When Kelly D. got to the kitchen she saw a faintly familiar figure. Granted, she could only see the person from the back, but there was something that just seemed recognizable, though she couldn't quite place it. Then, all of a sudden the person turned and the two Kellys came face to face with each other. Both Kellys were shocked, but soon that shock subdued and transformed into rage. At that moment, the war began . . .
"You!" Kelly D. spat through gritted teeth. Immediately, she struck first, landing a right jab to Kelly A.'s left cheek. Kelly A. staggered backward a bit, before regaining her footing. As Kelly D. was about to strike again, Kelly A. dodged the blow, then grabbed Kelly's other hand and threw her into the pantry door. Kelly D. slammed her face right on it. The loud noise got everybody's attention.
"What the fuck?" Jo cursed as she looked towards the kitchen. "I didn't know getting a bite to eat was a contact sport."
"That did not sound like someone getting food to me," replied Cindy.
"Then what the hell was that noise?" uttered Jo as she leapt off of the couch.
As Jo was heading toward the kitchen, Blair rushed from the bathroom.
"What was that ruckus, Jo?"
"The hell if I know," she replied as she ran past the blonde and into the kitchen.
As soon as Jo got to the kitchen and saw that it was the two Kellys fighting, she muttered, "God, dammit, Blair! I told ya it wouldn't work."
Overhearing Jo's comment, Blair yelled, "Hey, this is not all my fault. I thought you were keeping Kelly D. occupied."
"But I thought you were supposed to keep Kelly A. busy on the other side of the house."
"Well, I can't watch her all the time," shouted Blair.
"And I can't keep my eyes on Kelly D. all the time either."
"Well, don't just stand there, Jo. Break them up . . . please," Blair pleaded.
By this time, Kelly A. had connected with a left jab to the face, but Kelly D. countered with a left jab of her own.
"Yo, Cindy. Get your ass in here. I need your help," yelled Jo as she got ready to step in between the battling Kellys.
Cindy came running into the room and screamed, "Oh, my God! The two Kellys are going at it like Ali and Frazier!"
At the sound of all the yelling, especially the ones that came out of Kelly D's raspy, Bronx mouth, the people who were in the sunroom quickly ran into the kitchen and froze at the spectacle.
As Kelly D. was ready to strike again. Jo and Cindy grabbed ahold of her and held her back.
"Get the fuck off me! I'm gonna murdah that bi-slut bitch!" Kelly D. screamed.
"Not if I get to ya first! Ya crazy, carpet-munchin', sticky-fingers dyke!" Kelly A. responded.
"You shouldn't talk. You probably put your fingers up that STD-carryin', couple's assholes. Not ta mention, yo' tongue!"
"Oh yeah? How many dirty, meth-ho bitches wit' sourdough yeast infection have you ate, bitch? I ain't includin' Whitney Houston!"
"Well, at least she was a bettah fuck than you were!" Kelly D. spat back. "An' she nevah gave me crabs either!"
"Hey, don't go mistaken me for one of yo' skanks from the ho-house you sleep with," Kelly A. shot back with the same venom. "That's where ya got ya crabs from!"
"How could I mistaken them for you? Unlike you, all the utha' girls I've been wit' understand da concept of douchin'!" Kelly D. said.
At that, everyone's jaws about hit the floor, especially Mrs. Garrett's who wasn't as accustomed to such language without serious repercussions. However, these two were not her girls and she didn't feel that she should step into the middle of it . . . yet. She was silently hoping that either Jo, Natalie, Tootie, or any of the girls who she supervised prior to becoming the school dietician would step in. After all, they should have picked up on something during her time as dorm mother. She couldn't be the peacemaker all the time. Meanwhile, Sister Meg was just happy that none of Nancy's kids were present to hear the vulgarity coming from the two Kellys. Sure, it was the 21st century and all, but she didn't think it was proper for Nancy's children to be exposed to such things if she could help it. Besides, with their lives being in the public eye, if the media got wind that Nancy allowed her children to witness such behavior, it could result in serious repercussions from Child Services. Being a nun, Sister Meg was familiar with cases where contributing to the delinquency of a child by putting them in certain environments resulted in the children being removed from a parent or guardian's custody. In Nancy's case, the children could be removed and placed in Roger's sole custody. Although she didn't think Roger would physically or verbally abuse the children, she was concerned that without a mother's care, the children would be emotionally scarred. Besides, maintaining a supportive, stable nuclear family was important - a luxury that she missed out on at times.
As the Kelly's continued their verbal sparring match, Sister Meg began to feel that the language and such was not only inappropriate for the children, but for herself as well. She had been exposed to more insanity than she ever had before - despite being a nun in New York who may be used to such things - stood with her hands over her ears like the Hear No Evil was true that she was used to hearing profanity and Unchristian-like subject matter, but only in small doses. Just like when Molly said to Jo in the cafe when they both were selected as bridesmaids. However, what was going on now was a whole experience that was definitely different from her time in the convent. Again, she thanked God that none of the children were around to bear witness to such a sight.
With Jo and Cindy holding Kelly D. back, Kelly A. saw the opportunity to strike. As she was about to attack, however, she felt a strong pull on her right arm. Before she could react, her right arm was quickly held to her back, and then her left arm. She was surprised to find herself unable to break her arms free from the vice-like grip that was holding her back.
"You need to chill, ma puce," said Yvonne, as she restrained Kelly A. Almost everybody was taken aback of how Yvonne was able to seemingly manhandle Kelly Affinado so easily. Geri just smiled as she stood with her arms crossed over her chest, knowing that Yvonne was more than just a pretty face and an angelic voice. The French woman had many secrets that the group had not yet uncovered.
"Wow," exclaimed Sue Ann. "I didn't know that Yvonne was such a badass!"
"Hey, Sue Ann. Back me up here, s'il vous plaît, just in case this Kelly tries something slick," Yvonne requested.
"Sure," acquiesced the blonde who did not want to be on the receiving end of Yvonne's wrath.
Sue Ann grabbed one of Kelly A.'s arms with her hand and held her steady.
"Oh, my God, what's Fifi doin' here?" Kelly D. directed at Yvonne, a name that she does not like. Her and Kelly D. had met before, at Jo and Blair's place before she left for Houston. A drunk Kelly said something rude about the French and wars. Yvonne got upset about Kelly's comments and warned her never to insult the French ever again. Kelly wouldn't let up and then it became a shouting match that took a violent turn when Kelly charged at Yvonne. Kelly had assumed that she could take Yvonne because she felt that the French were lovers and not fighters. Besides, the French always surrender when it came to confrontation. However, Yvonne put her in her place, and subsequently erased any stereotype, by punching Kelly's lights out. Kelly D. didn't know at the time that Yvonne was a 2nd degree black belt in kung fu.
