Being a detective and a former gang member in one of the toughest areas in New York, Jo prided herself on her knowledge and understanding of how to fight. She had taken many self-defense classes throughout the years, ever since Natalie was attacked one night when they were still at Eastland. So, Jo knew that you should only attack when you feel threatened and not go looking for a fight. However, Miko had crossed a line and all logic had gone out the window. Even Jo's dabbling in martial arts didn't quite prepare her for what she was about to face.
Miko was an expert in karate, so both Kelly and Jo knew this fight was going to be next to impossible to win, but there was two of them and only one of her. They liked those odds. However, so did Miko.
The women just stared at each other for a while, sizing up the competition. Kelly glanced over at Jo as Miko got into another karate stance and asked, "This is what we got ourselves into?"
"Yeah. Sucks doesn't it?" replied Jo.
"Gee, where's Mr. Miyagi when ya need him?" asked Kelly sarcastically. "This is worse than that time we had ta fight all ten members of the East Bronx Vixens – and they had chains and brass knuckles," Kelly lamented.
"Not ta mention facial hair," said Jo while shaking her head in disgust. Kelly followed suit.
"Yet, they were probably better looking than that money-spending whore of yours, Jo," Miko said in spite. She was clearly trying to goad Jo into fighting her.
Jo wasn't happy one bit about Miko's rude remarks about Blair and took the bait. She came in swinging wildly, forgetting everything that she ever learned from her self-defense and martial arts classes. Jo struck first with a well-aimed punch, but Miko deflected it with a simple wave of her arm. Then Kelly took a swing at Miko with a straight right, but the kung fu master easily blocked it with her back right arm. Jo then attacked with a series of quick combos, but Miko was able to block them with relative ease.
In karate, the emphasis is on efficient attacks, so Miko didn't strike unless she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that her attacks would be true and efficient.
Jo and Kelly took turns with their varying fighting styles, hoping to get in a hit, but Miko was too good at deflecting their attacks. At one point, Miko did a leg sweep on Jo, which ended with the detective landing hard on her tailbone.
"Shit," exclaimed Jo as she grabbed for her lower back and butt. "That bitch literally busted my ass."
"I'm turning you girls into chop suey," responded Miko as she stood over the fallen brunette. "The fortune cookie was correct. It said, 'I just kicked your asses.'"
Kelly tried to come to the rescue with an attempted roundhouse kick to the back of Miko's head, but the disciplined karate expert dodged the blow and saw an opening to the redhead's back. Miko kicked Kelly in her back, who immediately crumpled to the ground.
"Jesus, Jo," Kelly called out, "I didn't know we were facing Bruce Fuckin' Lee."
Miko kicked Kelly in the ribs to punctuate her dominance as she sneered, "That was too easy. It was like snapping chopsticks with an axe. I thought you Bronx girls were supposed to be tough." Miko then turned her attention to Jo and said sarcastically, "Even Japanese school girls in Kyoto could kick your Bronx bitches' butts."
"Oh, yeah," declared Jo as she got to her feet. "Well, I'm gonna kick your ass back to Kyoto!"
Jo charged and tried to aim for the head with a right jab, but Miko blocked it with her left arm and simultaneously grabbed Jo's right arm. Then she proceeded to give Jo two right jabs to the gut, followed with a head butt that ended with Jo lying flat on the ground.
As Jo fell, Miko jumped on her, straddling her waist. Kelly came in for a blindside, but Miko's karate sense alerted her to the oncoming attack. The crafty Asian slightly tilted her head back and hit Kelly in the face with a stiff backhand, knocking the redhead out cold.
Now that Miko had gotten Kelly out of the way, she smiled as she prepared to claim her "prize." She ripped Jo's shirt and pulled it away from her chest and part way down her arms. As she inched closer to getting her hands on her trophy, the woozy-yet-conscious Jo bucked her hips, catching Miko off guard and reversed their positions. Jo then unleashed a furious torrent of punches on Miko's face.
"Take that, you gung ho, psychotic bitch!" exclaimed Jo.
Despite the assault Jo was inflicting upon Miko's face, the Asian was still lucid enough to feel around with her hand for a weapon. Once she found her motorcycle helmet, she hit Jo square in the face. The blow was like getting a left hook from Manny Pacquiao. Jo was dazed – laying on her back, blinking back the blood and darkness that threatened to overcome her vision. Miko stood over her, smiling ferally at her prey.
"It's lunch time. Time for my sushi," claimed Miko as she bent down and started to unbutton Jo's jeans. The woman had to be completely out of her mind to try to forcibly undress Jo in an open parking lot so she could "eat her lunch." She didn't seem to mind that two or three people were actually recording the fight on their cell phones.
Kelly, now conscious, picked up the discarded helmet and hit Miko in the back. The blow caused Miko to drop on top of Jo first, then she rolled onto the pavement. The next karate kid was grimacing in pain as she put her hand behind her back. That's when she noticed a shadow looming above her. It was Kelly with the helmet, ready to strike.
Before Miko could react, Kelly said, "Sayanara, bitch!"
With tremendous force, Kelly knocked Miko over the head, rendering her unconscious.
A teenage boy who had witnessed the whole fight, approached Jo as she got to her feet and said, "Hey man, that was amazing." The look of awe on his face was evident.
"Uh... Thanks?"
"Can I say one thing to her? Please?"
"Well, she's out of it right now," replied Jo a little confused at the boy's request.
However, Kelly had a good idea what the boy was going to say. "Ah, come on, Joey. Let the kid say it."
"What can he say to her? She's knocked out."
"Don'tcha rememba that scene from Friday, after Deebo got knocked out?"
A look of understanding flashed across Jo's face. "Oh," she said. Reluctantly, she relented. How many times would a kid get a chance like this?
Kelly whipped out her phone, ready to record. "Go right ahead," she urged the boy.
