I was on pins and needles the whole way home. I still hadn't brought myself to be able to tell Jace the truth. I guess part of me was scared. I mean how do you even begin to tell someone that? Especially someone who had feelings for you. I guess, as passive as it sounds, I didn't want to crush him the way I was going to be crushed. I may not be head over heels in love with him but I did have feelings for him. I just couldn't bring myself to break his heart. He doesn't deserve that. He's always been amazing with me even with the factor that I was waiting to have sex. Here we are four years later and hes still around. Hell who knows, depnding on what happens with Dom today, Jace and I may end up spending the rest of our lives together. Then again, so could Dom and I. I looked over at Jace and I managed a small smile. His happiness was almost contagious. His eyes were full of light. The sun light glittered across his face, catching the blonde of his goatee. Pure perfection. He reached over and grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. I squeezed his hand back lightly. Things with Jace would be so easy, so carefree. Maybe I wouldn't have to break his heart, I thought. But would I be truly happy? I was pulled out of my thoughts by his phone ringing. He picked it up and looked at the caller I'd. I was surprised to see him roll his eyes. He let go of my hand reluctantly and answered the phone.
"Yes mom?" I was drawn back by how sarcastic he sounded. Woah where had this guy come from? What happened to my sunshine and rainbow guy? I watched him intensively as his facial expression lost its happy glow. I reached over and placed my hand on his knee and gave it a slight squeeze. It earned a smile from him but I knew he was still irritated.
"Yes I'm still here. Is that really your business? I'll be home soon. I don't know a few days. Don't go there mom whatever." He hung up the phone. I moved my hand of his knee and stared forward out of the window. What had happened between him and his mom? He always adored her. The look on his face when he seen her name on the caller id spoke volumes to me. Something had happened and II couldn't shake the feeling that it had something to do with me. I always thought she had liked me. Did she fake it? Or had things changed that much? If that was the case, had he said something bad about me. I am so confused.
We pulled up to my house and he put the car in park. He left out a loud sigh and ran a hand through his blonde hair. He looked like he was trying to bring himself to say something he really didn't want to. My heart started to race. I couldn't handle two relationship changing conversations in one day. He turned to look at me and I held my breath. Here goes nothing.
"Jace, what's going on?" He finally brought his eyes to meet mine. The weren't bright and happy any more. They were full of sadness. I honestly thought he would cry but he didn't. Instead he cleared his throat.
"I have to go home tomorrow. I don't want to leave but I have some business to take care of. This isn't the way I wanted to go. " I let out a sigh. Yeah him leaving was going to suck. I was surprised to find my eyes watering but I quickly shook it this was for the better. I could avoid the conversation about Dom all together. I wouldn't have to hurt him. At the same time my chest hurt. Jace was wonderful it was going to be different not seeing him or kissing him. The tears I was holding in rolled down my cheeks and he was quick to catch them. He pulled my face up and made me look at him. He rubbed his thumbs across my cheeks, erasing any sign of wetness.
"This doesn't have to be over. I can come back and if that's what you want I will. But I'm leaving that up to you. What I want most is for you to be happy and if that's not with me then I understand. It's your call Roxie. You let me know." I nodded and wrapped my arms around him pulling him to me. I had the strangest feeling that he already knew about my feelings for Dom. Why else would he say what he did? That broke my heart even more. How long had he known? Or maybe he just read my text messages this morning. I don't know he never seemed like that kinda guy but who knows? I knew one thing for sure though, I sure as hell didn't deserve him. He's willing to give up his own happiness just to make me happy. That's so rare nowadays. God why does it have to be this way? He finally pulled back and gave me one of the most earth shattering kisses. My heart was in my throat. Yeah I was going to miss that too. Who knows, maybe we would end up together. I guess time will tell.
"That's to remember me by. I'll be back by before I go home. Think about what I said Rox. Just know whatever you decide, I'll be here." And with that I got out of his truck. My heart achesd as I watched him pull out of the driveway. The tears were now freely rolling down my face.. Why is love so complicated?
I dragged myself inside. I didn't have much time before I had to meet with Dom. So I dragged myself the rest of the way inside and straight to the shower. I was so upset it even bothered me that I was washing Jace's cologne off of my skin. Maybe I shouldn't shower and let Dom's imagination run wild. It would serve him right. Let him think more happened then what it did. I don't care anymore. I mean how many times did he unintentionally rub Letty in my face. Karmas a bitch. I rolled my eyes. Listen to me I'm a mess. I need a shower.
I quickly showered and threw on sweats and a tank top. There was no point in dressing up for this conversation. It was probably going to end with my heart being broken anyway. Maybe I should text Vince to have him pick up some ice cream now. I was definitely going to need it. Or maybe I wouldn't. I need to be optimistic maybe he loved me too.
I pulled up in font of Dom's house. I was shaking like a leaf. I quietly closed my car door and walked up to the front door and let out a shaky breath. Here goes nothing this was going to be the moment that changed my life. No matter how this ended I would remember this for the rest of my life. I raised my hand to knock when movement in the front window caught my eye. I quickly looked and it was just a cat playing around in the bush. I chalked it up to my nerves and took a deep breath. Instead of knocking, this time I just went in. I don't know why I would knock anyway. Mia and I have been best friends for years we never knock anymore. Only this time I wasn't here to see her, I was here for Dom. He asked me to meet him here. My stomach tied its self up inna knot. This was it. I walked into the living room and my breath caught in my throat. Laying there all cuddled up on the couch was none other that the love of my life and Letty. I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood. Well that was on way to let me know you weren't interested but he didn't have to completely break my heart. My eyes burned from holding back the tears and my throat felt like I had swallowed a cup of bleach. My lungs felt like that too. Yeah I definitely should have texted Vince about ice cream because i needed two cartons.I started to walk away when he noticed my presence. He gently moved Letty off of his arm and walked towards me.
"I'm sorry I didn't realize the time. Come on into the kitchen,we need to talk." I shook my head, fighting off tears. No I was done talking. I was done waiting on him to notice me. I was just plain done!
"That's okay you're busy. I'll just come back." I started to walk towards the door. I tried to meet it go. My heart felt like it was the titantic. It was currently sinking through the floor. Why do I allow him to hurt me like this?
"Come on Rox, don't be idiot. Let's go into the kitchen. I said I wanted you to come by so come on." I let out a chuckle, but not a happy one. I'm an idiot? Watch this you asshole.
"Don't be an idiot Rox? No Dom you need to stop being an idiot. I love you. I'd do anything in the world you'd ask me too but does that matter? Nope it doesn't I guess. I've been in love with you since I met you and I'm the fucking idiot? It's always going to be her isn't it Dom? I deserve to be more than someone's back burner. I'm a good woman I guess you either don't see or don't care? Either way I'm out of here!" I stormed to the door.
"Roxie don't be like this we need to talk. Letty just..." I put my hand up to silence him?
"Enjoy your time with her Dom, I know how much she means to you." And with that I stormed out. I didn't turn around because I'd be damned if he seen the tears rolling down my face.
An: so what do we think? Not what we expected