Mary walked straight back to the house, as quickly as possible. She didn't want Tom to catch up to her, she needed time to think and breathe.
Breathe, she thought. Just breathe.
She wondered at that thought – it was the same advice Tom had given her right after Matthew had died. She had wanted to crawl down and be buried right alongside Matthew, but Tom had told her to just keep breathing – not focus on anything else – just keep breathing. That advice had steadied her. And hour after awful hour turned into day after awful day and then week after awful week… she had just kept breathing. Because Tom had told her to.
He had told her not to focus on anything except breathing, because – as he knew, the pain could be paralyzing if you let yourself dwell on it. Tom was the one that had gotten her through it. Tom, always Tom.
She shook her head, willing the thoughts out of her head. She was NOT falling for her brother-in-law. She couldn't. Sybil was her most beloved sister and she had died giving Tom a child. And beyond that, what of Matthew? He had loved Tom like a brother – Tom had even been best man at their wedding – and… and…
She was back at the house before she knew it. For some reason she went straight upstairs and into the nursery. She wanted to see George. She wanted to see her and Matthew's only son. The heir to Downton. But when she opened the door she found George and Sybbie engaged in a game of Simon Says. The two were both beaming so warmly that she hated to disturb them. They looked so natural together. Almost like brother and sister. She watched the two play together and a sort of trance came over her. She wasn't sure how long she watched before a voice spoke behind her.
"They do look well together, don't they?" a familiar Irish accent sounded. She looked behind her and saw Tom had been watching them as well. She wondered how long he had been there.
"I didn't know you were here," she said, stiffening up.
"I followed you back from the office," he said, moving towards the nursery door and closing it slightly so as not to disturb the children. "Why did you leave?"
Mary let out a breath she didn't quite realize she had been holding. "I don't know. I just felt I had to get out of that stuffy office as quickly as I could. And I needed the walk back to – to – clear my head."
Tom met her eye and she could tell he wasn't buying it. Thankfully, Nanny came out of the nursery at just that moment.
"Beg pardon, my lady," she nodded at Mary, "sir," she nodded at Tom, "But could one of you stay with the children for a few minutes. I asked for their dinners to be sent up early but they haven't arrived yet."
"Certainly," Tom answered with a smile. "Lady Mary and I will stay with the children."
"Not me, I'm afraid," Mary spoke up. "I'm afraid I need to clean up after the walk home. But Mr. Branson will take charge," Tom looked at her in surprise. "I've no doubt." With that she turned and headed down the hall towards her own room.
Tom sighed to himself as he watched her leave. Another opportunity gone. There was no doubt about it at all anymore – if she hadn't been avoiding him before, she certainly was now.