I'm happy that the prologue of this story was received so well! I see that some of you are already trying to guess the mystery husband, let's see if one of you get it right!
It had been ten years since Harry left Great Britain and he had never regretted it.
Sure, it had been difficult choosing to leave behind his friends, the only family he had left, but he needed to do it. For himself.
Ever since he entered the wizarding world at eleven years old, he had been forced to put everyone's well being before himself and his happiness. He knew, as soon as it was over, that it couldn't continue like that.
He had to put himself first for once or he would lose himself forever.
His resolve strengthened even more when he realized that following Remus and Tonks deaths, he would be responsible for little Teddy as his role of godfather demanded. He wasn't sure if Tonks' mother would object and demand custody of her grandson but he was determined to fight to be part of the boy's life, whether he would be the one to actually raise him or not.
He could remember that two days in crystal clarity, from the moment they realized they had to head to Hogwarts until he left the castle, a full day after the battle.
People everywhere were crying. Some for the lives lost, others happy that the war was over, others were angry and so on. Everyone was just so full of emotions that it was difficult to be around them when he felt so numb.
The Weasleys were inconsolable for Fred's death. He was helping a few younger students who stayed behind to fight, when a spell hit the wall and it crashed over him. That part of the castle ha suffered major damage and it was considered too dangerous to venture into until the structure could be stabilized; it was for that reason that all the bodies of those who died there hadn't been recovered yet; that the Weasley's didn't have a body to cry over yet. The family was huddled close, in a massive hug around George and Mrs. Weasley, the most inconsolable of the lot. Even Percy had rejoined his family, having been fighting alongside the twins when the tragedy happened and it was clear to see that the older brother felt guilty for not being able to help.
Harry didn't much care for the danger the area posed for himself. He should have died the night before… he HAD died the night before. The fact that he was alive again was not in his plans, merely a fluke… or a cruel joke of fate.
He realized that he was not fully himself. That he ha serious problems if he was thinking of taking in a toddler one moment and completely disregarding his safety the next, but it was still too raw and painful to face that particular wound yet.
He wandered the halls aimlessly, stepping over the rubble and whole sections of walls. He registered and mentally cataloged every corpse he met, he would take them all with him to the great hall on his way back. He stopped each time though to conjure a white sheet to cover them; black for the death eaters. Call him childish but he wasn't feeling particularly benevolent toward those dead, it was already too much that he would be not leaving them behind to rot until someone grew the balls to venture in that part of the castle.
It was sometime later that he came across the mangled corpse of Fenrir Greyback. The monster who had cursed Remus, terrorized England for years, attacked Bill at his wedding and nearly killed Lavander leaving her with horrible scars she would have to live with. Through the numbness he could feel a spark of vindictiveness and satisfaction at his death. He deserved all the pain he probably felt and more.
Hastily conjuring a black sheet to cover him, he moved on. He was nearly at the section where Hermione said Fred had fallen.
He knew all to well what his friend would be feeling right now after witnessing his brother dying in front of his very eyes. He went through it with Cedric and then with Sirius. Sure, he and the other boy were not even friends but the helplessness and guilt he felt for the situation were the same. With Sirius it was more personal, closer to what Ron was feeling because, even though the man was damaged from Azkaban, he still saw him as a father figure. One that he was not able to properly bond with or spend time together, one that trusted Dumbledore over his words when he said that the Dursleys hated him, and one that from time to time mistook him for James. But he was the only father figure he could claim for himself, who was he to complain about his shortcomings and faults?
He felt the numbness recede again, leaving space for the heart clawing guilt he was all too familiar with. He nearly cried at the feeling.
If only he had not insisted that the two take the cup together, Cedric would still be alive. But he was too absorbed in his perfect Gryffindor role, one that Dumbledore so carefully sewed skin tight to his person, that he had to insist, and led to the death of a young man.
If only he hadn't rushed to the Ministry, full of stubbornness, refusing to listen to anyone just because he was always so angry at everything. Angry at Dumbledore for ignoring him all year, at Umbridge for torturing him with her blasted quill and horrid personality. He was even angry at Hermione for forcing him to teach to the DA, when he clearly told her he didn't want to; though he never voiced it to her to avoid a big confrontation.
Of course, Sirius had been dueling very carelessly, even goading Bellatrix. But it was only Harry's fault if he was at the Ministry. It was his fault if he fell into the Veil.