The boy came close to the unconscious Miko, bent down, and said, "YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!" He turned around with the biggest smile on his face as if he just lived out a lifelong dream.
Kelly was able to record the whole thing.
"Thanks, guys. That was so totally awesome," exclaimed the boy as he ran off.
"Ya know, it's amazin' how small things can make a kid's day," said Kelly.
"Well, I remember how those little things meant the world to three, young, dumb kids," said Jo a little misty-eyed.
Kelly noticed the tears that Jo was holding back and said, "Aww, Joey. You, me, and Jessie weren't dumb – just resourceful."
Her joke made Jo laugh a little. "Yo, Kel, ya better call the cops to come get Miko before she wakes up and remembers what hit her."
"Uh, the cops?" exclaimed Kelly a little apprehensively. "Ya know my reputation. I don't fair well with the law."
"Kel, I'm part of the law. It'll be fine," assured Jo. "My phone's in the room and I need to make sure she stays immobile until the authorities get here."
"Okay, Jo," replied Kelly as she dialed the local police station.
It didn't take long for the authorities to respond. Of course, they immediately wanted to take Kelly and Jo in for questioning. It was standard procedure to take down each party's account and make a police report of the incident – particularly since there was clear evidence of bodily harm and violence.
"Excuse me, Officer . . . Hernandez," Jo said reading the cop's nametag who was currently supervising her and Kelly. "Who's in charge here?"
"That would be Captain McEvoy," the young officer replied as he pointed to an older looking officer who had the unmistakable air of authority. Jo had correctly pegged the older officer as the one in charge, but she figured she should make sure.
"Pardon me, Captain McEvoy," asked Jo as she walked up to the older man and tapped him on the shoulder. "I understand that you need to take my friend and me in for questioning, but may I run by my room first?"
"What makes you think we would do you any favors? Just because you're on TV right now doesn't mean I have to do favors for you," replied the captain rather gruffly.
"Well, sir, I am a police officer myself," started Jo.
"And you think we owe you special privileges? Ha, not in my jurisdiction."
"Sir," continued Jo, "I'm just asking for a little professional courtesy."
"Let, me see your badge."
Jo felt around her pockets and realized that her wallet and badge was still in her room.
"Sir, I left my wallet with my badge in my room."
"Sounds convenient," snickered the captain.
Jo was obviously getting increasingly irritated. "Sir, please, have one of your men run a quick check on Captain Joanna Marie Polniaczek out of New York."
The captain ran the check himself, although Jo had to slowly spell her last name out for him a couple times, and the smug expression on his face quickly disappeared. "You're a police captain?" asked an astonished Captain McEvoy.
"Yes, and of a slightly bigger jurisdiction. So, as I see it, I outrank you."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Now can my friend here and I please run to my room and grab a couple of my personal effects, including my badge, before going downtown with you fellows?"
"Yes, ma'am. However, I insist you visit the medic first."
"What?" asked Jo as she caught a glimpse of her bloodied face and disheveled appearance in the captain's side mirror. She completely overlooked the fact that she may look a mess after her altercation with Miko.
"Oh, I guess that's a good idea," replied Jo.
After Jo and Kelly got cleaned up the captain said, "You can now go get your belongings, but be advised that we are going to ask Hernandez here to escort you just to ensure you guys don't try to flee. No offense, it's just protocol."
"I know the drill, Captain. Thank you."
Jo headed back to her room followed by Kelly and Officer Hernandez.
Once Kelly and Jo were back in Jo's room, Kelly prepared to tell her friend everything that had been happening back in New York. However, before she could get started, Jo got on her hands and knees and began crawling around on the floor.
"Uh, Jo," asked Kelly as she stood staring at her friend, "did that Lucy Liu wannabe knock ya in the noggin' harder than I thought?"
"This is no time for jokes, Kelly," replied Jo as she sat back on her ankles with tears threatening to fall. "Miko ripped off my ring and threw it across the room before she, uh, . . ."
Kelly clearly understood how much Jo's engagement ring meant to her so she offered to help her look. Even Officer Hernandez offered to help look for Jo's engagement ring because he knew the importance of such a sacred symbol. After all, he had just proposed to his high school sweetheart a month ago, so he understood how much something could mean to a police officer. Sometimes it was a simple reminder such as a ring to take extra care in such a dangerous profession.
While they were looking for Jo's ring, Officer Hernandez started to chat with the women.
"It'll be such a trip to tell my friends that I helped you two out. You guys are all over the TV and internet right now."
Jo just shook her head. "Yeah, I wish all this would just disappear."
Kelly, who wasn't as introverted as Jo, but didn't like the negative attention either, agreed. "Totally."
"I mean, first the wedding rehearsal, then the food fight, and now this. You know people will be talking about you guys for a long time," said Officer Hernandez as her put his head to the ground to check under the mini fridge.
Jo sighed and Kelly groaned when he said that.
"I know, I know," Jo lamented. "But the less talking we do, the sooner we'll find the ring and the sooner we can go downtown and get this little issue resolved." She was clearly not in the mood to talk about all the craziness that was going on. Officer Hernandez nodded and continued with the search of the elusive ring.
After a few minutes of looking, Kelly found Jo's ring underneath the upright furnace.
"Yo, Jo," yelled Kelly as she removed the ring from its hiding place.
"Oh, Kelly. Thank you so much," said Jo as she grabbed the ring and placed it on her finger.
Kelly saw the utter joy in Jo's face. "You really do love her, don't ya?"
Jo looked solemnly at her friend as she replied seriously, "More than you will ever know."
"Even after everything she's done to ya?" asked Kelly as she rose to her feet.
Jo grabbed her wallet and her phone before the two women started out the door followed closely by Officer Hernandez. Then, Jo answered, "Kelly, when you're in love – I mean, really in love – you are willing to forget almost anything, no matter how air brained it is." Officer Hernandez nodded in agreement with Jo, for he knew he would do the same for his lover.