"What did I tell you about calling me Fifi, Lucky Charms?" Yvonne spat. "It's for girls named Josephine. My name isn't Josephine. You want me to show you one of my kung fu moves again? It would be worse than what Miko did to you."
Immediately, Kelly D. shut her mouth.
Blair couldn't believe what she was seeing. She stood there in shock as all her good intentions were blowing up in her face. After a few seconds, which actually seemed like hours, Blair began to cry and ran into the other room. Jo wanted to go after her, but she was busy holding Kelly D. who was now trying to lunge for Yvonne, which she knew personally was not a wise idea. She had sparred with Yvonne before and knew very well what she was capable of, and so should Kelly.
"Kelly, Kelly, ya gotta chill. Memba our little chat?" asked Jo.
"Yeah, but ya didn't tell me this bi-slut, ratchet ho and Fifi were going to be here. Your word means nuthin,' Jo. By the way, I know that disgusting, switch-hittin' whore Kim is here too!"
"Hey, now just wait a goddamn minute," yelled Jo as she spun Kelly D. around and pointed her finger in Kelly D.'s face, almost knocking Cindy down in the process. "I'm as good as my word and I promise ya that if ya don't stop it now, I'm gonna loosen some teeth and rearrange your face. That's if Yvonne doesn't beat me to it." It didn't go unnoticed that Yvonne was giving Kelly D. glares that could kill.
"Shut the hell up, Jo," yelled Kelly D. as she tried to break free from Jo's grasp.
"Ha ha! Look at ya! Ya dumbass! Lookin' stupid as usual, Kel," Kelly A. said as she was doing her best to goad Kelly D. since she her hands were literally tied behind her back.
Yvonne squeezed her wrists tighter, whispering to her. "If I were you, I would keep my mouth shut, compris?" Kelly A. thought it best to comply.
Kelly D. looked at Kelly A. like she was crazy. "What? Are ya as blind as Stevie Wonder? Just look at ya! Burgundy skinny jeans, lavender skinny shirt, a scarf longer than what Dr. Who would wear, and some thick-ass glasses that Steve Urkel would be ashamed to put on. You don't look hip, you look like a clown! You're a forty-year-old dressin' like a goddamn hipstah! Are ya fuckin' retarded?"
"Hey, watch what you are saying!" shouted Yvonne. She took great offense to those who used the word "retarded," a word she heard used some many times to belittle her lover. Geri was upset with Kelly D. already.
Kelly A. decided to dig deeper into the other Kelly. "Hey Jo. Just knock that Ellen-wannabe, fish-eater's lights out! Ya know ya wanna after her upsettin' your woman n' all."
Yvonne squeezed harder to the point that Kelly A. screamed.
"AAAHH!"
"What did I say to you?" Yvonne reminded her.
"This has nuthin' to do with Miss Park Avenue Priss, though I'm not too happy she didn't warn me of the rats in this place. This is about you, ya flaky, fence-jumpin', hipsta-wannabe!" Kelly D. spat. "Besides, I hate you more than I hate her, so why don't ya try zippin' your lip yo'self before I shut it for ya permanently."
Tired of the spectacle, Mrs. G stepped in between the two Kellys. She may have been small, but she was brave.
"All of you, knock it off!" she shouted. By this time, the people who were downstairs had come up, which included Nancy, the couples, and Kim.
"This is getting ridiculous. With all this fighting and bickering going on, it makes our trouble with the media pale in comparison. We came here to get away from trouble, but you girls just can't keep the peace. Why don't you let bygones be bygones, agree to disagree, and shake and make up?"
"Oh, shut up, Grandma!" Kelly D. spat at the elderly woman. However, Kelly A. wasn't going to let her former partner insult Mrs. G like that.
"You bettah take that back about Mrs. G.," Kelly A. replied. "She may not have been my guardian growing up, but she treated me with respect and I demand the same courtesy to her now."
Edna looked at the girl and said, "Kelly Affinado, thanks for the offer, but keep quiet. Let me talk to the other Kelly."
"This Kelly, that Kelly. Man, this can sure get confusing," Tootie whispered to Natalie.
"Yeah, Toot. It's like a tennis match being played by a couple of drunken apes, and one's not Bobby Riggs."
"Ugh, don't even mention that male chauvinist's name in my presence," scoffed Molly who had overheard the conversation between the two best friends.
"Sorry, Molly, but at least Billie Jean King shut him up in the Battle of the Sexes," replied Nat. "What I wouldn't have given to cover that story."
"Nat, you may get a chance to report on something as big - the Battle of the Kellys."
"Tootie, as Blair would say, that's a brilliant idea. I just hope I don't have to write anyone's obituaries in the process."
Meanwhile, Mrs. G approached Kelly D. and said softly and with a hint of compassion, "Look. I understand that you are going through a lot right now, but there's no need to take your anger out on me."
"I wish ya would stop spouting all yo platitudes n' stuff at me, ya bag of bones. Who exactly do you think you are?"
Mrs. G. gave her that, "You don't know who you're taking to, do you?" look. "Who am I? Well, let me share you something about myself. I'm the woman who helped raise four girls I thought of as my own and had a hand in helping at least four others through their years of puberty. I also single handedly raised two boys and ran two successful businesses while going back to college. All of those who I helped with turned out to be pretty productive members of society. And now, I'm trying to help you."
"Ya really wanna help me, huh?" asked Kelly D.
"Not just me, but a lot of people here do."
There were coughs and throats clearing the minute Mrs. Garrett-Gains made that declaration.
"Well, okay so not a lot of people do, but that's why you need to listen to me."
Kelly D. looked around and saw all the icy glares focused on her. They were so icy, in fact, that it was making shivers run up and down her spine . . . literally. She realized that Mrs. G. was right, and that it would be wise for her to listen to the older woman or suffer the consequences.
"Okay, lady, your turn to talk."
Mrs. G looked at both Kellys before speaking.
"Look, I don't know much about the history between you two, besides the fact that you two were once a couple, but I do know that whatever animosity you two have in the past should stay in the past. Move on. We came here to escape the media explosion and you two are tearing everything apart from the inside. It's squabbles like this that make us look even worse than what the public perceives."
"How can it be any worse? Haven't you seen the news lately?" Kelly inquired with a mixture of puzzlement and exasperation on her face.
"Yes, I have and it is pretty bad, but at least you girls can coexist in this place. It's so huge. I mean, my girls had their bouts, but they always worked it out . . . and they only had one room. There's plenty of space here that you girls can just avoid each other if you so choose. However, I would hope that you are adult enough to work it out."
"Why the hell should I work things out with this bi-slut bitch? After the way Ms. AC/DC here used me." Then she turned her attention to her main enemy. "You broke my fuckin' heart, you whorin' bi-slut bitch!"