He chocked back down a sob, no matter how much time passed, the death of his godfather was still as raw as when it happened, that night when he completely trashed the Headmaster's office. Only without the rage, leaving behind only despair, shame and self-deprecation.
It was then that passing the portrait, now reduced to trashed canvas, of a wizard riding a griffin that he saw it.
The wall blasted to pieces, rubble everywhere and a single piece of the trademark magenta Weasley robes sticking through it.
He started methodically moving stones and whole segments of the fallen wall, trying with all his might to not think about the state he would find the red head in. Trying no to throw up at the images his traitorous mind kept conjuring against his will.
He frowned when he discovered that a little bubble of air, completely free of debris, was revealed. He was more careful now, he felt that he was near and didn't want to damage the body more that it already was.
It was only a few stones later that a pale bloodless hand was revealed.
He wiped a tear away and renewed his efforts.
He hadn't realized how magically exhausted he was. Sure he was bone tired physically and mentally spent, but his magic too was struggling with the most simple levitating charms. When the stone he was trying to move wobbled and fell back down, he growled in frustration, resisting the urge to simply throw his wand away.
Instead he pocketed it, and went to it in the good old muggle way. It was more difficult, those rocks sure weighted a ton and soon his hands were all bloody. But he was succeeding. Fred's upper half was free. The rubble had piled up in a way where none of them had actually fallen over his head and torso. If things had gone differently, that would have allowed him to survive long enough for help to arrive, he thought grimly.
His legs though. That was the real problem. They were completely blocked by massive sections of wall that he had no hope to be able to remove on his own, especially without magic.
Angry and now crying earnestly he fell on his ass near the motionless body of his friend.
Why was he always so useless when it really mattered?
§§
Gentle hands were wiping the tears away from his face. He blinked trying to gather his bearings. Dark, warmth on his side, comfortable bed. Yup, he was back in his bedroom.
"Love, that's the fifth nightmare in as many days"
"I know" he sighed heavily
"Are you sure you want to go through with it?" the man asked running a hand trough his wild hair.
"With what?"
"You know…" he gestured "Going back to England"
"Of course I'm sure" Harry replied vehemently "Teddy is going to be eleven soon and I won't deprive him of the chance to go to Hogwarts, see where his parents had grown up .."
"Even if the price is your mental wellbeing?"
"Yes" He knew that he was stubbornly keeping his mind, but no matter how he swore that he would take care of himself and put his own happiness first the day that he left England behind; he knew that all that good intentions go right down the drain where children are concerned.
The man sighed heavily, obviously it was an old argument that he always lost in the end
"Come on. Don't you miss your family?" Harry retaliated "Don't you want to see them again? See what they did in all those years?" he knew that it was a low blow, especially since he knew that it was a sore subject for his husband. But it had to be addressed at some point, more so, since they were actually going back.
"Yes… and no" the man confessed.
"Why?" he asked, snuggling against the broader chest of his lover and idly tracing circles with his finger.
"It's going to kill them to discover the truth" the man said "It took them ages to accept it and now I go back and what? Surprise them? Mum would have a heart attack"
Harry pursed his lips, knowing that his husband was right. It was a horrible situation where no matter what someone would hurt. Either the man of his life for stubbornly refusing to re-join his family, depriving himself of their love and presence; or his family for finding out that the last ten years of their life they had believe and come to terms with a lie. There was no easy way out.
"I… you're not forced to come back if you really don't want to" Harry said biting his lip ferociously. He hated that idea, but if that was what his husband wanted, he would accept it.
The man scoffed "So you can't stand the thought of being an ocean away from our son but I can remain here while the man I love and my family leave?"
Harry went to speak, defend himself, because when he said it like that it really sounded horrible.
"No, sorry. I'm just… full moon's near. You know it makes me testy." The man immediately went to apologize "I know that living away from me would be just as bad as being away from Teddy for you. I didn't mean to accuse you of loving me less or being able to stay away"
"You know I can't live without you"
"Neither can I. It's just difficult. I never thought I would have to face them again"
"You knew that one day Teddy would have gone to Hogwarts"
"Sure did" the man laughed without humour "But knowing it would happen someday and having that day looming over your head are two very different things" he said "I thought I had more time to come to terms with the idea of going back."
"Thought you could put it off forever" Harry supplied with a smirk
The man shrugged, though it came out strange since Harry's head was resting on his shoulder. "We do denial so well…"
"Let's try to sleep some more. We actually have to work in the morning"
As promised here the next chapter.
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