It was clear that they wanted to continue their conversation, but they were not given the chance. There was already a slew of cameramen and reporters trying to cross the yellow barrier. It looked like a pack of wild wolves, licking their chops to jump on their intended prey. Officer Hernandez tried his best to fend off the vultures, but they were intent on overpowering him and getting answers from Jo.
"Ms. Polniaczek, why did you run away from your fiancé?" asked one reporter.
"Are you aware of what Ms. Warner is going through?" asked another reporter.
"Why did you beat up this woman?" asked a third reporter as she indicated a slow moving Miko.
Jo couldn't take it anymore and held up a hand in a halting gesture to her police escort. She then slowly turned to the cameras and addressed the media. "I love my future wife, Blair Warner, very much and I know she's going through a lot right now. I will handle things when I get home. As for her," Jo indicated Miko with her head, "it was an act of self-defense and, as an officer of the law, I was able to contain her until the local authorities could arrest her."
"Are you going to press charges?" asked one of the reporters.
Jo took a deep breath before answering, "I have nothing more to say on the matter, so I am invoking my Fifth Amendment right to remain silent."
Then the reporters tried to ask Kelly questions, but she followed Jo's lead and said, "I am also invoking my Fifth Amendment right to remain silent, so there will be nothing more from me either."
The New York superstars then followed Officer Hernandez to his awaiting police car.
As Jo and Kelly sat in Officer Hernandez's cruiser, with bandages on their cuts, they watched as Miko was attended to by medical personnel and then led to another police car. As they sat in the car, they could see from within a ten-foot radius a swarm of reporters, looking like a pack of wolves ready to attack a dying gazelle. For a few minutes, they said nothing because they were too busy licking their wounds.
"That animal belongs behind bars," said Kelly breaking the silence. She was referring to Miko, the nympho ninja.
"What about those other animals?" asked Jo indicating the ever-growing sea of press closing in around them.
"I think they all need to be caged," replied Kelly.
Jo looked down at her ring and began fingering it. She seemed lost in thought. The friends sat in silence for a minute before Kelly asked, "So, you really do care about Blair, huh?"
"Yeah, and I'm really worried about her," admitted Jo sadly as she looked up and her eyes met Kelly's. "I also miss her very much and I can't wait to hold her in my arms again."
"But ya ran away."
Jo looked away guiltily. "I shouldn't have done that. I was wrong."
"Jo, she demands too much of ya. Ya can't just give in."
"No, but I should have talked it out with her. We needed to discuss things like adults, but instead we both overreacted," Jo replied as she hung her head like a kid who was being scolded and punished. She was just realizing how childish her actions were.
"How can ya forgive her so easy?"
"Kelly, like I said, when you care about someone, you are willing to make sacrifices. You are also willing to compromise. Besides, I'm not 100% perfect either. I did run away like a child."
"But what if they've done something ya can't forgive?"
Jo could tell Kelly was not just talking about Blair and her relationship – something was wrong with her former Bronx buddy. "Kel," said Jo, "what's this really about?"
"Joey, I think I love Kim, but her past . . ." She clinched her bottom lip in anger to prevent herself from cursing up a storm.
"What about it?"
"Jo, she's been married. She has a kid. She still likes dudes."
Jo sighed because this was not the first time she had this talk with Kelly. She knew about Kelly's biphobia for a long time, and tried to reason with her on bisexual and pansexuality. "Kel, Kel, Kel. Kim is pansexual, but if you care for her and she feels the same way, it could still work."
"How, Joey? There are things a man can give her that I can't. What if she leaves me?"
"Then she wasn't good enough for you."
"But ya know how fickle bisexuals . . ."
"Pansexual," Jo corrected.
"Fine, pansexuals are. Those bitches can't commit to a full-on lesbian relationship. I don't wanna compete with guys."
"Kelly, don't forget both Blair and I used to date guys. Before we knew that we were meant for each other, we went through men like Kleenex. Especially Blair. Yet, when we realized what was right in front of us, we had to admit that there was no one else. Sure, we fight and we disagree, but we belong together."
The redhead looked away as if she didn't want to hear anymore. However, Jo continued, "Kel, you're not a gold-star lesbian either. You slept with men for a time until you turned 20."
"But that was just to make people think I was straight. I had no real feelings for them."
"So? You've also slept with bisexual women and straight women who were still figurin' things out, like Jessie, when she was in her bi-curious phase."
"But that's sleepin', not datin' and shit, Jo. Big difference."
Jo simply shook her head at her friend's stubbornness. "The point is why should it matter that Kim likes men? Lesbians have been known to cheat on bisexuals and pansexuals as well, ya know. All ya havta do is ask Kim herself. She once dated a lesbian who cheated on her. And ya know why she cheated on her?"
"No, why?"
"For the same reason you dumped her. She thought Kim would eventually leave her for a man."
Kelly didn't say anything for a minute, feeling a bit like a hypocrite, before Jo spoke again. "Now, was that fair to Kim?"
"No..." Kelly responded quietly, like an ashamed child. Then Kelly sighed and said, "I guess I should at least try to talk to Kim."
"I think you should," Jo agreed.
The two women just sat there for a few minutes before Kelly broke the silence again. "Joey," she said as she looked over at her friend, "what the hell was that Japamanx doin' to ya when I got there anyway?"
"You couldn't tell?"
"I mean, why was she here?"
"I don't know. She said she knew about my disappearance and she knew how to track me down. She's just crazy."
Kelly nodded her head in understanding.
"It musta had something to do with that fuckin' footage."
"Oh," said Kelly shamefully, "then you saw the mall incident."
"Yeah. What the hell happened, Kel?"