"Keep callin' me a bi-slut bitch an' see if I don't break all of yo' teeth outta ya mouth, ya stupid dyke!"
"Call me a dyke again an' see if I don't -"
"That' enough!" Mrs. G. screamed from the top of her lungs. "There won't be any more cursing or insulting or name calling from this point on, especially from you," she scolded as she angrily shook her finger at the redhead Kelly. "Stop calling the other Kelly a bi-slut. You didn't like it when she called you a dyke, now did you?"
"No," Kelly D. said firmly.
Everyone was shocked that Mrs. Garrett actually said bi-slut and dyke. Those words coming from her lips was surprising, and it was evident on everyone's faces that is was unexpected. However, Mrs. G. figured out that using their own language was the best way to make them stop insulting each other, since both are very unfiltered and blunt.
"Well, then, stop calling her that." Kelly A. smiled because she assumed that the matriarch was taking her side. Then Mrs. G. turned her attention to Kelly A., "And you, Miss, will not call the other Kelly a dyke again, will you? I know that you didn't spend a lot of time with me, but I did teach you about respecting other people, right?"
Kelly A. look down and remorsefully said, "Yes, Mrs. G."
"Good. Now the insults and shouting at each other ends now. Agreed?" Mrs. G said as she looked at both Kellys with a mixture of anger and frustration.
Neither woman said a word until Mrs. G. loudly repeated herself. "Agreed?"
"Agreed," they both said.
"Good. Now Kelly D. said that you broke her heart. Is that true?" Mrs. G asked the brunette Kelly.
"Yeah, it's true," Kelly A. answered kind of under her breath. Then she raised her eyes and stared at Kelly D. "and the only regret I have was not doin' it sooner!"
"Why you," started the redhead.
"Girls!" shouted Mrs. G., stopping the fight before it flared up again. "Continue Kelly."
"Well, she was boring, so I left her for a man . . . and I haven't looked back. She was the last female I've ever had a serious relationship with, and I've learned an important lesson from that fiasco - don't fall in love with girls, just fuck them!" Kelly A. said.
"Kelly Affinado!" scolded Mrs. Garrett. "Didn't I just warn you about your language?"
"I'm sorry, Mrs. G., but it's true."
"Now you see why I hate all bisexuals on sight?" yelled Kelly D. as she made a gesture with her hand. "They take your heart then stomp on it by running off with men."
"And you see why I gave up having a serious relationship wit' women. They're boring and clingy!" Kelly A. retorted. "At least men are more available, easier to get, easier to deal wit', and easier to get rid of! Plus, you don't always have to do all the work in the bedroom with them. They can take the reigns and be the dominator."
"Well, good job representing gender fluidity, Kelly A.," Kim said sarcastically, but the brunette Kelly didn't seem to catch on.
When Kelly Donovan saw Kim again, she quickly went into rage mode. "Kim, shut your nasty -"
"Kelly, shut it!" Mrs. G. quickly said to the fiery redhead.
"No need to use big words like that. Some genders just aren't worth givin' your heart to," Kelly A. responded with an apathetic attitude, like it was no big deal.
"You didn't catch my sarcasm, did you?" Kim snarked. "It's people like you who make bisexuals and pansexuals like us look bad and have straights and gays resentful to us as a whole."
"That's their problem, not mine," Kelly A. said coldly. Kelly D., meanwhile, just rolled her eyes at Kim, thinking that she should just butt out.
"And that's where you're wrong. You used Kelly, and she's hurt from it." Kim said to Kelly A. "That does not excuse her from attacking you, but what you did is still wrong. I'm not surprised she reacted the way she did, to be honest." At that moment, Kelly D. really didn't know how she should feel. She was surprised that Kim would defend her.
"Who asked you anyways? I would have that gay-ass ginger knocked out anyhow!"
"Kelly, that's not the point!" Mrs. G. intervened as she looked at the brunette Kelly. "Besides, I told you about your language, remember?" Kelly A. nodded with some shame before Mrs. G. continued. "Kelly D. was hurt at how you cheated on her and then dumped her. How would you feel if the same thing happened to you."
"It doesn't mattah how I feel, because she has done the same thing with her former lovers as well. I mean, they're all girls n' all, but still, she ain't no angel when it comes to relationships," Kelly A. rebutted.
"Is that right, Kelly?" said Mrs. G. as she was looking at Kelly D.
Kelly D. hung her head in shame. "She's right."
"So see, she got what she deserved," Kelly A. proclaimed, feeling justified for her actions.
Kimberly then stepped forward and spoke. "But that also proves that two wrongs don't make a right. Whatever animosity you two had for each other is basically null and void now. At this point you two should at least make an effort to promise not to attack each other again - physically or verbally."
"So, are you two willing to make the effort?" Mrs. G asked both Kellys as everyone else held their breath.
"I will make the effort, Mrs. G., if Kelly agrees to no assaultin' or shoutin' at me again," replied Kelly A.
"I guess I have no choice," said Kelly she turned toward Jo, "as long as there's no more surprises because any trust I had in you is gone now, ya lyin' Bronx bitch!"
Jo clenched her fists as she was about ready to knock Kelly D.'s lights out, but Mrs. Garrett quickly stepped in.
"Kelly, didn't I warn you about the language?! It doesn't apply to the other Kelly only! As long as you are here, you are going to show respect to everybody in this place. Understand?" Mrs. G said with her head cocked down, eyes wide and eyebrows raised.
Kelly looked around her and saw a few people besides Jo with clenched fists, so she finally surrendered. "I understand… However, I don't think it was fair for Jo not telling me that Kelly, Yvonne, and Kim were here. I already knew about Kim because I did some homework before we got here, but the presence of Kelly and Yvonne here took me by surprise. What kind of friend hangs your ass out to dry like that?"
Considering the situation, Mrs. Garrett let that one slide.
"And If Blair was behind this," continued an irate Kelly D. "and I bet my Lawrence Taylor signed jersey that I'm 100% correct, then I blame her as well."
"No it wasn't fair for them not to tell you about Kelly Affinado, Yvonne, or Kimberly Drummond, and I hope that does get addressed at some point while we are all here, because I hope that I taught my girls better than deliberately hiding things from their friends when they know it can hurt them," she said as she glanced at Jo, "but at the same time they offered you a place to get away from the media attention. You of all the people in this underground mansion have taken the brunt of the media attacks, so I suggest you be grateful and not bite the hand that feeds you. You need Jo and Blair's help more than anyone else right now," Mrs. G. said with a factual tone. She was getting fed up with Kelly D.'s antics, but she knew how to play a cooler hand than either Jo or Blair.
Kelly thought for a bit before speaking. She had to take everything into account, instead of relying solely on her usual instinctual reaction. Finally she spoke and said, "Okay. I won't cause anymore problems, but for now, nobody, and I mean nobody, say a word to me while I'm here. Got it?"
