Just a reminder that this ISN'T a Doctor Who crossover. I just used the name Clara since it was the same actress that played Connie in The First Avenger.

Don't forget to let me know what you think!

Chapter 31

Clara woke with a gasp, fighting in the tangle of her blankets for half a second before remembering where she was at the sight of Bucky sleeping soundlessly next to her. His metal hand was on the bed next to her face, fingers slightly curled.

She was safe. He was here. She wasn't in that room. She wasn't in that chamber. Bucky was sleeping soundly next to her, and she was warm. Achy, but not in pain.

She watched his face, still smooth and calm, as she ran her fingers over the cool metal of his palm. It was a coldness she didn't fear. She found it more comforting, and she held onto that for a second.

God, what was wrong with her? This is textbook, she thought. She should be able to bounce right back from this. Why couldn't she remember a damn thing she'd tell any SHIELD agent in her position right now?

Clara slipped out of her blanket cocoon, grabbed her phone off the nightstand and headed for the door, watching Bucky carefully as she left to make sure she didn't wake him. She wasn't sure how much sleep he got in a night, but she didn't want to be the reason he got none.

Never in her life had Clara wished she had a close friend she could talk to. After SHIELD fell, she'd lost contact with some of the other medical professionals she'd been close to. She didn't even know if they had secretly been Hydra or not.

There were a few girls from college she could call, but not at midnight. She didn't feel that close with them. Clara scrolled through her contacts, finger pausing over one name. She knew Pepper would sometimes work late. Worst that could happen would be getting ignored, right? Pepper had to have helped Tony in some of the weirdness Ironman brought about…right?

She answered on the second ring with a sharp exhale of her name. "I'm so glad you called," Pepper breathed happily into the phone. "I was worried."

Clara smiled down at her feet and leaned into the armrest of the couch. "Did I catch you at a bad time?" she asked. "I figured you'd be up late, but—"

"It's fine, it's fine. I have time to talk. How are you doing? Tony told me what happened…"

"I just…There's something I haven't…" Clara started poorly. She rubbed a hand down her face in frustration and shame and held back a sob, feeling the pinch behind her eyes. "I feel like I can't help myself. I treated people like me everyday, but I can't seem to take my own advice."

"Clara, there's a reason doctors don't treat themselves," Pepper told her. "And no one expects you to."

"I've heard some fairly messed up things working as a psychiatrist for SHIELD, even just going through Bucky's files. But I could never have truly imagined what it was like to…"

"I understand," Pepper said gently. "I understand what it's like to go through something that you feel like no one in the world can understand."

Pepper didn't need to elaborate, Clara just knew she understood what she was going through. She choked out a laugh. "This is one of those times I wish my mum were alive," she whispered, wiping at her eyes with the back of her sleeve. "What do I do?"

There was some quick tapping on Pepper's end, a keyboard on a computer. "Let me give you the number for the doctor I saw after the incident with Extremis," she murmured. "He's here in California, but I'm sure he'd be willing to video chat."

"Thank you," Clara breathed. "Bucky saved me but I just feel like…"

Pepper let out a breath. "Guys like them are the ones usually doing the saving," Pepper said. "They don't understand what it's like to be completely…helpless in situations like that. These things don't happen to normal people."

Clara pulled her phone from her ear as it vibrated, an email notification popping up. "Thank you, Pepper. Really."

"Call him, talk to him," Pepper advised. "Try to take it easy for a while. Cancel all your appointments for the next week or two and just take some time for yourself."

Clara sighed and sunk lower into the couch. "I don't know how to help Bucky if I'm this…"

"No one expects you to," she interrupted. "His healing process is going to take a long time. Years, even, if I were to guess. That man has been through more than anyone could fathom. You're just one person, Clara. And you've already worked wonders on him." Clara could hear the smile in the woman's voice. "He'll be okay for a few weeks without you." There was a pause before Pepper's tone changed. "Actually, he's probably the only other person in the world who understands what you went through."

"I know. We talked a little…"

There was a pause. "Call that doctor, tell him I referred you. His receptionists name is Crystal, she can set you up. Things might not be the same, but you'll find a way to be okay."

"Thank you, Pepper," Clara said. "Thank you."

"Feel free to call me anytime, Clara," Pepper said. "I mean it."

Clara sat in the dark of the living room for a little while after her call with Pepper ended. She wanted to get up and make some tea, get a snack, she wanted to go back to bed. She wanted things to go back to normal. But Pepper had stirred up a thought in Clara's mind that she hadn't thought of before. Things would probably never be normal again, at least not how they were. But why? Why couldn't things go back to that?

Because now she'd be wary, always looking over her shoulder for a monster in a black uniform to drug her and throw her into a pod to freeze. But for how long?

Soft footsteps coming down the hallway made her jump a little, dropping her phone into the crack in the couch cushions. Her head whipped around to see Bucky walking down the hallway towards her, his arm glinting in the moonlight coming in from the windows.

"You got two options," he said, leaning on the couch behind her, hands gripping the back on either side of her.

"Bloody hell," she breathed. "You're like a ghost."

He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, tried to make noise as I was coming so you'd hear me. I didn't wanna scare you."

"Mission failed," she muttered. "What are you doing up?"

"Like I was saying. You got two options. You can come back to bed with me, or I can throw you over my shoulder and you come back to bed with me." One side of his lips was turned up in a smirk that made her heart race for an entirely different reason.

Clara pressed her lips together, he had startled her, but she'd quickly been okay. Maybe she wasn't as bad off as she thought. Maybe she would get through this… "Option three I make tea and we stay out here?"

The smirk returned. "Option one or two?"

Clara pretended to think it over for a second. "I'm not really tired," she started. "I've got some things—"

Bucky leaned over the couch and lifted her up over his shoulder easily. She let out a small shriek before slapping her own hand over her mouth so she didn't wake up Steve. Bucky marched her back to his room and carefully dumped her back onto her side of the bed in the pile of blankets she'd slid out of earlier.

"You need sleep," he said, pulling back the blankets on his own side to get in. "A doc once told me sleep was healing."

Clara smiled. "To be honest, I'm surprised you're having a good day after…"

Bucky's face fell for a fraction of a second before he rolled onto his back. "It's easier to forget my problems when I'm trying to help you forget yours."

"You mean that it's helpful having someone who went through something you did, too," she guessed quietly, noting the quick flick of his eyes as he glanced at her before returning to stare at the ceiling. "I still might not fully understand everything you went through, but I understand some now."

"I wish you didn't have to understand at all," he whispered, holding his metal hand up. "I feel more like myself than I have in as long as I can remember. There's still a darkness there, at the corners, reminding me that I'll never be the same Bucky…"

"Literally no one is asking you to be the same Bucky," Clara chuckled. "And, if I may be a little blunt, everyone who knew that Bucky is gone."

"Steve's not."

"Steve is a very flexible person," Clara said flatly. "He's happy as long as you aren't being controlled anymore."

Bucky only hummed in response and dropped his hand to his chest, feeling the weight of it like a dark reminder.

Clara watched Bucky as a silence fell between them and he slowly drifted off to sleep. It wasn't until the sun had risen that she managed to drift off. Steve had woken up and gone for his run, and returned. Bucky had slept through the night, she noted, wondering briefly if that was the longest night of sleep he'd had in a while.