"Listen, it was just a misunderstandin.' I never thought anyone was watchin' and was goin' to get it to TMZ."
"Shit. This is gonna be rough. I have a feelin' this is gonna get bad."
"Hell, ya ain't kiddin.' I'm already gettin' calls and texts about it."
"What?" asked Jo with a hint of concern in her voice.
"Let's just say, it was an interestin' ride here."
"Whatddya mean?" Jo asked with a very puzzled look on her face.
"First, I got a call from my friend Shirley in Houston."
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"Hey, Kelly, it's Shirley."
"Hey, Shirley. What's up?"
"Uh, you're still in New York, right?"
"Yeah, I'm still here. Why?"
"Is it true that you got in a fight at the Westchester Mall?"
"Um, well I . . . How do you know?"
"It's all over TV and the video already has like four million hits."
"What?!"
"Yeah, you're more popular than Rebecca Black."
"Shit. Well, thanks for the heads up, Shirley."
"Can't wait to see you back in Houston, Superstar. I'll be expecting an autograph."
"Put a sock in it."
"Sorry, Kelly. Bye."
"Later."
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"When I hung up from talkin' to Shirley, I figured I better check it out. See," said Kelly shrugging her shoulders, "Shirley can be a bit of a gossip and stretch a story a bit outta proportion."
"Oh, ya mean like a Texas Tootie."
"Huh?" Kelly asked a little confused.
"Oh, sorry. I meant Dorothy Ramsey Moffitt."
"Oh, yeah. I keep on forgettin' that you guys used to call her 'Tootie,'" replied Kelly.
"Hell, I still do," replied Jo. "We been callin' stretch that ever since our Eastland days. Anyway, so what happened?"
"Well, when I got in a traffic jam at the George Washington Bridge I figured I'd check it out. The first thing I noticed was my Twitter app, which said I already had 338 tweets in my account. There were posts ranging from 'You go girl!' to 'Haha, Blair punked you!' I thought it couldn't get any worse than that, until I checked YouTube."
"What was on YouTube?"
"Oh, Joey. Ya wouldn't believe it," said Kelly as she vigorously shook her head. "When I went to YouTube on my phone, I didn't have to go far. The video was at the top of the Trends section and it already had over four million hits, just like Shirley said."
"Wow," exclaimed Jo.
"Oh, that's not even the tip of the iceberg," continued Kelly. "Right underneath the mall fiasco footage was something I didn't even know got caught on tape."
"What's that?" asked Jo curiously.
"At 3.9 million hits was the video of your and Blair's wedding rehearsal."
"What?" exclaimed Jo as she abruptly put her hand in her hair.
"Yeah, it showed Blondie havin' her bitch fit and goin' off on Molly."
"What the hell!" shouted Jo.
Kelly continued. "I then looked at my Facebook and MySpace messages and that food fight was posted everywhere. I had messages on there saying everything from 'Ya got the shit knocked outta ya by a rich bitch' to 'Ya shoulda laid her out' to 'Nice bout – when's round two.' Joey, it's a mess."
"Nat said the wedding video was not going to go public when she sent me the link," replied Jo. "I can only imagine how Blair's taking it."
"She's probably pullin' her hair out down to her brown roots."
"Kel," said Jo sternly as she glared at her friend.
"I'm just sayin'," continued Kelly, "that she can't be takin' this well. I think ya need to be headin' back soon."
"Well, as soon as we get through at the police station, we can head back to the room, gather the rest of my stuff, and head out."
"How long ya think that'll be?"
"Well, they'll need to take down our statements and do a little investigatin.' Since the parking lot had surveillance cameras and there were witnesses, I don't think they'll hold us past tonight."
"Wait, ya think they'll lock us up?"
"They'll probably put us in a holding cell, just until they figure out what went down," Jo paused before continuing. "Hey, since you have that video of that kid, maybe they can even track him down. Everyone saw what happened and all the video footage will collaborate our stories. Don't worry. Things will work out."
What neither Kelly nor Jo knew was that all hell was breaking loose back in New York.
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Ever since Natalie got off the phone with Blair, Geri and Andy continued to comfort the socialite. They even got her to laughing about some of the things that happened in the past.
"So, Blair started singing 'My Boyfriend's Back' like Julie Andrews," laughed Andy.
"Blair, you know you're no Mary Poppins," said Geri.
"Hey, we happen to share something very special in common," replied Blair as she flipped her hair in traditional Warner fashion.
"Yeah, you both need sugar to help the medicine go down," quipped Geri.
"I only did that a couple times when I was a kid," defended Blair.
"No, no, no. She thinks all she needs to do is snap and everything will be in order," joked Andy.
Blair just stared at him before saying, "No. We're both practically perfect in every way." She then smiled as she looked from one then to the other.
Geri and Andy both rolled their eyes simultaneously. "Well," said Andy as he continued the story, "we finally got it right and that's how the girls met El."
"Andy, you're so lucky that Jo isn't around right now. If she heard you talking about El DeBarge after what she went through with him, you'd be the same size you were back then. She'd beat you down instead of up," said Blair. "And remember how she reacted when you played El's greeting to her on your iPod?"
"Aww, she's been tamed over the years," brushed off Andy.
"Sure, but the subject of El DeBarge is like waving a red cape in front of a raging bull. It's instinct to charge," replied Blair.
"Yeah, Blair, and you know all about charging," replied Geri. "Like Jo says, shopping with you is like going up San Juan Hill."
"Yeah, and you better not be the enemy or you might end up like Kelly."
They all broke out in laughter. It seemed like the tension that filled the air only an hour before had lifted. Suddenly the laughter was broken by the sound of Geri's phone. She composed herself before answering the call. Andy and Blair only heard Geri's side of the conversation, but it sounded serious.