Everybody nodded and a few said yeah. Then she looked at Mrs. G.
"Mrs. G., that includes you."
Mrs. G. answered with a small shrug and said, "Sure. As you wish."
Then she looked at Jo and asked, "Okay, this is yo' joint, so tell me one place around here nobody will bother me? Ya at least owe me that much aftah what ya put me through."
"That would be at the business center on the third floor. It's right where the conference rooms are."
"Thank you." Kelly D. quietly walked to the elevator and took it to the third floor.
When the elevator door closed, a huge sigh of relief came from everybody. Jo quickly went up to Mrs. G. and hugged her.
"Thank you so much, Mrs. G.! You're a lifesaver once again."
As happy as Mrs. Garrett was that the argument was over, she was also disappointed with her girls, especially Jo.
"I am very disappointed at what happened here today. First of all, you or none of the other girls in here tried to stop the fight."
"But Mrs. G.," started Jo.
"I'm not talking about holding them back from each other. No one thought to try to talk to them like human beings. Instead, you girls, and yes, Molly, I said girls," proclaimed the older woman as she shot a look over to Molly before returning her glare to Jo, "let it escalate to a profanity-laden shouting match. You women are all past 40 and are mature enough to stop things like this before it blows up. I can't be the one solving all the disputes all the time. I'm not going to be around forever, after all. Second of all, and more importantly, I don't condone your friend, Kelly's, actions, Jo, but she has every right to feel hurt after what you and Blair did to her."
Jo stepped back from Mrs. Garrett with a look of confusion on her face. "What we did to her?"
"Yes. You set her up for a fall. Without telling her that Kelly A. was going to be here, you inadvertently put her in a bad position. I know you may not have done it on purpose, but you and Blair kind of hung Kelly out to dry, and that's no way to treat your friends, Jo."
The brunette looked down and away - trying to avoid any eye contact.
"And before you start, don't try to defend Blair on this either. I know that Blair was involved because it has all the markings of one of her brilliant ideas."
Jo felt bad that she had let Mrs. G. down. With sadness she looked up and told her mentor, "Yes, it was mainly Blair's idea. And as you can see, it was not brilliant by any stretch of the imagination, but I do take responsibility for my part in it. I tried to warn her that it wouldn't work, but I should have been straight with Kelly from the get. It was wrong to lie to her by omission."
"Jo, you're one of the most big-hearted people I know, and one of the brightest too, but sometimes you fail to use your head. You knew about Kelly D.'s temper and how she might react to seeing someone who has cut her so deeply in the past. You just should have used common sense in this situation."
"I know Mrs. G. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Jo. Now, when Blair calms down, I want you to tell her that I'd like to speak to her as well.
"As you wish," replied Jo. She really wanted Mrs. G. to have a word with her partner. She felt that Blair deserved it after all. Mrs. G. didn't say anything else, but quietly left the area. She was greatly disappointed at what just transpired and wanted to get away from it for a while herself.
Jo, feeling embarrassed and angry, wanted to see Blair immediately and tell her 'I told you so,' but she noticed Kelly A's physical state. Kelly was hurt and had bruises all over her skin. She covered her face with her hands, embarrassed at how she let Kelly D. inflict wounds on her. Even though Jo was never a true friend of Kelly Affinado, she couldn't just leave her hurt like she was. Maybe part of it was her policewoman's instincts and her strong feelings about the evils of violence and abuse.
Jo slowly approached Kelly and examined the bruises on her skin. "Are you okay? She sure did a numba' on ya."
"Yeah, I'm fine. She's done worse to me when we were togetha'."
That was a bit shocking to Jo and everyone else in the room that the Kellys' former relationship was also abusive.
"Oh my, Kelly…" was all the Jo could say.
"Kelly, I didn't know Ms. Redhead was capable of that much damage," Natalie said as she came over to stand next to Jo.
"That'd be a major lawsuit," chimed in Tootie. "I'm sure my parents know some people in DC if you want to take her to court."
"Yeah, I mean, at the very least it is an assault if ya wanna press charges," added Jo. "I see this a lot in my line of work and Kelly should be punished for her actions."
"Nah, don't worry about it. I don't wanna talk about it. Let me just clean up this place and I'll head back downstair for treatment."
"Are ya sure you don't need it now?" Jo asked. "I'm sure Mrs. G. will know what to do with her nursing background and all."
"No, don't bother her. I'm fine."
"Then can I at least help you clean up?" Jo asked. Kelly was surprised that Jo was being so nice to her, because she usually wasn't.
"Yeah, I think it's the least we can do for you," said Cindy.
"Sure. Thanks."
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After the chaos died down and Jo finished helping clean up the kitchen, she went downstairs to check on her fiance. When she entered their bedroom, she saw Blair lying face down, crying into a pillow. The muffles were loud enough for Jo to hear them. Jo came up to the bed and sat on the other side of the bed. She gently put her hand on Blair's back, and then Blair turn around. Her face was flushed and tears were still rolling down her cheeks.
"Blair, you look like a mess."
"Does it matter? Everything is a mess."
"Yes it is, Blair. Everything is a mess. I told you we should have told Kelly. Things are under control now, thanks to Mrs. G. and Kimberly, but it shouldn't have gone this way."
Blair sat up in the bed and spat, "Well, it wouldn't have gone that way if you would have watched that redheaded barbarian carefully! But no, you had to let her get away from you."
"And it wouldn't have happened in the first place if Kelly would have been warned ahead of time, and you sure as hell didn't make the situation any better by running away either!" Jo yelled back as her face turned red.
"Yeah you know quite a lot about running away!" Blair yelled back.
"What do you mean by that, Blair?!"
"Exactly what I said. You always run away when things get rough! You even admitted it to Princess Alexandra when she came to Eastland," Blair shouted back with much anger and frustration in her voice.
Before she was about to respond, Jo thought about it and began to feel ashamed. She remembered when Princess Alex came to Eastland and was going to run away before giving it a chance. That was exactly what Jo was going to do when Margo got under her skin the first week. She claimed that her thumb could get her anywhere she wanted to go and it didn't need spark plugs. If she had left when she did, she never would have grown as close as she did to her surrogate family, and never would have discovered the love of her life, despite how much of a pain in the butt she could be. Running away was not the answer and she helped convince Princess Alex to give Eastland a chance.
"I know running away is not the answer to all your problems," said Jo as she hung her head.
"But you do it all the time," shouted Blair.
"I do not!"
"Oh, really. You just ran away to Pennsylvania when things got rough here. Right?"
"...Right," replied Jo under her breath.
"And back in high school, you ran away when you found out that Mrs. Gallagher was dying. Remember? It was my birthday and you were too preoccupied to enjoy it."
