard, but he managed – and steadily held it. He rapidly swung at Tobi in a vertical direction from behind. Obito tensed, sensing it.
Fuck, how was he able to know? Obito thought, gritting his teeth. The Uchiha tried to dodge the attack, but it was too late. The scythe had already glazed his shoulder.
Hidan mentally praised himself. "Lord Jashin, this is not a sacrifice, but watch over me as I complete this mission!" He stabbed his hand once more, same hand from earlier, and let the blood drip onto the ground. With his feet, he drew the symbol of Jashin once more. He licked the blood he had on his scythe, his skin turning back into black and white.
Obito noticed how much more disoriented and delirious Hidan looked. This guy was freaky. Panic quickly spread through Tobi's body. He knew he was trapped. Was this it for him?
He could activate Kamui - no, wait, he couldn't do that. Did he really wanna risk the others knowing that? They already knew enough - like his ability to become intangible. And from what he knew, Hidan might know something about his limit. If they found out he could teleport too, what else could they do? What other things might they realize? It wasn't worth the risk. Plus, he needed them to think of him of an idiot - a loud moron who didn't seem good at anything. And he needed it to stay like that.
Hidan stabbed himself in the stomach, causing Obito's face to contort in pain. He bent over, clutching his stomach, giving out a loud, "Itatataa... ow!" He was hurting more than a simple 'Ow', but managed to keep up the act. Meanwhile, Hidan's face contorted in pleasure. "It was nice knowing you, Tobi," He laughed maniacally. "But now it's time to see the real you!"
"Mr. Hidan... I knew it! Mr. Hidan is very mean! Just like Deidara-senpai! All you want to know is what Tobi looks like!" The masked man screeched, his shrilly tone hurting Hidan's ears.
Obito tried to inch away from Hidan's hands, which were nearing his mask. To make sure he wouldn't move anymore, Hidan stabbed himself in the shoulder, too, causing Obito even more pain.
The ravenette felt fingertip slowly sliding his mask off. All the Jashinist could see so far was black.
And then, there was a loud ruffle in the trees. Hidan looked up, seeing a ginormous bird come out of hiding and fly over the two. "What the actual f –."
He got cut off as the bird took a gigantic shit in his mouth.
Immediately, an expression of disgust washed over Hidan's face. His skin turned back to normal, distracting him from his ritual and letting Tobi run.
Damn, was nature on Obito's side today?
A few minutes later - after various attempts to cleanse his tongue and teeth - Hidan spat on the ground. He let out a long "Fuck", dragging the vowel for a good few seconds. He couldn't believe this.
He had failed. The Jashinist groaned. He would get a shit ton of teasing from Deidara later.
Plus, all that he had managed to do was learn more about Tobi's intangibility.
Oh, wait, he had managed to learn more about Tobi's intangibility! More than Deidara did!
His lips curled into a smile. At least he had that.
Obito ran as fast as he could before stopping. Wow. Wow.
He had to admit, he had hid his laughter when seeing that bird's feces in Hidan's mouth. He let out a low chuckle. The image would haunt him for days.
Still, he couldn't believe it. Had Hidan actually found out about his time limit? How? He gave no hints to that. How would he even know?
Obito frowned. The Akatsuki members were catching on faster than he thought they would.
Little to Obito's knowledge, Hidan and the rest of the Akatsuki had no idea about this.
The immortal came back before evening, a bit mentally tired but overall okay.
"So, hm, did you find anything out?" The arsonist said, expecting Hidan to shake his head in defeat.
Instead, he grinned widely. "I actually fucking did! I found out that Tobi can't stay intangible all the time."
Deidara's jaw slackened. He couldn't believe it. This - this absolute moron... this bastard, accomplished more than him?
Were you fucking kidding him right now?
"How did you even find out about that?" Deidara asked, mentally raging. At least Hidan failed, Deidara thought, trying to make himself feel better.
"Well, I did some experimenting." Hidan said, closing his eyes with a smug smirk on his face, "And I thought some stuff through."
The Jashinist knew that what he was saying was partially a lie – he wanted to seem smart, okay?
Deidara snorted. "What? You? Thinking? That's a lie."
"No, it's not!" Hidan yelled. It actually wasn't a lie, but he knew the arsonist wouldn't buy it. "At least I did a better job that you, bastard."
The artist frowned. "Tell me exactly how you did a better job than me."
"Didn't I say earlier? I found out that he couldn't remain intangible all the time. Use your fucking ears."
"Kisame," Kakuzu said, turning to the said man. "Pay up."
The shark-like man sighed. He dug into his pockets, pulling out a twenty dollar bill and handing it over to Kakuzu. The charcoal-haired man took it.
"How'd you find out, Hidan?" Kisame asked, turning towards the silver-haired man.
"I performed my ritual on him, and almost slipped off his mask –." Hidan answered, but got cut off by Deidara.
"Almost?" He said, giving a sly smirk.
"Well, yeah. I got him fucking trapped – he couldn't go anywhere. I stabbed myself a few times – felt fucking great – and while Tobi agonized in pain, I tried sliding his mask off. That motherfucker ran away though, because a bird –."
The Jashinist's eyes dropped, a look of depression washing over his face as he remembered the disgusting pile of shit that had landed in his mouth.
"Because a bird…?" Kisame said, wanting Hidan to continue. Both he and Deidara had smiles on their faces.
Hidan murmured something under his breath, but no one could decipher it. "Louder, hm!" The blond bomber said.
"A bird took a big ass shit and it landed in my mouth," Hidan muttered, his voice barely audible. His expression was a mix of being revolted by the thought and embarrassment.
The entire room went quiet, but didn't stay in the state for long. Deidara and Kisame were first to break the silence, bursting into laughter and doubling over with tears in their eyes. Although no one could see it, the corners of Kakuzu's mouth lifted up. Itachi kept a poker face on, but he was actually just trying to hide a smile.
Hidan's face went red. He knew he shouldn't have said anything.
"Kami," Deidara managed to say, laughing uncontrollably. "That is the funniest thing I have ever heard today!"
"How did it taste?" Kisame said, wiping a tear of joy. Hidan scowled.
"Enough of this nonsense," Itachi said, his usual flat voice breaking the atmosphere, although he was enjoying the moment. "So, you failed, Hidan?"
"Do you want to fucking go, you damn Uchiha? So what if I failed! I got information, at least! You have no fucking right to judge me – you haven't even done anything yet!"
Itachi looked at him, his Sharingan activated, blood red meeting magenta. "Tell us everything you know."
"Fucking bastard, I already have! All I've learnt is that you can't always phase through Tobi. He has the ability to become like that whenever he fucking wants." Hidan turned towards Deidara, whose laughs had grown quieter. "And you! Stop laughing, motherfucker! I found out more than you did!"
Deidara's grin didn't falter. "At least I didn't eat a pile of shit."
By now, Kakuzu started to give little snorts, Kisame was on the floor, Itachi's turned around, as he couldn't hide his smile, and Deidara's laugh getting louder and louder every time he thought about a bird taking a shit in Hidan's mouth.
Hidan flushed with anger and embarrassment. He hoped they'd all die.
He really shouldn't have said anything.
A/N: Hey! I said I would update last week, but some family stuff had been going on and I couldn't find the time to update, much less write. I hope you understand! This one was quite a long one. 6.2k words! Wow, never written that much before.
Hope you enjoyed! Tell me who you want to go next! I was maybe thinking Kisame? Anyways, I hope you stick on for the next update!
Cya!
-MK