"Oh, hi. Yeah, I got my agent to agree to the terms of . . . What?!" asked Geri as her face turned to a look of shock and disappointment. "But why? What does that have to do with . . . Yes, I understand, but . . . Well, what about future engagements? No, I'm sorry. No, I will not do that and exploit my cousin?"
At the mention of cousin, Blair looked up and mouthed, "What?"
Geri just answered by putting up her finger in a Wait a minute gesture as she continued to talk on the phone. "Because I put family before business. Yes, I understand what that could do for my career. Well, if that's the way it has to be then, so be it." With that, Geri closed her phone.
"What was that all about?" asked Andy.
"I just got told that my book signing tour is canceled," replied Geri in a state of shock.
"Why?" asked Blair, but she was slightly afraid of the answer.
"They said it was because of my association with you," Geri answered reluctantly as she looked solemnly at Blair. "But I could still proceed if I agreed to have a press conference and expose you to the press. I told them no, so I've been dropped."
"They can't do that," replied Andy.
"They did," said Geri.
"This is all my fault," declared Blair sadly as she put her head in her hands. "Because of my recklessness, you are suffering."
"Oh, don't worry, Blair. I'll be fine. This will blow over. These scandals always do."
"Scandal? Scandal?" shouted Blair.
"Maybe not the best word to use," admitted Geri. "Look, cuz, everything will be fine."
Just then, a disheveled Tootie came through the front door and leaned her back against it. It looked like she had been ravaged by wild beasts.
"Tootie, honey, what happened to you?" asked Andy as he rose from his seat and walked over to his wife.
"Oh, Andy," said an upset Tootie as she walked over and melted into Andy's comforting embrace, "you would not believe what I've been through today."
"What, dear?"
"Well, I was at the station just going over a few things when my boss came out and asked me to see him in his office. When I did, he asked me if an associate of mine could do a show focusing on Blair."
At the mention of her name, Blair responded, "Really? Well, let's do it. This could be the publicity I need."
Tootie just shook her head as she solemnly said, "No, Blair. They want to smear you."
"What do you mean?"
"They want to focus on the negative stuff and they want to make you look bad in the public's eyes."
"You'd do that to me? Sell me out for your show?" asked Blair with a sniff.
"I'm not going to do it. I couldn't anyway because it's a conflict of interest since you're my friend."
"So, why'd your boss need to talk to you if you couldn't do the show?" asked Andy.
"Because they wanted me to convince Blair to do it. Basically, they wanted me to say whatever I needed to get her on the show."
"You mean lie?" asked Geri.
"WHATEVER it took."
"Et tu, Tootie?" said Blair in a whisper.
"I told him I wouldn't sell out my friends for a lousy television show. He then yelled at me and told me that my same-sex segments have been corrupting society and if I knew what was best for me I'd agree to give them Blair on a silver platter. I told him where to get off."
"What'd he say?" asked Andy.
She looked up with tears threatening to fall as she said, "You're fired."
"He fired you?" asked Geri as she got up, walked over, and hugged Tootie.
"Because of me," they heard Blair say softly. "It's all my fault."
"No it's not, Blair," replied Tootie as she sobered up for her friend.
"Yeah, that executive at Sony Pictures Television is a real jerk," added Andy.
"But if it wasn't for me, Tootie would still have her job."
Tootie walked over and sat next to her longtime friend. "It's not your fault, Blair. I shouldn't have popped of like I did."
"What are you going to do now?" whined Blair.
"Oh, I'll find something. I have plenty of fans and they won't stand for this. Trust me, it's not Too – Too – Tootie goodbye just yet."
Blair looked at her friend and smiled.
"Well, why do you look like you've been ravaged by wolves? Looks like the result of a mob of crazed Jermaine Jackson fans," quipped Andy.
Tootie glared at him as she said, "You know you are never to mention that name again."
"Sorry, dear," Andy replied with a sheepish grin.
"You aren't far off though. There are tons of cameras out there and I don't know how many media vans are lining the street."
"What?" asked Andy.
"See for yourself."
Andy went to the window and saw a sea of cameras.
"What the hell? I knew they might follow Blair, but this is ridiculous."
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Andy had no idea just how ridiculous things were going to get. After Natalie got off the phone with Blair, she got a call from the network producer who gave her a copy of the wedding rehearsal footage.
"Mrs. Harper?"
"Yes, this is she."
"Hello, this is Mr. Foster from Realview Mirror Studios . . ."
"Oh, hello, Mr. Foster. What can I do for you?"
"Well, Mrs. Harper, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the footage of Ms. Warner's wedding rehearsal has been leaked."
"What?!" exclaimed Natalie as she almost dropped the phone.
"Apparently someone made a mistake and leaked the footage to the different media outlets instead of disposing of it."
Mr. Foster's story seemed awfully convenient and Natalie was pretty skeptical about his story.
"Well," she continued, "how can something like that happen?"
"We believe it was an honest mistake. I hope there are no hard feelings over this unfortunate accident."
"I can't speak for Ms. Warner," replied Natalie, "but I'm pretty disappointed."
"Well, Mrs. Harper, if I didn't pull up the video to make you a copy, then this would probably never have happened. It would have been well hidden away in a secret zip file. However, when we opened that file, it became clickable and distributable. I am sincerely sorry, but neither you, your friend, or your friend's attorneys can hold us accountable for this mistake."
It was quite clear to Natalie what was going on here. Her experience in and around the media field taught her how people like this operated. The producer was obviously able to find a loophole when he gave her the link with the video attached. He could say that Natalie was the one who leaked the footage and, knowing that Blair and Natalie were best friends, Blair couldn't sue him without hurting Natalie in some financial or criminal way. Basically, if he went down, than so would Natalie, and he likely bet on the fact that Blair would not do that to one of her friends. Not even the snooty Ms. Warner. Never in a million years could even she be that shallow. Thus, Natalie deduced that the sleazy producer gave copies of the video to TMZ and other tabloid and even traditional media companies. As Jo would say, "What a creep."