"Blair, Gail was not only my teacher . . . she was my friend. When I found out she was sick, I had a hard time dealing with it, okay?"
"You avoided her, Jo. You risked losing your scholarship by skipping her classes instead of just talking to her. Not to mention you avoided us and broke curfew and everything."
"Blair, I needed some time to myself to think. It's hard facing people who you care about when there's so much tension."
"Or people who care about you," huffed Blair under her breath.
"What do you mean?" demanded Jo, who had obviously heard Blair's comment.
"Like when your dad got out of jail and came to see you. He came to Eastland because he cared about you, but all you were worried about was his past and how that would make you look."
"He may have cared about me when I was considered 'straight.' But he . . ."
"That's just how it was at the rehearsal. You ran when things got rough for you, despite the people who care about you."
"I see what you mean." She was silent for a bit before speaking. "Blair, we need to talk, and I mean a serious talk."
"Yeah, we do need to talk."
Blair got up from her side of the bed and slowly walked to Jo's side. She sat next to Jo's left side. She took her time to wipe her eyes. Jo got some tissues and handed them over to Blair, sitting down at the same place she was.
Blair delicately wiped the tears from her face, making sure that it didn't ruin her makeup. After she was done cleaning up her face, she then looked at Jo and said, "You go first, since you brought it up."
Jo cleared her throat before proceeding, thinking about what her mother said to her over the phone. Diplomatically thinking and planning what to say to Blair, she started with, "Okay, Blair. I need to tell you how much trouble and pain it causes me when you make your sporadic decisions. I mean, I feel like my life has been turned upside-down when you do that. I have to stop everything and focus all my attention on whatever plans you have made. I can't seem to have a normal life."
"Well, you already knew that your life would never be normal again after you decided to be with me."
Jo shrugged. "I know that. But it doesn't mean you have to make my life feel like an earthquake is about to happen every minute. Just because this has happened to me many times doesn't mean I have to plan my life around it, and it sure doesn't mean it has to be in my life. Stability is a good thing."
"Are you saying you regret your decision of being with me?" asked Blair as she hung her head and tears started to well up in her eyes again.
Jo sighed and then she continued. "No, but I think it's the reason why I have borderline high blood pressure."
Blair was now starting to feel guilty and tentatively asked, "Are you saying that my whimsical actions are causing your health to go bad?"
"Yes! Physically and mentally. I'm under a lot of stress almost all the time. I can't follow your whims all the time. You do a lot of things without even bothering to consult me first. If we're gonna be a married couple, we're gonna have to work like a couple. As Yvonne would say, compris?"
Blair didn't say anything for a bit, thinking about all that what Jo said. She was finally realizing what she had put her soulmate through. The last person on this earth she wanted to cause pain was Jo, but that's exactly what she had been doing all along.
"I understand. You're right. We do have to work together like a couple. I know I have done many things without your approval or consultation in the past. I do have the tendency to do that, and I'm sorry Jo. I didn't realize how much it was hurting you." Then the tears were about to run down Blair's face again. "The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I'm so sorry!" Now she was crying. Seeing the state that her partner was in, Jo realized how truly sorry she was as well. In just a few days, Blair had said she's sorry more than she probably ever said in her lifetime. Quietly, Jo offered her shoulder for her lover to weep on for a while.
"I can't believe how much hurt I've caused everybody, not just you," she said as part of her mouth was on Jo's green Banana Republic long-sleeve shirt. She was just audible enough for Jo to comprehend what she was saying.
Slowly, Jo took her shoulder away from Blair, and then she gently lifted her chin up so their eyes could meet. Jo looked at Blair's flushed face and said, "Looking forward, let's work together."
Blair nodded at first, then she took some more tissues to wipe off her face. Just like last time, she delicately wiped it off, minding her makeup. When she finally stopped crying, and her vision was no longer blurry, it was her turn to speak her mind.
"What you said is correct, Jo. We do need to work together and communicate better, but if we are going to do those things, then I need for you to stop running away."
Jo was annoyed, but she knew it was coming. "Didn't we talk about this earlier? Why are you bringing it up again?"
"Because I need for you to really realize how much it hurts me. Jo, whenever things get rough, you run away. Granted, you've never went so far and so long as you did recently, but you have done this quite a few times. Just like how you are uncertain about whether or not I'm going to have another sporadic decision, I feel uncertain that you will always be there for me."
"I get it already, Blair. You already highlighted the important incidents," said Jo as she rubbed her hands together nervously. She had thought that Blair had already made her point earlier and was hoping that her mate would not dwell on the subject, but apparently Blair had plenty more to say.
"Ha," Blair scoffed at Jo then huffed at her. "Not really, Jo. There are a few more important examples I didn't bring up yet. For instance, remember when your parents couldn't afford your college tuition because your dad failed to invest the money in the stock your mom wanted? Instead of sitting down together and discussing your options like adults, what did you do? You ran away from them. Correct?"
"...Correct," Jo whimpered.
"And when they were getting along and you were convinced that they were going to get back together, but your dad was seeing someone else and your mom accepted it? You tried avoiding the situation and even snapped at Mrs. Garrett about privacy, if I remember correctly."
"Yeah, that's true," conceded Jo.
But there was one instance that stuck out vividly in Blair's mind. "However, none of them bothers me as much than when you dated a certain guy."
"I have no idea who you might be talking about," Jo said sarcastically.
"I'm talking about Eddie, Jo!"
"Yeah, I know. You're sore because I was goin' to run off and marry Eddie instead of sticking around and facing my real feelings with you guys."
"Not exactly, what I mean Jo."
"What?" Jo asked, not getting what Blair was hinting at. "What do you mean then?"
"Sure you ran off, planning to marry Eddie, but you just as quickly ran away from Eddie because you weren't ready to marry him."
"Oh, yeah," replied Jo with her head down.
Blair then looked at Jo with fear in her eyes. "Jo, I'm afraid you might do the same thing to me." Blair said as she was about to cry again.
Jo really felt a sting when Blair said that. She knew that she wasn't deliberately trying to stab her in the heart with that comment, all Blair did was spoke what was in her heart, but it still hurt.
"Is that how you felt when I ran away?" Jo asked hesitantly.
"Yes! Absolutely!" Blair shouted with a touch of anger. Jo didn't expect that reaction from Blair, and probably neither did Blair herself. "And it hurts when you do it. I feel alone and in pain when you do it. I need you to be by my side . . . always. Children run away, not couples!"
Now it was Jo's turn to hear and feel Blair's frustration. It was also her turn to cry. As she was crying, Blair offered her shoulder. As Jo cried for a bit on Blair's shoulder, Blair didn't say a word, figuring it would be best for her to shut up and let Jo deal with it herself.