"I hope you understand, Mrs. Harper," continued Mr. Foster, "but that's showbiz."
"Yeah, I understand all right," Natalie replied sarcastically.
"Bye, Mrs. Harper, and thanks for everything."
Natalie hung up her phone and put her head in her hand.
"Blair is going to kill me," thought Natalie. "What am I going to do?"
About that time, her phone began ringing again. It was her boss from her part-time position with The New York Times.
"Hey, Natalie, since you're friends with that crazy socialite on the television, maybe you can give me some details that no one else knows."
"Sorry, Mr. Keller, but I don't think I can do that."
"Awww, come on. It'd be great to scoop the TV stations with an in-depth, exclusive, inside story. Think about it. This story could skyrocket both our careers to the moon."
"Mr. Keller, Blair Warner is not just a singing, two-headed dog – she's my friend. I couldn't do anything that could hurt her."
Her boss suddenly turned demanding. "Listen, Harper, I'm telling you that the Warner story is your assignment and you better get it because if you don't, you can consider your part-time position at The Times terminated."
"You mean . . ."
"Yes, F-I-R-E-D." He then hung up.
As Natalie was reeling from this information, her phone rang again. This time it was Keith Olbermann.
"Hello," she answered apprehensively.
"Hey, Nat. This is Keith."
Keith Olbermann had called her a few times before and they had become pretty close friends, so his air of informality was nothing new; however, she had a feeling that this was more than a friendly, casual call. It didn't take long for her suspicions to be confirmed.
"Hey, Keith. What can I do for you?"
"I know that you know Blair Warner and Kimberly Drummond, so what can you get for us on them?"
"Keith, they're my friends and I ain't gonna snitch on them."
"Aww, come on Nat. This could be our big break. The story of a century. Nat, this could soar us past the Falafel King himself. Just think about it, will ya?"
Natalie knew how much Keith Olbermann would love to take a bite out of his biggest competitor the Falafel King, Bill O'Reilly, and his two-bit show The O'Reilly Factor, but she really didn't want to sell out her friends. Since she didn't want to disappoint Keith either, she simply said, "I'll keep it in mind," as she shut Olbermann up and hung up the phone.
This was beyond ridiculous. Now Natalie was being pulled in three different directions – from The New York Times, from Keith, and from her loyalty to Blair and her friends. She was really in between a rock and a hard place. Coincidentally, she was not the only person facing fallout from the so-called Lez-plosion.
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It was still morning time at the monastery and the media were itching to get into the building. In a place of worship, the cameras and lights were a huge distraction away from daily activities. After morning prayer, the reverend mother summoned Sister Meg to her quarters.
"Come in, my child, come in," said the elderly woman as she looked up from her desk. Her glasses sat on the tip of her nose, safe from falling completely off by the chain that wrapped around her head. Sister Meg thought that she had no need to fear this woman who sat before her, but she felt her gaze and sensed the wrath of God.
"What can I do for you, Reverend Mother?" asked Sister Meg as she entered the tiny room with her hands clasped in front of her.
"Please, Sister Meg, take a seat," said the mother superior.
Sister Meg slowly approached the wooden chair that sat across from the imposing woman. She sat down and her gaze lifted to the cross that hung on the wall above the reverend mother's head. Sister Meg felt the eyes looking at her – judging her – blaming her for the recent uproar at the church. She had sinned by bringing the media into the sisters' midst and disrupting their holy duty with the evils of the public. It was a wrong that no amount of penance could rectify – not even a thousand Hail Marys could bring forth forgiveness.
"Sister," repeated the reverend mother as she snapped Sister Meg out of her trance.
"Yes, Reverend Mother?"
"I asked what you intend to do about this media frenzy outside our church."
"I don't know what to do, Reverend Mother. I invoke my vow of silence when it comes to the reporters. I refuse to say anything that can come back and hurt the church."
"Sister, it is not your words, but your actions that harm the church."
"What does that supposed to mean?" asked Sister Meg as she looked up at her superior, already fearing the answer.
"You accept your half-sister's lesbian lifestyle and you have even agreed to participate in her same-sex marriage. You know what the Bible says about homosexuality. It is a sin against nature."
"With all due respect, Reverend Mother, I know how people interpret the Bible, but I believe that love should not be punished."
"So, you approve of this sinful behavior?"
"I may not prefer my sister's decision, but I understand that it is her choice."
"Sister, homosexuality is a sin in the eyes of God."
"I understand the beliefs professed in the good book, Reverend Mother, but I am not at liberty to change my sister's mind. I feel that God will understand and love her regardless of how she chooses to live and who she chooses to love."
The reverend mother put her hands on her desk and clasped them as her expression turned serious. "Sister Meg, aside from your sister's homosexual lifestyle, the media is disrupting the daily activities of the church. All of our sisters are being accosted by the press, and our walls cannot fully protect them. Your association with these people are creating problems for the church and are affecting all of the sisters."
Sister Meg had a feeling of impending doom as she asked the reverend mother, "So, what are you saying, Reverend Mother? Am I to be punished for supporting my family?"
"All I ask of you, Sister, is for you to take a retreat from the church."
"You're kicking me out?" asked Sister Meg with tears pricking her eyes.
"We are just asking you to step away from the church until this issue is resolved. Once it is over, you will be welcome back into our convent with open arms."
"But where will I go?" asked Sister Meg. "The convent is my home. I have nowhere to go outside these walls."
"God will help you in this time of need. We do ask that you be out by the end of the day, though."
Sister Meg slowly stood up and walked toward the door, "Oh, and Sister," said the elderly nun.
"Yes, Reverend Mother?"
"May God bless all your footsteps."
Sister Meg just turned and practically ran down the hall. She needed to get to a phone – fast.
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"Hey, Bailey, it's me Sister Meg."
Bailey could hear the tears in Sister Meg's voice. "What's up?"
"Listen, I've just been asked by the Reverend Mother to take a retreat away from the church until the madness dies down. I think they mean until after Jo and Blair get married."
"Can they do that?"
"They did it."
"What are you going to do now?"
"Well, I need to find somewhere to stay. Before entering the convent, you have to give up all your worldly possessions so I have nowhere to go," said Sister Meg as she sniffed.
"I guess you can stay with me if you want. I mean, I can't compete with God, but I have a pretty good pad."
"Thank you so much, Bailey. I know we don't know each other really well, but I appreciate it. I would go to Blair's, but I don't think that's a good idea right now."
"Well, if it's the press you're worried about, I'm afraid you won't be able to escape them."
"What do you mean?"
"They're everywhere. Hounding me about Blair and asking me embarrassing questions. My boss even asked me to leave my job a little around 10 this morning just because the media was causing a ruckus. Sister Meg, it's a mess."
"I know. Well, hopefully we'll at least have the good Lord on our side."
"I hope so. Anyway, give me just a little bit and I'll be right over there to pick you up. Okay?"
"Great, and thanks again, Bailey. You're a real lifesaver."
"No problem."
Bailey had just hung up her phone when her mom called.
"Hey, mother. Gee, I'm popular today."
"Whatever do you mean, darling?"
"Oh, Sister Meg just called me. She's going to be crashing at my place for a while." Bailey didn't divulge any more information than she deemed necessary. If Sister Meg wanted people to know what was going on, she'd tell them in her own time. Until then, Bailey didn't feel it was her place to tell other people's business.
"That's nice, dear," replied Monica Patel. "Listen, have you heard from your sister."
"Blair?"
"Yes, darling. What other sister do you think I mean?"
"No, mother. Not since the day she went to pick out bridesmaid gowns. Why?"
"Well, there are swarms of cameras outside my door and they are all asking for information on Blair. I can't leave my house. They've even been pestering my husband at work."
Monica Patel lived in a prestigious neighborhood in a Park Avenue condo fit for a society queen. It was no surprise that she remarried well again, this time to Indian communications giant, Anil Patel, of Patelink Enterprises LTD. She was the perfect poster woman for the society pages and she loved the spotlight, so cameras didn't usually bother her. However, it was the nature of the paparazzi's questions that unnerved the woman. Reporters were asking very personal, very embarrassing questions about her older daughter and Monica did not want to say the wrong thing. Thus, she called her younger daughter when Blair did not answer her phone.
"Like I said, Mom, I haven't heard from her."
Monica sighed as she said, "Out of all the things that Blair has done, this has to be the most reckless."
"Yeah, tell me about it. Does Mr. Warner know about this?"
"I don't know if he has or not. I haven't visited him in two years, but I know that since his stroke six years ago, he can barely speak or talk. The news about his only daughter would devastate him, Bailey. Although we are no longer together, I hope he hasn't heard about this, for his sake of sanity. The last thing he needs is another stroke."
"I agree, Mom. He really doesn't need this when he's in this condition. He's in a very fragile state and could suffer a major stroke that could kill him. Then, Blair would be devastated."
"She's probably devastated already, Bailey. You know your sister."
"Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if Blair was suffering a nervous breakdown from all of this negative publicity," said Bailey.
"Knowing Blair, she may panic from all this at first, but she'll get herself together and will find a way to put an end to all this nonsense."
"Yeah, Mom, I know she will. Right now, the question is when and how much will we all suffer from her mistakes."
"Only time will tell, Bailey. Only time will tell."
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At their company's building in East Manhattan, Cindy and Sue Ann were bombarded by the paparazzi as they were preparing to go to a business lunch to meet with some potential international investors.
"Ms. Weaver, can you confirm if Ms. Warner has any mental issues?"
"No, she doesn't." Sue Ann tried her best to answer the question without going full blast at the reporter. "That was a very untypical moment for Blair. She's normally not that violent."
"Then can you explain her meltdown at the food court to us? I mean, you and Dr. Nancy Butler were dragging her away from a former hardcore drug dealer."
"And also the wedding rehearsal?" added another reporter.
That was somewhat of a shock to the blonde couple because they thought that Blair would have successfully blocked the wedding rehearsal from ever being shown, but they also knew that there was a small possibility of a leak. Also, Kelly never mentioned to them that she used to sell drugs.
"Well, Blair's a perfectionist and Nancy's kids were causing a lot of trouble on what was her preparation of the biggest event in her life, so she had every right to be upset," Sue Ann responded.
"Okay, then what about Sondra Levitts?"
"Sondra who?" Sue Ann asked the reporter.
"Sondra Levitts, the woman Blair attacked at a drive-in movie theater in Peekskill twenty six years ago?"
"Huh? What drive-in movie theater?" Sue Ann asked. Cindy, however, remembered the incident quite clearly.
"Honey, the reporter's talking about the incident at the Blue Dell Drive-in the night before they tore it down. Don't you remember them talking about that? Apparently, Blair hit that girl with a mop because she kept threatening to punch out Blair's porchlight."
"Oh, yeah, but honestly, we really can't tell you much about it because we weren't there. We were told what happened after the fact."
Cindy looked at the reporter and said, "But, really, from what we heard it was self-defense if anything. Blair had every right to protect herself from bodily harm."
Another reporter tried to change the subject and asked Sue Ann, "Teresa Barksdale called you a hillbilly on TMZ. What's your response to that?"
Sue Ann and Cindy didn't see the TMZ show because they were at work at the time that it aired, so it came as a surprise to both of them.
"You mean Tumpy Barksdale, the musician, right?" Sue Ann asked.
"Yes, that Tumpy Barksdale."