This was an uncomfortable period for the couple, but it was very much needed if their relationship was going to grow in the future. Each one pointed out the blind spots of the other that they couldn't - or refused to - see. There's an old saying that goes, "There are some things that you don't know, that you don't know."
After the crying ended, Jo then looked at Blair and said, "So, where do we go from here?"
Blair first looked down as if she was thinking something, and then she looked at Jo and said, "Well, let me first ask you this question, do you still want to proceed with the wedding?"
Jo thought about it for a while, weighing the pros and cons of continuing with the wedding. Eventually, she figured that the pros outweigh the cons. "Yes, I absolutely do. Even if it is only two weeks away."
"And you agree to this 100%?" Blair asked while pointing her finger in the air.
Jo smiled. "Yes, Blair. I do agree to this 100%."
Blair than looked at Jo with a more serious look. "Good, then as a decision made by both of us, the wedding date still stands. Now, will you please promise me to never run away again?"
"I promise." Jo sweared with her right hand up.
Now it was Jo's turn to asked Blair. "Now, will you promise me to come to me first whenever you need to make a major decision that will affect both of us?"
Blair smiled with her right hand raised up in the air. "I promise."
Jo smiled. "Good, now to make our promises official, we need to seal the deal with a pinky swear."
Blair looked at her like she was crazy. "A pinky swear? Jo, we're not in elementary school!"
Jo stuck her right pinky out while wearing a silly smirk on her face. "Come on now, Blair."
Blair gave her that "Really, Jo?" look, and then she chuckled. "Ah, okay."
Blair's pinky locked with Jo's and the promise was made official.
Then Blair said, "Now that we have sealed the deal your way, I want to seal the deal my way."
"And how's that?"
With a sly smile, Blair responded, "Like this."
Blair quickly grabbed Jo's head and brought it in her direction as she gave her a passionate kiss. They had kissed many, many times before, but this was absolutely one of their best kisses ever, almost right up there when they first kissed back in 1985.
The kiss had Jo lying on her back while Blair was on top of her. They had a lot of "making up" to do for the days they were separated. They were at it for a while, before Blair stopped.
"All this arguing and kissing has got me a little frisky," Blair said.
"Same here," Jo agreed. "So what do you wanna do?"
"You know exactly what I want to do," Blair replied with a devilish grin. That response was all that Jo needed.
First, Jo was going to unbutton her shirt, but Blair stopped her.
"Allow me," she said with a sly smile. Jo just grinned back.
Blair slowly took her time to unbutton her shirt, like she was purposely teasing her, which she was. When the shirt was off, Blair proceed to consume her lover's body, as they made love for the night.
They were in their own world, far from the insanity from the past. It was a time for them to connect as one again.
If you want a more detailed version of the lovemaking, that version is up on Archive On Our Own. Just search for "Wedding Bells Are Ringing" or my username, mandygirl78. FF will only allow so much.
Blair and Jo made love a few more times after that. Finally, they were in bed, resting and enjoying their pillow talk.
"Ooh, that was so heavenly, Jo. I really needed it after how the day turned out," said Blair in a satisfied tone.
"Yeah, I know what ya mean," Jo replied just as blissfully. However, she knew she had to tell Blair what Mrs. Garrett had said, though she hated the thought of potentially ruining the moment. "It's good for ya, before you hafta face Mrs. G."
Blair was stunned to hear that. "What?"
"Mrs. G. wants to talk with you about keeping secrets from people, like Kelly D."
"Why?"
"Uh, duh, Blair," replied Jo as she rolled her eyes. "Mrs. G. feels that we hung Kelly out to dry by not telling her that Kelly A. was here. She thinks that it was harsh and rather mean to do."
"It was never my intention to hurt her."
"But it did, and then she hurt Kelly A. as a result. Face it, Blair, if we were honest about it from the beginning, it might have softened the blow a little bit. Ya know?"
Blair heaved a huge sigh. "I can't dodge this, can I?"
"Nope," said Jo as she slowly shook her head. Then, Jo thought of something else.
"Also, since we did just kind of threw Kelly into the lion's den, we have to apologize to her."
Blair heaved a huge sigh, "Again?" Blair said with a look of surprise and shock.
"Yeah, but this time I'm apologizing with you. We both have to own up for what we did to her."
Blair just closed her eyes and huffed out, "Oh, boy…"
"Blair," Jo simply whispered with that certain look on her face that the blonde could not refuse.
Blair looked at her life partner and said, "You're right, Jo," replied Blair with a hint of fear and nervousness in her voice. "The way we put her out there was not right."
She saw the worry and fear on her partner's face, so she told her, "Blair, don't worry about it right now. Let's just enjoy this moment we have with each other. They're very precious and should not be wasted."
Blair looked at her partner and replied, "You're right. I don't want to ruin this right now."
They went back to snuggling each other and talking about other things, returning back to their own world like they never left it.
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As she mentioned, Kelly Donovan wanted to be away from everybody for a while, so she went to the business center of the hideout and got on a computer. She watched a few YouTube clips to take up her time. In one of the clips, she watched a trailer for Tyler Perry's "A Madea Christmas."
She only watched it because she was curious to see a Christmas movie trailer in July. She was not a fan of Tyler Perry or the character Madea, calling it "the same ol' crap each and every movie or play he evah made." During the trailer, they had a small interview with Tyler Perry, talking about how his Christmas was before he became a playwright, when he was homeless. He claimed that many of his Madea plays and movies are based on his real life.
Something about that triggered a spark in her. She was thinking that if he could make a lot of money writing about his life, then so could she. She had a very wild and interesting life, from living in a broken home, to clubbing at Studio 54 at the age of 12, to her gang activities, to her discovering her sexuality, to her lesbian adventures - some of which were famous celebrities and even a model or two - to her working with drug dealers, and finally, to her days of running a drug empire when she ruled the meth kingdom in NYC. She had a lot to tell and many people were making big bucks off of their biographies, so why not her? The impending question was which part of her life should the novel be based on?
Immediately, she clicked on Microsoft Word 2010 and thought about which aspect of her life she wanted to write about, but nothing came, so she went back to YouTube. However, her inspiration hit her the minute she saw a trailer for Breaking Bad Season 4. She was going to write about her meth-dealing days.
"Now lemme think of a title…"
Amazingly, it didn't take more than ten seconds for her to think of one.
"Aha! I got it!"
She started her story with the title: The Meth Queen of NYC, and she smiled.
Three hours later when she was suffering from screen fatigue, she had already typed a 12 page rough draft. Knowing how much work and effort she put into it, she didn't want to lose it, so she emailed it to herself. It was a start, a start to a new life for Kelly Donovan.
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Ever since Kim had seen Kelly D. in the kitchen, the feelings started fluttering inside her again. She knew that everyone was not attacking Kelly, but she also knew that it had to hurt feeling like an outsider looking in. With the way she got deceived by her best friend and how they treated her after she found out, Kim knew that Kelly D. wasn't exactly feeling like she was at home here. Feeling like you are alone is the worst feeling in the world and she wanted to let Kelly know that she wasn't completely on an island by herself. Deep down, she knew that Kelly wanted a companion at this time - a life companion. Granted, she knew that Kelly had asked for some time to herself, but after three hours, she felt it was time to approach Kelly D. and have a conversation. Slowly, she made her way down to the third floor and spotted Kelly in the conference room. The conference rooms and business center had a glass wall, so it was possible to see into them from the hallway. Kelly was sitting in a chair and looked pretty content at the moment. Kim took a deep breath before entering the room, knowing about Kelly's fiery temper. Slowly, she opened the door and walked in.
Kelly didn't notice her until she was within a few feet from her. When she did, she quickly got up from the seat, and angrily spat at her, "Kim, what part of 'nobody, say a word to me while I'm here' do you not understand? I don't wanna - "
Kim quickly raised her hands up and paused her from speaking.
"Shut the fuck up for once. You listen to me this time, Kelly." Kelly was taken aback by Kim's abrasiveness, and Kim had the scowling face to match it. "Look, I fully understand why you feel the way you do for people who are gender fluid. I understand that you were greatly hurt in the process, just like how I was hurt when that skank lez-ho cheated on me." Kelly was surprised to see this side of Kimberly. Kimberly was far from the prim and proper girl she was during her days at her dad's penthouse. "Yes, Kelly Affinado is a bitch for the way she dumped you, but that doesn't mean I'll treat you the same way. And it doesn't give you a goddamn reason to treat me like shit!" Kim spat. Her red face showed the anger that Kelly brought out of her because of her ridiculous biphobia. Kim had to stop herself from exploding, so she stopped to catch her breath while she waited for her heartbeat to slow down.
When she was calm again, she looked deeply into Kelly's blue eyes. In the instant that their blue eyes meet, Kelly felt like she was in a trance, like she was able to see that Kim was baring her soul to her. "I truly believe that what we have is special, and I do want to be your woman, and I do want to make it serious. You just got to give me a chance, Kel."
However, Kelly let her stubborn conscious take over once again. She scoffed. "Hah! I don't believe it one bit. I believe ya nuthin' but a -"
Without giving Kelly much time to protest, Kimberly quickly moved in for a kiss. Kelly was taken aback by it, but she didn't stop it. The kiss had her conscious shut down, and her subconscious taking over. It was just like the dream she had. She didn't want it to stop, she wanted to savor the passionate moment as their tongues serenaded each other. Kim didn't want it to end, as it finally confirmed that Kelly was the one for her.
They kept at their lip serenade for a while until oxygen was becoming a scarce source between the two. When they broke the kiss, then looked deeply into each other's eyes, and they let their eyes and their souls do the talking. Finally, Kelly broke the silence.
"You sure know how to shut a woman up!" Kelly joked.
Kim grinned and responded, "You needed it."
Kelly just laughed, for she knew that Kim was right. Then Kelly said, "You know what else I need?"
Kim looked at her with a puzzled look. "What?"
"I need you in my life," she said in a deeper, husky and raspy voice.
"Request granted. I'm all yours, Kel." Kim said blissfully.
"Same here."
Kelly then drew Kim close to her and started kissing her again. They were madly in love with each other and there was nobody else in their world. Since they were so focused on each other they didn't see some of Nancy's kids watching them make out.
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With everything that was going on inside the "compound," one would think that the outside world was slowly forgetting about the Lez-splosion disaster. However, that was not the case. Aside from late night talk show hosts poking fun at the group and memes appearing all over the internet, there was dissention brewing a little closer to home. Roger knew that it was time for him to go public.
Roger wasn't going to let Nancy win this latest argument, especially after getting some reassurance from Margo. He couldn't let her keep the kids away from him because they were his children too. He thought about what Margo had said, about holding a press conference, but then he realized that it could take a few hours to have things set up and whatnot. Plus, it also made him look more like an opportunistic politician instead of sympathetic figure. These were things that he learned from years of being in the public eye. Instead, he called up the station manager at WNYW, Fox 5 in New York City. He was good friends with him and Roger had his hand in helping him get that position, so he knew he was good to return back a favor.
Roger asked them to send a reporter over to his house so he could tell his side of the story. He knew that Fox News and other media outlets would play the interview, and he knew that having it at his house would make him appear to be a sad father who was missing his children, than a vindictive husband wanting to make his wife suffer from public scrutiny. It was a win-win situation for Roger.
In a matter of a few hours, Fox 5 News was already there and had everything set up. It made it easier that his house was already set up for the cameras.
"This is Sam Perriworth at Congressman Roger Butler's house in Alpine, New Jersey. We have been granted an interview with Congressman Butler pertaining to the whereabouts of his wife and children."
"Congressman Butler, it's a pleasure to speak with you."
"Thank you very much."
"So have you contacted your wife and children at all?"
"No, not at all. I've contacted Warner Hotels, and they said they've contacted Blair at their hideout, and Blair told them that Nancy would call them back, but she hasn't."
"As a concerned father, do you feel that your wife has taken your kids away from you?"
"Let's not go there yet. I am, however, concerned for my children's safety, and even though we do have problems in our marriage, my concern is for my children first."
"Have they contacted your two older children, who are out of state?"
"I talked to Jr. and Irma and they said they haven't heard from either Nancy or any of the kids."
"Do you find it odd that your wife has not contacted you or her other children?"
"Of course, I do. I have no idea what's going on, and the environment my kids are in is not exactly healthy."
"Can you expand on that?"
"Well, there are people at the hideout who are flaunting their sexality and, I know for a fact, that individuals there are violent and do not filter their language."
"For example?"
"Kelly Donovan. I mean, everyone who was on the rehearsal video - all cramped up in one space. I mean, I'm afraid my children are doing to pick up some bad habits, or worse, get hurt. Everyone there is a bad influence and I don't think it's appropriate that my kids are being subjected to such behavior. Also, let's not forget the public fight that she and Jo Polniaczek had with Miko Wakamatsu. There were kids watching them. In fact, Kelly openly encouraged a teen to curse and taunt a wounded Miko. That is not very Christian-like and it is not a person I want my kids to be around for an extended period of time."
"Do you intend on taking any action against your wife for putting them in the same location as these people and succumbing them to such negligent behavior?"
"Well, I just hope she comes to her senses and return home. If she doesn't want to come back, I beg that she at least let the children come home."
"Congressman Butler, it sounds like you just want what's in the best interests of the children."
"Of course that's all I want. I know for a fact that Nancy has put my kids in harm's way and I want them safe and out of that environment."