Sue Ann rolled her eyes and bit her bottom lip for a bit before she responded with, "Why should her opinions about me matter? I mean, what was her greatest accomplishment? Once her band reached the top 30 back in the 80s. I, on the other hand, became instrumental in the success of two companies: LeChic Designs and our own, The W Group modeling agency. I have many awards and nominations under my belt, including 1993 Top Female Executive by Woman's Business Journal and 2005 Top Fashion Designer Executive by Fashionista Weekly. I turned a small time company – LeChic Designs – into one of the biggest fashion empires in the world, before leaving that and building our modeling agency. Yes, I did grow up in the Midwest and I was a farm girl, and I'm still a farm girl at heart, but this 'hillbilly' has accomplished more than what that small-time socialite session musician has ever done."
The reporters liked her comments; they had something to work with here. Sue Ann's rather arrogant statement could come back to bite her, but Cindy was proud to see Sue Ann defending herself from the reporters. She could not hold back the smile that flashed across her face. Sue Ann wasn't as used to the media as Cindy, but she maintained her composure and handled herself well in Cindy's eyes.
Another reporter asked Cindy, "How come you look so different now than in your photo from thirty years ago? How many plastic surgeries have you had to enhance your look?"
Cindy knew that the reporter was really saying that her looks were fake. "I only had two plastic surgeries in my life. It's the nature of the business. I haven't done anything different from what any other model has done. I can't be ashamed to admit that I do what others did to make it in such a demanding profession."
"Do you have any more of your pictures from the past?" snickered another reporter. "They are quite hysterical. One of America's beauties was really a tomboy with pigtails and blue jeans." A few others laughed as well. Cindy was very upset, but she kept her cool when she replied.
"I bet your old photos aren't that flattering either. Anyhow, I posted a few of my old pictures on our Facebook and MySpace account. You can find them under CinAnn Forever. I have nothing from my past to hide. That was the time period, and that's how I looked. Hairstyles and fashions change, so you can't expect me to stay the same forever. And yes, I was, and still am a 'tomboy.' If you would rather call me 'butch,' well fine by me. However, if you were in the business or if you kept current with the times, then you would understand. Now if you would please excuse us, we have more important matters to attend to."
The couple was able to get into the limo, just to find out that their meeting had been canceled due to the fear the distraction could cause. Cindy and Sue Ann were informed that the investors hadn't decided when the meeting would be rescheduled, or even IF the meeting would be rescheduled. That was the beginning of the uncertainty for the couple's company, as the stock market just started their day…
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Across town, Molly was also facing the wrath of the press. When publicity helped a cause, Molly was all for it; however, when reporters were out to discredit people on false pretenses, Molly could just scream. When she arrived at work at the NOW-NYC building, she was greeted by reporters who asked her questions about her argument with Blair at the wedding rehearsal.
"Ms. Parker," shouted one reporter as she thrust a microphone in Molly's face, "why would you fight with a bride at her wedding rehearsal?"
"Wait, where did you hear about that?" asked Molly. It was at that moment that she realized that somehow the video taken at Blair's wedding rehearsal had been leaked.
"Was she being a bridezilla?" asked another reporter.
"She was being Blair," answered Molly as she tried to avoid accidentally smearing her friend.
"So, do you hate Ms. Warner?" persisted the reporters.
"No, I don't hate her. We may have our differences, but I consider her a friend."
"You mean you're still friends with a conservative Republican who called you a feminazi?" asked one of the reporters. Boy, these guys were ruthless on their quest for a juicy story, thought Molly.
"Look, I bet all of you have had arguments with your friends that appeared cruel or offensive at the time, but I bet you quickly forgave them as well. That is, if you were truly friends to begin with. Would you really cut off a 20-plus year friendship over some trivial words that meant nothing?"
All the reporters quickly nodded their heads or said 'yes.' Molly just looked at them with disgust.
"Hypocrites," she murmured before entering the building. The administrative assistant, Raul, approached Molly as soon as she got inside.
"Hey, Molly. The president told me that she wants to see you in her office PDQ," he said.
"But I just got here," replied Molly.
"Well, she said to have you go to her office as soon as you got in – before you got settled."
"Oh, no," lamented Molly as she headed toward the president's office. Whenever the boss asks you to come to her office before you could get settled in for the day, the news had to be bad. As she walked down the long corridor, she felt as if she was walking the green mile. As she slowly opened the door, she saw the president, Sonia Ossorio, sitting at her desk waiting for her.
"Please, have a seat, Molly."
Molly quietly sat down, half expecting an electrical shock.
"I guess you know why you are here, right?"
"Yes, I do, but please, let me explain –"
"No need to explain, Molly. I saw the videos of the wedding rehearsal and the fight at the food court in the mall. Although I know you weren't involved with the food court incident, the fact that you are associated with a woman who openly hurled insults at our organization is not only an embarrassment to NOW, but to feminism in general."
"But I didn't take it lying down," Molly protested.
"I know. I saw how you defended NOW and feminism, and I commend you for your efforts. That is why I am not firing you right now. However, you have to understand my position. I am sorry, but I have to ask you to take a leave of absence until all this has cooled down."
"Seriously, it's no big deal," replied Molly as she channeled Jo. "You know how journalists are. You were once one yourself."
"You call the fact Raul has been getting phone calls all day and had to whisk away five reporters, no big deal? Molly, it's distracting and it does not show our organization in a positive light. Guess what, Molly; it's only going to get worse. Trust me, I know the media much better than you do because, as you said, I was once a journalist myself."
"But I love my job, and there's so much I can do," argued Molly.
"Listen, I'm not firing you like I said. How about you do some work from home? That way you're still an asset to the organization minus the media distraction."
Reluctantly, Molly agreed. As long as the incident didn't cost her the best job ever. She left the building a slightly dejected woman as someone escorted her back to the White Plains train station where she had left her car. This was just a strange day.