"Thank you, Congressman Butler." Then Sam Perriworth turned toward the camera and addressed the viewing audience. "And there you have it folks . . . a man pleading for his children's safe return. I'm not saying that Mrs. Nancy Butler is an unfit mother, but she is surely not thinking of what's best for them. It is a sad situation all around. I am Sam Perriworth. Good night and God bless."
The interview with Sam Perriworth was scheduled to be televised later that night. Roger got in touch with Margo and told her what time the interview was going to be on. Since she was the person who convinced him that going public was a good idea, he figured that she would want to watch it. After hanging up with Roger, Margo contacted Boots and, reluctantly Tumpy, and invited them to come over to her place so they could watch the interview together. Since Tumpy didn't want to come alone, she decided to bring a friend along with her, even though Margo didn't specifically invite her. She thought that her friend would enjoy the show as well.
"Sondra Levitt, what brought you here?" asked Margo as she opened the door and saw who Tumpy had brought along with her.
"I just wanted to enjoy the moment when Roger smokes that heifer out of her hideout, and to see what this place is like. Wow! This joint is classier than my Uncle Mordecai's place in Miami Beach."
"Hey, is your uncle Mordecai Alperstein of Alperstein and Radowitz?" Margo asked, astonished.
"Yep, that's him."
"Cool. He's my accountant!"
"Small world, ain't it?" asked Sondra.
"Sure is, and getting smaller," answered Margo with a slight smirk.
Then Margo pulled her surprise guest to the side.
"Since you're with Tumpy, are you two..."
"No, I'm 100% straight," she interrupted Margo since she knew where she was going with it. "I'm not into pork, and it's not because I'm Jewish. Also, the only fish I eat comes from the water and have fins and scales."
Margo smiled. "Glad to hear that. Did she ever try to-"
"Yeah, Tumpy tried. She's such a Sappho pervert. She tried to bang my best friend as well, but she was also straight."
"Yuck!" Margo said with a disgusted look on their face. "Then why in the world do you hang around with her?"
"Because she's cool and funny. I'm used to her kind. I worked at Lilly's Place as a bartender."
"What? How on earth do you survive in that homo dump in Greenwich Village?"
Sondra couldn't believe how homophobic Margo was, but she answered her inquiries anyway. "The pay and high tips are what keeps me from leaving." Then Sondra said, "I got a question for you, why are you asking me all this stuff?"
"Honestly, because I was hoping that I wasn't the only one who sticks with beef and chicken. We know about Tumpy, but I suspect Boots as well."
"I can tell yeah, she's totally AC/DC. She used to frequent the bar until she picked up her maid, Esmeralda. She sleeps with both men and women all the time, and so does Es."
"I knew she was into fish tacos. Disgusting."
"Welcome to the new normal," Sondra proclaimed.
"New normal? More like new stupidity."
Sondra was ready to chew her out on her homophobia when Tumpy came in to the discussion.
"So, Marge..."
"It's Margo!" she spat at Tumpy.
"Okay, damn! You don't have to go off on me like a tiger!"
"You two, please, stop it," Boots pleaded. She didn't realize how hard it would be to mediate between the two. Sondra just stood there and watched because she didn't know what to do at that moment.
"I can't stand this nasty witch!" Tumpy bellowed out.
"Well, I can't stand this drugged-out homo either!" Margo shot back.
Boots had had enough of Margo, and uncharacteristically told her, "If I hear another homophobic word out of your mouth, I'm going to give Roger a call and tell him everything. You got it?!" she shouted, as red began to fill her angry face.
"Boots, that so does not sound like you," said Tumpy with an awed look on her face.
"Well, why should I be all 'whamo,' 'scootch,' and 'smootches,' when you hens are here just cackling at each other. We need to form a strong, unified alliance to topple Warnsie off her high and mighty pedestal and dissolve that league of misfits of hers."
The other women just looked at her in amazement.
"Oh, and by the way, the gay-to-straight ratio around here may appear to be 50/50, but I got some news for you . . . looks can be deceiving. I know Sondra, and she's cool with gay people, so I totally think the score's more 2 ½ to 1 ½. Now, I may have never been much of a math whiz, but if my calculations are correct, that means we gotcha beat," she commented with a slight smile. "Game . . . set . . . match." she ended, looking at Margo.
The other women appeared to want to respond, but Boots' rant was not over.
"I know it may not make you comfortable, but the gays have the advantage, so whazoo. Now, understand this, Esmeralda is more than my maid, she is my life-mate. That means that she is tied to me and will be protected by my circle. Clarification, if any of you try to hurt us - physically or verbally - then believe me, I will get all of high society to come after you, just like that!" Boots ended with a snap of her fingers.
"Bootsie," began Tumpy.
"And Little Miss Margo, don't think for a tish that the upper crust has forgotten about your antics. I believe that your standing with the group is still, shall we say, on the rocks. Ever since you crashed Tinsley Mortimer's party last year and called her a, what was it, a Tar-heel Tramp because of her one year college at North Carolina, our circle has not been keen on you. Not to mention the time you wore a fur coat at my vegan and animal activist friend's party and said that only people who bed down with dogs and other mammals would care about what she was wearing. After all, fashion is the most important thing to you, isn't it Margo?" spat Boots.
"Well . . ." began Margo.
"Then there was the time you called Phyllis Gabor a fat, bloated, bitch, then proceeded to slap her in front of everyone before dumping her expensive Chardonnay all over her. Or how about telling Casey Johnson that she's a dirty dyke and that she should be dead already or the time . . ."
"Okay, okay, I get your point!" Margo loudly surrendered. She knew that Boots had a strong influence in the NYC high society crowd. Tumpy and Sondra just smiled, looking at a disheveled and defeated Margo.
Then Boots returned to her normal perky self. "Well, super goody. Now that everything's all hunky-dory, let's talk about our next plan - the wedding."
"You still think they're gonna continue with it?" asked Sondra.
"Totally for sure," Boots sighed. "Those two are so gaga for each other that nothing will stop the wedding. Thusly, I have a backup plan."
"That's great!" said Tumpy.
Boots then shared the plan she had for the wedding. Everybody listened intently.
During the discussion of the wedding plan, Margo felt a buzz coming from her pocket. It was her cell phone. She knew that it was a text message. She checked and saw it was from Roger.
"Hey, Margo, thanks for the advice. When can we meet up?"
"Is that from Roger?" Boots asked.
"It sure is," she beamed as she showed them.
"Oh, my God! He's really into you." Boots replied.
"I know. I'm simply irresistible," Margo said with a satisfied smile. Tumpy and Sondra rolled their eyes. Boots had to bite her tongue. "Well, as the kids say nowadays, I got him thirsty," she smugly smiled, as she took a sip of her wine.
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